Any advice on how to maintain....?

[Ronin I]

Ok - pretty much what I'm looking for here is advice on how to maintain the type of behavior that elicits attraction.

When I'm out sarging a girl at a club/bar I've got the C&F turned up full blast, etc - intent on one goal - (usually getting the number - sometimes getting her back to my place).

Anyway, one thing I've noticed is that after I'm successful and get the number, in subsequent interactions with these women I don;t have the same aura.

It's not like I'm morphing back into my old AFC self (I have no problems with neediness, I have the discipline to maintain challenge etc) but outside of initial sarges, I'm not the same.

I don;t tease nearly as much as I should. The C&F is dialed way down (if not completely turned off).

I have seen a couple of girls IL drop and I think this is part of the reason. (Actually it's the only reason I can come up with).

Part of my problem is that to me this is only natural. When on an intitial sarge I can maintain superficial, fun convos that are very conducive to C&F and teasing.

But, after getting to get to know a woman better the dynamic changes. The convos inevitably become less superficial and contain more substance. I mean instead of teasing her about her hair or shoes or how she talks, we're talking about mundane sh!t like what we have planned the rest of the week, that she went to the mall earlier today, etc - you get the idea. This kind of sh!t just gets flat out boring.

Suggestions?

 

[Starman]

Like Dave De'angelo said..Dont stop what you were doing that sparked that initial interest..keep conversations short..and be ****y funny/remain a challenge /mysterious

tell funny stories , leave her funny voicemails, turn up the Kino, and dont talk about yourself too much

 

[htemorp]

Starman, you gave no help on this one. I think he KNOWS that what he wants is to be...

"Like Dave De'angelo said..Dont stop what you were doing that sparked that initial interest..keep conversations short..and be ****y funny/remain a challenge /mysterious

tell funny stories , leave her funny voicemails, turn up the Kino, and dont talk about yourself too much"

But he can't remain like that, and he's looking for advices on how to be like that after you got through.

Please dude, quit wasting our time giving these paraphrasing shiet.

 

[Bungo Pony]

It almost sounds like you're the one doing all the work. If the woman just sits there and laughs at your c/f comments but doesn't contribute to it, she's not going to be any fun. If you can find a woman that is fun and fires the c/f right back at you, it will always be present in conversation, and you don't exhaust yourself by doing all the work.

 

[xblitz44x]

Ronin,

That has been my complaint with ALLLL of these rules. When you're at the club or bar, during the initial interaction you are in "performing mode". Your getting off this false sense of confidence and ****yness. It's FAKE. Then, when your personality naturally shifts back to who YOU are, she starts to see you for what you are. if you were real in the beginning, the chicks that may have rejected the "****y/funny Ronin" may have liked the REAL Ronin...but instead you transformed yourself to appeal to another "type" of woman, who lost interest in you when she found out who you truely were.

-Blitz

 

[Quick]

Originally posted by xblitz44x
Ronin,

That has been my complaint with ALLLL of these rules. When you're at the club or bar, during the initial interaction you are in "performing mode". Your getting off this false sense of confidence and ****yness. It's FAKE. Then, when your personality naturally shifts back to who YOU are, she starts to see you for what you are. if you were real in the beginning, the chicks that may have rejected the "****y/funny Ronin" may have liked the REAL Ronin...but instead you transformed yourself to appeal to another "type" of woman, who lost interest in you when she found out who you truely were.

-Blitz

It's not supposed to be fake. You're just supposed to be stressing one part of your personality. A real part. You build your confidence by acting like you already have it. You see the success, and it's an upward spiral. If you truly have no confidence, then of course you're going to fail in the end.

If the REAL Ronin was able to get chicks without being ****y or funny at all, then there's no reason to change and no reason to be here. The reason he's here is because the parts of himself that he used to present at first got him nowhere. He should simply be highlighting a more attractive aspect of himself instead.

As far as how to keep it going, it's all in your mindset. Why do you think you have to stop kidding with girls once you learn more about them? Are you having an enjoyable time when you use C+F? If you are, then there's no reason to change that. You need to change your mindset and treat the 2nd and 3rd date just like the first encounter. Mix up joking with her, inquiring about her, and telling her about yourself.

My hunch is that the problem is that you get nervous after you get the number because now that you have a legitimate shot you're scared of blowing it. At first you're more relaxed because you're just testing and have no expectations. Afterwards, you start to feel it's more important and fall back into your natural behaviors. You need to realize that your natural behaviors don't produce results, and change them so that they will. Realize that the dry boring conversations don't work, and decide not to have them. Be as carefree on subsequent encounters as you are in the first.

 

[Starman]

"HTE

"Starman, you gave no help on this one. I think he KNOWS that what he wants is to be...

"Like Dave De'angelo said..Dont stop what you were doing that sparked that initial interest..keep conversations short..and be ****y funny/remain a challenge /mysterious

tell funny stories , leave her funny voicemails, turn up the Kino, and dont talk about yourself too much"

But he can't remain like that, and he's looking for advices on how to be like that after you got through.

Please dude, quit wasting our time giving these paraphrasing shiet."
~~~~~


Put a sock in it corky..if you dont like my advice...dont read it.

If he can't remain ****y/funny and continue what he was doing to keep the flame going..he needs to practice.

and get some grammar classes down before addressing me next time.

 

[Y Trallwng Am Byth]

Of all the views in this threads, I most agree with Blitz44.

You can't be two different people or you'll look a two-faced fake.

 

[xblitz44x]

"If the REAL Ronin was able to get chicks without being ****y or funny at all, then there's no reason to change and no reason to be here." -Quick

Exactly. I know that he IS able to get chicks without being ****y/funny. There IS no reason to change. The problem is, he hasn't the confidence and strong will to go in there and not give a fvck. Because this board has convinced everybody that who they truely are can't POSSIBLY land them chicks (because it hasn't yet). And that they have to transform into somebody else until they eventually, magically "become" that somebody else. THEN they can get chicks. Give me a break. I know Ronin can get chicks being real. The only thing he has to work on is his TRUE confidence. Not this confidence in a fictional character that he has to 'become'.

This board could be so powerful if we'd all wake up and realize where attraction comes from and how it works. Instead we're fooling ourselves believing that these silly gimmics are what's responsible for the attraction. It is who you ARE, and when we get laid using these gimmics its not BECAUSE of them, but rather IN SPITE of them.

"Why do you think you have to stop kidding with girls once you learn more about them?" -Quick

Because some guys never wanted to kid with them in the first place. They did it because Deangelo tells them, or because it's what Edge does, or what I said, or what PDX once said or what Pook said. It was never natural. You can't FORCE SOMETHING to be natural. That defeats the purpose. Eventually after you start 'accidently' slipping back into your old ways, she's not running because she doesn't like the real you, it's because she now knows that you were phoney to begin with, and were afraid to be who you are. This isn't rocket science boys, just BE FVCKIN REAL, and be proud OF it!

"Afterwards, you start to feel it's more important and fall back into your natural behaviors. You need to realize that your natural behaviors don't produce results, and change them so that they will." -Quick

I need to realize that being natural and real doesn't produce results? And that I have to 'change' my human nature (which is impossible anyway, so you can kill the powertrip now) in the name of a....GIRL???? Fvck that. No thanks. I'll be me.

"Be as carefree on subsequent encounters as you are in the first." -Quick

hahaha...Quick...carefree???!!! Think about what you said! Is changing who you are, and putting on an act to get her to like you...carefree??? Is allowing a girl to manipulate your actions because you will follow whatever "rule" you're told works....carefree???? Is becoming somebody else in the name of pvssy, because you're not confident that doing what you want, when you want is enough....carefree???? Think about that. What IS carefree?

-Blitz

 

[Ronin I]

Thanks for all the replies...

I've been thinking about this and have come to a few conclusions and will address each of your replies individually...

Originally posted by Bungo Pony
It almost sounds like you're the one doing all the work. If the woman just sits there and laughs at your c/f comments but doesn't contribute to it, she's not going to be any fun. If you can find a woman that is fun and fires the c/f right back at you, it will always be present in conversation, and you don't exhaust yourself by doing all the work.

That's a great point Bungo - I do agree. My problem is I hold myself to a higher standard than I do the women in my life. I'm not sure if that is a problem or not actually.

Originally posted by xblitz44x
That has been my complaint with ALLLL of these rules. When you're at the club or bar, during the initial interaction you are in "performing mode". Your getting off this false sense of confidence and ****yness. It's FAKE. Then, when your personality naturally shifts back to who YOU are, she starts to see you for what you are. if you were real in the beginning, the chicks that may have rejected the "****y/funny Ronin" may have liked the REAL Ronin...but instead you transformed yourself to appeal to another "type" of woman, who lost interest in you when she found out who you truely were.

First off my problem does not stem from a FALSE sense of confidence. I am a naturally confident, borderline arrogant person. I disagree that transforming into a confident person (should you need to transform) is a bad thing. First off you should 'fake it til you make it'. Secondly one thing I am sure of is women like confident men. So if the REAL Ronin wasn;t confident, I damn well would pretend to be even at the risk at not attracting my "type" of woman (whatver that is).

Originally posted by Quick
You're just supposed to be stressing one part of your personality. A real part. You build your confidence by acting like you already have it. You see the success, and it's an upward spiral.

I agree 110%.

Originally posted by Quick
If the REAL Ronin was able to get chicks without being ****y or funny at all, then there's no reason to change and no reason to be here. The reason he's here is because the parts of himself that he used to present at first got him nowhere. He should simply be highlighting a more attractive aspect of himself instead.

Not exactly pal. I'm here because I had a chronic case of oneitis and vowed to myself to get over her and become masterful with women.

Originally posted by Quick
My hunch is that the problem is that you get nervous after you get the number because now that you have a legitimate shot you're scared of blowing it. At first you're more relaxed because you're just testing and have no expectations. Afterwards, you start to feel it's more important and fall back into your natural behaviors. You need to realize that your natural behaviors don't produce results, and change them so that they will. Realize that the dry boring conversations don't work, and decide not to have them. Be as carefree on subsequent encounters as you are in the first.

No and maybe. As far as getting nervous after getting the number - No. I'm well past that. Experience has bred confidence in that area. I will admit that it's possible to some degree that I'm falling into "natural" behaviors - I will elaborate on why I think this happens.

More....

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by Y Trallwng Am Byth
Of all the views in this threads, I most agree with Blitz44.

You can't be two different people or you'll look a two-faced fake.

This isn't my problem. My problem has more to do with how I behave in certain situations/settings and consistency- elaborated on later in post.

Originally posted by xblitz44x
Exactly. I know that he IS able to get chicks without being ****y/funny. There IS no reason to change. The problem is, he hasn't the confidence and strong will to go in there and not give a fvck. Because this board has convinced everybody that who they truely are can't POSSIBLY land them chicks (because it hasn't yet). And that they have to transform into somebody else until they eventually, magically "become" that somebody else. THEN they can get chicks. Give me a break. I know Ronin can get chicks being real. The only thing he has to work on is his TRUE confidence. Not this confidence in a fictional character that he has to 'become'.

OK, I will admit I was probably a little too vague in my initial approach but I truly don;t think this is a confidence problem per se. Of the C&F that's lacking in subsequent encounters it's more the 'F'.
I don;t know if guys on this board need to transform themselves but I think we are all here looking to improve ourselves and our game.

Originally posted by xblitz44x
Because some guys never wanted to kid with them in the first place. They did it because Deangelo tells them, or because it's what Edge does, or what I said, or what PDX once said or what Pook said. It was never natural. You can't FORCE SOMETHING to be natural. That defeats the purpose. Eventually after you start 'accidently' slipping back into your old ways, she's not running because she doesn't like the real you, it's because she now knows that you were phoney to begin with, and were afraid to be who you are.

Maybe - maybe not. To say that you cant force something to be natural suggests that you cant LEARN to change your behavior. I disagree with that completely. Practice something enough and it becomes more and more natural.

OK so a couple of my own observations about myself:

- I generally only sarge in bars/clubs. Personal preference. In these settings it's just easier or more natural for me to turn on the C&F. That's not to say that I'm turning myself into a "fictional character" - it's just that I'm out, already having a good time, laughing, chatting it up, in my element, and the rest just flows. It's very easy.
Also there's just that sense of excitement and challenge present during an initial sarge that just isn't present in subsequent encounters. That excitment and challenge boosts my energy level and raises my game.

Actually what I've realized is that overall my motivation and energy level has been lower lately.

What I've come to realize is part of my problem as I've described in my initial post is stemming from stresses and headaches from my life. There was a specific phone call that prompted that post. (to a girl I've been seeing sparingly for the past two months). I had just gotten out of a night class after a long day and sfter hearing some bad news about a job I applied for. So I called her to make plans for Thursday and after I hung uo the phone I just remember thinking to myself how dull/boring the conversation was. How I hadn't talked to her in 4 days and should've been more energetic and happy to talk to her. Truth was I had a lot of other sh!t in my mind.

Anyway I think this is why I am stumbling right now. Too much stress from sh!t completely unrelated to women. Real life sh!t. School, this damn economy making it impossible for me to find a good job and a whole other bunch of crap I won;t bother posting about. It's hard for me to act happy and funny and witty and tease and etc, etc when I'm fvcking stressed out and lethargic as I have been the past couple of weeks.

So I believe that that is definitely part of my problem which is excascerbated by the fact that I experience a bit of a "letdown" in subsequent encounters with women.

Maybe I'm being a bit hard on myself - but like I said in the previous post, I hold myself to a higher standard.