It seems like relationships hit their spot at around 2 years. I'm not sure if I want to continue pursuing one, if this is so. Getting hurt and hurting someone else sucks. I'm close to just dating around, nothing serious. Any advice guys? Would like to hear from guys who have been in long term relationships.
Anyone ever been in a relationship for more than 2 years?
- Thread starter konmai
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My longest relationship was 5 years, although only 3 of those years were actually great. The other 2 were just routine and I only stuck it out because it was comfortable, predictable and we both got complacent.
This is pretty common. A lot of people see a relationship as one of the things they must pursue in life, alongside a career, car, home, etc. Once they have it, they stop making an effort, lose their sexuality and start focusing on other things.
The relationships that do succeed in a positive way are the ones that continue to be exciting and fresh. You have to work on it, continue being the best you can be, continue exploring your sexual fantasies, continue going to new and exciting places.
This is pretty common. A lot of people see a relationship as one of the things they must pursue in life, alongside a career, car, home, etc. Once they have it, they stop making an effort, lose their sexuality and start focusing on other things.
The relationships that do succeed in a positive way are the ones that continue to be exciting and fresh. You have to work on it, continue being the best you can be, continue exploring your sexual fantasies, continue going to new and exciting places.
women haze
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Jariel said:
But how can you maintain that for 10+ years or whatever if you get married?
A comfortable complacent period has to be accepted at some point...
But for the most part I agree with you
DonGorgon
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konmai said:
i did 8 years... but that was a long time ago people were different then
7 years, first year was great, we saw each other daily, fked like animals, whenever we went outside hand in hand, I nearly had a boner cuz I was holding her hand 
it was great
2nd year, was less than great
the last 5 years were chaotic and quite bad
it was great2nd year, was less than great
the last 5 years were chaotic and quite bad
It's just a case of living your life to the full and bringing your girlfriend along for the ride. Chances are, if your relationship is stagnating, so is your life.women haze said:
You can reach that comfort period early into a relationship, but that doesn't mean you can't continue making the most of it. Whether you're single or in a relationship, you should always be striving to be your best and look your best.
In2theGame
Master Don Juan
LMAOAcq said:whenever we went outside hand in hand, I nearly had a boner cuz I was holding her hand
sexysuave
Senior Don Juan
I had a 6 year relationship. It had its ups and downs, good times and not so good times. I would like to know how old you are?
If you're still in your 20s, I would prefer casual dating over serious relationships. I have actually always liked it better, as I always seemed to be more stress free and care free when just casually dating around. But I guess part of "growing up" a lot of times is getting serious with that person that you're in a relationship with and some of us get there sooner and others take their sweet time. It's all really up to you to decide, and trying to do what truly makes you happy regardless what others might think is the key.
Like some others have mentioned, a lot of people grow up with expectations to get "serious" and eventually get married and what not. Hell, a lot of people probably only get married because they are "expected to" get married. It's almost as if they're thinking "uhhh, yeahh, of course i'm gonna get married, are you crazy" and if you really dig deep down you can find solid reasons for both being single and being married. But not that many folks are willing to stand out and simply say to them selves "ok, I'm more happy single and spinning plates, life is just less complicated".
Now, every now and then, there will come that one girl that's gonna make you wanna settle down a bit, that's what happened with all my "relationships". The one that lasted 6 years, she was fine as f*ck, but also bit of a drama queen and so into her self that I dont' think she will ever be truly happy. Her attitude left a lot to be desired, and it just got frustrating the last few years, as things will get to you over time. Resentment is a big killer of relationships and pretty much you want to work out your problems as much as possible and not just ignore them thinking you can "live with it" as eventually you get so sick of sh*t that you can't control it anymore and it becomes very clear that you are just fed up with it. This is why it's always best to work out your bigger issues right away and see if they can be solved before years and years of the same pattern eventually just becomes too much for you to deal with.
I'm a pretty damn easy going person, and dont' worry about a whole lot usually, but my last year with the ex I found my self going off on her and yelling at her for stupid things that really just got built up over time. I would later sit and think "man, why the hell did I blow up like that" and I knew that I just wasn't happy anymore, but it was hard to just get out because of being together so long, so it was a drawn out process where we grew apart. I know she was fed up with some of my sh*t as well, as she would have her own blow ups over what I percieved was "stupid sh*t", and we just seemed to piss each other off. After we were over, she was actually trying to get back with me for the longest time, but at this point I really had an epic run going with "running game" and picking up girls, so I had no true interest of going back to her and I am proud of my self for not getting suckered back into it. I knew DEEP DOWN that long term I would not be happy with this woman. She may have been fine and a lot of guys may be interested, but anyone spending life with her will have a lot of drama a bullcrap to put up with that I just don't think is really worth it man.
Ironically, my current 9 month relationship is also far from perfect, lol, but i'm not saying this to scare you at all. I have had good experiences in a relationship, but you just have to realize that unless you get married and spend the rest of your life with her, most relationships eventually come to an end. And realizing and accepting the fact that it could and probably will be over some day, will help you deal with things a little better and be more reasonable about the expectations and also will help you put your self first (which ironically will make her more into you and make her wanna stick around more lol).
The only problem with "spinning plates" is that sometimes you start to get that feeling that you're missing that "special someone" in your life, as most of your friends may have LTRs and be married and what not, so every now and then you will start feeling like "hmmm, it would be kinda nice to just have that one special girl". You just have to try to remember that feeling when you are with her though, as a lot of times you simply want what you can't have. Married guys wish they were single, single guys wish they had someone lol, seems to always work like that. I always try to remind my self of how I felt while either single or with someone. This way when you have little fights and what not, you can keep things in perspective.
I think experience will teach you what makes you happy and what doesn't. If I just had to give you a direct answer, I would say, if you're in your 20s still, keep spinning plates. You will eventually find some girls that you're just gonna end up in relationships with, that's a given lol. I didn't plan on any of mines, as girls like to say "they just happened".
If you're still in your 20s, I would prefer casual dating over serious relationships. I have actually always liked it better, as I always seemed to be more stress free and care free when just casually dating around. But I guess part of "growing up" a lot of times is getting serious with that person that you're in a relationship with and some of us get there sooner and others take their sweet time. It's all really up to you to decide, and trying to do what truly makes you happy regardless what others might think is the key.
Like some others have mentioned, a lot of people grow up with expectations to get "serious" and eventually get married and what not. Hell, a lot of people probably only get married because they are "expected to" get married. It's almost as if they're thinking "uhhh, yeahh, of course i'm gonna get married, are you crazy" and if you really dig deep down you can find solid reasons for both being single and being married. But not that many folks are willing to stand out and simply say to them selves "ok, I'm more happy single and spinning plates, life is just less complicated".
Now, every now and then, there will come that one girl that's gonna make you wanna settle down a bit, that's what happened with all my "relationships". The one that lasted 6 years, she was fine as f*ck, but also bit of a drama queen and so into her self that I dont' think she will ever be truly happy. Her attitude left a lot to be desired, and it just got frustrating the last few years, as things will get to you over time. Resentment is a big killer of relationships and pretty much you want to work out your problems as much as possible and not just ignore them thinking you can "live with it" as eventually you get so sick of sh*t that you can't control it anymore and it becomes very clear that you are just fed up with it. This is why it's always best to work out your bigger issues right away and see if they can be solved before years and years of the same pattern eventually just becomes too much for you to deal with.
I'm a pretty damn easy going person, and dont' worry about a whole lot usually, but my last year with the ex I found my self going off on her and yelling at her for stupid things that really just got built up over time. I would later sit and think "man, why the hell did I blow up like that" and I knew that I just wasn't happy anymore, but it was hard to just get out because of being together so long, so it was a drawn out process where we grew apart. I know she was fed up with some of my sh*t as well, as she would have her own blow ups over what I percieved was "stupid sh*t", and we just seemed to piss each other off. After we were over, she was actually trying to get back with me for the longest time, but at this point I really had an epic run going with "running game" and picking up girls, so I had no true interest of going back to her and I am proud of my self for not getting suckered back into it. I knew DEEP DOWN that long term I would not be happy with this woman. She may have been fine and a lot of guys may be interested, but anyone spending life with her will have a lot of drama a bullcrap to put up with that I just don't think is really worth it man.
Ironically, my current 9 month relationship is also far from perfect, lol, but i'm not saying this to scare you at all. I have had good experiences in a relationship, but you just have to realize that unless you get married and spend the rest of your life with her, most relationships eventually come to an end. And realizing and accepting the fact that it could and probably will be over some day, will help you deal with things a little better and be more reasonable about the expectations and also will help you put your self first (which ironically will make her more into you and make her wanna stick around more lol).
The only problem with "spinning plates" is that sometimes you start to get that feeling that you're missing that "special someone" in your life, as most of your friends may have LTRs and be married and what not, so every now and then you will start feeling like "hmmm, it would be kinda nice to just have that one special girl". You just have to try to remember that feeling when you are with her though, as a lot of times you simply want what you can't have. Married guys wish they were single, single guys wish they had someone lol, seems to always work like that. I always try to remind my self of how I felt while either single or with someone. This way when you have little fights and what not, you can keep things in perspective.
I think experience will teach you what makes you happy and what doesn't. If I just had to give you a direct answer, I would say, if you're in your 20s still, keep spinning plates. You will eventually find some girls that you're just gonna end up in relationships with, that's a given lol. I didn't plan on any of mines, as girls like to say "they just happened".
For the most part I agree with sexysuave.
I've had 2 LTRs and I'm currently on my second one. The first girl I was with for about... 5 or 6 months and it was basically for the sex. She was a pretty bad person, a loose cannon, no moral compass, and craved sex constantly. I've been with my current girl for almost 3 years and things have been great from the start (although we were/are going through an episode in extenuating circumstances). Of course we've had fights, and 3 massive fights and close calls early in our relationship. The point is that we had them early, like sexysuave said, its best to sort out all the issues that you find fundamental before you settle down.
To be honest, I started to regret my relationship with the first girl once I was with my current. I don't let that consume me or control things I do, but when I think back to those times I can feel how wrong it was and how everything in that first relationship was actually smothering the person I am. What I'm trying to say is, once you find that one girl you may reassess what it is you actually want in life and tweak your moral compass to suit it.
Getting complacent can be dangerous, but at the same time routine is very important. The routine will usually sort itself out if you and your partner have the same fundamental beliefs and values, but to avoid complacency every so often you have to do something special- perhaps spontaneous. Book a holiday, get tickets to a game or to a musical etc, and very importantly: discuss the future, and make plans. That way you are building your future together, you both have the same things to look forward to, and you both have responsibilities to get you there.
I can see my relationship lasting a life time. A problem I found at first is that once I settled down going to clubs, parties, and on some level hanging with the guys didn't feel the same. Clubs were always a place to hook up, parties were a place to have fun but also meet girls, and hanging with the guys often involved talking about and chasing girls. So once I was going steady, none of that stuff made sense to me anymore and it felt rather confusing and uncomfortable to do those things. The point is, I find that there is a great danger for some people when they build their lives around doing those things to get women because it can easily become part of an identity. Life should be full of meaningful things, things you can look back on and be understandably proud and happy---then turn to your side and share that with someone you love. So in away, I think that external forces such as culture and peer expectations can derail an otherwise great LTR.
So my summed up advice for being in an LTR:
-Sort out the fundamental issues within the first 2 months
-Expect mistakes to be made, and gauge your partner's integrity on her response to the mistake
-Plans about the future are a must to continue building a better you and a better her
-Have a strong routine, but use opportunities for fun and excitement when they present themselves
-ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be honest (except when pregnancy is involved)
-If everything you did prior to the relationship involved picking up women, find enjoyment in other activities and do it quick.
I've had 2 LTRs and I'm currently on my second one. The first girl I was with for about... 5 or 6 months and it was basically for the sex. She was a pretty bad person, a loose cannon, no moral compass, and craved sex constantly. I've been with my current girl for almost 3 years and things have been great from the start (although we were/are going through an episode in extenuating circumstances). Of course we've had fights, and 3 massive fights and close calls early in our relationship. The point is that we had them early, like sexysuave said, its best to sort out all the issues that you find fundamental before you settle down.
To be honest, I started to regret my relationship with the first girl once I was with my current. I don't let that consume me or control things I do, but when I think back to those times I can feel how wrong it was and how everything in that first relationship was actually smothering the person I am. What I'm trying to say is, once you find that one girl you may reassess what it is you actually want in life and tweak your moral compass to suit it.
Getting complacent can be dangerous, but at the same time routine is very important. The routine will usually sort itself out if you and your partner have the same fundamental beliefs and values, but to avoid complacency every so often you have to do something special- perhaps spontaneous. Book a holiday, get tickets to a game or to a musical etc, and very importantly: discuss the future, and make plans. That way you are building your future together, you both have the same things to look forward to, and you both have responsibilities to get you there.
I can see my relationship lasting a life time. A problem I found at first is that once I settled down going to clubs, parties, and on some level hanging with the guys didn't feel the same. Clubs were always a place to hook up, parties were a place to have fun but also meet girls, and hanging with the guys often involved talking about and chasing girls. So once I was going steady, none of that stuff made sense to me anymore and it felt rather confusing and uncomfortable to do those things. The point is, I find that there is a great danger for some people when they build their lives around doing those things to get women because it can easily become part of an identity. Life should be full of meaningful things, things you can look back on and be understandably proud and happy---then turn to your side and share that with someone you love. So in away, I think that external forces such as culture and peer expectations can derail an otherwise great LTR.
So my summed up advice for being in an LTR:
-Sort out the fundamental issues within the first 2 months
-Expect mistakes to be made, and gauge your partner's integrity on her response to the mistake
-Plans about the future are a must to continue building a better you and a better her
-Have a strong routine, but use opportunities for fun and excitement when they present themselves
-ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be honest (except when pregnancy is involved)
-If everything you did prior to the relationship involved picking up women, find enjoyment in other activities and do it quick.
MrRhythmic
Don Juan
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Quoted for ultimate truth.Jariel said:
And if your life's great but your relationship isn't... :trouble:
I had a 6.5 year relationship (age 19-25). It ended last November, which is why I came to this site. I had no idea how to pick up girls. I hadn't done it since High School..
The relationship was actually great for the first 5 years. It was long distance for a year because I was done with college and she had a year left. Then we moved in together for the last 6 months and it just never recovered for multiple reasons I don't feel like getting into now... again...
The relationship was actually great for the first 5 years. It was long distance for a year because I was done with college and she had a year left. Then we moved in together for the last 6 months and it just never recovered for multiple reasons I don't feel like getting into now... again...
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
That is interesting. Thinking of primitive humans, I wonder if that is about the time that it took for the relationship's resulting child to be old enough for the mother to take care of on her own. Then the man would be off to spread more genes. It would make sense to stay around just long enough to insure that those genes survive.pdx1138 said:
From a modern perspective, recent research into relationships that last has shown that people in them continue their emotional and psychological growth. Relationships become stale when you have learned all that you can from the other person. When you can predict everything they do and say, then there is no point to having that person around any longer. They no longer contribute to your growth.
zekko
Master Don Juan
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You could always choose to grow alongside each other.Bible Belt said:
For example, I have a close friend I've known since I was six.
I know him as well as I know anybody.
Are you saying there's no point to having him around any longer?
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
15 years on July 20th.
sexysuave
Senior Don Juan
Sweet!
Any words of wisdom? How do you keep things strong for 15 years? Any "ah ha" moments you can share with us? Do you have the power in the relationship or does she (some people say that marriages where women have the upper hand are the ones that last the longest, I've always wondered about this, as I like to be the one in charge)?
Any words of wisdom? How do you keep things strong for 15 years? Any "ah ha" moments you can share with us? Do you have the power in the relationship or does she (some people say that marriages where women have the upper hand are the ones that last the longest, I've always wondered about this, as I like to be the one in charge)?
DonGorgon
Master Don Juan
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i did 8 years with a great women 18 to 26 yup best years of my life