Alpha Widow?

[Hunter Huynh]

I was 22 and she was 22

My ex and I met through a mutual friend and we ended up dating for two years. After our first date, she wasn't very interested and ghosted me for a good 2 months. I walked away and surprisingly, she reached out to set up a date. I was acting very alpha during the initial period and she brought up the idea of being exclusive after 2 months of hanging out. Initially, she put very little effort into the relationship and did not initiate any texting, calling... I thought she was just shy and wanted the man to be in the driving seat so I did. After 6 months of dating, we went to see firework on new year's eve and she told me that she is very happy to date someone who is better than her ex (she only had one relationship before me). About 2 -3 days later, I accidentally found out that she has been keeping tab on her ex's social media almost every other day (he became the first to show up on her search list and I was at the bottom). She said that it became a habit after the breakup 2 years ago and she usually unconsciously searched him up. I told her that I don't want to see that again and she stopped doing it on FB. However, she still looked him up on other social platforms. One more time, we had a discussion and she deleted all of the pictures on her phone this time. Fast forward 1.5 years into the relationship, she spent 3 nights at my house during Valentine and I was thinking of moving in with her. About 4 days later, she looked up her ex new GF on Facebook. This time she deleted her browsing history as well but I found out. I wanted to walk away but she was crying her heart out and asked me to stay. Now that my trust is broken, I thought that we may be able to repair the relationship for years to come. Then June comes around and she wanted us to get married (she is an international student and she needs the paperwork to stay). I told her that I can't at this time and she wanted to break up. She said I didn't love her enough to get into a commitment and that I cannot forget what she did in the past (I am guilty of this by constantly bringing it up too). After the breakup, I also realized that there are subtle signs that she really looked up to him like he was "the one that got away"

Has anyone been through the same situation with an Alpha Widow and how did it end up for you? Insights/advices about your experience would be much appreciated.

 

[Scars]

Why do you have access to her social medias and why are you going through her search history in the first place? This just screams insecurity.

People can cope after relationships differently. Just because she is watching his social media doesn't mean she is trying to get back with him. People get bored and curious. I bet you lurk on people you don't even know all the time. Everyone does it. She may want to see how pretty the new GF is compared to her. Girls are weird and compare each other all the time. What if she is checking on his socials because she wants to see him having a miserable life and gets some sick satisfaction of it? Personally, I don't see it as that big of deal. Now if she starts engaging with his posts or messaging him, that's a different story.

However.. the second you gave her an emotional reaction and made yourself appear jealous of her ex it was game over for you. And possibly in a way, made her more attracted to him because you made it a "taboo".

I think you could have easily over come this by just acting indifferent and not saying anything. She probably would have checked a couple more times than got bored and start to focus more attention on you. But you reacted emotionally and she lost an incredible amount of respect for you.

People may have opposing view points. People could argue that she had low interest from the very start, which may be true.. but you reacting the way you did is certainly not going to make it any better. Any chance you had you screwed it up right then.

Also, why are you giving this woman the satisfaction of calling her an "Alpha"? She doesn't sound alpha at all. She sounds like a confused little girl who doesn't know what she wants.

You already screwed it up, forget about trying to fix or be "friends" with her. Go find some other pvssy and continue on with your life.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

@Hunter Huynh
Scars is on the money, you gave her ex power by feeling threatened by him and trying to control something you can't. Personally if I see my girl checking out other men, I'll tease her about it and indirectly dare her to leave me for him. I want her to have the best life, even if that means not being with me. I'll tell her this with a big genuine smile, and it never fails to melt her heart. Only an insecure woman will demand you constantly fight for her love.

Why do you care what she looks at in her social media anyway? It's so overbearing and controlling to even care about that or get emotional about what she looks at. She can leave at any moment no matter what you do, always keep that in the back of your mind, it'll help you come from a more genuine mindset.