Any guys good at online dating?

[lyracis]

I'm real busy with work at the moment, trying to set up my own business so do not have time to hit the bars and clubs as much as I'd like. A friend of mine suggested i post a few ads on craigslist.

Im a good looking guy and can write, so I've got quite a lot of replies. Amazingly quite a few of them are hot. But I'm not really sure how to play it. I think I've screwed up a few times by being impatient, because the way I see it you can exchange cute emails for weeks and then meet up and find there is no chemistry.

I've got some questions that maybe guys who are good at this **** can answer:

1) How long should you wait between emails?

2) How long should you wait before suggesting exchanging numbers or meeting for real?

3) How much about yourself should you give away before you meet? In real life challenge and being a mystery works for me, but on the internet Im guessing if you overdo it girls feel like they do not know anything about you and do not trust you.

4) A lot of girls ask me whether Ive met anyone else off the internet before or if Im emailing any other girls. What is the best reply to this? Obviously Im playing a numbers game and have several girls Im emailing at a time. And have met a few in the past. But Im not sure I should admit this.

5) Are any of these networking sites like facebook or myspace any good?

 

[Slick101]

read my other posts...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Search the forum, way too much about online sarging has been posted already.

 

[cordoncordon]

Honestly? I think it's a waste of time for anything other than a quick lay.

A stable relationship with one of these chicks? Would be like finding gold in my bath tub. Probably not gonna happen. Lots of whack jobs online.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

... Lots of whack jobs online.

They're the same people you see on the street, the same people you work with and meet via chance encounters. If you can't tell who they are online, you probably can't in real life either.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The problem with starting a ltr with someone you meet from the Internet is that as soon as you get boring, she'll be back on the Internet meeting new guys, just like if you met in a bar, when she wants attention she'll go back to the bar. Contrast this to someone you meet through a group of friends, or a social circle like an activity club or a church. If a woman dates around within a social circle, she'll get a reputation that she does not want. That's why ONSs come mostly from bars/clubs and the Internet. The woman can pull it off without getting socially scorned by her peers. But women who operate this way will be the most likely to cheat when they get into a ltr, or as they put it in chickspeak "move on when the relationship was really already over anyway..."

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

The problem with starting a ltr with someone you meet from the Internet is that as soon as you get boring, she'll be back on the Internet meeting new guys, just like if you met in a bar, when she wants attention she'll go back to the bar. Contrast this to someone you meet through a group of friends, or a social circle like an activity club or a church. If a woman dates around within a social circle, she'll get a reputation that she does not want. That's why ONSs come mostly from bars/clubs and the Internet. The woman can pull it off without getting socially scorned by her peers. But women who operate this way will be the most likely to cheat when they get into a ltr, or as they put it in chickspeak "move on when the relationship was really already over anyway..."

Wouldn't it be easier to qualify the woman as one who wouldn't get bored with you (I think it's called mutual attraction). But then again, you have to be the type of guy that isn't boring.

 

[Bible_Belt]

None of us are boring at first. Some last longer than others. I have made it several years at the longest, but eventually in any relationship, the woman is going to get a little bored at some point. If that were not true, then I doubt many of us here would be single, since we would be able to maintain 110% IL ad infinitum.

 

[Magma]

I met a chick online about a year and a half ago and it developed into a LTR. I actually thought my online game worked out pretty well. It's great if you're busy, like you said. At the time I was finishing up grad school, so I was in the same boat. FWIW, here are my suggestions:

1) "How long should you wait between emails?" This chick and I were busy individuals with a lot of extracurricular activities. So, say she'd leave town for a few days to travel. I would tell her just to get back to me when she got back. Inevitably, she knew I was an adventurous person and figured I would love to hear about her own adventures. It was an every-other-day to 3-day turn around on our emails. If you're both interesting people, you'll have lots of stories to share. Then it doesn't look like you're emailing her simply for the sake of it, but rather something happened over the weekend and you knew she'd love to hear the story. Note: storytelling is really important in online game. You say you're a good writer. Use that to your advantage to tell wild, funny, and interesting stories to develop a more acute sense of chemistry.

2) How long should you wait before suggesting exchanging numbers or meeting for real? This is how I handled it. I first suggested IM after strong indications of mutual attraction (i.e. the emails became less superficial over time). After a couple of positive IM chats, I broached the situation like this: "You know, if we have this much fun/stuff to talk about on IM, imagine how much fun we'd have together!" Something along those lines. It puts her in that wishful thinking mode, where she imagines the two of you together. And because of the rapport you've built up thus far, those images are positive to her.

3) How much about yourself should you give away before you meet? This reminds of something my dad used to say to me: Son, don't ditch the girl you brought to the dance. What that means is to stick with what works for you in Brick and Mortar Game (for lack of a better term). If you're comfortable being mysterious, I say stick to it.


4) A lot of girls ask me whether Ive met anyone else off the internet before or if Im emailing any other girls. What is the best reply to this? This is a good one that I developed and it really seemed to work. I would say something along these lines: "There are a few women I'm communicating with, but I just don't feel that click with them. They're too boring/not adventurous enough. But with you, I felt that we vibed really well." You can extend that further if necessary. What I think this does is create the illusion that you are opening up a little, while gauging her IL. At the same time, it's making her qualify to you.

The online game takes a little patience. The nice thing is that you don't have to be so on-the-spot witty or charming. You can really plan your attack. However, these are mere suggestions from someone who has sealed the online f-close.

 

[Magma]

Addendum: I didn't see your #5 there. I haven't had experience with either of those. But as I understand it, that's a completely different game. Even though it's online, it's still very different from a match.com or craigslist as I understand it. Hope you can use some of this.

Respect.

 

[happyguy]

I counted last month, and I have met over 35 women off craigslist. (I will admit it, my real life sarge is nowhere as evolved as my online game. But I feel I am about 1/3rd the way to online mastery). My strategy for online gaming is simply being perceptive and cold reading. I layer on rapport while simultaneously teasing and negging. I make them feel they are on the periphery of my vision until I actually meet them. Sort of like glancing over the shoulder, and sort of holding their necks at the edge of friendzone (I always maintain a jerk/tough and wild older brother vibe). It will drive them crazy to want your full attention. So they will jump at the suggestion of a face to face meeting (usually). I do not discuss anything about chemistry or attraction over email. I keep my emails very brief after the actual meeting. It will encourage them to make an effort to get more of your time, which will be face-to-face. Here are some of my suggestions:


1) How often should you email? That depends on how attractive/*****y the girl is. I will turn on the hot ones really bad with negging and cold reading, and make them wait/beg for my response. The less hotter ones get a slightly more frequent response (every other day, or even right after they email). Sometimes it is good to respond to some emails immediately. When I tease, turn the conversation sexual, the emails back and forth will be very rapid. I will keep escalating as often as she is responding. I take it to a peak and cool off completely for a couple of days. As a rule of thumb, girls always prefer unpredictability over regularity. Just don't be too much of an assole.

2) How many emails before meet? I would say 5-7 email exchanges at the maximum. Never more than that. My game is to set her on fire, and strike when the iron's hot. Five emails are usually sufficient to demonstrate higher value, mystery, and mischief. That is all you will need to get a meeting. You can use the remaining 2 emails to set up the date.

3) How much of yourself should you give away before meeting? This is where you can score massive brownie points. Girls will dig for information over email like maniacs. You DO NOT answer them. You tell them what you want to tell them, AND, turn the focus back on them. Women love talking about themselves. When they ask you a question, don't answer it, tell them something interesting about them and make them talk more about themselves (or their views on a topic that you know interests them). This is the ultimate sign of suaveness. Smooth = slippery = Suave. You control the entire conversation by putting the spotlight on her and keeping her curious about you. Another rule of thumb: You never answer a girl directly if she asks a probing question about you.

4) What should you say to 'How many women have you met online before'? You answer this question only when asked in person, and only if asked earnestly. I learned the answer to it in very painful ways. Most girls you meet online will want to know this, and if you answer it straight, you just failed a massive s*it test. Your answer SHOULD NOT be a number (I've tried saying low, I've tried sayin high, I've tried saying the truth, got burned all times. Their face will drop whatever number you say, because the correct answer is not a number, it is a feeling). Just as Magma has pointed out, you must say 'I guess I've met a couple of interesting people online, but it kinda feels nice hanging out with you. I really enjoy your company, it feels special'. Then you have to clearly describe one speciality. The best speciality is 'I donno, I feel so at ease around you... I guess we connect effortlessly at certain levels'. Don't be over specific and blow your cover. It is all about rapport rapport rapport when this question is asked. She should not feel the distance this question entails. You gotta make her feel closer, that's all.

5) Myspace sucks for real world meeting. Facebook will work if you are an undergraduate in college. There are only two networking sites that you can meet women off (due to various reasons): Friendster and okcupid. I have massive scores on both of them.

Best of luck!

 

[speakeasy]

The problem with starting a ltr with someone you meet from the Internet is that as soon as you get boring, she'll be back on the Internet meeting new guys, just like if you met in a bar, when she wants attention she'll go back to the bar. Contrast this to someone you meet through a group of friends, or a social circle like an activity club or a church. If a woman dates around within a social circle, she'll get a reputation that she does not want. That's why ONSs come mostly from bars/clubs and the Internet. The woman can pull it off without getting socially scorned by her peers. But women who operate this way will be the most likely to cheat when they get into a ltr, or as they put it in chickspeak "move on when the relationship was really already over anyway..."

Very good insight here. One to remember.

 

[Kev07]

1) How long should you wait between emails?

I reply right away usually.

2) How long should you wait before suggesting exchanging numbers or meeting for real?

2-4 emails back and forth, you should be able to feel it.

3) How much about yourself should you give away before you meet? In real life challenge and being a mystery works for me, but on the internet Im guessing if you overdo it girls feel like they do not know anything about you and do not trust you.

Just write a bit about yourself, about a paragraph seems to be fine.

4) A lot of girls ask me whether Ive met anyone else off the internet before or if Im emailing any other girls. What is the best reply to this? Obviously Im playing a numbers game and have several girls Im emailing at a time. And have met a few in the past. But Im not sure I should admit this.

Coincidentally, only the first girl I ever met online asked me if I've met any online, and I just told the truth and said no, worked for me.

5) Are any of these networking sites like facebook or myspace any good?

Some people swear by myspace, doesn't really work for me. Facebook you need the networking, doesn't really work to just go looking for random girls. I've met one girl from facebook, but she was going to the same college with me this fall and is also living near me, coincidentally.

 

[speakeasy]

I just took a look at some personal ads on craigslist. I was actually surprised that there were pretty decent looking girls there. Of course you have the usual "BBWs" LOL, but I thought craigslist would be for people even too lazy to set up a profile on plenty of fish.

 

[Kev07]

I just took a look at some personal ads on craigslist. I was actually surprised that there were pretty decent looking girls there. Of course you have the usual "BBWs" LOL, but I thought craigslist would be for people even too lazy to set up a profile on plenty of fish.

Most of the decent girls are bots.

Though I ahve found one cute girl and I went out with her. That's one out of a hundred or so

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

None of us are boring at first. Some last longer than others. I have made it several years at the longest, but eventually in any relationship, the woman is going to get a little bored at some point. If that were not true, then I doubt many of us here would be single, since we would be able to maintain 110% IL ad infinitum.

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

I'm sorry BB, you make it sound as if every girl that a guy meets is actually his type thus he should naturally date them. Plus you say that men aren't capable of keeping a woman's interest. What this sounds like to me is that guys don't know how to pick the right women to date.

It's as if guy's will date a woman no matter how much interest level she has in him as long as she gives him a chance. He doesn't care if they have any common interests, she just agreed to date him and he jumped in without understanding there is little substance to him to keep her interested. Or even worse, he was perpetrating to be someone he really wasn't and when he reverted back she didn't like him any more and jumped ship!

I don't know man, you aren't given men much credit.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Plus you say that men aren't capable of keeping a woman's interest.

Not full IL forever, no. If that's not true, then why are we single? Why did all of those LTRs end? Even if you dump the girl, it's probably because she did something that is a symptom of falling IL.

It's as if guy's will date a woman no matter how much interest level she has in him as long as she gives him a chance. He doesn't care if they have any common interests

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Are you saying you would turn down a HB9 because you didn't have enough common interests? Come on, whatever. The foolish things that interest women usually seem pretty retarded to me. I can't remember having much in the way of common interests with any girl I've ever been with. Sex is usually all there is.

Or even worse, he was perpetrating to be someone he really wasn't

That's dating. Of course we are all pretending to some extent. There's an old tv commercial for a stock market company called Archipelago. The premise is, "what if everyone told the truth all the time?" One of the commercials shows a guy ringing the doorbell for a blind date.

him: "Hi ___, your friend said you hadn't had a date in forever, so you'd be desperate."

her: "Yeah. Do you have a good job?"

him: "I just farted!"

 

[Obsidian]

The foolish things that interest women usually seem pretty retarded to me. I can't remember having much in the way of common interests with any girl I've ever been with.

hmm, yeah, that's basically true. damn.

but actually, yeah I would turn down an HB9 if we didn't have many commonalities. Unless I just wanted to drag her along someplace for social proof or something.

 

[WrEcKLeSS2000]

I've had some trouble. I tried about 3 online sites. I've sent many messages and only got 1 reply. This girl seems like she has ALOT of baggage. She keeps talking about how her ex cheated on her and she fainted, had to go to the hospital. She wants to know all this personal stuff about me through email. She keeps saying no cheats, and she wants an honest, caring guy. She wants to know about my "secrets" that I don't tell anyone else. From her picture she is hot, but I don't think she is worth it.

Any other good sites that someone can recommend besides match.com, or date.com or plenty of fish or yahoo personals???

 

[Ryan69]

Any guys good at online dating?


Why would you wanna be good at it ? I'd be a little concerned about meeting a girl who's on a dating site. I'd be even more concerned if she was HOT.

Hot girls get tons of attention in the REAL WORLD everyday. Why would they bother with profiles online ?

Just my 2 cents. Plus its so much more rewarding when you pick up in the real world not on the computer or something nerdy like that.

Im sure it works for some people though