Another "She has a BF" thread

[J2K]

First I'm gonna explain the situation, then what I have gathered on the situation. I would like some input as to what would work good.

I met this girl in one of my classes and she's got a boyfriend. She never mentions it directly to me, but when she's talking to other people she'll say, "Me and BFs name did this" or "BF said this." She never told me personally she's got a BF either. From what I see, her interest level has to be high. Body language is good, she uses my name a lot, smiles a lot, gets all giggly when I'm around, tons of compliments, and she says she enjoys working with me when I'm in her group. I use smartass comments and C/F all the time on her and I've got her crackin up all the time... the other day she said she loves my personality. We are friends, however, I seriously doubt I'm in the friendzone because we don't have serious conversations and I sure as hell don't let her ***** all her problems to me. I got her number, but the problem is: should I ask her out?

Here is what I've gathered about the situation. Most girls are just with a guy so they don't have to say they're single and they wait around until a better guy comes along, leave their BF and go with the new better guy. I also figured, if she's interested and I don't ask her out, she'll prolly think I'm not interested. What I'm planning on doing is asking her to a concert or dinner. What do y'all think? I think I should do it.

 

[NewMan]

I think I should do it.

Thats all that matters.

Don't be surprised if she does the same to you though.

 

[NRM]

You are displaying a severe lack of confidence in yourself right now. Quit that. Also quit analyzing to the core everything that women think, nobody really knows. What we do know is what women are attracted to and what they are willing to do to a man they are attracted to.

So quit the loligagging. You're not going to have peace till you call her up for the date anyways, so do it. Even if we all call you dumb and tell you to trash the number, the hint of hope will be in your mind even if you follow directions. So start believing in yourself. What is the worst that could happen? You get rejected? If it is bound to happen, it will happen, doesn't matter if it's a day from now or a year from now. Do not sit around like a sissy contemplating every possible possibility.

So ask her out on a date already, if she declines, you're rejected. When you go on the date, kiss her, if she pushes you away, you're rejected. Women do not decline dates from people they are really interested in and they do not push away guys they are really interested in. That is the only surefire way you can be sure that she's interested in you.

Other than that, this is just jibberjabber and you're worrying too much. If you don't quit, you'll be so nervous on the date that you won't be able to show your bright side. Quit all that and show her the confident, masculine, challenging guy you can be.

 

[cactus3178]

First, I don't think it would hurt to ask her out to dinner or something fun, but ultimately, it's up to you if you want to pursue it. Personally, I think it's inherently problematic to try to get with a chick with a b/f.

1). If she's flaky enough to hook up with you while she's with another guy, she'll surely do the same to you. This has been said a hundred thousand times, and it's true almost every time.

2). Dude very well may come for your ass when he eventually (surely) finds out what's up.

3). There's a 95% chance that this will turn into a seriously f*cked up situation in the long run.


I guess if your just gonna hit it and quit it, then go for it. Chicks like that are never good LTR material.

 

[J2K]

Originally posted by NRM
You are displaying a severe lack of confidence in yourself right now. Quit that. Also quit analyzing to the core everything that women think, nobody really knows. What we do know is what women are attracted to and what they are willing to do to a man they are attracted to.

So quit the loligagging. You're not going to have peace till you call her up for the date anyways, so do it. Even if we all call you dumb and tell you to trash the number, the hint of hope will be in your mind even if you follow directions. So start believing in yourself. What is the worst that could happen? You get rejected? If it is bound to happen, it will happen, doesn't matter if it's a day from now or a year from now. Do not sit around like a sissy contemplating every possible possibility.

So ask her out on a date already, if she declines, you're rejected. When you go on the date, kiss her, if she pushes you away, you're rejected. Women do not decline dates from people they are really interested in and they do not push away guys they are really interested in. That is the only surefire way you can be sure that she's interested in you.

Other than that, this is just jibberjabber and you're worrying too much. If you don't quit, you'll be so nervous on the date that you won't be able to show your bright side. Quit all that and show her the confident, masculine, challenging guy you can be.

**** dude, I don't think anyone can say it better than that. Your post needs to go to the DJ Bible.

 

[HuangBei]

Problems: You're too nervous about this. And that's probably because you're getting to know and like this girl. That in itself is another problem. First off, girls like this, should not be girls you get attached to, because if you do you'll start to get possessive about them. And the only reason you haven't tried kissing her or anything else, is because your nervous. That's a problem.

News Update buddy: I was in the same situation you're in 2 days ago, except one difference. This wasn't a high school relationship, this was a 20 year old woman who had a boyfriend. Within an hour of my meeting her (and I knew she had a boyfriend, I just decided not to listen to that part of the conversation because her body language said "please...take me") I had already gone in for the initial kiss. At the last moment, she rejected me because she's loyal to her boyfriend (even though she let me touch her cheek, stroke her hair, hold her hand multiple times in mine, touch her thigh...).

So I was rejected, do I feel bad? No! It keeps me away from having to fight some guy whose older than me and might even have a knife. The other bad thing is, that woman was a student of my mom's and so she knows my phone number, and this guy could easily find me. Your much better off than I would have been. So do or die! Stop waiting around THINKING, and get something DONE!

 

[J2K]

Originally posted by HuangBei
Problems: You're too nervous about this. And that's probably because you're getting to know and like this girl. That in itself is another problem. First off, girls like this, should not be girls you get attached to, because if you do you'll start to get possessive about them. And the only reason you haven't tried kissing her or anything else, is because your nervous. That's a problem.

News Update buddy: I was in the same situation you're in 2 days ago, except one difference. This wasn't a high school relationship, this was a 20 year old woman who had a boyfriend. Within an hour of my meeting her (and I knew she had a boyfriend, I just decided not to listen to that part of the conversation because her body language said "please...take me") I had already gone in for the initial kiss. At the last moment, she rejected me because she's loyal to her boyfriend (even though she let me touch her cheek, stroke her hair, hold her hand multiple times in mine, touch her thigh...).

So I was rejected, do I feel bad? No! It keeps me away from having to fight some guy whose older than me and might even have a knife. The other bad thing is, that woman was a student of my mom's and so she knows my phone number, and this guy could easily find me. Your much better off than I would have been. So do or die! Stop waiting around THINKING, and get something DONE!

Damn dude, you're right too. The girl I'm trying to get with is 19 and being that the class I just finished with her is now over, I don't have any reason to not go for it. I'm not gonna get my ass kicked by her boyfriend unless he's 6'6" 300 so I'm not gonna waste any more damn time.

 

[Phonenix DJ]

Problem

Man.

I've to tell you. Getting involved with girls that have bfs is a big no-no.

Even if she's attracted to you (having a Bf does not impede her to feel attracted to you).

There're too much "pain" and "confusion" to both of you. Of course we can read the signals and it's a huge temptation trying to have something with her.

Its a really difficult situatuon to be in. YOu said that she doesnt mention her bf because she may be looking for someone better.

BUT
Remember that, she MAY not be mentioning her Bf, because she likes to receive attention from guys and "being flirted with". Think about it, if she'd told you about her BF,openly, It would make guys back off, and leaver her! So, not attention, no ego boosting!

"Skulking" the BF is a "hiden agenda" to me. SOMETHING IS WRONG!

RED FLAG!

 

[tristan22]

In all seriousness, don't attempt to date girls with boyfriends. I happened to make this mistake and let me tell you, the bad times outweighed the good times. The whole experience almost sucked the life out of me!

Her actions are a good indicator of her character. If she dumps him for you, what do you think she'll do when something better then you comes along?

 

[Hurri]

woah woah woah. "ask her out" wtf man, that aint gonna work. just dont think about the boyfriend. she hasn't told u about him, why should u even care? i think next time u see her, u need to sarge her big time and get a meet. remeber dont "ask her out". u say lets hang out or lets go do <activity>. then isolate where-ever u take her and do as u wish.

 

[becker]

I'm not sure if there are too many people who have not been in such a situation. I spent so long on these boards dealing with this very subject, and now that I look back, I regret that I even spent that much time on it.

But this is one of those crazy situations where when you're in it, nothing makes sense except to go for the girl. If you do though, prepare to get blown off, and if you do, you'd better not be the type that gets hurt easily and can't move on, otherwise you will be very miserable my friend.

 

[MacDiddy]

Girls with BF that still flirt with and use other guys have some undeniable characteristics in their favour.

1-They have nothing to lose.
2-They have a backup plan.
3-They do what they want to do.
4-They already have a BF to please emotionally and physically and therefore and most likely are not looking for someone to do the same to.
5-She's only looking for whatever she can't get from her BF and its usually attention. DJ's don't give their GF's much attention and thats what attracts these girls to them.

All these dynamics change if she's not happy in her current relationship.

 

[Click Here]

I hate stealing girls from guys unless its for like ONS's.

You feel like u gotta keep the magic going or your ass will get nexted for another guy just the same way. Damn *****es.

 

[Le Parisien]

Girls with BF that still flirt with and use other guys have some undeniable characteristics in their favour.

1-They have nothing to lose.
2-They have a backup plan.
3-They do what they want to do.
4-They already have a BF to please emotionally and physically and therefore and most likely are not looking for someone to do the same to.
5-She's only looking for whatever she can't get from her BF and its usually attention. DJ's don't give their GF's much attention and thats what attracts these girls to them.

All these dynamics change if she's not happy in her current relationship.

MacDiddy, that was PERFECTLY said, wow! I could not have said that anyway better.

I know a girl who has a boyfriend but is sucking the attention out of every guy who happens to fall into her entourage. Lol all these poor AFCs think they are cool and will eventually get something out of it. Especially one guy thinks he's so close to f***ing her since she would share her sexual escapades with him and would listen to his lay stories...

What I think is that it's usually a lose-lose battle. If you play the chump and give her attention, you won't get anything except being played. If you stay away and don't give her any attention, she will usually have a better esteem for you, but you won't go anywhere either because she won't have anything to do with you anyway.

 

[squirrels]

Don't "ask her out." Because I know when you say "ask her out," it means that you're asking her to consciously take the relationship to the so-called "next level" and you're going to ask in a direct and political way, to which she will remind you that her boyfriend is an issue, but remind you how "sweet" you are and how she would go out with you "if only it weren't for him," even though when she breaks up with him she'll be in the arms of the next stud, the one she left him for.

YOU have to be that stud.

The foreplay starts when you meet her. You've already begun working on this girl romantically with your ****iness...turn up the sexuality. Little by little. If you're going to "ask her out," just see if she wants to go somewhere with you. If she asks whether you mean a "date," dont' assign a label to it, just smile knowingly. That's HER word. You don't need labels like that. If she brings up her boyfriend, tell her you're not inviting HIM out, you're inviting HER.

Start using more kino in your day-to-day interactions. Move in a little closer and talk a little softer when you speak to her. Look into her eyes more directly. Start ACTING like you're already her boyfriend, little by little, and she'll start SEEING you like that. (which again, you've already started to do with your teasing and such) If she tries to pull any friend-moves on you, just give her a "WTF" grin (you know the one I mean: http://www.lockitupoffroad.com/Clubpics/wtf_cat.jpg only a little more smile to it ).

You're trying to do this "official date" thing so you can play by the rules. You're ALREADY BREAKING the rules by going after some other guy's girlfriend. Either take it all the way or break it.

 

[The TallOne]

I agree with the users above, be careful.

However..

Doc Love has perfectly described this type of situation.

http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_60/63b_relationship_expert.html


He has also mentioned that most women will not leave their current b/f (even if the IL is very low) till they find another suitable one.

Kinda like a monkey won't leave his current branch, till he has grabbed another one.

Just becareful, and read the link above.

Bob

 

[Slickster]

I also figured, if she's interested and I don't ask her out, she'll prolly think I'm not interested. ..

This logic is really warped man. You're worried about losing a chick who isn't yours in the first place.

If she was REALLY interested in you, then her boyfriend would be history. Believe me, she's not that interested.

Keep doing what your doing and stop obsessing over this chick. Focus your attention on other women. Date them and don't keep it a secret either.

If she's really interested then she'll make herself available.

Funny how that works huh?

 

[J2K]

Originally posted by MacDiddy
Girls with BF that still flirt with and use other guys have some undeniable characteristics in their favour.

5-She's only looking for whatever she can't get from her BF and its usually attention. DJ's don't give their GF's much attention and thats what attracts these girls to them.

All these dynamics change if she's not happy in her current relationship.

Why could #5 not be good. I'm not being a little tool and saying, "hey, let me get you this, hey let me do that for you, hey lets have a conversation." The way I look at 5 is in a good way in that I have something her boyfriend doesn't have.

 

[Le Parisien]

Why could #5 not be good. I'm not being a little tool and saying, "hey, let me get you this, hey let me do that for you, hey lets have a conversation." The way I look at 5 is in a good way in that I have something her boyfriend doesn't have.

Well if talking to her, sharing stories with her, keeping her busy and happy is the ONLY thing you are looking then sure go ahead, she and also her boyfriend will be TOO happy.

Come on bro, we are not talking about logic here, I am only talking from experience. There is this British girl I know who is stringing along a Indian AFC who thinks he's smooth... We NEVER EVER get to see the boyfriend, he's NEVER EVER there to hang out or to go out, but we always see the Indian dude with her, and he thinks he's in... She would get so touchy-feely with him all the time, but at the and of the night she goes "hey I'm going home, my boyfriend is waiting, haven't seen him for sometime". And the Indian dude would start talking about sex to compensate his frustration...

You really don't wanna be this guy...

 

[MacDiddy]

J2K - Your missing the point. These points are observation and neither implied good nor bad for us guys. Just good for her. Though you'd be wise to take them under your wing and leverage them to your own advantage.

What I'm trying to state in Point 5 is that her relationship with other guys is different while she has a BF. She may pamper her BF, get him his brewsky, slippers etc and scratch his back if he so ask. He's in control and has her at his beck and call. Why she does this is becoz she's soo attracted to her BF that nothing matters. He's in the zone. When she meets other guys, she's not looking to do all that. She's looking for someone to fulfill her OTHER needs, like friendship, being a good listener, or some lacky AFC that she can boss around and get what she wants. and also whatever her DJ BF doesn't provide.