anyone ever had there oneitis girl contact them after they went nc?

[Packers2010]

( scroll to bottom for cliffs if your a tl;dr person)

ok. so. most of you know. my life has't been the best in the past year or so. i thought my life sucked. i had ****ty friends, no job, no future. so i ran away to Wales.

i told my oneitis girl and she started to cry on the phone. then she got angry at me and came to my house to yell at me some more. at this time she stopped ****ing me and started dating some other guy,, had been for say 3 months.

i was crushed, but i was getting over it at the time. so a little after this I went no contact. was better for me if i did. a few months before i left, we stuck up a skype call. we talked for 10 mins about nothing then that was it. she had a problem she wanted to talk to me about. i told her to go tell her one of her gf's, so of course she was off.

i spent 7 months in wales and they hole time i was there i never heard a peep out of her. so a week after I am back, her friends saw me at the shops. i saw them but just avoided that. I'm not dealing with that. so one of her friends told my oneitis girl i was back in town.

so i got a Facebook message from her later that day saying we should meet up. at the time, i was like ftw an drinking so i gave her my number. told her to call me when she was free. obvs that never happened. i don't care either way. so we just see what each other has been up too. no much buy her accounts. after that nothing.

so 2 days ago, i got drunkish. i messaged her cos i was bored and a little frisky i guess. black label will do that too you. so we get to talking, i'm just spittin **** then i realized she is just the same person i was when i was ****ing for her. while being away for so long i realized that i can do better then her. i also realized she was the most boring person i know. i loved this person for 8 years and she is my idea of a wet towel.

I've dropped 20kgs, got more confidence ( though not enough to start going out yet, should get tat soon) i also grew a sexy goatie and i feel different
too.

after realizing all this i messaged her one last time goodbye, ( in a nice way, i was mean to her when i was drunk, i wanted to leave on good terms.) then that was it. i closed down facebook. so now she can't even message me ( she isn't the reason for me closing it)

as you can see, all she was doing was seeing if i was the same afc i was when we was ****ing, seeing if i will be an orbiter and an emotional tampon for her. i told her no.

my question is? has this ever happened to any of you guy? haveyou ever had a oneitis girl message YOU? even if it was to see if you will still be an emotional tanpon?

Cliffs
loved oneitis girl for 6 years
told her i was moving to wales she crys and gets angry at me
calls me 2 months before i go to see if i am the same guy i'm not
i live in wales for 6 months then decided to come back
i come back and her friends see me while shopping
her friends tell her i am back, she messages me.
we talk for awhile and i realize she is boring and still looking for her once orbiter emotional tampon.
i tell her to gtfo in a nice we ( leave on good terms ) and close facebook down

Question: have you ever had a oneitis girl contact YOU? even if it was to see if you still will be an orbiter?

( sorry for it being so long, i didn't want to say anything, but i'm in a mood today. )

 

[seethehoop]

I think you will find this happens often. I've had gfs come back for the bonus night and I've had them just come back for an ego boost. Just make sure you keep the frame and that you get what you want out of it. If you want nothing then give nothing.

 

[bigneil]

With my last 2 oneitisis:

One did contact me when I went NC and wrote "I'm sorry you feel you don't want to talk to me anymore" but when I contacted her she immediately reverted to being a DB. But at the root was a girl for whom it "Just wasn't there for her (ever)".

The other did not contact me and after 60 days I wrote to her and she and I resolved things quickly and she reverted to being sweet. But at the root was a girl for whom it "Just wasn't there for her ANYMORE". Big Difference. It's one or the other.

I learned that the issues are cascading:

Example scenario:

1) You are getting too close too quick.
2) You miss the warning signs to deal with the first issue.
3) She enumerates a list of reasons to get rid of you.
4) Having missed the warnings, you tell her off for suggesting changes.
5) She becomes jaded and shuts down.

When you find that she is angry no matter what you say, and it seems unrelated to the issues at hand ("Where is this coming from?") then it's time for absence - 60 days at least. If and when you return, you will still have 3 issues to deal with but she will be more likely to negotiate if she missed you. If she is indifferent (has moved on, forgotten you), she will not recall details about why she left you and will be annoyed that you even want to talk about it. It's over forever at this point. But if she is still angry that is actually a good thing - it could indicate she still has feelings of the same intensity that her love once was. In this case she might tell you off a bit, but be strong and let her vent before the following steps.

First, you have to get her to forgive you for whatever is still hurting her. You must do this in a non-apologetic way. Some will criticize you for this, but if you are really confident and KNOW she is attracted to you, but she is resisting you, you might come out and say you realize you must have hurt her and you did not intend to. Assuming she forgives you, move to step two.

Second, you will find that you now revert to the previous unresolved issue (they unravel in reverse order). At this point you might have to be humble, keep your mouth shut, not criticize, not argue, and not challenge her logic. As long as the changes are not unreasonable, just tell her you agree with her. Assuming you get through this, move to step three.

Third, you can address the original issue. In many cases that issue went away on it's own (her boredom, familiarity, or feeling smothered, etc). You can then talk about it rationally, as you probably tried to before, but without the anger of the other issues tainting her mood. Once you know the whole story, you may find (as I did) that her original actions were not unreasonable. Let her know this. Assuming you get past this step...

Suddenly your old sweet girl is back! But take it slow - contact her only once a week until she starts initiating again, and make sure you've made noticable, physical improvements so when she sees you again she is struck by you.

You might also find that you don't need her anymore! This is because your subconcious probably kept thinking about her because there were unresolved issues, and once they are resolved your mind can rest. It's also just nice to know you can call her if you want to.

Remember: it's not just a matter of going away and hoping the issues resolve themselves. They don't. They lead to resentment. But going away might make her miss you enough to work things out.

 

[Packers2010]

well it's more to the fact that she has a bf now now. i mean.. i don't love her like i used to, but it would be nice to **** her again till i got some new girls.