Two doctors arrived almost immediately, a male attending and a female resident. They questioned me, poked my abdomen, etc, when the male doctor asked me to roll onto my side:
Tucker "Roll on my side? What for?"
Doctor "I need to check your prostate."
Tucker "WHAT?????? WITH YOUR HAND??
Doctor "Yes."
Tucker "IN MY BUTT??"
Doctor "I have to, you may have serious colon or prostate problems, and the only way to check those is by hand."
Tucker "Well this is just ****ING GREAT."
As he put on a rubber glove, the female resident was snickering at my comments, even though I was not finding them very funny at the moment. He turned to her and pointed for her to go on the outside of the curtain. I interrupt:
Tucker "Actually, doctor, can she do it? If I'm going to have fingers up my ass, I'd rather have them be female. You know--they're smaller, more petite...you know...less gay.
He was completely taken aback at this request. The shock was evident on his face, and for a second I even thought he would agree to it,
Doctor "No. Sorry.
Tucker Well, she can stay anyway. **** it. Might as well invite everyone to my party."
I didn't need this. I really didn't ****ing need this. I couldn't stop thinking, especially as he wiggled two fingers into my anal cavity and pressed them against my prostate, about how I'll have to change the part in The Most Disturbing Conversation Ever story about my anal virginity.
