After giving it some thought, turns out my fear of rejection isn't *really* a fear of rejection

[GoodMan32]

When I first moved to my current state at 23, I went through a phase where I'd invite total strangers in public to come over for sex. Not one accepted my advances. But I was able to make the sex offer to these total strangers with no nervousness whatsoever on my part.

Yet to this day (a decade later), the mere thought of asking out a woman I know well (who's given me IOIs) on a simple date gives me crippling levels of nervousness.

Unfortunately, everything I just said goes 100% against the strategy many have proposed on this forum of only focusing on high interest level gals.

The fact I could ask total strangers for sex (knowing that's a recipe for almost certain rejection), yet can't ask out a woman I know well (even if she's given me an IOI) goes to show I don't fear the rejection itself; what I fear is having to run into the woman after a rejection (I knew I was highly unlikely to run into these total strangers ever again. Yet if I know a woman well, I'm obviously going to run into her again. And just because she's given me an IOI doesn't mean she'll definitely accept my ask out)

 

[BPH]

You're not afraid of failure, you're afraid of success because you wouldn't know what to do with it.

What you've described is akin to catcalling women; there's no fear of rejection because you're doing something ridiculous and stupid to the point where you'd be more surprised if you weren't getting rejected.

However, you can't do something similar with a woman you're interested in because there's actual investment and risk.

 

[GoodMan32]

You're not afraid of failure, you're afraid of success because you wouldn't know what to do with it.

What you've described is akin to catcalling women; there's no fear of rejection because you're doing something ridiculous and stupid to the point where you'd be more surprised if you weren't getting rejected.

However, you can't do something similar with a woman you're interested in because there's actual investment and risk.

I dated a woman for 8 months shortly after college. I'd call that success (keeping a woman into me for 8 months, with all the baggage I have working against me)

I also had a fulfilling monthlong affair with a married woman when I was 23 (And get this: I had such a high sex drive at 23, I continued asking total strangers for sex even during my affair with the married woman)

The married woman would drive 40 minutes (one way) just to get my 23 year old wood. I'd call that a success. I would have continued the affair for as long as she wanted. The affair only ended because she decided to focus on repairing her marriage for the sake of the kids.

You're right, if I'm into a woman I actually know (as opposed to a total stranger), there's risk involved. The risk of having to run into her after a possible rejection is the main risk that terrifies me (and holds me back)

 

[Gamisch]

You're not afraid of failure, you're afraid of success because you wouldn't know what to do with it.

What you've described is akin to catcalling women; there's no fear of rejection because you're doing something ridiculous and stupid to the point where you'd be more surprised if you weren't getting rejected.

However, you can't do something similar with a woman you're interested in because there's actual investment and risk.

Well look what you made me do. You made me agree with bhp for Christ sake.

You are afraid to succeed and somehow you are arrogant and stubborn enough to believe you are "doing okay". You are most likely a nice good guy to be around men, but completely invisible to women..

How can you compare visiting a hooker with cold approach? Especially the not getting rejected part is crazy talk. You desperately need a good therapist who has experience with men like you.

What's left to say bro? You don't even really follow advice anyway. If I gotta be honest I think it will remain at hookers for a while untill you man the F up. In every sense of the word . And the clock goes tick tock tick tock..

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I dated a woman for 8 months shortly after college. I'd call that success (keeping a woman into me for 8 months, with all the baggage I have working against me)

I also had a fulfilling monthlong affair with a married woman when I was 23 (And get this: I had such a high sex drive at 23, I continued asking total strangers for sex even during my affair with the married woman)

The married woman would drive 40 minutes (one way) just to get my 23 year old wood. I'd call that a success. I would have continued the affair for as long as she wanted. The affair only ended because she decided to focus on repairing her marriage for the sake of the kids.

You're right, if I'm into a woman I actually know (as opposed to a total stranger), there's risk involved. The risk of having to run into her after a possible rejection is the main risk that terrifies me (and holds me back)

That's about as low hanging fruit as you could possibly get but yet you've deluded yourself into thinking you got a gold mine.

 

[The Duke]

@GoodMan32 I've heard plenty and I can speak for the entire forum. Its time to work on that wardrobe and start thinking about plans for the weekend that involve getting out and talking to women(and men). Whats your plan?

 

[BaronOfHair]

Yet to this day (a decade later), the mere thought of asking out a woman I know well (who's given me IOIs) on a simple date gives me crippling levels of nervousness.

And this will remain the case, until you start approaching more women, and steeling yourself to the discomfort. Your behavior up to this point indicates though:
The prospects of you doing so are less likely than anyone from the cast of the original 90210 turning out to be a G.C. Scott or Julianne Moore-esque talent at this point in their careers

At the risk of being redundant/being accused of "provocation", I'm baffled as to why folks who persist in asking variations of the same question aren't banned(then never heeding the counsel they're given), while members who've graced us with solid acumen several times are

 

[GoodMan32]

Well look what you made me do. You made me agree with bhp for Christ sake.

You are afraid to succeed and somehow you are arrogant and stubborn enough to believe you are "doing okay". You are most likely a nice good guy to be around men, but completely invisible to women..

How can you compare visiting a hooker with cold approach? Especially the not getting rejected part is crazy talk. You desperately need a good therapist who has experience with men like you.

What's left to say bro? You don't even really follow advice anyway. If I gotta be honest I think it will remain at hookers for a while untill you man the F up. In every sense of the word . And the clock goes tick tock tick tock..

Umm, no, I don't fear success. What I fear is that I won't succeed if I make a move on a woman.

I'm inclined to agree with your hypothesis that I'm a nice man around men. I'm even going to go one step further and point out the fact I have no problem chatting with a woman platonically (at work, I mainly associate with female coworkers)

It's only when trying to make the jump to more-than-platonic that I fall apart.

You're right, a prostitute is in no way comparable to a cold approach. I never said the 2 are comparable.

@GoodMan32 I've heard plenty and I can speak for the entire forum. Its time to work on that wardrobe and start thinking about plans for the weekend that involve getting out and talking to women(and men). Whats your plan?

One plan is to continue attending speed dating events.

 

[GoodMan32]

And this will remain the case, until you start approaching more women, and steeling yourself to the discomfort. Your behavior up to this point indicates though:
The prospects of you doing so are less likely than anyone from the cast of the original 90210 turning out to be a G.C. Scott or Julianne Moore-esque talent at this point in their careers

At the risk of being redundant/being accused of "provocation", I'm baffled as to why folks who persist in asking variations of the same question aren't banned(then never heeding the counsel they're given), while members who've graced us with solid acumen several times are

There was a time in 2021 when I was this close to making a move on a woman who's given me possible IOIs before, yet I had to abandon my plan because my heart was racing a mile a minute.

My phobia of turning out to be wrong about a woman's IOIs stems from the fact I'm extremely self-conscious of my ASD. Yeah, I know even neurotypical men are prone to misreading a woman's interest level. Autists misread at a higher rate, however. And if I were to misread a woman's IOIs, there's no telling whether my ASD is why I misread her clues, or if I would have misread even if I were neurotypical.

So, since there's a chance my ASD would be why I misread the IOI, and since I'm extremely self-conscious of my ASD, I refuse to put myself in a position to potentially feel even worse about myself/my ASD.

Next, it's worth mentioning that, after losing my v-card in college, I had a temporary confidence boost (and shot my shot with some female classmates; in other words, gals I'd have to cross paths with again). I never got sex or dates from any of these female classmates, with the exception of one girl who turned out to be too strange even for me (so I had to dump her after a week)

As for your claim I don't take any advice?

When a man's starting point is as low as mine, I require baby steps. But I am making progress.

The speed dating events I attended? Progress.

The hookup apps I signed up for this past summer (per my therapist's recommendation)? Progress.

The flirting I did with the girl at my office building's cafe? Progress.

The fact I, despite being a socially stunted autist, found a way to weasel my next door neighbor's preferences out of her (without coming out and admitting I'm into her), to get an idea of whether I have a chance with her? Progress.

 

[BaronOfHair]

There was a time in 2021 when I was this close to making a move on a woman who's given me possible IOIs before, yet I had to abandon my plan because my heart was racing a mile a minute.

My phobia of turning out to be wrong about a woman's IOIs stems from the fact I'm extremely self-conscious of my ASD. Yeah, I know even neurotypical men are prone to misreading a woman's interest level. Autists misread at a higher rate, however. And if I were to misread a woman's IOIs, there's no telling whether my ASD is why I misread her clues, or if I would have misread even if I were neurotypical.

So, since there's a chance my ASD would be why I misread the IOI, and since I'm extremely self-conscious of my ASD, I refuse to put myself in a position to potentially feel even worse about myself/my ASD.

Next, it's worth mentioning that, after losing my v-card in college, I had a temporary confidence boost (and shot my shot with some female classmates; in other words, gals I'd have to cross paths with again). I never got sex or dates from any of these female classmates, with the exception of one girl who turned out to be too strange even for me (so I had to dump her after a week)

As for your claim I don't take any advice?

When a man's starting point is as low as mine, I require baby steps. But I am making progress.

The speed dating events I attended? Progress.

The hookup apps I signed up for this past summer (per my therapist's recommendation)? Progress.

The flirting I did with the girl at my office building's cafe? Progress.

The fact I, despite being a socially stunted autist, found a way to weasel my next door neighbor's preferences out of her (without coming out and admitting I'm into her), to get an idea of whether I have a chance with her? Progress.

I have no desire to continue reading your rationalizations for not pursuing what you claim to desire anymore, hoss... Either take the plunge, or stop requesting aid that you have no intention of taking

 

[GoodMan32]

I have no desire to continue reading your rationalizations for not pursuing what you claim to desire anymore, hoss... Either take the plunge, or stop requesting aid that you have no intention of taking

I'm willing to take aid. I draw the line at making a move on a woman I'm going to cross paths with again, however.

 

[SW15]

You're not afraid of failure, you're afraid of success because you wouldn't know what to do with it.

you can't do something similar with a woman you're interested in because there's actual investment and risk.

agree with bhp

You desperately need a good therapist who has experience with men like you.

When @BackInTheGame78 and @Gamisch tell @GoodMan32 that he needs to fix his mindset, this is 100% accurate advice.

@GoodMan32 cannot make progress in seducing women in conventional mating circumstances unless his mindset issues are fixed.

With the looks, money, status, and personality variables, this is a severe case of personality issues.

The psychotherapy @GoodMan32 has received in the past has been insufficient. Those therapists are an embarrassment to their profession and/or @GoodMan32 didn't do prescribed homework exercises in therapy.

The real situation is that this is likely a case of needing both talk therapy and medication. A real mental health profession can only make that diagnosis. A mental health professional needs to come in and make a diagnosis in this case yesterday. The levels of fears and phobias are the kinds of things that need to be addressed in therapy, not on an internet seduction forum. We're not the correct resource in this case.

I don't perceive this as a simple ASD case. I perceive this as a more complex ASD case + a presence of other mental disorders. That's why I think a mental health professional needs to be present, make a diagnosis, and then start the lengthy treatment process. I point to the opening post of this thread below as evidence that supports my claim.

my struggles with the ladies go way beyond mere social awkwardness

I was having a DM discussion with another member where I mentioned how my struggles with the ladies go beyond mere social awkwardness/ASD. Come to think of it, I suppose the topic warrants its own thread. In addition to my ASD/social awkwardness, there are many other factors working against me...

www.sosuave.net

While I do believe that psychotherapy has limits as to what it can help with mating/seduction issues, it can be relevant in certain cases. It's relevant here with the deep fears/phobia issues. These are the mindset issues that @BackInTheGame78 has mentioned many times.

After fixing mindset, there's also a need to improve physique too. This forum could likely help when @GoodMan32 is further along in the process.

You are most likely a nice good guy to be around men, but completely invisible to women..

That sentence is true for many neurotypical males who have mild or no mental disorders.

There is a countless number of males who are completely invisible to females. Some of these males actually have good access to women on school campuses (high school or college depending on age). Some of these males are grown men who are working age and have day-to-day routines that need improvement in order to be near more women.

When a man is invisible to women, he usually needs to improve on some combination of looks, money, or access to women.

Improving looks has the best return on effort in terms of becoming more visible to women.

speed dating events.

Speed dating events are a waste of time. There's a thread on why.

Are Structured Singles Events a Waste of Time?

Mostly every unattached person has dealt with this. The potential invitation to a "singles event" or "singles mixer". It is a chance for unattached people to meet. It's not a general night out at a bar, which has unattached people interspersed with attached people. Everyone here is unattached by...

www.sosuave.net

Neurotypicals who go to speed dating events usually end up disappointed in the experience.

Women use these events to reject mediocre men in person, despite the fact they are also mediocre and sometimes subpar women. Women are seeking the Chad types at these events and end up pissed that only normies attended. Chads have so many option that they don't need to waste their time at these structured events. In the absences of top tier Chad men, the women reject all the normies and go on with their lives.

The normie males end up pissed too about not getting dates and/or laid from showing up to these events.

No one has a good experience and everyone just ends up pissed at the end.

 

[Bokanovsky]

When I first moved to my current state at 23, I went through a phase where I'd invite total strangers in public to come over for sex. Not one accepted my advances. But I was able to make the sex offer to these total strangers with no nervousness whatsoever on my part.

Didn't we sort of conclude in your wardrobe thread that you were basically gay? I suspect that the strategy of inviting complete strangers over for sex would be much more successful when applied towards members of the LGBTQ+ community. Food for thought.

 

[Gamisch]

Didn't we sort of conclude in your wardrobe thread that you were basically gay? I suspect that the strategy of inviting complete strangers over for sex would be much more successful when applied towards members of the LGBTQ+ community. Food for thought.

Dude is 32 still doing field reports from 9 years ago! If we gonna play that game I'll be spamming the forum with endless field reports.

When @BackInTheGame78 and @Gamisch tell @GoodMan32 that he needs to fix his mindset, this is 100% accurate advice.

@GoodMan32 cannot make progress in seducing women in conventional mating circumstances unless his mindset issues are fixed.

With the looks, money, status, and personality variables, this is a severe case of personality issues.

The psychotherapy @GoodMan32 has received in the past has been insufficient. Those therapists are an embarrassment to their profession and/or @GoodMan32 didn't do prescribed homework exercises in therapy.

The real situation is that this is likely a case of needing both talk therapy and medication. A real mental health profession can only make that diagnosis. A mental health professional needs to come in and make a diagnosis in this case yesterday. The levels of fears and phobias are the kinds of things that need to be addressed in therapy, not on an internet seduction forum. We're not the correct resource in this case.

I don't perceive this as a simple ASD case. I perceive this as a more complex ASD case + a presence of other mental disorders. That's why I think a mental health professional needs to be present, make a diagnosis, and then start the lengthy treatment process. I point to the opening post of this thread below as evidence that supports my claim.

my struggles with the ladies go way beyond mere social awkwardness

I was having a DM discussion with another member where I mentioned how my struggles with the ladies go beyond mere social awkwardness/ASD. Come to think of it, I suppose the topic warrants its own thread. In addition to my ASD/social awkwardness, there are many other factors working against me...

www.sosuave.net

While I do believe that psychotherapy has limits as to what it can help with mating/seduction issues, it can be relevant in certain cases. It's relevant here with the deep fears/phobia issues. These are the mindset issues that @BackInTheGame78 has mentioned many times.

After fixing mindset, there's also a need to improve physique too. This forum could likely help when @GoodMan32 is further along in the process.



That sentence is true for many neurotypical males who have mild or no mental disorders.

There is a countless number of males who are completely invisible to females. Some of these males actually have good access to women on school campuses (high school or college depending on age). Some of these males are grown men who are working age and have day-to-day routines that need improvement in order to be near more women.

When a man is invisible to women, he usually needs to improve on some combination of looks, money, or access to women.

Improving looks has the best return on effort in terms of becoming more visible to women.



Speed dating events are a waste of time. There's a thread on why.

Are Structured Singles Events a Waste of Time?

Mostly every unattached person has dealt with this. The potential invitation to a "singles event" or "singles mixer". It is a chance for unattached people to meet. It's not a general night out at a bar, which has unattached people interspersed with attached people. Everyone here is unattached by...

www.sosuave.net

Neurotypicals who go to speed dating events usually end up disappointed in the experience.

Women use these events to reject mediocre men in person, despite the fact they are also mediocre and sometimes subpar women. Women are seeking the Chad types at these events and end up pissed that only normies attended. Chads have so many option that they don't need to waste their time at these structured events. In the absences of top tier Chad men, the women reject all the normies and go on with their lives.

The normie males end up pissed too about not getting dates and/or laid from showing up to these events.

No one has a good experience and everyone just ends up pissed at the end.

The therapy will be needed to address deeper issues. When it comes to women he's at the right place. No therapist gonna be your wingman in the club.

No matter how much he tries to get around it, eventually every man who wants a woman will have to put himself out there. And before doing so you have to prepare yourself for success.

 

[SW15]

The therapy will be needed to address deeper issues. When it comes to women he's at the right place. No therapist gonna be your wingman in the club.

Those deeper issues tend to come out in interactions. They might come up as soon as a first or second date.

Therapy tends to fail with helping men actually get that first date or the same night sex. As you say (and I agree), no therapist can be a wingman at a nightclub. No amount of psychotherapy can help a man be better at app swiping, initial texting, and setting first dates off of swipe apps.

One of the big problems with the psychology profession are its practitioners. Psychologists/psychiatrists/counselors tend to be blue pilled married men, careerist heterosexual females, or lesbian/bisexual females. Many psychotherapists aren't accustomed to the challenges that unattached men needing new pussie will face on a day-to-day basis. SoSuave/similar forum, books, and YouTube content creators can help fill that gap.

No matter how much he tries to get around it, eventually every man who wants a woman will have to put himself out there. And before doing so you have to prepare yourself for success.

Yes, men need to initiate. That happens by approaching strangers in nightlife venues, non-bar settings, on swipe apps, or from social media DMs. Men cannot expect women to initiate.

Dude is 32 still doing field reports from 9 years ago! If we gonna play that game I'll be spamming the forum with endless field reports.

On the surface, this isn't terrible. I refer to things that have happened in the field a long time ago at times. I don't get overly specific with them.

If someone is doing field reports from 9 years ago, then that means that...

• they've been in an LTR and out of the initial attraction/seduction phase for 7-8 years. This can happen. Not applicable with OP.
• they aren't approaching enough women or going on enough dates. This is applicable.

 

[GoodMan32]

When @BackInTheGame78 and @Gamisch tell @GoodMan32 that he needs to fix his mindset, this is 100% accurate advice.

@GoodMan32 cannot make progress in seducing women in conventional mating circumstances unless his mindset issues are fixed.

With the looks, money, status, and personality variables, this is a severe case of personality issues.

The psychotherapy @GoodMan32 has received in the past has been insufficient. Those therapists are an embarrassment to their profession and/or @GoodMan32 didn't do prescribed homework exercises in therapy.

The real situation is that this is likely a case of needing both talk therapy and medication. A real mental health profession can only make that diagnosis. A mental health professional needs to come in and make a diagnosis in this case yesterday. The levels of fears and phobias are the kinds of things that need to be addressed in therapy, not on an internet seduction forum. We're not the correct resource in this case.

I don't perceive this as a simple ASD case. I perceive this as a more complex ASD case + a presence of other mental disorders. That's why I think a mental health professional needs to be present, make a diagnosis, and then start the lengthy treatment process. I point to the opening post of this thread below as evidence that supports my claim.

my struggles with the ladies go way beyond mere social awkwardness

I was having a DM discussion with another member where I mentioned how my struggles with the ladies go beyond mere social awkwardness/ASD. Come to think of it, I suppose the topic warrants its own thread. In addition to my ASD/social awkwardness, there are many other factors working against me...

www.sosuave.net

While I do believe that psychotherapy has limits as to what it can help with mating/seduction issues, it can be relevant in certain cases. It's relevant here with the deep fears/phobia issues. These are the mindset issues that @BackInTheGame78 has mentioned many times.

After fixing mindset, there's also a need to improve physique too. This forum could likely help when @GoodMan32 is further along in the process.



That sentence is true for many neurotypical males who have mild or no mental disorders.

There is a countless number of males who are completely invisible to females. Some of these males actually have good access to women on school campuses (high school or college depending on age). Some of these males are grown men who are working age and have day-to-day routines that need improvement in order to be near more women.

When a man is invisible to women, he usually needs to improve on some combination of looks, money, or access to women.

Improving looks has the best return on effort in terms of becoming more visible to women.



Speed dating events are a waste of time. There's a thread on why.

Are Structured Singles Events a Waste of Time?

Mostly every unattached person has dealt with this. The potential invitation to a "singles event" or "singles mixer". It is a chance for unattached people to meet. It's not a general night out at a bar, which has unattached people interspersed with attached people. Everyone here is unattached by...

www.sosuave.net

Neurotypicals who go to speed dating events usually end up disappointed in the experience.

Women use these events to reject mediocre men in person, despite the fact they are also mediocre and sometimes subpar women. Women are seeking the Chad types at these events and end up pissed that only normies attended. Chads have so many option that they don't need to waste their time at these structured events. In the absences of top tier Chad men, the women reject all the normies and go on with their lives.

The normie males end up pissed too about not getting dates and/or laid from showing up to these events.

No one has a good experience and everyone just ends up pissed at the end.

For a man with as many issues as me, speed dating events provide (if nothing else) practice chatting with a woman in a datelike setting.

The fact I didn't slam any doors after the 2nd speed dating event is a step in the right direction.

Additionally, I found a loophole to avoid an official rejection at speed dating events: Handing out my cards.

 

[GoodMan32]

Didn't we sort of conclude in your wardrobe thread that you were basically gay? I suspect that the strategy of inviting complete strangers over for sex would be much more successful when applied towards members of the LGBTQ+ community. Food for thought.

The general consensus on the wardrobe thread is that the outfit in the picture isn't the most flattering.

I don't recall anyone saying I'm gay on that thread.

If I were gay, however, I wouldn't need to ask anyone for sex. I've had gay guys beg me for sex.

Dude is 32 still doing field reports from 9 years ago! If we gonna play that game I'll be spamming the forum with endless field reports.


The therapy will be needed to address deeper issues. When it comes to women he's at the right place. No therapist gonna be your wingman in the club.

No matter how much he tries to get around it, eventually every man who wants a woman will have to put himself out there. And before doing so you have to prepare yourself for success.

33 (close enough). I share field reports from many years ago because of limited experience in recent years of trying to get a woman (once I settled into my loophole to get laid, I went through a lengthy stretch where I couldn't be bothered to even try with the ladies; I'm currently seeking to crawl out of that rut)

 

[SW15]

I found a loophole to avoid an official rejection at speed dating events: Handing out my cards.

That sounds a lot like re-arranging deck chairs on the Titanic while it is sinking.

Handing out a card with your personal information at speed dating events doesn't help you with getting first dates and getting laid. Most women won't be impressed with that and won't be contacting you. They would rather you ask them in person. On most of your in-person asks, you'll be getting rejected on the basis of not having a top tier, Chad Thundercocck physique.

Your competition at the events will be asking women for their phone numbers and asking women to join them on various plans.

Meanwhile, those women are also getting invitations on swipe apps, their social media DMs, and possibly in the real world.

Most of your competition is invisible. You have to rise to the level of your competition. Your competition is pounding weights at the gym, playing a sport, and possibly making big money.

Mostly any man is also better off asking out women at a standard bar or in a standard daygame setting like a grocery store or mall than bottom fishing at a speed dating event.

Speed dating is fantastic for getting subpar women to reject you for not being Chad.

 

[GoodMan32]

That sounds a lot like re-arranging deck chairs on the Titanic while it is sinking.

Handing out a card with your personal information at speed dating events doesn't help you with getting first dates and getting laid. Most women won't be impressed with that and won't be contacting you. They would rather you ask them in person. On most of your in-person asks, you'll be getting rejected on the basis of not having a top tier, Chad Thundercocck physique.

Your competition at the events will be asking women for their phone numbers and asking women to join them on various plans.

Meanwhile, those women are also getting invitations on swipe apps, their social media DMs, and possibly in the real world.

Most of your competition is invisible. You have to rise to the level of your competition. Your competition is pounding weights at the gym, playing a sport, and possibly making big money.

Mostly any man is also better off asking out women at a standard bar or in a standard daygame setting like a grocery store or mall than bottom fishing at a speed dating event.

Speed dating is fantastic for getting subpar women to reject you for not being Chad.

There's only so much you can learn about a potential partner after a 5 minute speed date (which is why I don't ask her on an official date).

The purpose of giving her my number is so we can learn more about each other.

As for why I don't ask for her number? With how fast-paced speed dating events are, it really isn't practical to take the time to plug her number into your phone (all the more reason a quick card to hand out is useful)

If no one contacts me (which no one contacted me after the last event, even though I gave my card to probably 10 attendees), oh well. You're speaking to a man who, per his own admission on another post, used to ask total strangers for sex (a strategy with a surefire 100% rejection rate)

 

[SW15]

There's only so much you can learn about a potential partner after a 5 minute speed date (which is why I don't ask her on an official date).

On a standard daygame approach, men are often offering dates after 5 minute conversations. In standard daygame, you are lucky to get a woman who will talk with you for 5 minutes.

There are daygame approachers who will offer a date in far less than 5 minutes. @We_ArE_VeNOM is one example of a daygame approacher who uses this method.

As for why I don't ask for her number? With how fast-paced speed dating events are, it really isn't practical to take the time to plug her number into your phone (all the more reason a quick card to hand out is useful)

In older school speed dating formats (back 10-20 years ago), one of 2 things happened....

1. you handed in a card to an organizer and then the organizer emailed you in 24-48 hours later with your matches and their contact info.
2. you went to a website, filled in your yes and no to people, then you got your mutual yes responses within 24-48 hours.

Not sure if there have been format changes but a personal card is useless in either of those formats.

Speed dating is a fast format. No one is denying that. It's an absolute crap format and the bottom of the barrel in terms of meeting women. Valuable men do not waste their time at speed dating, or realize quickly that it is a crap format and move on.

If you wanted to make lemonade out of lemons at speed dating events, you would ask them on a date on the spot and collect their number.

In general, the events should be avoided. People only go to speed dating events when they can't solve their dating problems through swipe apps, DMs, or real life, non-staged interactions.

In approaching strangers in real life, a phone number without a set date plan is mostly worthless. Any approacher who has done a lot of daygame/nightgame will tell you that.