Any thought on my approach and number close guys!

[TheGambino]

Today at school I saw a girl that I met earlier in a club a while ago. In the club I approached her in a funny way, accused her of being childish in a fun way and named her ''catwoman''. Shes slim, has long nails, black hair. Shes a brief 8, could easily be a model. Big beautiful eyes and the perfect body to be in a magazine.

Anyway I sat at a table, she noticed me and went to sit next to me with her friend and pointed her back towards me. After 5 minutes I said ''hey I didn't know that super heroes study''

She responded with a laugh and said ''heey I know you, how are you'' ''youre the one that named me catwoman!'' (she noticed me outside aswell, i saw that)

So we had a FUN chat and I talked to her friend aswel. There was a guy with them but he left. We had a fun talk for like 15 minutes and went out for a cigarette. We talked more and had more laughs outside about a lot of stuff, just building rapport and having fun.
I asked her about what she does in her life. Her study, where she lives, where shes from. Made fun of her friend (in a positive way ofcourse) Even acused her of being oversexed because she was talking about a party with a stripper blablalba (the oversexed was pointed to my girl ofcourse not her friend)

Our convo came down to relationships and love somehow. ''My girl'' said Wow I would love to have childeren I would draw with them, take them out to play, teach them stuff I would love that. And I wonder who I will end up with someday.

Her friend opened up to me about her ex and that shes in love with him and drama blabla and that she can't be with him because of her parents... I dont know what to think of that. But the girl I approached told her to shut up and keep that sort of info for herself, bit akward lol but it was all with a laugh.
Ofcourse I didn't react to much to that stuff.

Her friend wanted to go home but it felt to me like she enjoyed her time with me and her friend outside and they stayed for another 15 minutes. At a certain point I asked her what are you up to tonight. She said im going to this cafe probably. I told her Ill join you with a friend of mine and she was down for it. I grabbed my phone in front of her friend put in 06 and gave it to her with a smile. She looked at me like ''wow you do that quite direct lol'' She looked at me amused and doubtful and put in her digits mentioning ''I gave you the right number.. lol''

Anyhow I texted her 1 hour later because I felt like doing that and we were set for tonight pretty much....

me: catwoman ready to save the world tonight with me?
her: hahahaha yesss i think so
me: ok haha ill pick you up in my batmobile
me: what time?
her: well maybe they only want to have a bite downtown
her: i'm not sure
me: ok no problem let me know when youre free so we can have a drink together (she understands that i mean the 2 of us)
her: okay

(she told me in the afternoon that she was going out with her friend(s))

What do you think and i would like to know how you guys would proceed and what do you guys think is her interest level overall.

I could 1: push and dare her like: you dont dare to go out with me do you? lmao you don't dare to save the world with me tonight blalba this stuff sometimes works with these girls.

2: ignore now after those messages and wait for her to reach out

3: call tonight and try again to get her out of the house

She lives on her own, no bf no red flaggs, shes nice.

 

[Reservoir Dog]

You've stated your position and she said 'ok'. Get on with your life and proceed if and when she gets back to you. Some might say an hour later to reach out is bad but the truth is if she's into you the time delay doesn't really matter. What does matter is how invested you are. That you created a thread about her already suggests that you are heavily invested. If that is the case then pull back. Just get on with your life.

 

[Igetit!]

You seemed to start out ok,but then things kinda.....I don't know,kinda seemed to go off course. Not that you no longer have a chance with her,just that the convo didn't seem to advance things forward in a romantic/sexual direction.

After 5 minutes I said ''hey I didn't know that super heroes study''

She responded with a laugh and said ''heey I know you, how are you'' ''youre the one that named me catwoman!'' (she noticed me outside aswell, i saw that)

So we had a FUN chat and I talked to her friend aswel. There was a guy with them but he left. We had a fun talk for like 15 minutes and went out for a cigarette. We talked more and had more laughs outside about a lot of stuff, just building rapport and having fun.
I asked her about what she does in her life. Her study, where she lives, where shes from.

Like what all you said here....you had a fun chat for like 15 minutes. Then you went outside for a smoke and continued to talk and laugh more. From there,you asked her about her life,her studies,where she lives/where she's from,etc,etc.

I've always looked at an approach consisting of A.C.S/which is Attraction,Comfort,Seduction....and in that order. And the thing here is....honestly,all I see is Comfort here....and that's a problem.

All that laughing,talking,and having fun conversations WITHOUT ATTRACTION will land you square in the friendzone.

Our convo came down to relationships and love somehow. ''My girl'' said Wow I would love to have childeren I would draw with them, take them out to play, teach them stuff I would love that. And I wonder who I will end up with someday.

Wow. That's NOT good to talk about. She should be thinking about YOU,not talking about having kids and wondering who she's gonna end up with someday. That's what girls talk about with other girls....she should be feeling chemistry and looking at you with "doe" eyes. You should have been flirting with her and asking her what type outfit she's gonna wear FOR YOU on your date.

Instead,she's talking about playing with her FUTURE KIDS and what all she's gonna teach them.....she's talking about MOTHERHOOD.

That's not how a "pickup" should be.

Her friend opened up to me about her ex and that shes in love with him and drama blabla and that she can't be with him because of her parents... I dont know what to think of that. But the girl I approached told her to shut up and keep that sort of info for herself, bit akward lol but it was all with a laugh.

Well I'll say this.....

The girl you approached.....at least she did have the insight to tell her friend to shut up. This was supposed to be a pickup,not a therapy session. She did what you should have been doing,which was directing the conversation. You let it get out of control.

I'm pretty certain that motherhood and drama with exes isn't what you had in mind to talk about when you approached this girl.

Her friend wanted to go home but it felt to me like she enjoyed her time with me and her friend outside and they stayed for another 15 minutes.

You should have just let them go,or left yourself. You already talked for like 20,25 minutes. You should have just gotten her number and left.

At a certain point I asked her what are you up to tonight. She said im going to this cafe probably. I told her Ill join you with a friend of mine and she was down for it. I grabbed my phone in front of her friend put in 06 and gave it to her with a smile. She looked at me like ''wow you do that quite direct lol'' She looked at me amused and doubtful and put in her digits mentioning ''I gave you the right number.. lol''

Anyhow I texted her 1 hour later because I felt like doing that and we were set for tonight pretty much....

me: catwoman ready to save the world tonight with me?
her: hahahaha yesss i think so
me: ok haha ill pick you up in my batmobile
me: what time?
her: well maybe they only want to have a bite downtown
her: i'm not sure
me: ok no problem let me know when youre free so we can have a drink together (she understands that i mean the 2 of us)
her: okay

You made a couple mistakes here. They're kinda suttle....like any one of them by themselves probably wouldn't have been a big deal.

For one,you talked WAAAAY too long to her/them.
Then...

After talking for too long,you asked her what she was up to later on THAT SAME NIGHT.
Then...

After you left,you texted her an hour later.....after all that time you just got finished talking and hanging out with her.

So being overeager,being too available....might wanna watch that. Then you come up with this plan to "dare her" to go out with you.

How bout you just relax for a sec. Go home,take it easy for a while. You already spoke to her for way too long,then started sending her texts an hour after that. Back up...give her a little room to breathe.

What do you think and i would like to know how you guys would proceed and what do you guys think is her interest level overall.

I could 1: push and dare her like: you dont dare to go out with me do you? lmao you don't dare to save the world with me tonight blalba this stuff sometimes works with these girls.

2: ignore now after those messages and wait for her to reach out

3: call tonight and try again to get her out of the house

She lives on her own, no bf no red flaggs, shes nice.

I'd go with #2. In fact,I'd probably let the rest of today AND TOMORROW pass. If you don't hear from her in all that time,then I'd get in touch with her on Sunday,try to set something up.

You need to let some time pass to counteract the few slip-ups you made.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Hey there, TG:

So, the overall pick up wasn't too bad, but there were still a few mistakes you made that hindered your results. Allow me to help you out!

I sat at a table, she noticed me and went to sit next to me with her friend and pointed her back towards me. After 5 minutes I said ''hey I didn't know that super heroes study''

This part actually wasn't a mistake - the recall to the whole "Catwoman" thing as a reminder to her about who you are was GREAT!

Here's the problem, though: you stayed on that same joke waaaaaay too much. Once or twice is cool; after that, it starts getting old and repetitive, which can result in her being annoyed at the reference over time.

So we had a FUN chat and I talked to her friend as well.

Here, you didn't really isolate the subject well. If I'm reading it correctly, you talked with her and her friend at the table... then all of you went outside to smoke and talk some more, with the friend still being there. No bueno. In those situations, you have to find any excuse you can to get them by themselves. In this case, a simple "Hey, I want to get a drink from the vending machine, come with me - and don't worry, (friend), we'll be back shortly" would have done the trick.

The reason for isolating is so you can have some one-on-one time with her. Talking in a group doesn't increase interest nearly as much as solo time.

Our convo came down to relationships and love somehow. ''My girl'' said Wow I would love to have children I would draw with them, take them out to play, teach them stuff I would love that. And I wonder who I will end up with someday.

Don't know how the whole kids/relationship thing came up, but WAAAAAY too early for this convo. You haven't even gotten her on a date yet!

Her friend opened up to me about her ex...

I'mma have to stop you there. This girl is a blocker, plain and simple. It doesn't matter about her ex - EVERYONE has an ex. More importantly, if the ex was going to be a factor in her not getting with you, that's something SHE should and/or would bring up to you at some point, NOT the friend. This is why it's a BAAAAAD idea to be plugging a girl's friends for info - more often than not they're either blockers or uninformed to how their friend is feeling in the moment. Yeah, she might have an ex she wishes to get with, but she might go on a date with you and decide you're the better option - which would mean what her friend is telling you would be pointless.

Her friend wanted to go home...

Right - because she's a blocker. Continue...

...but it felt to me like she enjoyed her time with me and her friend outside and they stayed for another 15 minutes. At a certain point I asked her what are you up to tonight.

Another mistake. Guy, you have to stop asking for same-day dates with girls you're meeting up with in public. And this isn't just my rhetoric: if you look at a large number of posts on these boards, you'll hear similar stories and how they play out: "I met a girl at (public location), got her info, asked her to meet up that same night, and she turned me down." And I'm thinking, "Duh! Of COURSE she turned you down - she JUST met you! She had a whole day of events planned that didn't involve you, and now you're thinking because she had such a good convo with you that she's going to turn her whole day around to do some last-minute thing with you!" It's an egotistical way to go about asking someone out, and doesn't take into consideration that they may have other ish to do.

Anyway... the better thing to have done would have been to just say "Hey, I have to go now, but this has been fun - let me get your number real quick." Then, you hand her the phone, she puts the number in, and you say "great, thanks - have a great day" and walk off.

She said im going to this cafe probably.

The "probably" should have indicated to you that she was hoping you weren't asking to go with them.

I told her Ill join you with a friend of mine and she was down for it.

She said that because girls don't know how to say "no" without feeling like they're going to wound a guy for doing so. So, even though she SAID she was down for it, the reality is you inviting yourself along was being too pushy. Which is why, again, you should have just gotten the number and left. Then, you could have called her a few days later and asked her out for a date that didn't include her friend/s being there.

I grabbed my phone in front of her friend put in 06 and gave it to her with a smile. She looked at me like ''wow you do that quite direct lol'' She looked at me amused and doubtful and put in her digits mentioning ''I gave you the right number.. lol''

I don't know what "amused and doubtful" is supposed to mean... but kudos on getting the number. At this point, you should have left and waited 4 days minimum to hit her up. Instead....

Anyhow I texted her 1 hour later because I felt like doing that and we were set for tonight pretty much....

This action is one that many guys do by mistake. And they rationalize doing it by saying the same thing Reservoir Dog said in his reply:

Some might say an hour later to reach out is bad but the truth is if she's into you the time delay doesn't really matter.

But that's only true if the girl has already invested in you, i.e been out on a few dates/had sex with you/etc (and even then, being in constant contact with them isn't a good idea). The only investment this girl has in you right now is that she gave you the phone number. That does NOT mean she's suddenly so infatuated with you that hearing from you an hour later will keep her interested. In the beginning you have to pace yourself out to show that (a) you have a life going on outside of her; (b) that you're confident enough in yourself to know YOU are the prize, and thus can wait to contact her for a few days knowing she will still want to hear from you; and (c) that you're not already starting to obsess about her, which shows off neediness and uncertainty - two things we all know women just LOVE their guys to be, right?

me: catwoman ready to save the world tonight with me?
her: hahahaha yesss i think so
me: ok haha ill pick you up in my batmobile
me: what time?
her: well maybe they only want to have a bite downtown
her: i'm not sure
me: ok no problem let me know when youre free so we can have a drink together (she understands that i mean the 2 of us)
her: okay

Because you weren't able to isolate her, you weren't able to do all of this in person. Even though you shouldn't have tried to get her on a date that same day, if you WERE going that route and she DID seem to agree with it (albeit begrudgingly), you set up ALL the details for that date when you're asking for it. None of this "Wanna go on a date? Great! I'll call to discuss it later" crap - you get the "sale" while you're still in front of her face. "Wanna go on a date? Great! Let's go to (place you should already have in mind), does (time A) or (time B) work best for you? Shall we meet there or should I pick you up in my bat mobile?" All of that BEFORE you walk off.

(she told me in the afternoon that she was going out with her friend(s)

Which means you should have heard that, listened to her, and said, "Okay, great - well, have a great time with them tonight and thanks for your number." Then walked off and called her a few days later.

Understand, guy: just because she gave you the number and showed you interest (or what you thought may have been interest) doesn't mean she's suddenly going to change her plans for you. She JUST met you (or re-met you, or whatever). You still aren't important enough in her life yet for her to ditch her friends (who she KNOWS she'll have a good time with) for you (who she MIGHT have a good time with).

What do you think and i would like to know how you guys would proceed and what do you guys think is her interest level overall.

My thoughts: she gave you the number, so interest is there. However, you trying to text/call her every day will kill this thing. Wait a couple days to call (today is Friday, so I'd call Sunday), then CALL her (texting KILLS relationships), ask her how her weekend was, then say "So, I don't want to take up too much of your time, but I wanted to go to (place) on either (day A or B) and wanted to take you with me, which day would work best for you?" And see what she says.

Hope this helps!

 

[Reservoir Dog]

But that's only true if the girl has already invested in you, i.e been out on a few dates/had sex with you/etc (and even then, being in constant contact with them isn't a good idea). The only investment this girl has in you right now is that she gave you the phone number. That does NOT mean she's suddenly so infatuated with you that hearing from you an hour later will keep her interested. In the beginning you have to pace yourself out to show that (a) you have a life going on outside of her; (b) that you're confident enough in yourself to know YOU are the prize, and thus can wait to contact her for a few days knowing she will still want to hear from you; and (c) that you're not already starting to obsess about her, which shows off neediness and uncertainty - two things we all know women just LOVE their guys to be, right?

Absolutely agree with you although investment can be made on her part depending on how high value she perceives a man to be at any given time. There is no way I would have contacted her after one hour. However OP did and we can see his fingers are already twitching to get in contact with her again suggesting heavy, HEAVY investment on his part. Dangerous territory and a most unattractive trait from a female's perspective. As I said before he would be well advised to pull back and focus on other areas of his life especially other options.

 

[TheGambino]

I am just very eager to lay her indeed.

Thanks for the replies guys, it is very usefull. I'll reach out sunday.

Not heavily invested, just eager to have fun and lay her, 0% emotional investment believe me.

I had lots of options on vacation as you can read in my previous thread, im back in Holland, building plates circle again and this is the first one I like.

I also write field rapports about failures or girls I don't really like but closed anyway.

 

[DragonBlood]

"Daring" her to go out with you LOL. That is called bargaining and only someone in a weaker position (aka higher interest in the outcome) would ever resort to that. She will see through your little game in a split second such as I........

I'd go with #2. In fact,I'd probably let the rest of today AND TOMORROW pass. If you don't hear from her in all that time,then I'd get in touch with her on Sunday,try to set something up.

You need to let some time pass to counteract the few slip-ups you made.

Great analysis by Igetit, and I agree with #2 in the extreme. She already said she would get back to you, so now you forget about her and get on with your life.


I wouldnt contact her for another 2 weeks. And it would look like this:

"Hey Sarah (not catwoman, joke is getting old fast), havent heard from you in awhile. What day are you free this week to meet up?"


But if your going with Sunday do post back. I am curious how it will turn out.

 

[TheGambino]

I will Dragon, thanks for your replie aswel.

 

[Trump]

Today at school I saw a girl that I met earlier in a club a while ago. In the club I approached her in a funny way, accused her of being childish in a fun way and named her ''catwoman''. Shes slim, has long nails, black hair. Shes a brief 8, could easily be a model. Big beautiful eyes and the perfect body to be in a magazine.

Anyhow I texted her 1 hour later because I felt like doing that and we were set for tonight pretty much....

me: catwoman ready to save the world tonight with me?
her: hahahaha yesss i think so
me: ok haha ill pick you up in my batmobile
me: what time?
her: well maybe they only want to have a bite downtown
her: i'm not sure
me: ok no problem let me know when youre free so we can have a drink together (she understands that i mean the 2 of us)
her: okay

(she told me in the afternoon that she was going out with her friend(s))

What do you think and i would like to know how you guys would proceed and what do you guys think is her interest level overall.

OK at the beginning, her talking about kids and motherhood isn't that big of deal, you can change that feeling in her with a moment's notice. You did talk to her too long though.

Asking to do something the same night was an issue, now she knows you are not sleeping with any other girl. Also telling a girl "let me know when you are free" via text is BRUTAL. That means you can't sleep with any other girls until she lets you know, you left the frame in her hands.

If she lets you know in 6 six weeks she is available and you are in a relationship, she has a claim against you. Careful what you put in writing.

 

[TheGambino]

Quick update:

She texted me yesterday at 12 in the midnight:

her: hey im going to the cafe now
her: you coming?
me: no made other plans

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Kudos on not accepting the last minute plans... still, the offer was incoming, which could be a sign of interest. So, just like we always say a girl that's interested will counter-offer... did YOU counter-offer with a day/time that would work for you? I hope you didn't just say "no made other plans" and leave it at that. For one, because texting is a horrible form of communication, just typing that with no emoji's or anything makes you come across as angry at her. You may not feel like that, but it could be interpreted that way. And secondly, this was the chance for you to turn it into a date:

her: you coming?
you: ooh, sorry - I already made plans for tonight. But hey, how about we go out tomorrow evening? u free around 4 or 7?

Simple! Easy! Gets you a date while having her wonder at the same time if your plans involved another girl, which would make her work harder to impress you when you see her!

 

[TheGambino]

Nop I fell asleep lmao. Harry i texted her 5 minutes ago
Me: hey sory. i made other plans yesterday
Me: Let's go for drinks tommorow Night, 8 works for you?

She replies no i really have to work for school tommorow

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Better, but look at the example I gave - notice how it proposed 2 times instead of just 1? It's a sales trick - you always offer people the option of something and something vs. something and nothing. In your case, you offered 1 time - 8 - so psychologically the brain is going to choose between one of two things: 8 pm, or not going with you at all. On the other hand, had you said "which works better, 7 or 8?", you have a better shot at her brain choosing one of those times because you're offering something and something.

It sounds stupid, but you gotta understand: the brain likes to be as lazy as possible and have stuff spelled out to it. It doesn't want to have to think up another time that would work should 8 pm not be a good time. Sure, it can do it, especially if the woman has an interest in you, but it prefers being given options so as to decrease its workload. Think about when you're in a restaurant and the server comes to your table. They don't just say "so, what'll you have" - no, instead they say "would you like to start with some appetizers or drinks?" Notice they give you TWO options of things to choose from. You may not have wanted either of those things, but just by putting it out there it now makes your brain HAVE to think about choosing one of those things to start with.

All that to say... feel free to use this bit of knowledge when you ask girls out in the future. When you first ask, propose two days - "Hey, let's go out for drinks this week, are you free on Tuesday or Wednesday?" - and when she chooses one of those dates, do the same thing for a time meet up - "Great! I'm free around 7 or 8, which works best for you?" You'll get a LOT more "yeses" to dates this way. Hope this helps!

 

[HeadLightsOn]

Ugh Dutch women - Ive experienced them in Holland. Very masculine and bolshy.

I recall a Dutch HB9 once at a club. I asked for her number (after some banter) and she said "no but Ill take yours" and toke her phone out. I replied "sorry I dont give my number out to women. I wouldve taken yours and gotten in contact. Never mind."

The LOOK on her face when she realised I was turning her down was worth it. Dutch women are bought up to be as good as any man. And boy, are they like men!

 

[DragonBlood]

Shes definitely interested but make it easier to organise a meet up. Even a close friend would have to turn down some of the offers you are making!

Looking good Gambino but read my text again.

"Hey Sarah, havent heard from you in awhile. What day are you free this week to meet up?"

That last part is from personal experience and exactly what harry is talking about in detail. Applied to you...

TG: hey sory. i made other plans yesterday
TG: Let's go for drinks. What day are you free to meet up?
HB: Im free bla bla bla