What's up!
I've been trying to build my confidence up in large groups of people. I.e. just speaking out in agroup in general. Last weekend I created a BAD impression with these three girls (They're only 16). We (me and my three friends) met up with them for coffee. I was feeling very depressed that night and wasn't really in a good mood. But I thought, "what the heck, I'll go with."
Well, they're 16 and horny. They start asking all these questions "Do you have a girlfriend? Are you still a virgin?etc". These caught me off gaurd and I couldn't really answer them properly. So the conversation moves on, but I don't say much and then I get asked "Why are you so quiet?" (Shy people HATE that question). I just say "I don't know." Well, after that I just felt CR@P.
The rest of the night I say NOTHING. For like two hours. I sit and look miserable, while my friends chat them up. Could you imagine a worse first-impression?
Well, Thursday night we go for coffee again. I'm in a better mood and make sure I'm smiling and making my friend next to me laugh. Not saying much to the group. I make one or two comments that EVERYONE can hear (shy ppl hate that too
). NOt funny. Just comments. I leave it at that. The girls tease me about how quiet I was, etc. But I brush it off.
Last night, we go out for coffee again. This time I was LOUD. If I spoke to someone across the table I made sure they could hear me. I used a lot of C&F and had everyone at the table laughing (including my 20-21 year old friends - I've always dreamed of this and now I've done it!). It was great. In fact the one girl said, "You know what Santos, you're actually very funny - when you open your mouth"
I made sure I behaved EXACTLY opposite to the first night they met me. I wanted to REVERSE the first-impression. It worked. Last week I felt weak and pathetic. Now I feel strong and in control. Those chicks can no longer embaress me, I have the upper hand. They like me a lot more now! They thought I was some shy dude (I was!) and now I'm outgoing!
I probablly wouldn't go out with them (too young) but the point is I challenged my fear of speaking in a group, once again.
It all comes down to my mindset. After creating such a bad first impression, I knew I couldn't MESS UP. There was pretty much NOTHING I could do that would make them think less of me than they already did. I had nothing to lose. If I spoke up in the group and looked like a fool, it didn't matter. I wouldn't be any worse off.
You see, when you're changing your shyness and becoming more outspoken. People will notice. They will comment on it. Some people will even try to "put you back in your place" by insulting or teasing you. You may even make a fool of yourself sometimes. But you have to learn to shrug it off, otherwise you will NEVER change.
When I knew I was going to see those chicks again - I told myself that they no longer mattered to me. I didn't care what they thought. They're just for practice. I'd never go out with them - they're too young and I'd created a BAD IMPRESSION already! I also realised that even if they teased me about my "first impression", I didn't HAVE to let it get to me. I had a choice about what went on in my head.
No matter how much a person teases you or insults you - they will only win if you let them get into your MIND. To beat shyness and be more confident, your mind must be strong. Don't let things get you down, try not to think to much about what you're doing. Try to think of yourself as being BETTER than the people you are meeting. They're opinion of you doesn't matter. This is about your HAPPINESS. Although you will make a fool of yourself sometimes, you will ULTIMATELY succeed. Keep your mind strong.
Santos
I've been trying to build my confidence up in large groups of people. I.e. just speaking out in agroup in general. Last weekend I created a BAD impression with these three girls (They're only 16). We (me and my three friends) met up with them for coffee. I was feeling very depressed that night and wasn't really in a good mood. But I thought, "what the heck, I'll go with."
Well, they're 16 and horny. They start asking all these questions "Do you have a girlfriend? Are you still a virgin?etc". These caught me off gaurd and I couldn't really answer them properly. So the conversation moves on, but I don't say much and then I get asked "Why are you so quiet?" (Shy people HATE that question). I just say "I don't know." Well, after that I just felt CR@P.
The rest of the night I say NOTHING. For like two hours. I sit and look miserable, while my friends chat them up. Could you imagine a worse first-impression?
Well, Thursday night we go for coffee again. I'm in a better mood and make sure I'm smiling and making my friend next to me laugh. Not saying much to the group. I make one or two comments that EVERYONE can hear (shy ppl hate that too
). NOt funny. Just comments. I leave it at that. The girls tease me about how quiet I was, etc. But I brush it off.Last night, we go out for coffee again. This time I was LOUD.
If I spoke to someone across the table I made sure they could hear me. I used a lot of C&F and had everyone at the table laughing (including my 20-21 year old friends - I've always dreamed of this and now I've done it!). It was great. In fact the one girl said, "You know what Santos, you're actually very funny - when you open your mouth" I made sure I behaved EXACTLY opposite to the first night they met me. I wanted to REVERSE the first-impression. It worked. Last week I felt weak and pathetic. Now I feel strong and in control. Those chicks can no longer embaress me, I have the upper hand. They like me a lot more now! They thought I was some shy dude (I was!
) and now I'm outgoing!I probablly wouldn't go out with them (too young) but the point is I challenged my fear of speaking in a group, once again.
It all comes down to my mindset. After creating such a bad first impression, I knew I couldn't MESS UP. There was pretty much NOTHING I could do that would make them think less of me than they already did. I had nothing to lose. If I spoke up in the group and looked like a fool, it didn't matter. I wouldn't be any worse off.
You see, when you're changing your shyness and becoming more outspoken. People will notice. They will comment on it. Some people will even try to "put you back in your place" by insulting or teasing you. You may even make a fool of yourself sometimes. But you have to learn to shrug it off, otherwise you will NEVER change.
When I knew I was going to see those chicks again - I told myself that they no longer mattered to me. I didn't care what they thought. They're just for practice. I'd never go out with them - they're too young and I'd created a BAD IMPRESSION already! I also realised that even if they teased me about my "first impression", I didn't HAVE to let it get to me. I had a choice about what went on in my head.
No matter how much a person teases you or insults you - they will only win if you let them get into your MIND. To beat shyness and be more confident, your mind must be strong. Don't let things get you down, try not to think to much about what you're doing. Try to think of yourself as being BETTER than the people you are meeting. They're opinion of you doesn't matter. This is about your HAPPINESS. Although you will make a fool of yourself sometimes, you will ULTIMATELY succeed. Keep your mind strong.
Santos