All the rejections gnawing away my humanity

[user252009]

I've always been a stoic to a degree, not very open to people I guess. I'm a very sensitive guy (also an artist) so when a woman shows genuine interest in me (hasn't happened in many years now), I open up and can be who I really am. Why am I not open from the get-go? Because I used to be, and people always took advantage of it. Now, in the last few years, as the dating scene has pretty much completely shifted to online dating, I've experienced more rejections (I'm now 36 as well, but in the biggest stride of my life professionally), and every bitter experience seems to chip away what's left of humanity inside of me. As said, I've always been a stoic, but it's coming to the point where I don't feel anything towards potential women that could be interested in me. Guys here always say to invest in women that have high interest in you, but lately even the average 5-7 women don't seem to want to hold a conversation (again, online).

That, along with the most bitter red pill experience of my life, has kinda caused me to stop pursuing any woman and I'll probably only give it a go if a woman REALLY shows interest in me AND I think she's hot and has substance.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I. I'm a very sensitive guy

This is your problem

We are all sensitive to a degree but in the modern dating landscape its not a virtue you can afford

It is a ruthless environment and it's not going to change anytime soon ....if you wear your heart on your sleeve you will get battered

I learnt this lesson in my early 20's when my oneitis ripped my world apart and perception of women along with it

Problem is unless you want to become a recluse you have little choice but to dust yourself down and get back on with it

learn from the rejections but dont let them jade you is the best advice i can offer

 

[user252009]

learn from the rejections but dont let them jade you is the best advice i can offer

This has happened naturally, but the problem is that I'm becoming less and less receptive to any sort of human emotion

 

[SW15]

Rejections are difficult. Some individual rejections can be harsh but it's not the individual rejections that matter. It's the collective. If you don't have much success to show for your efforts with women, it can affect your own self worth.

I have noticed you mention online and that's bad. Interacting with women online is a more difficult process. It's more difficult to get attention and successfully seduce from online.

You also got one-itis from a co-worker. If you are a white collar worker, messing around with women from your workplace is a bad idea. It's acceptable to do if you're working some sort of low wage, service sector McJob where you're likely to change jobs soon. I think you have learned this lesson though.

 

[Striker_93]

Sounds like you're toughening up.

 

[RangerMIke]

When I started first business 24 years I had a hard time with getting rejected by prospective clients. I knew I had a good product and service, knew they needed what I had to offer, and they had the money to pay for it... but I couldn't close the deal. This does impact your confidence... until you get to the point where you own the fact that it's a numbers game... you have to get through the no's until you get a yes. I then adopted an attitude that rejection is just part of the process. "I'll meet with 4 prospective clients, one will say yes the other 3 will say no. Getting through the no's as fast as possible is par for the course."

Once I got to this point it was easy, you just thank the rejections for their time, leave my card, and tell them to let me know if we can work together in the future. Sometime they come back (but this is a small percentage).

Anyone that lets rejection get to them will end up in horrible situations that don't work for them. I'm going to name drop... back in 2000 I submitted a proposal for some work with Donald Trump, it would have been a NICE project and could have carried my company for a couple of years. I worked hard on that proposal and got the bid down as low as I could, with still having an 5% profit margin... which was as low as I would EVER go on anything. I had a meeting with 'The Donald' at Mar-a-Largo (I was living in Orlando at the time so it was not a hard trip to make). Long story short, he tried to under-cut my pricing and asked for increased quality. His pitch was that I could use the fact I was working with him to increase my profile and get more customers. I passed... told him he had my best price to guarantee quality and success and I could not go lower. I thanked him for his time and walked away.... never heard from him again, but back in 2008 I had an opportunity to again work with the Trump organization (though not directly for Trump himself), with similar results. Any of the companies that I knew took the work I declined ended up having trouble.

I do not want this to be a political discussion, because frankly I do not blame Trump for doing what he does... pushing for price cuts... demanding quality... I do not have ANY sympathy for businesses that entered into these cr@ppy business arrangements, agreeing to something they can not maintain. If you take a 20% price cut while promising to deliver the same quality, you should not be shocked when your client refuses to pay you when you don't deliver.

The hot chick is like Don Trump... they are both demanding, and they expect you to bend over backwards to make them happy at your expense. If you are afraid of rejection, and only take what falls in your lap these are the kinds of situations you will find yourself in.

Dating is like sales... ignore all the PUA and relationship coach BS, it's a numbers game... and you have to move through the no's as fast as possible to get to the yes... you WILL have more no's than yes's IF YOU HAVE HIGH STANDARDS for how you are willing to be treated. Just get used to it.

Not sure if this helps the OP, and I do not have any advice on exactly how to do this other then learn to love rejection... because that is part of the process.

 

[SW15]

back in 2000 I submitted a proposal for some work with Donald Trump, it would have been a NICE project and could have carried my company for a couple of years. I worked hard on that proposal and got the bid down as low as I could, with still having an 5% profit margin... which was as low as I would EVER go on anything. I had a meeting with 'The Donald' at Mar-a-Largo (I was living in Orlando at the time so it was not a hard trip to make). Long story short, he tried to under-cut my pricing and asked for increased quality. His pitch was that I could use the fact I was working with him to increase my profile and get more customers. I passed... told him he had my best price to guarantee quality and success and I could not go lower. I thanked him for his time and walked away.... never heard from him again, but back in 2008 I had an opportunity to again work with the Trump organization (though not directly for Trump himself), with similar results.

The hot chick is like Don Trump... they are both demanding, and they expect you to bend over backwards to make them happy at your expense. If you are afraid of rejection, and only take what falls in your lap these are the kinds of situations you will find yourself in.

Great example. You put together a competitive offer and the offer wasn't going to make sense for you. It's good in both mating and business to understand your own worth and avoid situations that aren't good. Trump in 2000 would have been a nightmare client for you. There are men who get into interactions with hot women and they bend over backwards for her. It doesn't end up working out well for them.

Dating is like sales... ignore all the PUA and relationship coach BS, it's a numbers game... and you have to move through the no's as fast as possible to get to the yes... you WILL have more no's than yes's IF YOU HAVE HIGH STANDARDS for how you are willing to be treated. Just get used to it.

I agree to a point that dating has commonality with both marketing and sales. It's not a numbers game if your game is shiit or in business if your product/service offering is shiit. For instance, telling Eliot Rodger that dating is a numbers game would have been erroneous. He was so awkward that no amount of numbers would have made a difference. Extreme example, but illustrative.

If you're offering is competitive, it can be a numbers game. I have recently written on another thread that most men aren't doing enough approaches. Approaching strangers is a bit inefficient. Swipe apps are even more inefficient. The numbers are going to have to be higher to get to what you want. It can be difficult to find efficiencies in seduction.

 

[Grounded eagle]

I've always been a stoic to a degree, not very open to people I guess. I'm a very sensitive guy (also an artist) so when a woman shows genuine interest in me (hasn't happened in many years now), I open up and can be who I really am. Why am I not open from the get-go? Because I used to be, and people always took advantage of it. Now, in the last few years, as the dating scene has pretty much completely shifted to online dating, I've experienced more rejections (I'm now 36 as well, but in the biggest stride of my life professionally), and every bitter experience seems to chip away what's left of humanity inside of me. As said, I've always been a stoic, but it's coming to the point where I don't feel anything towards potential women that could be interested in me. Guys here always say to invest in women that have high interest in you, but lately even the average 5-7 women don't seem to want to hold a conversation (again, online).

That, along with the most bitter red pill experience of my life, has kinda caused me to stop pursuing any woman and I'll probably only give it a go if a woman REALLY shows interest in me AND I think she's hot and has substance.

You can’t let your failures with women determine how you think about yourself, and much less how you think about humanity.Especially when you consider they’re happening off OLD,which is just dumpster juice.

A woman rejecting you only matters if you let it matter.

But you honestly sound like you have some work to do on yourself if you haven’t been given IOIs by a woman in “many years.”

 

[Kotaix]

This has happened naturally, but the problem is that I'm becoming less and less receptive to any sort of human emotion

I think this is natural, and beneficial to a great degree. I have basically given up on the idea of romantic love because all it ever does is lead to delusional trains of thought that torpedo any chances with a woman.

Let go of the past and who you used to be, and focus on who you are now. Clinging to the past is a downward spiral.

 

[corrector]

I've always been a stoic to a degree, not very open to people I guess. I'm a very sensitive guy (also an artist) so when a woman shows genuine interest in me (hasn't happened in many years now), I open up and can be who I really am. Why am I not open from the get-go? Because I used to be, and people always took advantage of it. Now, in the last few years, as the dating scene has pretty much completely shifted to online dating, I've experienced more rejections (I'm now 36 as well, but in the biggest stride of my life professionally), and every bitter experience seems to chip away what's left of humanity inside of me. As said, I've always been a stoic, but it's coming to the point where I don't feel anything towards potential women that could be interested in me. Guys here always say to invest in women that have high interest in you, but lately even the average 5-7 women don't seem to want to hold a conversation (again, online).

That, along with the most bitter red pill experience of my life, has kinda caused me to stop pursuing any woman and I'll probably only give it a go if a woman REALLY shows interest in me AND I think she's hot and has substance.

Dont blame you. Women can turn on you in a dime wiping out all the investment on her.