Analyze this: Argument with girlfriend, how to save frame?

[crashdietguy]

Hey guys.

So I was on MSN with my GF, and she was very short and cold which is not like her. I wouldn't take my own GF being cold to me without reason. This is how the short convo ended:

GF: I said I'm sorry for being cold

ME: Yeah but I don't understand why you're cold. I'm gonna rest now, I hope you're in a better mood tomorrow! Good night gorgeous, kisses&hugs!

Immediately after she sends me a text and apologizes. This is the text conversation in full:

GF: *My name* I told you I'm sorry, I wanted to talk to you! I couldn't answer before you logged out! I didn't mean to be cold, I didn't think about it, but if you don't wanna talk to me, sure.

ME: I don't wanna talk to someone's who's cold towards me, and usually you aren't like that.

GF: But I said I'm sorry! I don't know why I was cold! I didn't even think about it! It wasn't anything about you!

ME: Listen to me, if you had a bad day that's okey, everyone has one and you're forgiven baby But don't be cold towards me, I don't dig that. Did anything happen today that got you in a bad mood?

GF: I can't stop crying *my name*!

ME: Why are you crying? I wanna hold you

GF: I want you to hold me! Because you made me sad and upset, I didn't mean to be cold towards you, I fell asleep 2 AM last night so I'm very tired. So when you said you didn't wanna talk to me and told me I was cold when I wrote made me very sad. That's why I can't stop crying.

ME: Then I understand. I'm sorry I made you upset, I didn't mean that baby. I really wanna hold you now! Why did you fall asleep so late last night?

GF: It's okey babe I thought you were upset with me last night because you never wrote "kisses" to me despite that I did on both MSN and SMS. I think it's because you aren't here and holding me in your arms, when you do that I feel much safer and I sleep easy then I really wish you were here now. *Here I realize that my GF is an extreme overthinker*

ME: Naw! You're gonna sleep easily and comfortably tomorrow then. The time is 22.22 and you're in my thoughts

GF: I'm sure I will. You're in my thoughts too!

ME: Good night gorgeous, I hope you can sleep tonight, otherwise you'll have to hug the covers hard and pretend it's me I'm gonna give you a rib knacking hug tomorrow. Kisses&Hugs

GF: Good night and sleep tight, handsome I'll try to sleep, I hope you're well tomorrow! kisses&hugs

I feel like I acted like a huge AFC... How should I have responded and can I save my frame after this argument? I'm seeing her tomorrow and will celebrate New Year's Eve with her.

Info: We've been exclusive for just over 6 months and she's a caring and wonderful GF 99 % of the time. She had no reason to be cold on MSN today, she's always bubbly and cheery when we text chat, with lots of emoticons.

 

[terran2k]

funny how she had you apologizing for making her upset midway thru your little fiasco there.
she never really answered you why she fell asleep so late either.
you kinda supported her behavior, next time just leave and dont argue.
oh yeah, dont bother bringing it up when you see her, just let it go and continue as normal.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Man why are you having an argument like this via text?

Why didn't you just call her??

 

[betheman]

funny how she had you apologizing for making her upset midway thru your little fiasco there.
she never really answered you why she fell asleep so late either.
you kinda supported her behavior, next time just leave and dont argue.
oh yeah, dont bother bringing it up when you see her, just let it go and continue as normal.

completely played ! got him aplologising....Brilliant! "Because you made me sad and upset"???????

expect more of the same! distance yourself from it, DONT have these convos on msn, text or e mail, she will throw the " i didnt mean it like that, text is so one dimensional and leaves room for misinterpretation (which of course it does, to be used for her defence) " line!

 

[runner83]

Exclusive for 6 months?

Even after that time, to me the amount of texting still seemed like way too much.

Also, why are you chatting to her on MSN, instead of in person?

When you aren't with her, I would recommend cutting out on all that sort of stuff (e.g. anything electronic, MSN, facebook etc), apart from the occasional text, since it will make her wonder what you're up to.

Whereas now, chatting to her and texting her so much, she knows (if only subconsciously) that she has you right where she wants you...under control.

As for your messages, she acted cold and you basically told her (via a whole series of convulated text messages) that you had so low self-respect that you put up with sh*t like that?

Next time, stand up for yourself. Don't be rude, but if she is acting cold, get out of the conversation as soon as reasonably possible.

AND STOP CHATTING TO HER ON MSN AND KEEP TEXTS SIMPLE AND SHORT. ANYTHING THAT IS A CONVERSATION, DO IT IN A CONVERSATION.

 

[Myrrdin]

From past experience:

1. Stop IM-ing your girlfriend. I mean it!! Use phone to talk, not text. If you want to IM only use it in a LDR (which should not happen in the first place)

2. You gave in. Lost frame. Don't do that again and you should be fine.

3. Lose the emoticons

 

[Diaforetikos]

Why did you turn a small situation into a big deal? You gave value to the situation. You chose not to let it go. Then you made it worse by apologizing to her even though she was the one who caused the problem.

Be a bigger man next time and drop it if she apologizes. It wasn't even something to argue about.

 

[x86]

Why did you turn a small situation into a big deal? You gave value to the situation. You chose not to let it go. Then you made it worse by apologizing to her even though she was the one who caused the problem.

Be a bigger man next time and drop it if she apologizes. It wasn't even something to argue about.

100% agreed. You acted controlling there in a non-dominate way.

I try to keep texting light, short, and fun. If you are having seriously bad day (not OMG my hair is ugly but something real like someone I know died) phoning is the way to go because you wont feel better through text compared to phoning.

Yeah you acted like a bit of an AFC but if you are usually a DJ it is not even worth worrying about least you get stuck in your head.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I wouldn't take my own GF being cold to me without reason.


Reason! That is hilarious!

There does not exist this reason thing of which you refer. There is only her behavior. If she wants to be an emotional wreck sometimes, then let her. Standing in the way of that is like arguing with the weather.

 

[Jblitz59]

just getting this straight.

she is sad that you didn't reply with kisses.... so you apologize about making her upset?


I say she just manipulated you into saying sorry for something so little..