Am I nexting girls too quickly?

[AlmostThere!]

Both of these girls I met online.

Girl 1:

She messages me first on MeetUp.com. I make an offer for us to meet. She accepts. First (coffee) date goes well. Although, it was at a lounge, not a coffee shop.

Second date we go bowling. She comes back to my place and we watch a movie and talk. I didn't make any moves on her but we did kiss at her car (not a long passionate kiss).

After this date, she suddenly becomes very busy. I figured it's a lost case since she probably thought I was a wuss. I tried to set up another date on a Saturday but she was busy. I tried again for a Tuesday, but she was busy. She said she'll contact me later. She texts me today and asked if 5:30 would be a good time to meet up. Unfortunately, I had to work overtime. I declined and said this Saturday evening would be good. She responds back and says she has something to do Saturday evening but she's available in the afternoon.

I responded back with "oh, ok". I don't want a Saturday afternoon date. Plus I'm in a sports league Saturday afternoons.

I'm nexting this girl, but wondering if I'm being too harsh and jumping to conclusions about her? Anyway, I don't think she's interested anymore after my last text.

Girl 2:

I sent her a message on a dating website asking for her number. She gives it to me. We had a good phone conversation and planned to meet yesterday. I texted her saying I would be there in 5 minutes. I waited around 30 minutes and didn't get a response. We were meeting at a Borders which also had a cafe. The cafe was crowded and I hate walking around trying to find someone. I was waiting for her to text me back saying "I'm here, upstairs, 3rd table" or something.

So, I leave. Twenty minutes after I left, she texts "this isn't a good way to start". I text back "I got there at 7:30. I sent you a text. Sorry this didn't work out". She responds "I was upstairs in the cafe. You didn't come up. But okay."

I didn't respond back.

Frankly, I'm tired of flakiness and indecisiveness...but maybe I'm being too harsh? I've been hurt by so many girls in the past that I have this hard shell on and don't want to hear any stories or play any games.

Do I just have to play these games until I have a girl on lockdown?

 

[PappyS]

What did they look like? I think we've already established that online dating is corny.

 

[AlmostThere!]

What did they look like? I think we've already established that online dating is corny.

Both HB7s.

 

[horaholic]

I think your being just a little to quick. Girl number 2, sounds to me like it was a misunderstanding, but you pretty much burnt your bridge there. Of course, so did she with her little comment. It sounds like she was waiting for you to call her when you actually got there. If I were her, i would've expected you to call when you were actually there. Of course, I would've responded to your other text, also, but sometimes people dont get their texts, or dont hear their phone, or whatever. Sounds like you were both a little too stubborn with that one.

Girs number one is flakey, but she is throwing out counter offers. I'd give her one more shot.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Both of these girls I met online.

Girl 1:



Second date we go bowling. She comes back to my place and we watch a movie and talk. I didn't make any moves on her but we did kiss at her car (not a long passionate kiss).

Why didn't you make a move? That lack of attempt is what caused your final result. Girls don't go to a guys house to watch a movie and talk. Did you kiss her at her car right before she left? If so, it means she got a lot less than what she was bargaining for. She feels rejected, so she will now go cold on you and convince herself she is the one rejecting. If you kissed her before you went into your place, then she is very dissapointed that you didn't escalate and gave her what she wanted. She feels rejected.

After this date, she suddenly becomes very busy. I figured it's a lost case since she probably thought I was a wuss.

That's the one thing you got right with this one.

I tried to set up another date on a Saturday but she was busy. I tried again for a Tuesday, but she was busy. She said she'll contact me later. She texts me today and asked if 5:30 would be a good time to meet up. Unfortunately, I had to work overtime. I declined and said this Saturday evening would be good. She responds back and says she has something to do Saturday evening but she's available in the afternoon.

Yeah, she's not interested in "night" get togethers anymore. Afternoons are less sexy. The only way to find out if there is anything, is to take her up on one of those afternoon "dates" and get her to your place for a "movie", under that premise, and then take the lead and make a move. Don't get into "talking" about your situation; get into doing. I would give it a shot if she's actually available. Find out when she's available for an evening get together.

I responded back with "oh, ok". I don't want a Saturday afternoon date. Plus I'm in a sports league Saturday afternoons.

Good choice. You shouldn't feel bad that you have your passions and things going on and are not able to fit her on your schedule.

I'm nexting this girl, but wondering if I'm being too harsh and jumping to conclusions about her? Anyway, I don't think she's interested anymore after my last text.

What did you send in your last text? The text wasn't what made her not interested, it was your lack of aggresiveness.

Girl 2:

I sent her a message on a dating website asking for her number. She gives it to me. We had a good phone conversation and planned to meet yesterday. I texted her saying I would be there in 5 minutes. I waited around 30 minutes and didn't get a response. We were meeting at a Borders which also had a cafe. The cafe was crowded and I hate walking around trying to find someone. I was waiting for her to text me back saying "I'm here, upstairs, 3rd table" or something..

What's with all this texting. A simple phone call when you got there would have taken care of all that confusion. You waited for a text. Even a voicemail message would have communicated better. Plus it would have been proof you were there and it wasn't your fault. In other words, you would have pre-empted all her later BS.

So, I leave. Twenty minutes after I left, she texts "this isn't a good way to start". I text back "I got there at 7:30. I sent you a text. Sorry this didn't work out". She responds "I was upstairs in the cafe. You didn't come up. But okay.".

Again, you needed to call her up, and tell her you were leaving.

I didn't respond back.

No need to at that point.

Frankly, I'm tired of flakiness and indecisiveness...but maybe I'm being too harsh? I've been hurt by so many girls in the past that I have this hard shell on and don't want to hear any stories or play any games.

Then be more direct in everything. That includes calling up and not resorting to texting and other ways of less direct communication.

Do I just have to play these games until I have a girl on lockdown?

If you are consistently getting these games played on you, you are still far away from having any girl on lockdown.

My impression, based on what you posted, and how you come across, is that you are sort of passive, and way too considerate and accomodating when it comes to dealing with women, and tend to go with the flow and are giving these girls too many or too much of a choice. You seem to be letting them lead and direct where these interactions go, instead of leading and being strong. You are giving them the power and the initiative that they don't want.

 

[DavenJuan]

to answer your question, NO, the problem is not that you are "nexting" to fast. the problem is the lack of effort you put in.

Originall posted by AlmostThere!
Both of these girls I met online.

Girl 1:

Second date we go bowling. She comes back to my place and we watch a movie and talk. I didn't make any moves on her but we did kiss at her car (not a long passionate kiss).

After this date, she suddenly becomes very busy. I..... She responds back and says she has something to do Saturday evening but she's available in the afternoon.

you didnt "NEXT" her, she nexted you. why didnt you make a move? As far as she was concerned, all the signs were there. she ended up at your house. she clearly was open to any of your advances considering she kissed you AT THE END of the night.

you looked extremely uncomfortable and she could see that there was no confidence underneath that skin of yours.

Girl 2:
We had a good phone conversation . I texted her saying I would be there in 5 minutes. I waited around 30 minutes and didn't get a response. ... I was waiting for her to text me back saying "I'm here, upstairs, 3rd table" or something..... I text back "I got there at 7:30. I sent you a text. Sorry this didn't work out". She responds "I was upstairs in the cafe. You didn't come up. But okay."

I didn't respond back.

again, where is the effort? I never set up a date with a 'text". did you not consider even once to pick up the phone and call her? a complete disaster and waste of time simply because you too preferred to communicate via text. and according to you, there was already a "good phone conversation", so im confused myself on why you would not confirm or call to see if she was there...?

Im not so much concerned about the 2nd girl. it was lack of communication on BOTH your parts. but moving forward, i would forget about texting. Atleast when it comes to making plans to set up a date, or confirming.

the bigger problem is your lack of confidence, aggresiveness with the 1st girl. you have to know when opportunities are there. In this case, i think you knew it was there and still froze when it was time to pull the trigger.

this should be addressed more than anything.

 

[tafakna]

I responded back with "oh, ok". I don't want a Saturday afternoon date. Plus I'm in a sports league Saturday afternoons.

The problem is not nexting her, the problem is that you sound awfully anxious trying to set up a date on Saturday, then Tuesday, then Saturday.

She is trying to keep things casual (afternoon dates) and you tried to push for something more (SAT evening dates, which sounds like trying to extact some sort of commitments).

Next time go for the first date, then date another girl, then come back to the first for another date...

 

[chiefoverlord]

both of these situations seem eminently salvageable. but you probably wont salvage either.