Am I being played for a fool?

[lukee90000]

Ive been after this girl for the majority of my college career, and basically every body in my year group, including her, knows it. She has had a boyfriend who lives on the other side of the country for about a year and a half, and she sees him 3 times a year for a week or two. When she isn't with her boyfriend and is alone with me she holds my hand, flirts and gives the occasional kiss. When any of our school friends are about, she ignores me. She keeps hinting that she wants me to take things further, but I feel too guilty to go that far when she has a boyfriend, all I can think of is the other guy who is being cheated on. I told her this about 8 months ago, but she hasn't made any real try to either break it off with either me or him. She just got back from her trip up to see her boyfriend and told me she thought she was pregnant. It turns out she wasn't, but clearly she isn't trying that hard to choose if she decided to have sex with him. Everything points me to being better off ending it with her, but I'm her only close friend. She used to self harm and nearly overdosed a few times before all this started, and I don't want it to happen again. It probably doesn't help that I'm completely smitten with her.

What do I do? This boyfriend on the side business is killing me, but I don't see how I can break it off, either.

 

[Tictac]

Everything points me to being better off ending it with her, but I'm her only close friend

What does one have to do with the other?

This is grasping not even at straws. It is grasping at nothing.

You mean nothing to this chick except maybe low level boredom prevention and you never have.

There is nothing to 'end with her'.

 

[yungballa]

After your explanation of this girl, she sounds like what you would call a "nutcase".

Bro, you mentioned her self-harming and overdosing... this doesn't sound like a girl who has her sh1t together.

One thing I'll tell you is that you shouldn't mess with girls who don't have their sh1t together. It'll only make things more stressful for YOU.

So, my advice is: stay away from this girl, man.

It sounds like you've got feelings for this girl. The very fact that you suspect you're being "played for a fool" should say something. If a girl who has a boyfriend is flirting with you / coming on to you and is showing no resistance, I don't think she'd be a very good partner in the long run. Just think about it. You're flirting with a girl WHILE she has a boyfriend. Who's to say once she's already became your girlfriend, that she won't do the same AGAIN while she's with you? Something to think about.

All I smell is trouble from this. Also, she ignores you when she's with her friends? Wtf, lmao. I don't think this girl GENUINELY likes you. From everything you've explained in this thread, I don't think she really likes you man. She has a boyfriend, but isn't willing to leave him for you, plus she's flirting with you WHILE she has a boyfriend (but still won't leave him for you even though you suspect her for liking you...funny, huh?) plus, she self harms and overdoses on drugs. I smell nothing but TROUBLE. Don't forget, she even ignores you while around friends. See how all this adds up?

Man, you better off just leaving her alone. Find other women. I really mean this, man. Find other women and talk to them. Unless you really want to fvck with this girl. Obviously, we can't stop you but I'm just giving you my advice from my perspective.

 

[DocFaustus]

You should do the same thing you would do if you found a girl with long black hair at the end of a shadowy corridor.. RUN

Seriously, this doesn't sound good, what you've told us about her clearly shows she has problems, and even though you might think "I wanna help her." you shouldn't, why? First it will kill you inside (you clearly feel something for her, I know that sense of "being played for a fool", 1/2 months ago I had the exact same problem) while she has a boyfriend to be with her, you seem a good guy, you have a moral problem with messing around with a girl with boyfriend, that's great, but the thing is, she should be the one having problems with it! She is the one that knows him, she is the one that has a relationship with him. Second, if you mess with a basket case you'll get hurt, all that crazyness will fall on you, do you gain anything with it? Are you going to give up some of the best days/weeks/months/years of your life with someone who is broken just because you are a good guy (even tough she doesn't seem to give a damn about how you feel?)? Be a bit selfish here.

And cmon she doesn't respect you, she avoids you when around other people (don't accept any kind of abuse from anyone, respect and be respect, make it a rule that no one can break, not even closest friends or family), you say she knows you like her, but she doesn't care about you suffering with her stories about boyfriend.

I would try to cut it with her, block her on social media, avoid being with her, don't allow any disrespect and if she does disrespect you show her you don't allow that to pass. I know it's hard, sometimes we get feelings for someone even though we do our best not to, but it's part of life and so is evolving, growing and becoming a better human. SS is great has an incentive for that improvement but "There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.", it's something you gotta do for yourself. I assure you every little victory will feel great and after some months you will notice big differences.

 

[spikeanut]

Stop being her emotional tampon. Take a squat or get off the ****ter. Make a move on her the next time; you will have your answer then. Either it elevates, or you go no contact afterwards; end of story.