Am I overreacting?

[FortunateSon]

Me and my friend (a girl) were due to go and see the Hangover Part 2 this evening, well earlier in the day, she text me to tell me she was being violently ill, so she said we can't go out today.

Well I text her a little way later (around the time we were due to go to the cinema) and she texts back saying she is out with her friend. So, I said "so you're too ill to go cinema with me, yet you can go out with your other friend?". She starts saying how she was ill and down about last night and needed someone, so her friend offered to come over and they got hungry so went for a bite to eat.

I tell her that I feel she's been disrespectful and rude and because of that she doesn't value me as a friend, so I'm walking away. Well she has been texting me, telling me that she's done nothing wrong, I'm causing unnecessary problems and that I need to grow up and I'm overreacting.

I then ask her if the shoe was on the other foot and I went out for an hour with a friend, what would her reaction be and she ignored the question calling me immature.

So who is right? Me or her?

 

[f283000]

You're wrong for trying to argue with a female and trying to use logic and reason with a female. You're not going to win an argument with a female. Females are ilogical creatures that don't let reason get in the way.

You're also wrong for making yourself feel all needy and desperate with her. You sure aren't showing that you have a busy life of your own by arguing with her about this. While she's out with her friend by flaking on you there you are sitting at home texting her about this (what she's probably thinking). You ain't making yourself look good in fact you made yourself look worse.

The moment she said she was out with her friend after first saying she was violently ill that's when she gave you the truth (whether it was a mistake or not on her part it doesn't matter). That's when you should have gone no contact with a girl that just lied to you and disrespected you. You should have ignored any communication from her after that from her showing you ain't a man that lets people disrespect him and lie to him.

You don't punish women for disrespecting you by arguing with them cause they love drama, they feed on drama. Drama is their element and arguing is a game they don't lose. However, nothing hurts a woman more than ignoring her.

Want to teach her a lesson? Ignore her from now on.

 

[pliw]

Want to teach her a lesson? Ignore her from now on.

+1

You're never going to shame a woman into hanging out w/ you...

This sort of stuff is a test. She wants to see how you'll react. If you get upset it means her presences is a big deal to you and that implies you have low value. If you ignore her, it's because you didn't need her presence and it implies you have high value.

Also when a girl gives you a BS excuse it's important that you 1) not imply that you believe her; 2) not imply that you don't believe her. Any reply should be ambiguous with regards to your feelings on her excuse.

In her mind you're a naive sap if you believe her and you're bitter if you don't--plus if you call her out on it she knows hanging out w/ you will awkward next time.

If you have a lot of important things in your life you won't bother evaluating the validity of her excuse.

I have 2 replies for something like this. 1) Ignore it; 2) "Gay" (one word text).

ETA: If you don't like "gay", "lame" or "weak" are roughly the same.

 

[DJDamage]

Based on this whole story, what is really wrong here is this:

You are friends with a girl you want to fvck, unfortunately you have been friendzoned and you also have oneitis. Every encounter you have with this girl you still believe you have a chance because of her fake IOI's she dawns on you in order to keep you interested. Your friend knows that you want to tap her ass but pretends to be oblivious to it so she can still get attention from you wherever whenever she desires.

Your big mistake was accepting this so called "platonic nightmare" from the get go. By accepting being friendzoned you have put yourself in this situation to be used and abused (not in a good way) according to your "friend" emotional whims.

Walk away and don't look back.

 

[FortunateSon]

Walk away and don't look back.

The last five weeks, we've argued a lot, I'll admit I have started all of them, not sure why, but my head is all over the place, but I will not walk away, even though I sometimes wish I would. Walking away from a good friend is not an option for me. If she no longer wants anything to do with me after this evening, then I will accept her decision and I will move on from this, but not until then.

 

[FortunateSon]

Also hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it? I am a human being, I have feelings and emotions too, I wouldn't be a human if I didn't. I will not apologise for the way I acted earlier, I am not accountable to anyone, except to my conscience. I'll admit I overreacted, let it get to me, saw red mist and charged at that red mist like a bull charging at a red flag. I make mistakes, I mess things up, but I'm sticking by her side through the good times and the bad times. If she no longer wants me as her friend then so be it, I'll move on.

Do I want this girl? Yes. Do I want sex with her. Yes. Will it ever happen? Doubtful. Is she is a friend? Yes, well she was until earlier, I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Do I have oneitis? Yep, she's the right fit for me, but at the present it isn't the right time for anything to happen. Will that time ever come? Who knows? If it does, it does and if it doesn't then it doesn't. Are we going through a rough patch? Yes. Will we get through it and still remain friends? I hope so, but I do need to sort myself out which is why I have offered her a break for a few weeks. Just so I can sort my head out.

So from what has been said I seem to have overreacted and I am in the wrong, that's all I wanted to know.

 

[DJDamage]

The last five weeks, we've argued a lot, I'll admit I have started all of them, not sure why, but my head is all over the place,.

Its your other head that is yelling at you.

but I will not walk away, even though I sometimes wish I would.

Then I hope you can live with the consequences of her taking advantage of your friendship to do whatever she wants do all while she sleeps with other men.

Walking away from a good friend is not an option for me..

What makes her such a good friend?! you caught her in a lie and instead of apolgizing and admitting wrong she calls you names. That doesn't sound like such a good friend to me.

If she no longer wants anything to do with me after this evening, then I will accept her decision and I will move on from this, but not until then.

Don't you even have an ounce of dignity left?!

So from what has been said I seem to have overreacted and I am in the wrong, that's all I wanted to know.

Your entire so called "friendship" with this girl is wrong.

 

[FortunateSon]

You're right DJ Damage, after having time to think about it, I have decided that our friendship just isn't worth the time of the day, so I will walk away from it.

Women for the most part really are pigs, I'm sick to my back teeth of women treating me like excrement and the next women who does so will get destroyed. I've had more than enough of them and their sh*t.

 

[Sparky]

In my experience, if someone asks the question "Am I overreacting" it usually means they are, and they know they are.

Perhaps she didn't want you to see her ill, but didn't mind if her friend did?
The fact that she was up front about telling you she was out with her friend indicates to me that she wasn't deliberately disrespecting you, or at least in her mind she wasn't.
And the fact that you had a bit of a go at her - you've probably blown it I fear.

But you obviously aren't impressed and for that reason it sounds like you've gone off the boil anyway. So you owe it to yourself to get with someone that treats you the way you want to be treated.

 

[FortunateSon]

You're right Sparky, I just found it irritating how she says we're good friends, yet she can cancel our plans and then she goes out with another friend. If I had done that to her, she would have gone mental. She says we're good friends and yet treats me as anything but, I've had enough.

 

[DJDamage]

Women for the most part really are pigs, I'm sick to my back teeth of women treating me like excrement and the next women who does so will get destroyed.

Women will take advantage of you only if you let them.

Do not accept a friendship from women you want to fvck.

 

[squirrels]

Me and my friend (a girl) were due to go and see the Hangover Part 2 this evening, well earlier in the day, she text me to tell me she was being violently ill, so she said we can't go out today.

Well I text her a little way later (around the time we were due to go to the cinema) and she texts back saying she is out with her friend. So, I said "so you're too ill to go cinema with me, yet you can go out with your other friend?". She starts saying how she was ill and down about last night and needed someone, so her friend offered to come over and they got hungry so went for a bite to eat.

You should've punched out here and gone to the next girl in your phone. No big loss.

Ah, but there IS no "next girl", is there? You're sitting there like a sycophantic puppy hoping one day she finally "realizes" how much she "loves you" and you have yourself a nice little Disney ending.

You don't even KNOW this girl. You THINK you're friends with her, but you only see what you want to see. Until something like this happens and you realize that what you WANT this girl to be is NOTHING like she actually is.

You want to pretend that when she talks about how "good a friend" you are, she means that she wouldn't mind spending her life with you. In reality, it's her way of saying, "I'm so glad you aren't interested in f**king me...at least I HOPE you're not interested in f**king me...if not, hopefully the word 'friend' will get that point across".

You look at her making excuses to you as "rejecting a friend/potential suitor". In reality, you're not a potential suitor at all, not in her eyes, and likely you're not even a "friend". You're just a guy she would rather be friendly with than not. She doesn't mind being acquainted with you so long as she can keep you at arm's length. Thus she doesn't want to "hurt your feelings" by telling you to eff off when you ask her to hang out, but when someone she IS friends with (or a guy she DOES like) calls her up, she's THERE, no questions asked.

She probably was uncomfortable with the movie, i.e. it was too "date-like", so she bailed. Women aren't true to their word like men are...they'll agree to something at the time just to avoid making it awkward to reject the idea (especially if they think you're likely to throw a hissy about it, as you did), then think of an excuse to get out of it later. Think about if you were dating a woman for a while, invited her out to dinner with her friends, and proposed to her, but she DIDN'T want to marry you. Do you think she'd say "NO" when the spotlight is on her like that? No, she'll take the ring, accept, and then break off the engagement in a week or two. That's how they are. No balls. (literally!! )

 

[r0cky]

If she's texting you back it probably means she cares. As in 99% of friendship problems, one person is not intentionally trying to hurt the other, but rather they **** up and make mistakes. Combine this with a weak ego that likes to over analyze and, therefore, overreact, and you have a friendship that will encounter problems and will probably end.
My advise is this, look at the situation from an non-ego based point of view. Is she intentionally trying to hurt you or is this just your ego seeking to be respected?

 

[FortunateSon]

The friendship has ended. I ended it and in some ways it feels good and in some ways it doesn't. I thought we were close friends, I guess I was wrong.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Women for the most part really are pigs, I'm sick to my back teeth of women treating me like excrement and the next women who does so will get destroyed. I've had more than enough of them and their sh*t.

This is the folly of inexperience coupled with angst-filled, Fatherless youth.

Don't ever suffer the next woman in your life, the sins of the last.

If you do you'll end up like this poor sh!tbird:

Take a deep breath and reflect on what's important to you.

 

[FortunateSon]

This is the folly of inexperience coupled with angst-filled, Fatherless youth.

How did you know?

Don't ever suffer the next woman in your life, the sins of the last.

I treat people how they treat me, if a woman is cool with me, I'll be cool with her, same as men.

Take a deep breath and reflect on what's important to you.

My family and friends I guess.

Where are you going with all of this? I don't understand.