Age and value of new experience...

godofanxiety

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I need some advice from "older" men on this board. See, I'm constantly getting in and out of depression because I think the best part of my life is gone. I'm 26, got the first and only girlfriend at the end of 25, before that didn't experience anything at all, spent that time staring at the ceiling hoping my social phobia will magically disappear and I'll be able to talk to women without sh!tting myself.

Now, the point: I'm thinking that experience both emotional and physical gained during our youth, when hormones are raging, everything is new and exiting and a bit forbidden is infinitely more valuable than the experience gained later, when one is older and physically and emotionally not so excitable. I see there are men here ranging from 30 to 50, even more, and I would be very interested to hear their thoughts on this. Do you still enjoy sex and love, are you equally exited by it now as in the old days or not?

Also, from your point of view where do I stand at my age of 26? Will I be able to make up for my lost time and will my experiences be as valuable as if I was still 20?

Sorry if this seems like a silly question, I myself roll eyes when I hear about a 20 year old kid saying he's too old, but please share your thoughts, this is very important to me.
 

squirrels

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Yeah, the whole "too old" delusion is just that: a delusion.

That being said, over the last 6 months or so, my sex drive...hell my drive to do just about anything...has fallen off significantly. It might just be depression. I've been working some long hours and the job is starting to wear on me, plus a couple of other things that are kicking it off. I don't think it's "normal" to be this way. But I understand where you're coming from with the "it's all been done" attitude.

It's always more fun when you're pushing your boundaries than when you're working inside them.

I guess the bigger question is, if you're not excited by the prospect of "womanizing", why do you feel so "obligated" to pursue it?

Give it a rest for a while. Practice your flirting and womanizing techniques, just to keep them sharp, but you don't have to take them to conclusion (relationship or sex) if you really don't want to.

The idea is to be on-point when you DO find a girl who excites you. Don't force yourself out there with mediocre women who don't do it for you.

30 is the new 20. I go out now and see 30 and 40 year olds at college bars running game. Men don't get too old unless they allow themselves to.
 

Maxtro

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I know how you mean, I feel like the last 10 years of my life were wasted. But then I realize that life has just begun. If I live to be 100 (not likely :p) then only the first 1/4 of my life has past. I still got 74 years left.

As men we are lucky we don't hit our prime, when everything falls into place until our late 30's-40's. When we are that age we will most likely be much more successful, have lots more money and be much more confident.

As long as you're focused on success and have the desire to keep improving you don't have a lot to worry about. Right now I'm just a grown boy who's going to college and living with grandma. In 10 years I'll be a Man. Of course I'll have lots of fun on the way :D
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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My life has become so much more controlled and easy going than when I was in my 20s. Back then it was all about competition and accumulation. Constantly climbing ladders and knocking off anyone who wasn't climbing as fast as I. WAYYYY too much stress and pressure.

Life has been great since I've been able to identify what makes me happy by my own terms and accepting exactly what I have control over (my actions, my thoughts, my perceptions). Everything else just exist as who or what it is at that point in time; "It's all good all of the time."

In your case I'd really reconsider a premise that you alluded to in your post, raging hormones. Those things can get you into trouble if you don't define a personal path, lifestyle and purpose. You'll literally be reacting to everything around you without any control what so ever. Think of a pinball bouncing off of bumpers, going through the same spinning gates in a frenzy all to inevitable fall between the flippers.

Now compare that to sailing in a vast ocean. You are able to choose your direction, you are able to either let the wind carry you or through calculated and deliberated maneuvering you can sail against the wind. Even at times of no wind you can choose to either plot a course or kick back and enjoy the rolling, undulation of the waves, it's up to you.

The difference between youth and maturity isn't age, it's experience. At any age you have the choice on how to experience your life. Some people take years to figure that out but it in no way means that you have to wait that long.
 

ElChoclo

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What you lose on the one hand, you gain on the other. Do you seriously think that an older man doesn't enjoy swimming in the warm ocean currents in summer. Doesn't enjoy the taste of good food? You get the point.

Your equipment can be perfectly functional, don't assume that you will be totally decrepit in 25 years. But don't assume that you will automatically change your personality. You will not. A man cannot really change his fundamental nature, but he can learn coping strategies. And this is the secret.

You aren't a prisoner in a gulag, use your freedom, it is the greatest possession. A simple pleasure can be all you need. Resolve to get off that bed. Forget about the ceiling. A man consists of his habits, as someone once said. Change those habits and you will change your life.

Maybe you won't be as easily excited, but that just means that you'll be looking for an even stronger stimulus, so there is something to think about
 

Never try to read a woman's mind. It is a scary place. Ignore her confusing signals and mixed messages. Assume she is interested in you and act accordingly.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Master Bates

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I understand what the OP is saying. I didn't have any experience with girls during my teen/college years, and I feel like I really missed out, even if I technically can still experience those things. They're very formative years and I think affect the way you are as an adult.
 

STR8UP

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godofanxiety said:
I need some advice from "older" men on this board. See, I'm constantly getting in and out of depression because I think the best part of my life is gone. I'm 26, got the first and only girlfriend at the end of 25, before that didn't experience anything at all, spent that time staring at the ceiling hoping my social phobia will magically disappear and I'll be able to talk to women without sh!tting myself.

Now, the point: I'm thinking that experience both emotional and physical gained during our youth, when hormones are raging, everything is new and exiting and a bit forbidden is infinitely more valuable than the experience gained later, when one is older and physically and emotionally not so excitable. I see there are men here ranging from 30 to 50, even more, and I would be very interested to hear their thoughts on this. Do you still enjoy sex and love, are you equally exited by it now as in the old days or not?

Also, from your point of view where do I stand at my age of 26? Will I be able to make up for my lost time and will my experiences be as valuable as if I was still 20?

Sorry if this seems like a silly question, I myself roll eyes when I hear about a 20 year old kid saying he's too old, but please share your thoughts, this is very important to me.
For men life begins at 30.

You need to spend the next few years getting your sh!t together and improving yourself, BEGINNING with getting help for your social anxiety. I waited until i was in my mid 30's to address this problem and I know my life would have been infinitely better had I sought help much sooner. GO SEE A DOCTOR NOW.

Back to the "life begins at 30" thing....

Ten years ago my dad told me that your 30's are the best time of your life. I didn't understand what he meant until I hit my 30's. Now I know.

As long as you work on yourself you will always be an appreciating asset. Thank god or whoever that you aren't a woman! Imagine what it wouold be like to HAVE to attach yourself to a high quality man, or watch your stock drop (in the eyes of both men AND women) every day after you hit your mid 20's.

Here's a comment I got on Myspace yesterday from a chick I know who has a birthday close to mine:

"We're getting old!!!!!Men seem to get better looking and woman just get wrinkles...Looking sexy old man!!!"

Women KNOW this when they are in their 20's, but most men don't figure it out until they wake up one day when they hit their 30's and all of a sudden they are getting attention from all sorts of women ranging from age 20-40.

You're money, you just don't know it. Forget about women and concentrate on yourself. In a few years it will all start to come together, trust me.
 

joekerr31

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your issue is what they call existential angst. basically anxiety over life.

when i was 19 i thought it was all over. i mean, some people had phds by 19, what had i accomplished? when i was 25 i thought i was old. heck, i thought i was suppose to have a great job, be married with kids, etc. at 30 i thought i was really f*cked.

now at 33 i realize that this is just the matrix talking. we've been programmed to believe that life is linear. that you climb the hill in a straight line and eventually you reach the summit.

but that is NOT what life is about. life is more like bumper cars. everyone going every which way at once. most of the time you can see a hit coming, but now and then you get blind sided. etc.

its not linear, its a bloody mess.

see, the problem is that our social institutions are linear. they are rigid systems. enter, pay cash, here's a piece of paper, leave, get job. and most people treat their education that way as well and as a result learn nothing even though they have a degree.

the best advice i can give you is to take life one year at a time.

seriously, do the absolute best you can for one year at a time. don't worry about marriage, don't worry about a promotion, etc. worry only about things that you can affect over the course of a year.

so do the best you can at your job. flirt with multiple girls. etc.

people often say 'live in the now', but humans cant do that. our brains are always thinking about the 'bigger picture'. which is fine. but what you need to do is shrink the picture down from your whole life to just the next 12 months.

what they will do is motivate you to get things done while at the same time eliminating your anxiety of the 'big' issues.

for instance, maybe you wouldn't date a chic because ultimately she's not 'marriage' material. so what? doens't mean you can't date her for the next 3 months and still keep your eyes open for one who is marriage material :)

live life one year at a time, making the best of that one year, and you're life will get immeasurably better.
 

Drum&Bass

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tough question...My take is..Alot of my experiences from my teen years and early 20's have a huge effect on how I perceive things now. Sex was way more intense..falling for a girl was way more intense, things can feel pretty good now, but I don't think I'll have those intense physical and emotional feelings that I used to have when I was younger.

I guess as I get older I grow more numb to things. But I can only speak from my experience, whose to say that because you haven't experienced certain things as yet they won't be as intense as if you were to experience them at a younger age ?? (why even ask the question as you will never know anymore).


Also, from your point of view where do I stand at my age of 26? Will I be able to make up for my lost time and will my experiences be as valuable as if I was still 20?
Absolutely, just enjoy your life and try not to think about what you missed out on when you were younger.
 

beastmaster79

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i'm a young dude and i don't have my **** totally figured out yet but i chill with a lot of older guys. i know of plenty of 30-40 yr old dudes who date girls in their early 20's. develop good habits now and as time passes your investments in yourself will pay off. if you avoid debt, drug addiction and alcoholism you'll be way ahead of the game. i'd say start getting in shape now. you're the perfect age to start lifting. guys in their mid 20's put on muscle like its nobody's business.

also, if you need a self esteem boost just bone some college girls. don't worry about **** not getting you excited. thats just becuase you're depressed. ive been there dude. exercise helps a lot with that. running, lifting whatever.
 

godofanxiety

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Thank you all for your replies, they were very uplifting for the most part (especially the "life begins in the thirties"). I just want to clarify one thing that I feel some have misunderstood: I'm still very much exited about sex, love and all that, but this is what bothers me:
Drum&Bass
Alot of my experiences from my teen years and early 20's have a huge effect on how I perceive things now. Sex was way more intense..falling for a girl was way more intense, things can feel pretty good now, but I don't think I'll have those intense physical and emotional feelings that I used to have when I was younger.
The fear that I can't feel that rush now that I'm older automatically lowers the intensity and value of any new experience. It's like: I wish I've done this 6 years ago. So, I've been thinking. I'm going to try to turn off my brain and enjoy the things as they come, not comparing them to something that I haven't experienced anyway. Hope that will do the trick.

But forgetting the past is difficult, I keep kicking myself in the head over the opportunities I missed (and I had quite a few). But I guess that takes some discipline.
 

vorbis

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I get where you're coming from godofanxiety.
I'm with my first serious gf at age 25 as well.

Its going very well but there's always that regret that you should have been doing this at age 18. People around you are starting to shack up with people and settle down whereas you are only just starting!
 

Master Bates

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Man I totally know what you mean about that. I wonder what it is about being young that makes those experiences that much more intense. Is it just the fact that you haven't experienced them yet? Is it hormones intensifying the feelings? Is it just something about having the brain of an 17 year old? Sexually, I'm sure porn plays a role in it. Even if you never have sex, years of looking at pictures of naked girls and having seen videos of hundreds/thousands of girls get banged in every which way kind of takes the excitement out of having it happen in real life. Seeing a naked girl at 15 is a lot different than seeing a naked girl at 25.
 

reset

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Well I'm pushing 31 and it's only now that I'm starting to "get it". I thought I was old in my twenties. But I think back... when I was 18 I thought 30 was senior-citizen time. Now I see anyone under 25 as a "kid".

Honestly, I feel like I wasted my 20s... I think you spend your twenties getting over being a teenager, lol. The time I could have spent partying in my 20s, I put towards my career instead. I'm good at what I do, getting ready to take it to the next level. Women seem to respond to a more mature man.

But frankly, I still feel very "young". Maybe 30 IS the new 20. Because I feel like my life is just getting started.

Life is all perspective.
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

Master Bates

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Well this thread has been a bit inspirational for me. It's nice to be reminded that once you hit thirty it's not all marriage and mortgages and kids and balding and back problems. Or at least, it doesn't have to be. I just wanna extend my youth as much as possible. From the amount of 'life experience' I've had I feel like I should be no older than 20, and it seems almost surreal to say "I'm 26". It just doesn't sound right at all.
 

Night Owl

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At 47, life is far better than it was in my twenties and thirties. And looking back, my life sucked badly. Why? I didn't have the skills, confidence, knowledge and experience I do now once I turned forty. Life begins at 40.... and it's nothing to do with anything you can read on this forum, but it is still interesting for the odd tip and see how others are making a mess of their lives like I did.

As an 'oldie' I now get the hottest sex that I could only ever dream off and about three times a week too if I want. How? I wrote down a list of things I desired in a women when I was 39, and year later, she walked into my life. I didn't chase after her, she just turned up. We are in tune with each other both sexy and mentally. I have had more sex between 40 and 47 than I have in the previous 20 years. And it gets better each time.

Also, I have noticed that the older I get, the more women chase after me. I have must of turned down about 40-50 women in the past 7 years. The tables have been turned, it's me that is hit on, approached in the mall, and asked out or offered their numbers. It's a totally bizzare situation.

I am not rich, but I am not poor either. I am freelance writer, which women seem to like the idea of, but often I get hit on even when they haven't got a clue what I do for a living.

All I can say is, I walk around with lots of confidence (that has come with age), I dress well, but in a fashion of my own, which suits me and not what is in vogue at the moment. One thing I do is that when a woman looks at me, I look back at her with a look and knowing big smile that says "I know exactly what you are thinking, I can see you unmasked". Boy, does that start the ball rolling. They get interested straight away. Blame the Pook for that one - he suggested reading the 'Manipulated Man' book years ago, which I did, and life has never been the same since - thanks Mr Pook.

So life is better now I am 40+. You can learn a lot from this forum, but remember always: ACTIONS, SPEAK LOUDER THAT WORDS !!
 

STR8UP

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Night Owl said:
At 47, life is far better than it was in my twenties and thirties. And looking back, my life sucked badly. Why? I didn't have the skills, confidence, knowledge and experience I do now once I turned forty. Life begins at 40.... and it's nothing to do with anything you can read on this forum, but it is still interesting for the odd tip and see how others are making a mess of their lives like I did.
Wow.......guys in their 20's are inspired by the positive posts of the guys in their 30's, and being in my 30's I'm inspired by the posts of the guys in their 40's!

As an 'oldie' I now get the hottest sex that I could only ever dream off and about three times a week too if I want. How? I wrote down a list of things I desired in a women when I was 39, and year later, she walked into my life. I didn't chase after her, she just turned up. We are in tune with each other both sexy and mentally. I have had more sex between 40 and 47 than I have in the previous 20 years. And it gets better each time.
I guess it just goes to show that it could happen at any time in your life. Congrats....you have found what a lot of guys will probably never experience!

I am not rich, but I am not poor either. I am freelance writer, which women seem to like the idea of, but often I get hit on even when they haven't got a clue what I do for a living.
When I would try to make a correlation between more women being attracted to me and the things I have that display status, I often find that these women become attracted long before they see my car or where I live or anything. I'm usually wearing jeans and a t-shirt. So it isn't about what you have, it's about how you project yourself.
 

KneghtRyder

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joekerr31 said:
your issue is what they call existential angst. basically anxiety over life.

when i was 19 i thought it was all over. i mean, some people had phds by 19, what had i accomplished? when i was 25 i thought i was old. heck, i thought i was suppose to have a great job, be married with kids, etc. at 30 i thought i was really f*cked.

now at 33 i realize that this is just the matrix talking. we've been programmed to believe that life is linear. that you climb the hill in a straight line and eventually you reach the summit.

but that is NOT what life is about. life is more like bumper cars. everyone going every which way at once. most of the time you can see a hit coming, but now and then you get blind sided. etc.

its not linear, its a bloody mess.

see, the problem is that our social institutions are linear. they are rigid systems. enter, pay cash, here's a piece of paper, leave, get job. and most people treat their education that way as well and as a result learn nothing even though they have a degree.

the best advice i can give you is to take life one year at a time.

seriously, do the absolute best you can for one year at a time. don't worry about marriage, don't worry about a promotion, etc. worry only about things that you can affect over the course of a year.

so do the best you can at your job. flirt with multiple girls. etc.

people often say 'live in the now', but humans cant do that. our brains are always thinking about the 'bigger picture'. which is fine. but what you need to do is shrink the picture down from your whole life to just the next 12 months.

what they will do is motivate you to get things done while at the same time eliminating your anxiety of the 'big' issues.

for instance, maybe you wouldn't date a chic because ultimately she's not 'marriage' material. so what? doens't mean you can't date her for the next 3 months and still keep your eyes open for one who is marriage material :)

live life one year at a time, making the best of that one year, and you're life will get immeasurably better.
awesome post thanks for sharing.
 

bambam

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i will forever say that hell is being a 30 plus year old single man in america. if that was me i think i would go with the one gun - one bullet solution. scares the heeby jeebies out of me. seriously, i can see myself sitting around forming odd mathematical formulas of what age is right for me. take away two add ten split in half. america is so f*****!
 

Well I'm here to tell you there is such a magic wand. Something that will make you almost completely irresistible to any woman you "point it" at. Something guaranteed to fill your life with love, romance, and excitement.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

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