An Introduction

[esoteric]

I’m esoteric. Currently, I am a person of great ideas and little action. I am a reader, a teacher, a writer, a musician, a fitness enthusiast, a sexual explorer, a lover of women, a connoisseur of the arts, a socialite, a philosopher, and an aspiring businessman.

Unfortunately, I am a big thinker in all of these areas – my thoughts are deep and wide-ranging – but my actions add up to much less than they should. My reading is not integrated into my living, I teach at half the level I’m capable, I write sporadically, play the guitar when I “get the chance,” see the gym occasionally, interact with and bed women at the change of each presidential administration, venture into the world of the arts in limited ways, have a pathetic social life, stop my thoughts short of true wisdom, and have never started a business.

I am a hypocrite.

I am also a lover of life. I seek to change all of this.

Mainly, I want to improve myself, and to control my interactions with women so that I can seduce them and take my pick of the litter.

I am just like many of you.

The time for me to take action is now. I’m not getting any younger. I want to interact with this community; learn from it; report to it.

I do not hate women or resent them for my lack of success with them. I seek a loving relationship. At the same time, I hold no pretenses that women are goddesses to be placed onto a pedestal. They are to be approached with the fact in mind that they are creatures of emotion and unbridled passion. Trust is to be given slowly and carefully. Viewing any one woman as “the one,” is anathema to my growth as a man until she has passed all of my tests.

I’ve learned at least this much by reading around on these boards for the past few months. I’m ready to step forward.

I look forward to interacting with you all, and hope that I have something to offer those who are here. Make no bones about it, I am an AFC. But I have plans to change all of that, and you all are part of that plan.

Any words of wisdom for a guy who’s shedding his life of inaction for one of adventure?

 

[WestCoaster]

Reply

Good introduction.

My only advice is to shed your thinking patterns and unlearn everything you were taught about women. You -- like me -- are a thinker, and if you're anything like me, you've overthought women, love, and relationships.

Like you, I enjoy reading, writing, and intellectual pursuits. That said, it will kill you in love (there's even an article here on why smart guys don't get women).

First you need to play the numbers game: See how many different women you can date. Just read this board: few are doing it. They're either desparately hanging on to someone who isn't very good, or hanging on to an ex-girlfriend who is even worse. They have oneitis.

Adopt a more Zen-like attitude (there I go thinking again) and let go of things. Don't obsess, and remember that analysis brings on paralysis.

Women will shut you down, when they do, walk away. Women will play head games with you: Don't think about why they're doing that, move on.

Try to date up a storm, have a sense of detachment and let life flow.

That's my preaching ... I don't always practice it, it's easier said than done. But the second you start obsessing, over-thinking, analyzing, and so forth, you're doomed.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Sounds like you have a lot of knowledge however you just don't "know." Taking the time to learn anything without putting it to use is just a waste of time. Even if you teach someone it's still a waste of your because they could have easily read the same books as you on their own.

Ask yourself if you have a fear of going out and attempting to use what you know without any (immediate) success. What would that mean to you? Isn't it a lot safer to have all the knowledge without having to put it to the test?

 

[esoteric]

Yes, it's a problem being "all up inside your head." It's not a good thing.

I often feel like I'm not actually participating in the activities that are around me, but instead, that I'm watching them from afar; observing them. It's like the world is a play, and I'm sitting in the audience watching; analyzing things and making sense of them.

I attribute some of this to my nature. I have always been somewhat bookish and intellectual. It's hard to break from those patterns.

Additionally, I blame some of this on my college education. Deconstruction (Derrida) is the order of the day, especially for English majors, which is what I was. Deconstruction encourages the sort of mindset that removes the individual from the reality of the thing. It encourages its practitioners to break things down to beyond their essences; to the point where meaning is lost.

I don't think it's good for people (or at least, it wasn't good for me).

Francisco, I agree. Learning without action is impotence in its highest form. There is no point to the learning if there is no action. Of course, I put my learning to some use. Just not to the level that it should be. I'm living half a life. With the learning I have acquired, I could be doing so much more. This is, in part, due to fear. I also think there's an aspect of laziness.

At any rate, here's what Juggler has to say about getting out of one's head:

Getting out of your head
Before I became a pick up artist I was a street performer. The idea of street performing is to get a few people to become interested and stop and then build a huge crowd of fifty, a hundred, two hundred people around them. Then you do your show, pass the hat with a suitable funny/guilt inducing line delivered just before the final big trick. A line such as, "If you have enjoyed my show, if I have made you laugh, then come up after the show and drop a five dollar bill in my hat. If for some reason you have not enjoyed my show, come up and drop a five dollar bill in my hat. There's no sense both of us being disappointed."

Sometimes I failed miserably in attracting a crowd. I would only have twenty people or five or two. I would beat myself up about it. I would try all kinds of things to get people to stop. I would cram in more jokes. I would wear fancier pants. I would drink five cappuccinos and run around like a mad man. People liked fire so I would have flaming everything: flaming torches, flaming unicycle, flaming pants. People would stick around to see if I burned myself up then become uninterested and leave.

I became obsessed with figuring out what I had to do to make it work. That straight jacket I escaped every night began to fit too well. I made myself crazy.

It took me a long time to realize that it was not about me or what size of crowd I could hold. It was about the people.

So much of what I teach seducers is getting out of their heads. There is only one way to get out of your head. You have to get into someone else's. When I was on the street I had to learn to get into my audience's heads. I had to listen to their vibe and bring something out of them. I had to make them feel. It was not my job to entertain. I was my job to unwrap what was there waiting inside them. My street show now is much more laid back. It is more like a conversation with the audience than a "performance". I like it that way and I save a lot of money on coffee.

The seducer has to get into the heads of the women and the people he meets. What drives "Juggler seductions" is interest and curiosity in other people. We spend most of our energy thinking of ways to make people more open. For instance, at the beginning of an interaction, we supply most of the dialogue, not because we want to dominate the conversation but because we know that she is not warmed up or may be a bit shy and we need to fill and lift the interaction. We make statements and talk about ourselves not because we are self-absorbed but because we know that talking about ourselves helps others feel comfortable talking about their selves. We get out of our own way by helping others make graceful entrances.

Practical exercise:
Go into your next interaction with the mindset that you do not care so much how you are perceived. Spend your energy tying to make people relaxed and comfortable. Try to find out what their childhood teddy bear or favorite doll was named without asking directly.

Zen exercise:
Sit in a mall or heavy pedestrian trafficked area and watch the people. Let your mind wonder. Where is that person going? What is that bloke's job? How long has that couple been together? What is that girl's love life like? Just sit and let your curiosity drive your mind, maybe imagine some answers and story lines for your people. See how you feel after doing this for half an hour.

Juggler