ok,i will probably rant and rant,but my girlfriend of almost 4 yrs decided to breakup with me 2months ago.we had been having problems but nothing major that normal rships dont go through.she tells me that she feels we dont share the same values,i don't appreciate her,i am arrogant,chauvenistic...a complete character disection as a reason to breakup(it took me a long time to realize that she just wanted to justify..don't we all).
she even said that i was taking her for granted yet there were many men fighting for the chance to prove themselves to her and maker her happy and here i was not appreciating.She started bringing random events that were completely solved and forgotten ages ago,and claimed that i didn't even seem to propose a future for us.(later on i explained and even told her that i wanted to marry her).
I probably did some things that put my seriousness in the relationship in doubt but i later on during the first week of the breakup set the record straight and told her the most intimate aspects of my life and family that were causing me to act and behave as i was mainly out of fear and shame.it had been a hard year and i had to support my family and the burden just stressed me out making me irritable and sending me almost to the point of depression.I probably should have told her this earlier but i am rather private and that aspect of my life i just wasn't ready to share yet...i guess those are some of my trust issues.anyway she still wouldn't hear of it and told me that she had made up her mind and moved on.
that to me sounded very strange,how do you make up your mind without the facts?How can a girl that i loved and who i thought loved me so dearly not give a damn when i finally let her into the most intimate part of my life and just brush me aside?so i think our problems started when she started telling me that a cousin of hers that i had never met or heard off before started asking her if she is appreciated in the relationship..then the cousin who is abroad started wanting to send her clothes..then she was sending pictures to the cousin so that they could see how she really looks so as to get her clothes that are a perfect fit(i actually fell for this!..i took the pictures..feel like an ass)..then she decides to buy another phone so that she can be talking to this cousin directly at a cheaper rate so she says(i also actually fell for this).
Now eventually after we broke up and weeks of me begging and pleading,i just felt that something was off so during one of my pleading visits she left her phone behind as she left the room so i looked through it and i find texts from a friend of hers also coincidentally abroad and they are telling each other how much they miss and love each other.
when i confront her she says the usual,that i invaded her privacy but eventually tells me that it started 2 weeks after we broke up because she felt lonely.and feels nothing for him...she says that they have just been friends for around 3 years though for most of the time he had been persistently asking her out but she declined.plus she adds i have no right to ask since we had broken up.I know this gal she wouldn't just tell anyone she loves them just for show.
may i add that she had been saying when we were still dating albeit in jest that she planned on going abroad for a visit later on this December and had even planned to take her leave days then.Later on after the pleading ended and i regained a bit of self respect i realized that these things didn't add up and it finally hit me that she just saw that the grass was greener on the other side.
she seems pretty sure of where she is going and even was bold enough to tell me that she doesn't plan on breaking up again and that the next one is marriage(yet she claims she is seeing no one for a while).she claims that she doesn't want to date for the next 6months(coincidentally that ends in december) and that she has moved on.she even went on to send me an email affirming that she wants me to move on and that she has already moved on and that she wishes me happiness,love and success in all aspects of my life.
She sends me this email after i spend the night at her place where we talked all night about the rship and slept together(these things happen) and somewhere along the night and in the morning she seems to feel something for me and even went on to say that she had thought that i was someone else the whole time and now she could have misjudged me and she is confused.i thought we were back on track then the next day in that same email she sounds again cold and tells me that even though i claim that i gave changed and have certain better qualities she still believes that she knows me better and that the nasty sides of me which i don't agree with are still there and she doesn't trust it and doesn't see us having a future.oh and yeah she said she can't give me the benefit of the doubt.
i find this hypocritical considering the number of times i have forgiven her after lies she has told me about everything.she lied to me about being a virgin,lied to me about the course she did,lied to me about what the sister did also,where she lived,accepting a facebook friend invitation with a guy who is obviously hitting on her and she even confessed to that...the list goes on and on...eventually she tells me the truth but she always lies first..sometimes for months on end before i confront her for the truth.
now the confusing part and what i also think is rather sadistic is that she went on to tell me that we shouldn't talk or see each other except on her birthday and since she had never done anything for me during my bdays she owed me.i was on my way to hospital that day from her place,possibly for minor surgery and in the same email she plainly tells me 'i hope your hospital experience was fine!'..regards.thats all!wtf!she even called me last week just to find out how i am doing and simple chit chat thats all.i hate these BS mind games...advice
she even said that i was taking her for granted yet there were many men fighting for the chance to prove themselves to her and maker her happy and here i was not appreciating.She started bringing random events that were completely solved and forgotten ages ago,and claimed that i didn't even seem to propose a future for us.(later on i explained and even told her that i wanted to marry her).
I probably did some things that put my seriousness in the relationship in doubt but i later on during the first week of the breakup set the record straight and told her the most intimate aspects of my life and family that were causing me to act and behave as i was mainly out of fear and shame.it had been a hard year and i had to support my family and the burden just stressed me out making me irritable and sending me almost to the point of depression.I probably should have told her this earlier but i am rather private and that aspect of my life i just wasn't ready to share yet...i guess those are some of my trust issues.anyway she still wouldn't hear of it and told me that she had made up her mind and moved on.
that to me sounded very strange,how do you make up your mind without the facts?How can a girl that i loved and who i thought loved me so dearly not give a damn when i finally let her into the most intimate part of my life and just brush me aside?so i think our problems started when she started telling me that a cousin of hers that i had never met or heard off before started asking her if she is appreciated in the relationship..then the cousin who is abroad started wanting to send her clothes..then she was sending pictures to the cousin so that they could see how she really looks so as to get her clothes that are a perfect fit(i actually fell for this!..i took the pictures..feel like an ass)..then she decides to buy another phone so that she can be talking to this cousin directly at a cheaper rate so she says(i also actually fell for this).
Now eventually after we broke up and weeks of me begging and pleading,i just felt that something was off so during one of my pleading visits she left her phone behind as she left the room so i looked through it and i find texts from a friend of hers also coincidentally abroad and they are telling each other how much they miss and love each other.
when i confront her she says the usual,that i invaded her privacy but eventually tells me that it started 2 weeks after we broke up because she felt lonely.and feels nothing for him...she says that they have just been friends for around 3 years though for most of the time he had been persistently asking her out but she declined.plus she adds i have no right to ask since we had broken up.I know this gal she wouldn't just tell anyone she loves them just for show.
may i add that she had been saying when we were still dating albeit in jest that she planned on going abroad for a visit later on this December and had even planned to take her leave days then.Later on after the pleading ended and i regained a bit of self respect i realized that these things didn't add up and it finally hit me that she just saw that the grass was greener on the other side.
she seems pretty sure of where she is going and even was bold enough to tell me that she doesn't plan on breaking up again and that the next one is marriage(yet she claims she is seeing no one for a while).she claims that she doesn't want to date for the next 6months(coincidentally that ends in december) and that she has moved on.she even went on to send me an email affirming that she wants me to move on and that she has already moved on and that she wishes me happiness,love and success in all aspects of my life.
She sends me this email after i spend the night at her place where we talked all night about the rship and slept together(these things happen) and somewhere along the night and in the morning she seems to feel something for me and even went on to say that she had thought that i was someone else the whole time and now she could have misjudged me and she is confused.i thought we were back on track then the next day in that same email she sounds again cold and tells me that even though i claim that i gave changed and have certain better qualities she still believes that she knows me better and that the nasty sides of me which i don't agree with are still there and she doesn't trust it and doesn't see us having a future.oh and yeah she said she can't give me the benefit of the doubt.
i find this hypocritical considering the number of times i have forgiven her after lies she has told me about everything.she lied to me about being a virgin,lied to me about the course she did,lied to me about what the sister did also,where she lived,accepting a facebook friend invitation with a guy who is obviously hitting on her and she even confessed to that...the list goes on and on...eventually she tells me the truth but she always lies first..sometimes for months on end before i confront her for the truth.
now the confusing part and what i also think is rather sadistic is that she went on to tell me that we shouldn't talk or see each other except on her birthday and since she had never done anything for me during my bdays she owed me.i was on my way to hospital that day from her place,possibly for minor surgery and in the same email she plainly tells me 'i hope your hospital experience was fine!'..regards.thats all!wtf!she even called me last week just to find out how i am doing and simple chit chat thats all.i hate these BS mind games...advice
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