Another BPD story

[Infern0]

Hi, I just wanted to tell my story and how I ended up on this forum hoping for help.

So I haven't had the best success with women, I mean I had girlfriends before mostly when I was younger like 18-21 but after I got dumped really bad a few years ago I guess I felt sorry for myself and just kind of gave up on girls.

About a year ago I met a girl at work. She talked openly about having depression but she was very good looking and seemed cool. She seemed really interested in me but was very down on herself saying nobody would want her etc. Anyway the first 3 months were great, then she started to act weird, putting me down, flaking on me etc. This lasted about 3 weeks then she told me she hated me and had a new boyfriend. I was upset but trying to move on but then she started to do push pull tactics. I was like an addict wanting her back.

Anyway she got real angry at me over nothing so I went no contact. After about 2 months she started begging me to talk and I did. I thought OK I can stand to be friends (even though she back stabbed me I'm a forgiving person)

She said she was really depressed so I asked if she had been diagnosed with anything and she said that they had said she had BPD traits. A quick Internet search on BPD answered a lot for me and I realised I can sure confirm that diagnosis. She's a full BPD waif.

After being friends for a while, which was tolerable she started to talk about feelings for me still and maybe she made a mistake. I was like a crazy addict thinking I could get her back. She kept me beliving this and telling me she wanted me and wanted to break up with her boyfriend and she loved me.

She eventually broke up with him but then told me she just wants to have fun now and find herself and not be tied down but that I could wait for her.

I said hell no you lead me on all this time and went NC.

What do I do now?

I know I need to stay the hell away but I'm worried if she tries to contact me I'll belive the lies again , this woman is like a hypnotist or something with how easily I fall for her bulls hit.

I know I deserve the hard word BTW I've acted disgracefully and I'm ashamed of it

 

[Infern0]

A bit more about her.

She's got annorexia, had absentee parents, says she was raped young. Lies a lot, both her previous boyfriends had depression after she left them. The guy after me apparently tried to kill himself. I ended up in bad depression and had some kind of breakdown from all the mixed signals

She'd flip from "loving" her friends to hating them over something small then flip back again fast.

Demon in bed

Could be amazing person but then turn around and stab me in the back for no reason.

If I tried to defend myself or call her out she'd either cry, hang up the phone and tell me I was being so mean to her

Other times she just start crying and saying she hates herself and she's a bad person and hurt so many people etc.

If you have any more questions just ask.

 

[Infern0]

You have ONE defence. Absolute No Contact.

Use it - or prepare to get an azz fvcking/mind fvcking like you have never seen.

Brother, I've been in the eye of the storm for 12 months. Belive me I know the sort of corruption they can do to your brain. I have been through the hell fire, nothing I've ever encountered compares to this.

What I'm wanting is tips on how to maintain NC and how to better myself so I don't end up talking myself into "what harm could it do to have low contact"

That's how I bull**** myself before.

 

[Pogba]

Good you recognized , already ahead of her now.
Just go work on yourself and confidence now , next time bolt at the first sign of crazy. You already seen the extreme of what she can do to you ....if YOU allow it.

Here is how I'm handling mine.
I don't initiate contact
Made it clear I'm okay with her dang someone new
When I get her msgs , I just delete it right away ; I don't even read it.
Ignore the phone calls. When I see her in person , I simply put on a nice attitude towards her.
" I will fvck you but you can forget about a relationship with me"
Banged her twice ...but " she has a boyfriend".

These girls not even WOMEN are good for one thing and that's sex , stop making excuses and treat them for what they are. Took some time for me to come over that curb but once it clicked ...I saw through her games.
Take relationships from your vocabulary for a while , just focus on you and find fwb .

 

[BrainDamage92]

To put it this way - if someone's past seems seems more ****ed up than yours you have no business dealing with them.

I was with mine for 2,5 years and her case was much more subtle, in short she gradually tried to cut my balls off, so in the end I walked out on her.

Basically the bright red flags which I ignored were:

- problematic childhood - daughter of criminals, raised as a princess, then later when the father lost the dough it was bad I suppose. Also she and him got abducted, they released her, but they ****ed him up real good, he couldnt move for months - so you have a failed gardian. Then the mother left. Im talking about a criminal family, ****ed up parents, with one half sister and one cousin thrown in the mix.

- Abusive relationships.

- Stringing men alon.

- Wierd eating habits.

- Self mutilation in light form - squeezing on imaginary blisters on her face until the tissue gets badly damaged. She used to do it on me lol and my skin is clean I never had pimples\blisters or anything.

- 2 Tats

etc, etc


See the "majorest" of all the major problems in this dynamic is, knowing what she went through you will always go easy on her, you will avoid difficult conversations and let things slip. Its dysfunctional. You dont want that.


I still fall for damaged girls, its a thing inside yourself, if you was healthy you wouldnt be attracted to them and in reverse, at least nowadays I know I have the tendency to do so, so I run away from possible relationships like the devil.

It comes from the sick belief damaged people are puzzles which you can fix. You cant fix people. Sure peeps with a riddle are intrigueing but you cant fix them. You should work on that tendancy.

But anyway, if the only kinda girl that can stir things up inside of you is the crazy kind I feel you, and I feel bad for you. The rest of them are so dull and boring arent they? I still like to dance around with broken girls, but a relationship? Never. At least if I know the stuff they went through - never, I dont want to go easy on someone like that.

 

[Suspens]

Talk to other girls. You guys can't be FBs. Ignore her and move on.

and if you see her in public a polite "Hi, sorry I gotta run"

:crackup: :crackup:

 

[bigneil]

When a girl makes your hand seem like a good catch, she's the wrong girl.

 

[Soolaimon]

About a year ago I met a girl at work. She talked openly about having depression

then she started to act weird, putting me down, flaking on me etc

Anyway she got real angry at me over nothing

She said she was really depressed so I asked if she had been diagnosed with anything and she said that they had said she had BPD traits.

A quick Internet search on BPD answered a lot for me and I realised I can sure confirm that diagnosis. She's a full BPD waif.

I know I need to stay the hell away but I'm worried if she tries to contact me I'll belive the lies again

I guess everybody here now claims BPD. How hard is it to block her number? Ever think of that?

You guys put yourselves through $hit you don't need to.

You aren't a licensed medical professional so you can't make a diagnosis on an internet search LOL.

Even licensed medical professionals have a hard time making an exact diagnosis.

You guys aren't doctors so leave that to them instead of making false assumptions from an internet search discussing "traits".

Anybody can display "traits" of anything. That doesn't mean that person actually has it.

 

[logicallefty]

These women are only good for sex, as others have said. But you even gotta be careful with that.. You could easily go bust a nut in one of these crazy human being lookalike creatures and think all is well.... Then next thing ya know they turn around and make "rape" and "abuse" accusations because they meet some new guy the next day after they bang you and like him better so now all the sudden you are the bad guy.. If you do hit it with one of these women make sure you got some kind of text evidence of her talking about it and being clear that she wanted it/enjoyed it.

Somebody I know and care a lot about is about ready to ruin his life over one of these women and it makes me sick to watch it play out. Here I am, 41, been with all these crazy women and learned things so harshly.. He is much younger and married to a great wife who treats him like a king. I don't think he has banged this BPD yet but he keeps talking to her via text and at work.. His wife is not pleased and has had about enough.. If the wife treated him like most wives treat husbands these days I wouldn't be AS concerned..But she is great to him and if he keeps this up she will be history; she has told me that. This crazy b|tch from his work he is talking to just oozes INSANITY. I wish I could get it through his thick skull that he is going down a very wrong path but some guys can't think straight when \|/ is in the picture, no matter what kind of head the \|/ is attached to..

 

[Infern0]

I guess everybody here now claims BPD. How hard is it to block her number? Ever think of that?

You guys put yourselves through $hit you don't need to.

You aren't a licensed medical professional so you can't make a diagnosis on an internet search LOL.

Even licensed medical professionals have a hard time making an exact diagnosis.

You guys aren't doctors so leave that to them instead of making false assumptions from an internet search discussing "traits".

Anybody can display "traits" of anything. That doesn't mean that person actually has it.

She TOLD me she was diagnosed by a psych as having borderline traits, which is the standard operating procedure for psychs who hate handing out a bpd diagnosis. I personally witnessed 8 of the 9 traits.

I suggest you read the thread before starting with the "any girl who rejects you must be bpd"

People like you who haven't actually witnessed the full spectrum of a chick cutting up her arms, screaming at you and pulling your hair then curling on a ball screaming I'm sorry just kill me.

I suggest you shut your mouth unless you actually lived this ****ed up hell because you know nothing

Jackass

 

[Soolaimon]

She said she was really depressed so I asked if she had been diagnosed with anything and she said that they had said she had BPD traits. A quick Internet search on BPD answered a lot for me and I realised I can sure confirm that diagnosis. She's a full BPD waif.

She TOLD me she was diagnosed by a psych as having borderline traits, which is the standard operating procedure for psychs who hate handing out a bpd diagnosis. I personally witnessed 8 of the 9 traits.

Now your story changes. You were doing the diagnosing online jackass.

I suggest you read the thread before starting with the "any girl who rejects you must be bpd"

I guess everybody here now claims BPD.

That's not what I said so quit making $hit up.

People like you who haven't actually witnessed the full spectrum of a chick cutting up her arms, screaming at you and pulling your hair then curling on a ball screaming I'm sorry just kill me.

You have no idea what I've witnessed people doing. That's your fault for staying around.

I suggest you shut your mouth unless you actually lived this ****ed up hell because you know nothing

Jackass

Piss off. Reading about BPD traits online doesn't make you an "expert" about BPD waifs. LOL

 

[Pardner]

Don't sweat it, we all make mistakes. I'd cut all contact for good.

 

[Infern0]

[/Color]

Now your story changes. You were doing the diagnosing online jackass.



[/Color]

That's not what I said so quit making $hit up.




You have no idea what I've witnessed people doing. That's your fault for staying around.




Piss off. Reading about BPD traits online doesn't make you an "expert" about BPD waifs. LOL

My story didn't change at all. I said in the initial post that it was her who told me of her partial diagnosis, which when i checked it out she did indeed exhibit 8 of the 9 traits. I don't require any more proof than that. If it looks like a dog and barks like a dog it's not a ****ing cat.

You were doing the typical "she probably wasn't borderline" response that some numbskull smartass always posts in every BPD thread.

Just because I didn't go into the full list of incidents, I spent 6 months living with this person and spoke to multiple professionals on the subject so I think I'm on a better position to judge.

Now you got shown up you are trying to nitpick, which you then realised won't work so you switch to "it was your fault for staying" ....well yeah, kinda the point of this thread. So you fail. Again.

A quick peruse of your post history shows argument after insult after troll attempt, perhaps you are BPD yourself. Either way I'm done with conversing with you.

Now I suggest you don't show yourself up any further. Pipe down.

 

[Twodogs]

Hey Inferno,
It's a familiar story you tell. I found this forum and another (I'm sure you know which) almost exactly a year ago after waving goodbye to a waif.
3 months of too good to be true romance and the best sex ever!
There were red flags that I noted long the way, little lies and things that didn't add up. Then the clingyness, flakiness and coldness began. Very confusing for anyone whose not dealt with a Bpd. I'm not going into it all again because you know how it goes.
Mine had left a string of fvcked up dudes in her wake, one of which tried to top himself. She told me about this while explaining all the terrible things SHE had been through, lol.
Any way, I worked it out. She was always telling me how "terrified she was of abandonment", when I did a search on this phrase bpd came up and it all became clear.
I'm not going to tell you what you should do but what I did and it worked for me was deleting everything, photos, messages, her phone no, blocked on fb etc.
Then went to work on myself because after weeks of research I realised I had some codependent sh1t going on.
I read "no more mr nice guy", had a few sessions with a psychologist and spoke about it with friends. Most friends were good to bounce things off but like some on here really had no clue about what they can be like.
The hardest for me was overcoming the guilt of walking away from someone who was just so screwed up. But at the end of the day we are each responsible for our own happiness.
So after many weeks of research, processing and self reflection I started hitting the gym and dipped my toe into dating again with my eyes wide open and a whole new attitude.
I've now got a great new girl. I've spoken to her about the bdp and how she was cut out of my life, it was a good way to subtly let her know I won't take an ounce of sh1t anymore. I've made it totally clear I won't be with a women who doesn't compliment my life.
I suggest reading up around here, kicking her to the back of your mind and getting back out there with some new interests ASAP.
Best of luck!

 

[mikey2012]

Run....and don't look back.

 

[KingBeef]

Hi, I just wanted to tell my story and how I ended up on this forum hoping for help.

So I haven't had the best success with women, I mean I had girlfriends before mostly when I was younger like 18-21 but after I got dumped really bad a few years ago I guess I felt sorry for myself and just kind of gave up on girls.

About a year ago I met a girl at work. She talked openly about having depression but she was very good looking and seemed cool. She seemed really interested in me but was very down on herself saying nobody would want her etc. Anyway the first 3 months were great, then she started to act weird, putting me down, flaking on me etc. This lasted about 3 weeks then she told me she hated me and had a new boyfriend. I was upset but trying to move on but then she started to do push pull tactics. I was like an addict wanting her back.

Anyway she got real angry at me over nothing so I went no contact. After about 2 months she started begging me to talk and I did. I thought OK I can stand to be friends (even though she back stabbed me I'm a forgiving person)

She said she was really depressed so I asked if she had been diagnosed with anything and she said that they had said she had BPD traits. A quick Internet search on BPD answered a lot for me and I realised I can sure confirm that diagnosis. She's a full BPD waif.

After being friends for a while, which was tolerable she started to talk about feelings for me still and maybe she made a mistake. I was like a crazy addict thinking I could get her back. She kept me beliving this and telling me she wanted me and wanted to break up with her boyfriend and she loved me.

She eventually broke up with him but then told me she just wants to have fun now and find herself and not be tied down but that I could wait for her.

I said hell no you lead me on all this time and went NC.

What do I do now?

I know I need to stay the hell away but I'm worried if she tries to contact me I'll belive the lies again , this woman is like a hypnotist or something with how easily I fall for her bulls hit.

I know I deserve the hard word BTW I've acted disgracefully and I'm ashamed of it

Do you value your life??? RUN

 

[crgideon]

Jesus sounds word for word like my Ex, listen to Mauser the man is a genius.

 

[Infern0]

It's an insideous process, I mean to be honest I need to shoulder blame for my part in all of this, especially ignoring early red flags but to be honest I had no prior knowledge of this. I looked at her and I knew she had "depression" but she was legit 9/10 and seemed like such an awesome person.

She was clingy but I didn't care because I had such a good time with her.

Almost 6 months of great times and then bam, flakiness, weird **** starting up. I love how people say they'd do this and that but it hits you so out of left field. And when you do say OK enough is enough and try and walk they assault your emotions and go back to being good again for a while.

It's confusing and does your head in.

 

[Infern0]

It's also easy for guys who grew up with a normal parents and family to look down and sneer upon guys who had ****ed up parenting and developed codependency as being weak "betas"

I never even knew I had this problem and I used to wonder why I couldn't get a girl I was interested in until bpd.

People used to say to me "how are you single, you got the looks, you got the height, you got the brains, you got the personality " I didn't understand it myself until a psych pointed out I was extremely codependent and had people pleaser syndrome.

Guys like me have to start from scratch and remove a whole lifetime of false beliefs and rules.

Still I'm glad I know now

 

[copperfox]

Hey Infern0, nice to see you over here. Recognize your username from elsewhere. Don't post on this board much (used to a little under a different username), but occasionally come read, mostly hang out on red pill forums elsewhere.

Like Mauser said though, a natural progression. If nothing else, this will be a valuable life lesson, a valuable but painful gift.