Am I being disrespected here?

[Zig-zag-man]

Here's the situation: my gf and I share a lot of mutual friends, some of whom I've known for years and years and used to be very close to. However, shiit happened and I was slowly exiled from our little group of friends. Despite that fact, my gf still regularly gets calls and still actively hangs out with them.

And this is where the issue is...I really don't know how I should feel about my gf hanging out with the same people who've turned me into an outcast. On one hand, it seems immature to me to make her stop hanging out with friends we've both had even before we got together, but on the other hand I can't help but feel it's a slap in the face that she would still hang out with them. It feels like she doesn't have my back 100 percent in this regard, and it pisses me off. She's a good gf though, has always been there for me and whatever, so I just grit my teeth and bear it.

Am I overreacting? Should this even be an issue? I could really use some perspective on this. Any help would be much appreciated.

 

[jophil28]

How did it come about that you were cut out of the herd?

 

[Zig-zag-man]

Well, because of a girl (big surprise).

Long story short, lightly fooled around with a mutual friend chick at a buddy's house one night. I say lightly because there was no kissing or anything of that sort going on, just some wrestling and hugging at most. She cries wolf, and all of a sudden the story is I somehow forced myself on her. Two points I made to everyone...1.) nothing happened that she didn't let happen and 2.) if she was really in any danger, all she had to do was scream and wake up anybody in the house to come kick my ass, or knee me in the nads, or something.

Anyways, I end up looking like the bad guy and everyone sides with the exaggerations of the 19 year old 'innocent' girl.

 

[vitor]

I would say something because as you being the prize and the most important peice of the puzzle here it makes you uncomfortable. Who knows what they say when you are not around. Ask her if how would she feel if the shoe was on the other foot. How can she be your girl love you and beleive you yet hang out with people who think you are a molester? That is weird..

 

[Crow]

If you're girl is hanging out with them, it sounds like she is in tacit consent of their judgement of you. I would say she is definitely dissing you and it's time to kick her ass to the curb with the rest of those losers.

 

[Jitterbug]

Wow, that's some serious sh!t, man!

Your GF's action (hanging out with them) is basically approving the false accusation. That's not on. That's a serious disrespect.

I'd raise that with her and if she argues back, I'd ditch the b!tch and the rest of the losers aka your former friends.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

I cannot speak for you, but the wife of Seizeher is always above suspicion.

It is often held in legal and philosophical circles, that to turn a blind eye to evil is to participate in it. And your gf continuing to associate with these people is very much an endorsement of their judgment.

I would not raise it as an issue, then she will just tell them and it will spread like wildfire. The time is to withdrawl your attention and decide if and how you are going to address this. It's a tough question, do you want to walk away over this?

 

[Zig-zag-man]

Thank you for the input gentlemen. You all have basically reaffirmed what I've felt for a while now.

If you're girl is hanging out with them, it sounds like she is in tacit consent of their judgement of you.

Your GF's action (hanging out with them) is basically approving the false accusation. That's not on. That's a serious disrespect.

^ The above are my sentiments exactly. I've brought this whole thing up with her before and told her straight up that if she chooses her friends over me, I'm out. I didn't know if I was correct in my thinking though, because frankly, this is the first time I've brought this issue up with anyone, outside of the ramblings in my head. My gf argued that they were her friends before all this happened (we weren't officially together at the time this occurred, but were involved with each other) and that they don't talk bad about me, but like the above quotes said, she's basically taking their side over me by hanging out with them. To make matters worse, she's still friendly and keeps in contact with the wench that started all this; I found out they were planning to hang out in the next few days since the little wench is back in town to visit.

I'm starting to see now that it was foolish of me letting this go on for as long as it has. I have no qualms breaking it off with her because of this, but like I said before, she's been good to me and we've been together for a while now.

Should I make her choose, be with her friends or be with me, or has the damage already been done and I should just walk away? I'm planning on seeing her later tonight to talk about this, and I'm leaning towards the latter.

 

[Crow]

I would lay things out clearly in the case that you want to settle this for good. You don't have to make an explicit ultimatum, but tell her that you care about the fact that people are misjudging you and her behavior is not that of someone who supports you. If she starts to make any excuses, just shut it down and walk away. No explanation necessary or deserved for her.

 

[Warrior74]

Less talking, more walking. Just tell her its over, you think you guys should go your separate ways and then just shut up and leave. Watch the fireworks and enjoy. Good luck man.

 

[Jitterbug]

Well, considering your latest post (her hanging out with the wench, her knowing them before you), your best option is to just walk. Say as little as possible.

 

[jophil28]

Well, because of a girl (big surprise).

Long story short, lightly fooled around with a mutual friend chick at a buddy's house one night. I say lightly because there was no kissing or anything of that sort going on, just some wrestling and hugging at most. She cries wolf, and all of a sudden the story is I somehow forced myself on her. Two points I made to everyone...1.) nothing happened that she didn't let happen and 2.) if she was really in any danger, all she had to do was scream and wake up anybody in the house to come kick my ass, or knee me in the nads, or something.

Anyways, I end up looking like the bad guy and everyone sides with the exaggerations of the 19 year old 'innocent' girl.

Note how the group cut you out and accepted her as 'the victim'.

This story is also a good example of how little loyaty and support exists between 'men'.
You can bet the ranch that all those wives and girlfriends imposed their judgement of you on their boyfriends, and those guys just meekly agreed rather than support a brother male.

 

[logic1]

You say she is a good GF? Can you explain? How? In what ways?

I say you need some new friends and options.

My suggestion is dont bring this up to her again. No need to be talking and causing drama. Act as if it is not happening. For now there is no reason to tell her its over. Just be sure you are looking past her.

Over the next few weeks find some new places to hang out. New friends, new women, new activities. Get your ass out there and explore.

Next time your so called GF is hanging with the judgmental group you make sure you are having fun with your new group of friends. Go fck her when she has time just to relieve yourself.

It wont take long for her to react once she knows what you are doing when she is out with the gang. The way she reacts will tell you what to do next.

No need to be blabbing about this to her. Keep your mouth shut and start living. She will find out on her own.

 

[Colossus]

I agree man it sounds like pretty overt disrespect to me. If she was "there for you" she would believe you over some tramp who cried wolf to get attention, and stick up for you amongst your friends.

Once the disrespect rug has been dirtied, so to speak, there isnt much you can do but break up with her and move on.

 

[Warrior74]

You say she is a good GF? Can you explain? How? In what ways?

I say you need some new friends and options.

My suggestion is dont bring this up to her again. No need to be talking and causing drama. Act as if it is not happening. For now there is no reason to tell her its over. Just be sure you are looking past her.

Over the next few weeks find some new places to hang out. New friends, new women, new activities. Get your ass out there and explore.

Next time your so called GF is hanging with the judgmental group you make sure you are having fun with your new group of friends. Go fck her when she has time just to relieve yourself.

It wont take long for her to react once she knows what you are doing when she is out with the gang. The way she reacts will tell you what to do next.

No need to be blabbing about this to her. Keep your mouth shut and start living. She will find out on her own.

even better. That's exactly what they do to us when they branch swing. repped.

 

[jophil28]

Should I make her choose, be with her friends or be with me, or has the damage already been done and I should just walk away? I'm planning on seeing her later tonight to talk about this, and I'm leaning towards the latter.

She has already chosen.

And from my experience "talking" is futile when it comes to pursuading women who act like this . You should NEVER have to plead, negotiate or convince a woman to place you at the top of the totem pole .
Women (like her ) often slice their 'loyalty' up into small pieces and hand everyone a piece -like a birthday cake. They hope that by doing so, everyone will feel equally connected, just like high school.
This is what I call the 'horizontal loyalty' model...it does not work in adult rel;ationships except with beta male boyfriends who are grateful for being given a slice at all.

Proud men, on the other hand, usually have adopted a 'vertical loyalty' model in their belief system .They expect to be her 'king' on the top of the deck- not just some random card lower down - right ? Well, at the moment, you are just a lower order card somewhere in her deck.

It is your move now..play or fold.