Advice wanted about LTR, sh*t test involved.

[cactus3178]

Wow. It's been a long time since I've been here. I've always been great at hooking up one night stands, FB's....but I suck at LTR's.

Quick situation rundown:

Been in this 'LTR', 'bout 18 months now. Relationship was 'good', not great when I finally gave into pressure to move in together, we had been together for about 8-9 months. Yeah, great decision. Since then (about 6 months), this LTR has steadily declined to a horror that I just cannot comprehend.

We've lied to each other. Nothing fundamental, but about stupid stuff. yeah, wrong, I know...but I can cop to my mistakes. She's freaked out on me twice whilst drunk, smashed my coffee pot on my head, punched me, black eye, bitten me (seriously).

Accusations of me cheating are never-ending, although I have NEVER, and have never been in what I'd consider to be a position of suspicion. I had stupidly admitted to cheating in a prior relationship, 5 years previously. Since then, I've never heard the end of it.

Constantly, I'm accused of 'using' her (not the case, I pay my way and thensome), cheating, lying (I admitted to her about a couple lies I told her), threatens to kick me out of our jointly rented apartment on an almost weekly basis.

She's threatened to have me beat up by her UFC fighter brother, to call the cops on me and accuse me of beating her up (never have touched her, I'm not like that).

She's visiting family in NYC, on the other side of the country from me....calls constantly to 'check on me', or say she misses me....says I'm being short with her on the phone...I really just didn't have anything to say.

Then, tonight she tells me she might not come home, that she'll just live there, that I don't love her, and that she was hit on by 'hot guys' tonight.

B*tch. No, I don't think she's cheating on me, blah.

After typing all this, I realize that I have slowly but surely been castrated by this harpy....I let her say derogatory things to me, belittle me, and constantly harrass me about imaginary issues (the cheating and such).

She's (like I said above) physically accosted me with my daughter asleep in the next room, thank God she didn't wake up....she locks herself in the back room and wants to fight in front of my kid....that kind of stuff makes anybody uncomfortable.

Anyway, point is this: I'm a fool, because I'm afraid to dump her because I know it will hurt her. She's obviously got issues, and I feel bad turning my back on her....some psychological hurt is not what I want to inflict on her. I DO love her, but I cannot take this sh*t anymore.

I'm strongly considering just moving out and getting my own place again, and seeing what happens....but she can't afford to live on her own so I feel indebted to continue to 'be with her'.

Damnit, help please. What a f*cking mess I've gotten myself into. Again.

 

[ConantheLibertarian]

4 words.......GET THE F*CK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, how can you possibly not see that as the best alternative? You can't be serious that you love her. I find it impossible that anyone can love someone who treats them like that. I think you're in love with the comfort and familiarity of a relationship. You've obviously screwed up a lot in this relationship, but the biggest screw up you can make is to stay in it.

Who the hell cares if you hurt her? What about your feelings? And what about your daughter? I'd move out before she got home if I were you. You're not indebted to stay with her, she doesn't deserve your help after the way she's treated you. Just pay your half of the rent so she can't take legal action against you.

 

[cactus3178]

Yeah, it's just that. WTF, she can be so nice and goes out of her way to do nice things for me sometimes, then other times, she's crazy, dude.

I know how silly this whole thing must sound....I think she's unstable and I don't want to be responsible for her coming unglued and making bad decisions for herself when I finally do dump her ass.

God, that must sound bad. I really do want her to feel okay, just not with me. I'm done with the relationship....just don't know how to go about breaking up with her without her emotional bomb going off. The crying, the "you don't love me" sh*t, burning my stuff, etc

Thanks. You confirmed what I already knew and didn't want to see.

 

[Dark Chivalry]

Anyway, point is this: I'm a fool, because I'm afraid to dump her because I know it will hurt her.

After she smashed a coffee pot on your head?
She obviously is not worried about hurting your feelings or your daughters feelings.
Your daughter will find out if she hasn't already. That lil'girl is #1 in your life, then you and your own happiness, don't put an abusive women before yourself and your kid.
If you have proof of her abusive ways or her threats you can go to the cops too. Many men are being abused and few press charges, so these women think they can get away with abusing their men. You can do something for other men in that situation.

 

[Oisdog]

Wow i hope her brother doesn't kick the sh*t out of you! is he a famous fighter?

 

[DonDan]

This is wayyyyy too ****ed up to turn it around... cuz u let that **** slide from the beginning..a girl would never do this kinda **** to a man she respected. anyways, just learn from it and move on.. but yeah, im sure you wont. cuz umm.. u like being walked over on by a ***** and beaten up by one too?...

 

[comic_relief]

From a person that was in an abusive relationship for one year to another. GET THE FVCK OUT OF DODGE AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!

I know where you are coming from but it is neither good for you or her. Save yourself man.

I was hit, mentally abused, and every other little thing. I missed our one year anniversary because I was driving down to see her and got into a car accident. She yelled at me, not because of the car accident but because I couldn't stay past four hours. Trust me, get the hell out of dodge.

comic_relief

 

[GrayWolf]

Get out !!!! Your daughter don't have to pay for that. You bust her childhood with your victimise relationship... and stay away about relationship until you change your inner pattern!!! I say that with most respect... but sometime is more effective busting ball then compassion

 

[the_great_gaia]

i read this story and had a flashback. i will say that she's deciding to stay home because she's fucc'n somebody. trust me. no one alive can relate with the mental abusive i went thru with my wife [who i am on separation with now].

she's runnin' wild all over you, dude. she DOESN'T care about you, she's trying to see how long you'll eat out of her hands before she smacks you over the head.

My wife: she used to accuse me of cheating, lying, and not "playing my role". but we lived in 2 separated locations while MARRIED. We never consumated our marriage [we got married Dec 16, 2005, and i haven't fucc'd her since July 2nd of 2005] She later went off to Korea, got fucc'd by Travis, practically lied to me on the phone every single day. I was a victim of love. And you kno something? Love hurts. Why do you want to feel that way? I wouldn't want to relive the hell i've been thru going thru a relationship i just came out of, and your relationship sounds a lot like my former. I went from starving and crying and wanting to kill her, now I just bought a brand new 2007 Ford Mustang ON MY OWN! I'm loving life right now. Yeah, that bytch had me going thru mental hospitals, I wanted to kill myself, and not live without her. But why? I would've wasted these good looks, plus, BETTER women are out there. I fucc'd 2 chics in the SAME day, brotha!! You're missing out on a lot, my friend. Drop her, she's an eyesore. It's time to live again. Believe me, I know the HELL you are going thru... so here's your ICE WATER. Consume...

 

[Dark Chivalry]

Even if you have been acting like a chumpissimo and a doormat, a reasonably decent person would not got this far in mistreating you.

If you were dating a doormatty chick and you treated her a bit badly and she put up with it and would beg you to stay and you know she would stay even if you would beat her up and make her sleep with your friends for money and you had no respect for her, would you do that? Not if you had morals and boundaries on how much of a dyck/bytch you were willing to be.

 

[the_great_gaia]

i'm not done yet...

listen, brother... this chic is out to get you. don't be surprized if she tries to "sell you one" on how you need to pay the whole apartment note BY YOURSELF. Please, ask yourself "Is she cheating on me?" Look at a picture, look in the eyes! Yes... she thinks the world revolves around her. But it doesn't. I'm telling you, at this very moment, some guy's hard dic.k is inside of her. And she's loving it, she can't get enough of it, and it's good to her. Why? Because she likes CHEATING on you. She'll never confess it, but women always almost tell on themselves, thats why she told you that "hot guys" are hitting on her. If she had ANY respect for you, would she tell you that crap? Actually, the correct question is IF SHE HAD ANY RESPECT FOR YOU, WOULD SHE ALLOW SUCH THINGS TO TAKE PLACE. I'm not gonna answer that because the answer lies within you. Don't feel sorry for this imbecile! MAKE HER REALIZE WHAT SHE LOST! She doesn't appreciate the fact that without you she can't keep a place, and she'll never realize it, until you LEAVE! She'll miss you, and maybe even break coffee pots over her own head. She doesn't need to hit you with them anymore. You're better than that! A coffee pot? She is out of her f'ckin mind, bro. She's a weak-woman. She NEEDS you, but because of "manipulation" she's trying to reverse this NEED. You don't need her. She's just one woman. I guarantee that you'll forget about her in 84 days.

Get your **** packed, and LEAVE that *****. Don't answer another of her phone calls. She'll be desperate for you, she'll be LONGING for you because to HER you're acting "out of character". She's only happy because she knows you're DOWN and OUT, because thats what makes her happy. When you're happy, thats when the insecurity comes out of her. She'll accuse you of EVERYTHING, because she can't control your happiness. She KNOWS she can control you when you're NOT HAPPY, because she is the CAUSE of UNHAPPINESS. She is nothing to you, she is not better than you.

She will never be faithful to you. It's fun for her to have a boyfriend who pays the bills and for taking out her anger on; you're her "punching bag". If the other guy cumz inside of her, she'll get pissed at you and 9 months later plant the f'ckin' kid on you. She likes being a hor'... believe me, i'm probably not done YET.. but i wanna see what you have to say.

 

[Sir Juanalot]

One question.

Do you want your daughter to grow up with that as a role model for acceptable behaviour?