Advice needed on break-up of LTR

[rushing dude 123]

Hi guys,

What can I say I don't really like posting this kind of stuff, but to be honest I need some advice and for some people to kind of snap me out my current mind set if need be.

So basically I have never been very good in breaking up with a girl, but I have got it done in the end. This time is very different, the girl I am with at the moment I have been with for over a year (longest relationship) and I don't know... I kind of feel really bad doing this because to be honest it is a pretty good relationship she is really good shes nice, thoughtful and caring. I made a promise that I would keep her heart safe and protect it and I can see this really destroying her seeing she is very sensitive.

I know what you are thinking, so what is exactly wrong with this relationship. Well to be honest I have been feeling this way for the past two months I love her, but not in the way that I want to love her, I think I love her more as a person and I really don't want to hurt her. I can't imagine marrying her and having kids and settling down, I like her a lot and I still have a lot of feelings for her, but she isn't the one that I have been looking for and I feel the relationship is kind of dying down in conversing and getting to know eachother "in my eyes". I think she wants all these things though with me and I can't just let this keep going and end up marrying her with kids and we finally figure it's not working and we end up hating eachother.

So this is the problem me and her are in a very happy state texting eachother a lot saying "love you" and I am just going ask her out and pop this on her out of the blue, it dosn't feel right and I really don't want to do it. however all the time I prolong this the more time I am going to be wasting of hers and I could miss out on my real wife due to this. I even think she extended her visa for another 2 years in england for me (which I told her not to do based on our relationship alone).

I have even been getting feelings for this girl at work, but i have never made an action towards it because I would never cheat, but this kind of makes me think I have to do this soon. Because I shouldn't be in a relationship when I am getting feelings for someone else. I think if you find the right person this should never happen you would only have eyes for that person.

I just really wanted some advice on how can I do this without hurting her as much or how can I tell her this.

So yeah guys I know I am not sounding like myself in this post and it is a bit soppy and I don't like writing a break-up post, but this is pretty much how I feel. So please give me some insight on this, I would really appreciate some solid advice rather than the whole there is no such thing as the one...or cheat...and don't worry about it. I am a DJ (maybe not exactly right now), but I have my beliefs and morales and I will not break these for no one.

All I know is this is going to be very hard for me and I really would have to pump myself up for this, to do it and it is probably going to end up being one of my worst days of my life.

 

[Johnnyventana]

The grass is rarely greener. That said, don't just settle out of obligation.

I booted on a similar situation. It was tough, but she now has a new husband and like 3 kids. It all worked out and I am very glad I decided to move on, however nice she may have been. She just wasn't for me.

 

[Desdinova]

I just really wanted some advice on how can I do this without hurting her as much or how can I tell her this.

There's no easy way to do it. You're gonna hurt her - at least for the time being. You just have to grab your ba11s and get it done. A lot of guys here will tell you to be a man and do it in person. I'm on the opposite side. Break up with her any way you want as long as it gets the job done.

How you handle the breakup afterwards will dictate how she views you. If you decide at the spur of the moment that you're doing the wrong thing and 'make up' with her, you're just going to piss her off moreso when it really is over.

End the relationship. In a year, you may contact her if you like. At that point, she may or may not be open to having a friendship.

 

[EvilAgenda]

Prolonging a relationship that isn't working out for you will just hurt her more in the long run.

You are a man; being direct is natural for us. And yes, she will cry, but she will (and should as long as she's had experience with other relationships) appreciate you for being honest with her.

 

[rushing dude 123]

John: I do believe that there has to be something better than this out there because I won't be truly happy with this. I however do understand about being in a relationship just due to obligation is a bad thing and i wouldn't want someone to do it to me and I could stop her from meeting her one. Your story helps me in thinking that she will be happier in the long run.

Desdinova: I can sometimes suck in that part in break ups and I have ended up giving in, back in the past, but I will leave that kind of style behind me seeing it dosn't do anyone any good. So I just have to stick to my guns once I have done it. I think in this case it has to be done in person, maybe with a girl I dated for a few weeks fair enough, but that is not acceptable in this scenario. It will be a lot more harder considering emotions flare up in person, but I guess it is the right way to do it. I would like to keep a friendship if she wants because I know I am one of the most important people here for her, seeing her family is in another country, so I would to look out for her still if she needs, but only in friend type of way.

Evil agenda: I really do hope that is the case, because things are going to get seriously heated and I even have a feeling she is going to get angry at me seeing I have wasted a year of her life in terms of a relationship.

I am going to do it tommorow, but what do you guys advise I tell her, that I want to talk or just go out and then kind of say it at the end. Because it looks like the latter seeing I said wanted to see her on sunday, but I didn't want her to start getting weird and worrying for the whole week before I say it. I am going to probs go with how I explained it to you guys minus the other girl feelings part and be honest. i'm not sure if this is the best way to go about it.

Btw thanks for getting back to me, any advice i can get before tommorow would be really helpful.

 

[EvilAgenda]

Aim to part with her on good terms, if at all possible.

Do NOT make her think it was a waste of time, because it wasn't.

And yes, she will be upset, hurt, even angry, but you gotta remain direct and honest: And the truth is, she is a wonderful person, but you cannot give her what she wants and needs from this relationship.