Am I Being Too Picky? And what if I am?

[Mr. Me]

A pal of mine recently said to me, "You're really picky".

But I know this much about myself, because I've been through it before: Physically-wise, if the woman doesn't have the lean, ectomorph body and slender face, the long, straight dark hair, the slender legs and tapered wrists and curved hips that makes me salivate and that 50% of all other men are attracted to, then it the long run, I'm just going to keep on looking. Conversely, I know for sure when I'm with that type, I'm more then satisfied.

It's just as important to me as what a woman's character and personality traits are. Just as one wouldn't dream of hooking up with a selfish, mean b1tch, I wouldn't hook up with a plain Jane. My pal would hook up with a plain Jane if she treats him well enough, but I've tried that in the past, and couldn't keep doing it. It has to be about the outside just as much as the inside.

Otherwise, I feel, what's the point? If I'm going to put any effort at all into a relationship, participate in it, have to deal with the pimples now and then so to speak, then why bother unless it's someone who makes you gulp when you see her naked?

I probably AM being too "picky". But to not be would mean I'd be with women I don't want to bother poking even with your d1ck. What would be the point of not being picky?

 

[edger]

It's normal man. I'm probably worse than you are. If her legs aren't shaped a certain way or aren't toned(don't mistaken "toned" for a muscular dyke, lol), then I can't bone her. If she doesn't have manicured "real" nails, I'm turned off. She also has to exude confidence and not look insecure. She can't be a prude(she has to have been "around the block" quite a bit). And the list goes on and on and on. Actually, the pickiness is getting worse with me as time goes on. I don't know what the f*ck I'm gonna do, lol...seriously, it's getting pretty bad.

 

[edger]

My newly aquired peeve as of recent is, she has to be a hot chick who'll f*ck any guy whether or not she's attracted to him, or a hot chick who in a club, will grind on some dudes package without any attraction to him. Huge turn on for me, sexually. I guess that's why I'm so sexually attracted to gold-diggers. Might sound bizarre to some of you, but it's my thing, what can I say? We all have our preferences that make us tick.

 

[Sandow]

Yea you guys are picky, you guys are looking for the perfect girl, but those girls are extremely hard to find, and if you find her, she's probably taken. And if she's not taken, then you still have to get her to like you. Lol.

Just enjoy what you can get for now, and hopefully you can get that "perfect" girl one day. (she doesn't exist btw)

 

[jophil28]

My newly aquired peeve as of recent is, she has to be a hot chick who'll f*ck any guy whether or not she's attracted to him, or a hot chick who in a club, will grind on some dudes package without any attraction to him. Huge turn on for me, sexually. I guess that's why I'm so sexually attracted to gold-diggers. Might sound bizarre to some of you, but it's my thing, what can I say? We all have our preferences that make us tick.

When I read your preferences I am thinking," Edger is seeting himself up for a life of pain and suffering with women, and a lifetime of posting on SS about the drama in his life with those same women who get him hot."

Dude, you need a good buddy, urgently. And you need to get some dirt between your toes out on the lake or on a beach.

 

[jophil28]

Just as one wouldn't dream of hooking up with a selfish, mean b1tch, I wouldn't hook up with a plain Jane.

The problem is that when you and she are getting together , she is the perfect feminine china doll. The "selfish mean b!tch " costume change is revealed 4-6 weeks later when you are "hooked" on the "love drug".

 

[Mr. Me]

those girls are extremely hard to find, and if you find her, she's probably taken. And if she's not taken, then you still have to get her to like you.

They ARE hard to find, but they're the common denominator for me. I realize that every time I've come across one, I drool. I've been with three such women in my lifetime, out of quite a few different types. And I've found I want that type hands down over all others. What can I do? Convince myself that I don't like what I find so appealing and make myself desire what I don't desire? Pretend that bland oatmeal is a sizzling steak?

feminine china doll

LOL! That describes her.

The "selfish mean b!tch " costume change is revealed 4-6 weeks later

That means I get about a month and a half of sheer bliss.

I'm such an optimist: I see the glass as a month and half full.

 

[thedeparted]

Being picky could be good, or it could be a defense against rejection. Usually the super-picky guys are not the alphas or DJ's, who have the most options, but the fat guys, geeks and chumps.

Only you know which one you are. But if the latter, you're better off fvcking some fatties, practicing your game, and keeping in shape. If you just wait around for your perfect HB10 to arrive, are you gonna be able to reel her in?

 

[Colossus]

There's a difference between being picky and being ridiculous. It's easy to use "picky" as an excuse for your lack of game or initiative to make something happen. Not saying that's you, Mr. Me, but you know.

When it comes to just sex, I am not that picky, but when it comes to gf material I am very picky.

 

[Mr. Me]

When I've had a couple of fatties in times past, it's been only during lean times. Ha, ha. Yet this is my point exactly. I just couldn't get turned on enough. Last fattie that crawled into my bed, uninvited I must add, I just went right to sleep. Crow's feet turns me off. Tree trunk calves. Bags under eyes. Short hair. Ugly toes. Veins. And let's not even talk about pancake breasts. I was with this latina spinner in bed all naked except for her bra and when it came off - UGH. Lost it. All this is like repellant to me. Last fattie that hit on me, I chatted a bit and then politely excused myself the hell out of there.

It can't be about a defense against rejection because, OTOH, when I do see a chick that seems attractive to me, I feel I have NO CHOICE but to approach her, because for me it's more about not wanting to feel the regret the next day. But who and why I approach is a whole 'nuther story. But when it happens, I must act on it or die.

And my game must be okay, because I do get women interested in me or at least chatting some regardless if I'm interested in them or not. Can't win everyone I want though. I do see that as keeping in shape as I'll follow-up and make little dates with 6s and 7s that have shown interest, just so as to not get rusty with my social skills.

I guess my point is I just don't see most women as being 8s, 9s or 10s, while 6s and 7s really don't motivate me. 8s to 10s, to me, would be mostly along the lines of Sarah Larson, Kristian Alfonso, Eva Longoria, Teri Hatcher... or Mya Diamond.

 

[Mr.Positive]

This is a very interesting thread.

I don't see it being an issue of being picky, but more on the level of personal attraction levels.

For me, I've learned not to think too much about it. There's women I'm attracted to, and there's women I'm not. I would never be happy settling for a woman that I don't have that deep seated, animal attraction for.

Yet, I haven't quite figured out, for me personally, what drives that attraction.

I couldn't tell you that I prefer blonds women, brunettes, light skin or dark skin, etc..because I've found that each woman is different. It really depends upon her as an individual.

Your best bet is to never settle for someone that's just not revving you up, it's best for her, and you.

Besides....someone labeling you as 'picky' is really just a shaming tactic.

 

[STR8UP]

I've noticed that by far the best relationships I have had were with the women I was most physically attracted to.

When it comes to just sex, I am not that picky, but when it comes to gf material I am very picky.

Same here. That's why I have had sex in the past three years, but no g/f. Haven't met one that's worthy.

 

[guru1000]

Look at the reverse scenario. When a woman says " I am too picky" she usually falls between a 6-8 in the looks department. She is really saying "I don't like average looking but 9's and 10's are too infrequent."

You never see a hb 9 or 10 say this as she is too busy spinning multiple plates, as well in and out of relationships.

My advice, build the harem with the most qualified current candidates to keep yourself abundant. This is where you will be best prepared to meet the next Mrs. Me for exclusivity.

When I used to spin my IDEAL candidate would fall in my lap once a year. But I sieved through 50-100 prospects annually to meet that one. Play the numbers game and enjoy the process.

 

[STR8UP]

When I used to spin my IDEAL candidate would fall in my lap once a year. But I sieved through 50-100 prospects annually to meet that one. Play the numbers game and enjoy the process.

With the median number of 75 that means you were cycling (qualifying) a new woman every 4.3 days.

Sorry, you're either exaggerating to the n'th degree, or you are spending WAAAAY too much time focusing on women.

 

[RedPill]

personal theory:

There are four types of women when it comes to relative attractiveness and perceptions of one's high-value options. To me, this is a basic synopsis of the social food chain.

Women who...

1) are highly attractive and know they have options
2) are highly attractive and don't realize they have options
3) are average looking and think they have lots of options
4) are average looking and know they don't have options

The 1s and 4s are socially intelligent. They get that value should match value pragmatically.

The 2s and 3s are gullible, and are the inverse of each other. The 2s tend to have lower self-esteem, whereas the 3s tend to have a grossly inflated sense of self.

Unlike the 1s, who are content single, the 2s need the constant validation of a boyfriend and are serial monogamists. The 3s get upset when their catch doesn't want to be monogamous with them, and the 4s are an easy ONS if you show any interest.

This forum in particular hears a lot of gripes about the 1s and the 3s. The 1s because they are unattainable for guys who don't have their sh1t together, and the 3s because they cause an inordinate amount of drama.

Those who are picky (I'd include myself in that group), need to do a bit of logistics planning, because guru is right that it is a numbers game. In order to pick up women that come along less frequently, one has to put themselves in social situations where there are new (attractive) women regularly. Then one has to be prepared to get acquainted with these women and work them into the rotation of options.

 

[guru1000]

Sorry, you're either exaggerating to the n'th degree, or you are spending WAAAAY too much time focusing on women.

Analyzing and writing about women every day is spending way too much time focusing on women.

Sieving through the numbers is what gets you to the finish line and away from typing/analyzing.

 

[STR8UP]

Analyzing and writing about women every day is spending way too much time focusing on women.

Sieving through the numbers is what gets you to the finish line and away from typing/analyzing.

I agree with you to a point, but 2 new women per week? You have to be getting your leads primarily from the internet and nexting in about 1/2 a second.

And the difference is that I'm sitting here at work posting this. I post when I get a free second. When I get done with work the last thing I want to do is spend countless hours trying to sift through women. They just aren't that important to me.

 

[Mr. Me]

In any event, WHY would I want to involve myself with any number of women per year, if they're not what I desire? The other day I picked up a cute woman. She was in the audience where I had performed in a show a couple of weeks ago. We had a coffee date. She brought me some Christmas cookies she had been baking for the holidays. Complimented my looks. Complimented my acting. Said, "Boy, you still got it!" and "I hope to hear from you..." All right, so I know I can have her. But now I see her legs are a bit on the thick side, which doesn't do it for me. It also turns out she lives in the boondocks, which doesn't do it for me. She also has five kids, which means a guy will always be #6 on her list, at least, plus I'm not into being around kids.

So, yeah, I'd have to suspect why she's so interested, and wonder why I'd be too, other then getting some. And when it comes to that, maybe it's that I'm jaded or burnt out, the been there done that syndrome, where, unlike a 20-something guy that'll bang a hole in the wall because it's there, I'm just tired of all the muck that accompanies having sex with women I'm not into.

Did get a number for a cute Indian gal last week that seemed a possibility, but in calling her, got that she was looking for a guy she could control or something. so I dropped that. Another, a latina I was to meet up with Monday, flaked at the last minute. That's the end of that. I don't chase and I don't bother with low interest women. Tonight and tomorrow I'll be going out hunting for more numbers, but again, I do have this one who I know I could have, but why bother if I'm in bed with her and her legs turn me off?

It's not as if I need to spin plates. Yeah, there's nothing better then having a cute hottie draping herself all over you (well, having two or more said cuties would be better), that's fun when it happens. Yet, part of this equation is that the real cuties are nuts. But that's another thread. But I don't feel desperate if I have nothing happening. I'd rather be without, then feel repelled or feel as if I must be needy because I'm making time with someone without whom I have that full animal attraction to.

 

[guru1000]

Mr. Me, if you have low IL in the girl for whatever reason, by all means disqualify her immediately. No one is suggesting to bang a girl you are not into. You are not being too PICKY by refusing to date women that are not up to your standards. What does it say about a man who does not qualify?

This is a numbers game. And with the many numbers you have to sieve through to find women who are up to par, those women have to be further qualified for compatibility.

Point being, if you date 100 women, you will find 1 that merits your exclusivity. In the meantime, you are not doing injustice to yourself by dating women who are Mr. Me 7 or 8's.

 

[Colossus]

Those who are picky (I'd include myself in that group), need to do a bit of logistics planning, because guru is right that it is a numbers game. In order to pick up women that come along less frequently, one has to put themselves in social situations where there are new (attractive) women regularly. Then one has to be prepared to get acquainted with these women and work them into the rotation of options.

There is no question that it is a numbers game. It kind of takes the mystique out of the process once you realize this, but it also makes it easier to put things into functional, less-nebulous terms. If you arent encountering (and dating) new attractive women on at least a somewhat regular basis, thinking you'll come across your ideal is like playing one hand of poker and expecting a straight flush.

The problem is not every guy can be in social situations like this with regularity. Some can, but it largely depends on your job, where you live, and the size/quality of your social network. I'm not making excuses---this is the way it is and it isnt always fair. We have to work with what we have or can aquire at the time.

I am certainly no seasoned veteran of dating multiple women. But I do learn with each hopeful prospect and subsequent NEXT that there is a lot of generic women out there, and it can be very discouraging if you only date 1 or 2 girls a month. You start to get despondent about that whole facet of life, and endanger yourself to becoming desperate.