Anyone feel like their path is sometimes blocked?

[SteR]

First of all, this isn't necessarily to do with women, but life in general. It's been bothering me for a little while and I'd like to see if anyone else has encountered this before?

Basically I moved to a new city just under 3 years ago. I moved for a job and moved into a place with one of my friends. Unfortunately I knew nobody in the area except my buddy, but he's a very social guy and had a tonne of friends in the city so at first I basically socialised through him.

Since I didn't want to piggy back on my friend, I did join a tonne of different clubs to try and build up my social circle since my job provides literally no social opportunity whatsoever (the few people that work for the company are 45+ and while pleasant, don't ever do anything out of work).

Anyway, the point is that I've spent the last few years trying so many different things ie. clubs/classes etc, and still haven't really managed to break out of this 'rut'. I mean I've picked up a few friends on the way and learnt a lot from trying new things, but at this stage I just feel kinda hopeless and I can't tell whether I'm doing something wrong, or whether I just have to let things be and ride the wave and hope things work out?

I mean I've been in this ****ty situation for a couple of years now. The first year wasn't so bad as I did make a whole bunch of friends from sport but I suffered a pretty bad injury which means I can't go back to either of the teams I was part of.

Fortunately I spent the last year or so working my ass off to improve my career and I've landed a new job which I'll start in a few weeks but I'm worried that I'll somehow end up in the same situation and be unable to make any new friends. I will be earning more money which'll allow me to try out some new clubs or classes (can't right now as I'm a little poor due to booking some holidays).

Has anyone had periods of there life where things just haven't been working out (despite your efforts) and then they've suddenly changed for the better? I keep wondering if I'm doing something wrong but I can't put my finger on it. I'm wondering whether it's because I've been working in such a crappy job that it's given me too much time to think and I'm viewing things more negatively than I should.. any thoughts?

Thanks guys

 

[women haze]

It's all mental.....You don't realize it but you HAVE made progress....it is all mental

 

[st_99]

It sounds like you've done a bunch and on the right track. I wouldn't worry about it at all, you'll get to wherever you need to be because it sounds like you're doing all the right things. For now, just carry on and enjoy whatever you get yourself into. And you're plenty young, bonus.

 

[SteR]

Hmm, I definitely feel I've made progress, but then I can't figure out why I still feel so unhappy? I like to think that if I found a decent woman who had the same interests as me, I'd feel a little better. But I realise that this isn't the case on these boards.. I mean I see it said so often that a woman won't make you happy if you haven't got your life sorted, but I feel I have got my life in order, yet I still feel quite empty.

It's a strange situation because I feel clueless how to make things better.

And I certainly don't feel plenty young at 27, haha. Nearly all my close friends from back home are married.. some with children. Personally I don't feel I'm ready for any of that yet but it certainly makes me feel older

 

[st_99]

Married with kids at 27..for a guy!! NO WAY! 30 is the minimum age a guy should be marrying, minimum.

 

[SteR]

Married with kids at 27..for a guy!! NO WAY! 30 is the minimum age a guy should be marrying, minimum.

Haha, I totally agree. I've always said I'd never want to get married before 30.

Sometimes it feels like we keep plugging away and nothing happens....and then suddenly, bam, something happens.

The key is to stay busy, and keep working toward your goals.

If you find yourself waiting around for results to come in, find something to distract yourself.

And of course, evaluate and correct if you feel you're doing something wrong.

Well this seems to be exactly how I feel at the moment. I am keeping busy (as best I can) and I certainly do feel like I'm 'waiting for the results to come in'. Hopefully this'll change when I start my new job and can shift my focus onto something else!

Thanks for the responses guys.. I feel better already

 

[countermart]

Yes, it is true a woman will not make you happy if you are not happy in yourself. In fact many women can make you very unhappy, once you realise this it is easier to deal with them because you realise many do not actually offer a man that much. Additionally, many women change through time and thus all a guy can really say is, “I’m happy with her now” but that has nothing to do with what is going to happen 10 minutes from now. So basing your happiness on another person is very risky...this may sound like a contradiction to what I am about to say.

You sound like you are in a rut.

Firstly, decide if it is your environment - city etc. This is your stage. If you are on a bad stage eg. a down and out city location etc., then it may not be about you it may be about your environment. You may be a camel in the jungle. So determine this and change it if necessary. There are a million stages.

If you feel you are suited to your environment but are still in a rut then try this. Take more risks. I do not mean start base jumping, I mean go directly to what you want. That girl, that job, that pay rise etc. There probably are not enough risks in your life. Sure you will get shot down, but one of the great overlooked secrets of life is to keep going and keep taking risks even when there is NO positive feedback that you are doing the right thing. Just make a decision not to care about the pain and then go out and take another risk. Let go of everything you are clinging to.

One of the most fantastic things in life is that only you limit the number of tries and often you only need to win once. Nobody says you are limited to 10 job applications in your life, or can only approach 10 girls. So step up to the plate...again and again.

Additionally, it is absolutely normal to go through periods where you feel progress is not being made, but you just have to keep chipping away. Good luck.

Countermart

 

[SteR]

Yes, it is true a woman will not make you happy if you are not happy in yourself. In fact many women can make you very unhappy, once you realise this it is easier to deal with them because you realise many do not actually offer a man that much. Additionally, many women change through time and thus all a guy can really say is, “I’m happy with her now” but that has nothing to do with what is going to happen 10 minutes from now. So basing your happiness on another person is very risky...this may sound like a contradiction to what I am about to say.

You sound like you are in a rut.

Firstly, decide if it is your environment - city etc. This is your stage. If you are on a bad stage eg. a down and out city location etc., then it may not be about you it may be about your environment. You may be a camel in the jungle. So determine this and change it if necessary. There are a million stages.

If you feel you are suited to your environment but are still in a rut then try this. Take more risks. I do not mean start base jumping, I mean go directly to what you want. That girl, that job, that pay rise etc. There probably are not enough risks in your life. Sure you will get shot down, but one of the great overlooked secrets of life is to keep going and keep taking risks even when there is NO positive feedback that you are doing the right thing. Just make a decision not to care about the pain and then go out and take another risk. Let go of everything you are clinging to.

One of the most fantastic things in life is that only you limit the number of tries and often you only need to win once. Nobody says you are limited to 10 job applications in your life, or can only approach 10 girls. So step up to the plate...again and again.

Additionally, it is absolutely normal to go through periods where you feel progress is not being made, but you just have to keep chipping away. Good luck.

Countermart

I agree with everything you've said. The sad part is I know I'm in the wrong environment but I knew that before setting foot here. The silly thing is that I'd been travelling for a year after graduating uni and realised how fortunate I was (after visiting some slums) to have an education and an opportunity to have a decent career etc. I therefore figured I'd hit the city and see if I could make the most of what I've got.

I don't plan on staying here for the long term, but I do feel I should brave the storm for the next few years to try and earn some money/experience then move off to wherever I do want to live (I've always dreamed of living by the coast). I'm starting to wonder whether this is a good idea though?

I like what you've said in the latter half your post. While I agree with what you've said, I find it very difficult sometimes to get myself into a positive mindset and up the ante so to speak - it's hard to be upbeat when you feel so weak inside.

Anyway I start my new job in a couple of weeks.. I'm really hoping that'll somehow provide me with some more opportunity. I figure I at least have to give that a chance before entertaining any more ideas of moving away!

 

[penkitten]

if your path is blocked, find another way around the obstacle.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Guys, the only time your path is blocked, is when you block it yourself.

Kick your feet up! It's a great time to be alive, soak it in, embrace it...this is your time.

 

[Jitterbug]

You sound aimless. Work out your priorities, set some goals and figure out how to measure progress towards said goals.

 

[romangod]

Hamlet:
What have you, my good friends, deserv'd at the hands of
Fortune, that she sends you to prison hither?

Guildenstern:
Prison, my lord?

Hamlet:
Denmark's a prison.

Rosencrantz:
Then is the world one?

Hamlet:
A goodly one, in which there are many confines, wards, and
dungeons, Denmark being one o' th' worst.

Rosencrantz:
We think not so, my lord.

Hamlet:
Why then 'tis none to you; for there is nothing either good or
bad, but thinking makes it so. To me it is a prison.


The bolded part of this dialogue from "Hamlet" always jumped out at me. If you think your life is a prison it will become one. Our main antagonist in our lives is ourselves and our thinking. The challenge is to turn the bad thoughts into good ones by changing how we think about them. It's not easy and takes a lot of work.

It's worth it.



Cheers!

 

[Kailex]

Path blocked?

NEVER.

Obstacles are obstacles. They can be side-stepped, removed, taken down, run through, etc... as long as you feel that you can.

I moved to New Jersey in 2008 to a place with no family nor friends and went down the same path as you. I can't guarantee that my phone goes off with millions of invites to places, but let's just say that I never have a boring weekend. Life is what you make of it. If you see yourself in a rut, then in a rut you are.

 

[SteR]

While I appreciate what people are saying in this thread, I don't think every situation is a case of just altering your perception.

Sometimes bad things happen.. it's just life. If my family were to die tomorrow, there's no way I could change my thinking to turn that negative into a positive.. I'd just have to accept it and deal with it.

Having said that, I am doing everything in my power to make things change and recently I've started having some success so it seems things are on the mend