am I just completely dense...

[Demodulate]

Ive started dating a younger girl, and she spent the night last night.. nothing happend.. I think its to soon, 3rd date, but hey what do I know.. anyway.. she has no clothes.. I offer her something to sleep in.. she declines.. spends all night fully clothed, and then wakes up and tells me I shouldnt have let her sleep in her clothes..

WTF...

I am not a mind reader... shes done this before.. last time she was going to stay and decided not to.. then I got **** for letting her drive home..

I guess im old school.. when someone says no.. or declines, I dont push the issue..

how does one know when to push the issue?


I also dont pick up on her requests.. example..

its lunchtime,we talk via email sometimes and i mention im hungry, she says she doesnt know whats she doing for lunch.. I write back neither do I and im heading out...

I get back from lunch and she has sent me an email to the effect of, I guess ill go out with one of my freinds...

and then later that evening shes like you could of asked me to lunch...

i guess im dense...

also im not trying to push the relationship.. id just like her to be around once in awhile.. makes me feel good, shes very attractive, and I actually quite like her, but shes young and I know some apsects of our life will not jell very well. my boss is like just bang her.. but I like her enough to atleat wait and see if there is something more there then a fling...

all the girls my age have mad drama and or baggage...

shes baggage free, and her drama is almost comical....

 

[decades]

she wouldn't be spending the night unless she thought that something *might* happen so she was prepared for it. Next time, playfully try and take her out of her clothes saying she would be more comfortable. There are women out there ;-) who secretly WANT you to do this because it plays into one of their fantasies. If she resists and makes a big deal out of this she is a flake and get rid of her.

Regards,

Mike

 

[HeimdallThorhammer]

Yeah dude, too weak.

She could be shy, or unsure of herself, or totally passive.

She went back to your house. F**king you DID enter her emotions. Should have teased her, or just directly moved on her.

Did you do _anything_ with her at all?

My opinion - not being there, of course - was that she was waiting for you to.

Don't listen to what she says, read her eyes and her body.

 

[Demodulate]

she slept some of the night with her head on my shoulder... but she wouldnt put her arm over me, but she eventualy wrapped her leg around me.. that kind of through me... i wasnt picking up on the usual cues... but she hasnt been feeling well either...

anyway it boils down to Im passive with her...

honestly she makes me nervous to a certain extent, however AFC that sounds, but its the truth... I am fine on the phone, but put me in the room with her and my game goes to ****. shes even commented on it...

Im not hung up on her..

I almost think my subconcious is messing with me cause of the age difference... 10 years.. I dont want to be that dirty old man...


yeah anyway....

next time i am going to be more physical with her...

 

[DoubleA]

Yo

The next time you're in that type of setting, lean in and kiss her. THe most important things is too use your hands. Touch and squeeze gently..like she's Charmin.

If you go for a zipper and bra strap and she say's no..then you know the answer. It's all touch and go. Holla.

 

[Albion4]

I offer her something to sleep in.. she declines..

HINT HINT, I want to sleep naked with you!

its lunchtime,we talk via email sometimes and i mention im hungry, she says she doesnt know whats she doing for lunch.. I write back neither do I and im heading out...

> To: Her
> From: You
>
> Wanna go out to lunch with me?

BE MORE decisive! Have a plan, she sounds like the kind of girl who wants you to lead.

I get back from lunch and she has sent me an email to the effect of, I guess ill go out with one of my freinds...

and then later that evening shes like you could of asked me to lunch...

Dude, "I'm Hungry" is not an invitation to lunch, "You wanna do lunch" is.

i guess im dense...

Not dense, just dense.

also im not trying to push the relationship.. id just like her to be around once in awhile.. makes me feel good, shes very attractive, and I actually quite like her, but shes young and I know some apsects of our life will not jell very well. my boss is like just bang her.. but I like her enough to atleat wait and see if there is something more there then a fling...

You're boss is right. See you're thinking about it way to much. Just enjoy having her around while you do. Don't sit there and ponder what might go amiss because of the age difference, who the hell cares.

shes baggage free, and her drama is almost comical....

Not do forget, all her parts are probably where god meant them to be.

-Al

 

[averagejoe]

My advice listen to what everyone says and just do it. What is the worst thing that can happen? I had a friend that I had wanted for a long time and she was over at my house giving off some clues and I just leaned in and kissed her. Ten minutes later we were in my bed and have been there a time or two since. Don't ask for permission man. If you want to make a move on her just do it.

 

[Demodulate]

my father was 20 years older then my mother...

if the girl was 24 and I was 34 I would really see nothing wrong with it.. but theres a big difference between a 19 year old and a 24 year old.

but im getting use to it... dating younger girls does have a few advantages..

 

[MackJr]

Sometimes women are their own worst enemies. This is a case where a woman is TOO submissive. Basically, she wants you to initiate everything to conform to her inner expectation of being dominated. Then when you don't do it, she gets some gumption and complains about it.

So ******dly, it looks like she's contradicting herself. As far as communication goes, she is. But what's really going on is that she has problems asserting herself, so she gets mad when she doesn't get what she wants.

This is tricky. Submission can be a form of power if used to guilt the other person into doing things. You actually have to train her to be a little more assertive about what she wants if you don't want a lot of headaches, because she will always say she wants what she doesn't want.

Basically, whenever she tries to give you **** about not doing what she thought you should have done, shrug it off and say, "hey, I did what I did. You had your chance to say something, so take responsibility."

This will steam her and also work because women hate taking responsibility. They like being passive helpless victims.

By the way, work on taking more risks with her. The worst that will happen is she'll say no and you'll need to scale back a bit for a while.

 

[penkitten]

i dont think that you are dense, i do think that maybe this isnt the best match up. she sounds a little too young for you .

 

[Azariah]

Meh. I don't think she's too young for you. I know this type of girl.

She's saying "no" when she means "yes". It may not make sense, but I assure you that there is a method to her madness.

She is offering up token resistance as a test to see if you're "the man". She wants you to take control of the situation. She wants you to be the dominant force. Now, let me be crystal clear on this issue. She doesn't want you to be overly aggressive to the point of being abusive or a rapist. But she does want you to confident, persistant, and strong. That's probably an attribute she projected on to you by virtue of your age.

She is also resisting to protect her internal sense of virtue and communicating that she's not a cheap floozie. Again, she's acting against her desires. But by saying no initially, she can be sexual without feeling bad about herself afterwards. It's rationalization. Works wonders to protect the psyche.

If you're really set in your ways of believing "no means no" in all cases, find a different woman. There's nothing wrong with going that route. There are some women out there who will be more forthcoming with their desires. But just remember that most of them will expect (and really want) you to make the first move at each level of the relationship.