There's this girl i have being talking too that's confussin me. My friends say she likes me, her friends act like she likes me, she has talked about me to her sister,etc. But i don't get the feeling she is feeling me. Normally i wouldn't care and act the same way anyway, but she is giving un usual signs. For example, when a girl acts like she don't like a dude, she acts up and tries to test you. With her is the apposite, she is extreamly calm. When i talk to her, she dosen't look at me. It isn't with an attidute, It's like if she is uncomfortable but border line annoyed. I was walking her to her house and made it to the door, then we went to the pizza shop and she started talking more. When i came back i saw her sister and she was the same with the little eye contact. I make fun of her and she dosen't react the way other girls who look that good react. I kissed her in her ear (the type that hurts) and she just took with out getting angry the way i wanted. She acts shy but it can also be uninterested. since i met her she has acted like this all but once, even when she gave me her #. Also she thinks im a liar. To her credit i haven't come at her strong and routinely talk to other people more then her when we are in a group. I asked her out this friday and she said "i'll think about it", after that i dropped the subject. Also she says i ask 2 many questions and that i bother alot, but something about it gets me unaffected. I only want help from those who know what they are talking about, im not a rookie and would only ignore obvious stupid advice.
analyze this
- Thread starter *******
- Start date
spider_007
Master Don Juan
Yap something is not right, She's got some problems. I'd say some selfesteem problems, but I guess you would kinda noticed that. I agree with Wyldfire, there is something going on, on a lot deeper level.
Mortukai
Don Juan
Not that it means much, but I have a degree in Psychology (me and everyone else). I'm only saying that so you know I'm not completely full of sh!t.
I'd agree with Wyldfire. I'd say there's an extremely strong chance of abuse. It's possible it's her father abusing them (it'd be the whole family, not just the mother), but from what you described my gut is telling me it's more likely that both the father and the mother are abusive. Possibly physically, but more likely mentally and emotionally as well. If I had to guess, I'd envision the mother screaming at her daughters about how all men are evil liars who just want to rape them and beat them, and the father enforcing what the mother says physically. I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised if there was sexual abuse involved as well, from either parent, or statistically more likely, from the father while the mother looks the other way and attacks the child if they ever try to bring it up.
If you don't mind me asking a few questions:
-Does this girl nearly always wear clothes that cover her most of her body? This could be because of visible bruises, or because she's not allowed to show skin in case it provokes men into raping her.
-Does she lie often about silly little things that make no sense to lie about?
-Does she ever dodge questions (like ignore them, respond with a humorous distraction, cut you off and ask you a question instead, etc)?
-Does she readily take the blame for things even when it's obvious that it's not her fault? (or along the same lines, does she say "I'm sorry" alot?)
-Is she afraid of touching other people or looking them in the eye (you mentioned this about you, but does she do the same with other guys and maybe even girls too)?
If the answer to any of those questions was "yes", then combined with what you've described, I'd be very inclined to think that there is very serious domestic abuse. Do not get involved. Notify the authorities or any counsellors you can find and impress upon them the severity of the situation, then walk away. Make sure you ask to remain anonymous. This girl WILL HATE YOU if she finds out that you told anyone or were even remotely responsible for getting the authorities involved. But trust me, you do not want anything more to do with her, no matter how hot she is, so if you can't bring yourself to do the right thing and notify someone, then at least get the hell out of there and never look back.
You cannot help her except by taking the steps necessary to ensure that the whole situation is dealt with, and that will require the police and years of therapy for all the children.
I'd agree with Wyldfire. I'd say there's an extremely strong chance of abuse. It's possible it's her father abusing them (it'd be the whole family, not just the mother), but from what you described my gut is telling me it's more likely that both the father and the mother are abusive. Possibly physically, but more likely mentally and emotionally as well. If I had to guess, I'd envision the mother screaming at her daughters about how all men are evil liars who just want to rape them and beat them, and the father enforcing what the mother says physically. I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised if there was sexual abuse involved as well, from either parent, or statistically more likely, from the father while the mother looks the other way and attacks the child if they ever try to bring it up.
If you don't mind me asking a few questions:
-Does this girl nearly always wear clothes that cover her most of her body? This could be because of visible bruises, or because she's not allowed to show skin in case it provokes men into raping her.
-Does she lie often about silly little things that make no sense to lie about?
-Does she ever dodge questions (like ignore them, respond with a humorous distraction, cut you off and ask you a question instead, etc)?
-Does she readily take the blame for things even when it's obvious that it's not her fault? (or along the same lines, does she say "I'm sorry" alot?)
-Is she afraid of touching other people or looking them in the eye (you mentioned this about you, but does she do the same with other guys and maybe even girls too)?
If the answer to any of those questions was "yes", then combined with what you've described, I'd be very inclined to think that there is very serious domestic abuse. Do not get involved. Notify the authorities or any counsellors you can find and impress upon them the severity of the situation, then walk away. Make sure you ask to remain anonymous. This girl WILL HATE YOU if she finds out that you told anyone or were even remotely responsible for getting the authorities involved. But trust me, you do not want anything more to do with her, no matter how hot she is, so if you can't bring yourself to do the right thing and notify someone, then at least get the hell out of there and never look back.
You cannot help her except by taking the steps necessary to ensure that the whole situation is dealt with, and that will require the police and years of therapy for all the children.
lMAO
WTF?
All of you over reacted.
Domestic abuse? u joking right.
About her clothes, she dresses tight
and everything is fresh. Spring just started in
nyc (its like 55 C outside) so she ain't supposse to sho skin. She does dress tight thought.
I would know if she is abused or some**** like that
cuz she would act weird in a psycho way. She has a lot of friends and
go to parties so i don't see how the abuse argument holds
up. Her mom is a babysitter btw. There's no reason to belive
she's sexually abuse, expecially since we're going out this friday.
If she was abused she would be too concious and ****.
Mortukai, i responded no to all those questions. She makes eye contact with other people and talks to other guys.
WTF?
All of you over reacted.
Domestic abuse? u joking right.
About her clothes, she dresses tight
and everything is fresh. Spring just started in
nyc (its like 55 C outside) so she ain't supposse to sho skin. She does dress tight thought.
I would know if she is abused or some**** like that
cuz she would act weird in a psycho way. She has a lot of friends and
go to parties so i don't see how the abuse argument holds
up. Her mom is a babysitter btw. There's no reason to belive
she's sexually abuse, expecially since we're going out this friday.
If she was abused she would be too concious and ****.
Mortukai, i responded no to all those questions. She makes eye contact with other people and talks to other guys.
Mortukai
Don Juan
I'm not familiar with the term "tight". Does that mean like cool or something? At any rate, what she wears is only one possible symptom, and only in the most severe cases.
Actually, chances are you wouldn't know if she was abused. I should know, I come from a VERY messed up family (involving rape, attempted murder, tons of very severe physical violence, etc), and when I let people know they are VERY surprised and horrified. I have a 17 yr old sister and no-one would suspect a thing from looking at her (tons of friends, very social and loves to party alot, etc). And not only my own family, but also other families I've known. When I was 15 I dated a girl for eight months and never knew she was being beaten regularly by her father until I found some bruises and kept pressing her about it. But again, you wouldn't know it to look at her and she was very clever about wearing the latest fashions without showing her bruises (covering the right parts of their bodies becomes just as important as wearing clothes that don't make them look fat or clash with their make-up).
Thing is, people from abusive families tend to learn how to blend in with society because conformity and adjusting to other people becomes a survival mechanism. They are the greatest social chameleons you'll ever meet.
The only exceptions to this are where their feelings are strong for someone, because this highlights and amplifies their ingrained sense of distrust and worthlessness. It also magnifies their fear of someone finding out. Guys become aggresive and push girls away when they get too close, girls become shy and retreat. But so long as they don't have strong emotions for someone, you'd never fvcking know unless you knew exactly what to look for.
You'd be surprised and horrified to know that this doesn't matter at all. When people think of abuse, they think it only happens in trailor trash families with chain-smoking mothers and drunken unemployed fathers. They assume that because someone dresses normal and has a normal house and everything appears completely normal, that there's nothing sinister happening, because that only happens in the stereotyped redneck families. This is simply flat out wrong. Domestic abuse (in all its forms) can be found in all levels of society, and there is a huge stigma around admitting it.
Ok cool. Those questions really only pertain to the most extreme cases though, so just because you answered no, doesn't mean that there's nothing going on.
Now, obviously, I've never met this girl, nor you, nor seen how she acts around you or other people, so I'm only going by what you are telling me. Maybe there is no abuse, maybe she simply has some irrational phobia about being intimate with you. But to my eyes, it looks like there's something that she is hiding and is afraid you'll find out if she gets too close to you. It just adds up in my mind from my knowledge and experience and from what you've said in both posts. It might not be "extreme", and it might not be happening at all, but my gut tells me something is wrong, and domestic abuse fits the symptoms.
Don't let your attraction to her blind your perception of her behaviour.
This dude asked for help from those who know what they're talking about and he just blows Mortukai's deductions away. Seems like he's not really looking for the answers but asking for assurances.
Mortukai has posted relevant points that should be taken into consideration.
Mortukai, would it be a good decision for asterix dude to just ask the girl out of the blue if she's being abused? Just so that at least he knows. Would a person who isn't being abused be offended by someone asking them this sort of question?
Mortukai has posted relevant points that should be taken into consideration.
Mortukai, would it be a good decision for asterix dude to just ask the girl out of the blue if she's being abused? Just so that at least he knows. Would a person who isn't being abused be offended by someone asking them this sort of question?
I jus got off the phone with her. Her mom picked up and i asked to talk to her. She put the girl on and we talked, nothing weird. THe family was watching T.V and just talking and laughing. i think she is just a little shy around me (around other people she's cool), you're over reacting espeacially since she talks more now. N E ways after the date 2morrow i'll know for sure. If she really is what you said i'll know.
Mortukai
Don Juan
Do you really think that people in abusive households don't talk and laugh and watch TV? Do you really think they act all strange and creepy when other people interact with them? Do you expect them to have a big neon sign on the front of their house saying "We abuse our children"?
Hmm?
At any rate, you'll only ever see what you want to see. There's nothing anyone can do about that. Maybe her family is completely normal and brady bunch, and maybe she's just fvcked up shy around you for absolutely no reason and doesn't react to you like a normal person would for absolutely no reason and doesn't trust you for absolutely no reason and her sister is exactly the same for absolutely no reason.
And maybe I'm the Easter Bunny.
Whatever.
Best of luck and all, I hope I'm wrong and you're right and everything is roses and lollipops.
-If she HAS been abused:
---She might retreat big time and cut you off.
---She might respond with fear and dread that she has been discovered (most abused children blame themselves deep down).
---She might respond with anger, feign being insulted that you would think that, and then cut you off.
---She might feign incredulity and dismiss your concerns out of hand and then get angry if you persist.
If she HASN"T been abused:
---She might become worried about why you would think that ("what am I doing wrong to give that impression?")
---She might be insulted.
---She might laugh at how you came to such an erroneous conclusion (and see you as pathetic for wanting to "save her" even if you never imply this).
Of course, any girl might respond in some other way or a mixture of any of those, but at any rate, in general, whether they are abused or not, if you asked them flat out, and they didn't trust you 100%, they would likely try their best to convey some response which makes it look as if the truth is that they haven't been abused.
So in a word, no. I wouldn't recommend asking anyone that question unless you're sure that they trust and respect you and they know you trust and respect them. This is why being a counsellor is a paid profession, because if anybody could just ask people about the problems in their lives, psychology would never have been invented.
Hmm?
At any rate, you'll only ever see what you want to see. There's nothing anyone can do about that. Maybe her family is completely normal and brady bunch, and maybe she's just fvcked up shy around you for absolutely no reason and doesn't react to you like a normal person would for absolutely no reason and doesn't trust you for absolutely no reason and her sister is exactly the same for absolutely no reason.
And maybe I'm the Easter Bunny.
Whatever.
Best of luck and all, I hope I'm wrong and you're right and everything is roses and lollipops.
I wouldn't recommend it. If you ask someone, especially a girl, if they have been abused, there are a few possible outcomes.
-If she HAS been abused:
---She might retreat big time and cut you off.
---She might respond with fear and dread that she has been discovered (most abused children blame themselves deep down).
---She might respond with anger, feign being insulted that you would think that, and then cut you off.
---She might feign incredulity and dismiss your concerns out of hand and then get angry if you persist.
If she HASN"T been abused:
---She might become worried about why you would think that ("what am I doing wrong to give that impression?")
---She might be insulted.
---She might laugh at how you came to such an erroneous conclusion (and see you as pathetic for wanting to "save her" even if you never imply this).
Of course, any girl might respond in some other way or a mixture of any of those, but at any rate, in general, whether they are abused or not, if you asked them flat out, and they didn't trust you 100%, they would likely try their best to convey some response which makes it look as if the truth is that they haven't been abused.
So in a word, no. I wouldn't recommend asking anyone that question unless you're sure that they trust and respect you and they know you trust and respect them. This is why being a counsellor is a paid profession, because if anybody could just ask people about the problems in their lives, psychology would never have been invented.
If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.
Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.
This will quickly drive all women away from you.
And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.
Well this is the date summary.
On the way to the movies we talked, and told some stories.
I had her almost crying like 5 times, she would just wipe her eyes in anticipation of the tears. after we got to the theater we hanged around and talked some more this time i made fun of her dodging my moves. Her body language was negative but she was acting real positive. When we made it 2 the movie, they didn't sell R rated tickets to us so i told her i'll handle it and got a stranger to buy it for me. she was curious about what i said n looked in owe. We saw the movie and i made no moves, mainly because of her past body language. after the movies i go for the kiss and she never opens her mouth so i only get a tap. I do it it again and she dosen't move her head up so i do her ear and she backs that away.we are out side and i ask why she's acting like this she says some bull **** and that "YOU DIDN"T DO ANYTHING" this surprise me because she didn't let me do anything. so i asked if she just wants to play little stupid games or get real, she dodged a bit and said she wanna get real. She did mentioned her mother in a negative way and didn't go into detail. But don't get your panties wet, because it was the same old she dosen't understand me sh!t. more like a oedipal (sp) thing then some psycho ****. But anyways, i still think you are wrong but not completly. BTW she thinks im a liar because i played around lying about my Bday and age. Im still in owe of how you can psycho analyze a chick of being abused from a story when the real thing takes years to do. But, if you are right I will be posting on how you are the next prophet.
On the way to the movies we talked, and told some stories.
I had her almost crying like 5 times, she would just wipe her eyes in anticipation of the tears. after we got to the theater we hanged around and talked some more this time i made fun of her dodging my moves. Her body language was negative but she was acting real positive. When we made it 2 the movie, they didn't sell R rated tickets to us so i told her i'll handle it and got a stranger to buy it for me. she was curious about what i said n looked in owe. We saw the movie and i made no moves, mainly because of her past body language. after the movies i go for the kiss and she never opens her mouth so i only get a tap. I do it it again and she dosen't move her head up so i do her ear and she backs that away.we are out side and i ask why she's acting like this she says some bull **** and that "YOU DIDN"T DO ANYTHING" this surprise me because she didn't let me do anything. so i asked if she just wants to play little stupid games or get real, she dodged a bit and said she wanna get real. She did mentioned her mother in a negative way and didn't go into detail. But don't get your panties wet, because it was the same old she dosen't understand me sh!t. more like a oedipal (sp) thing then some psycho ****. But anyways, i still think you are wrong but not completly. BTW she thinks im a liar because i played around lying about my Bday and age. Im still in owe of how you can psycho analyze a chick of being abused from a story when the real thing takes years to do. But, if you are right I will be posting on how you are the next prophet.