advice needed, hear me out first

[darwinian_sympathiser]

I don't actually ask for advice, but hey there is always a first time, and I thought this would be a bit of fun.

Part of the purpose of this thread is to see the lay of the land. Everyone here has different beliefs and ways of doing things, hence I now present a predicament and you lot offer the advice.

So here it is: There's this really, really, utterly gorgeous woman I bump into on my way to work nearly every morning. It's almost happening like clockwork. We sometimes engage in eye contact but nothing more, we just pass each other and that it, and this has been happening for months now.

What I need from you all is advice on how to take this further. Let me be clear about this: I probably know what to do and what the answers are, since as you all see my previous posts my beliefs are already made up (and I will admit some of them are wrong if you can prove to me that they are wrong), but I have a vested interest in this.

Let me reiterate:

1) I see her almost everyday coming into work (the building we work in are just a few blocks away)

2) I don't want to come on too strong and freak her out

3) I'm experienced enough not to be in awe of her, or put her on a pedestal, or get nervous and shaky when we pass each other

4) I would like a way to take things slowly if possible

5) if she shows a sign of not being interested I would like to still continue to bump into her without her thinking it was a big deal - she really is that pretty

If you all really must know this is where I call on both parties of the war "looks are not that important" to put their input and angles on a situation like this.

 

[darwinian_sympathiser]

pete,

yes she's f*cking amazing. Wasn't really my type to begin with because she's a little taller than me, I didn't notice her fine qualities until she stopped wearing large coats, it's the summer time now and everyone showing more flesh if you know what I mean. From the look of her I think she's half black, half Indian. She's utterly gorgeous.

If you see her that often..."every morning"....try to talk to her. Say something like..."Hey, I see you here every morning and I never got a chance to know your name. What's your name?" At least if you have her name...or have HER speak to YOU, you have something more than eye contact. Just smile and be confident about it. Dude, you can't just do EYE CONTact. Speak to her! Just smile, be confident and be funny about it. "hey, i see you here all the time and I don't even know your name....blah blah."

you see if I say something like that, that just sounds a little weird, you know what I mean? I was thinking of the "what's your name" line, but it involves stopping her in the street as we walk pass each other. If you need to know the street in the morning at 9:30 when we go into work is not particularly busy so there's very little chance of other people taking notice and "staring" etc. . . I know, I know, I shouldn't give a f*ck about what other people think.

As I mentioned before, find SOME way to tap into her social circle.

That, dear boy, is the central f*cking problem. I don't know how to. I could time myself getting into work a little later to find out the building that she is entering, and visit the building when I know she is not around so I can find out what company she works for and take things from there. This will now narrow the possibility. I haven't done this yet so I have to let you know later, and I don't know if I get a chance to do it. I could follow her carefully to see what building she enters, but that's a little creepy.

 

[Interceptor]

Easiset thing in the world.

Start by 'scoping" her out before you two meet.

When she's close enough to you, look up and pretend your'e surprised to see her.

SMILE. And quetly say "hello". Like you know her, and you're familiar with her.
And you two have a quiet, unspoken bond together.

A soft, genuine smile when you see her, and the words "Hello" from your mouth. And look into her eyes and MAINTAIN CONTACT.


STEP TWO:

Walk with your head held up high and make sure you "peacock" a little. Stand out from the crowd.

When you see her, walk slowly (but don't stop) and say somethign like "What's up?" or "How we doing this morning?" Very casually, and softly.
She may say one or two words at best, and keep walking. This is still good.


STEP THREE:

"Listen, what's your name? I see you every morning, and wanted to introduce myself. Where do you work?"

See what happens.

Slow your breathing, maintain eye contact, stay cool, smile,and be genuinely interested in her. Focus your body into her, meaning turn into her, and face her.


Let us know what happens.


Always remember: MOst women dream of being seduced, and swept off their feet. Many women are searching for the "right gy", a REAL Man. Who is to say that you're NOT it? How do you know for a fact that she DOES NOT dig you?
You have to find out.

Real MEN "find out".


AFC's walk for days longing, pining, and wishing, and dreaming.

Who are you going to be?

 

[danielzxc]

An "easy" thing to say would be "Hey! You know, we've been walking past each other every morning for so long it feels like I actually know you." [she smiles/laughs -- most likely] "What's your name?" [take it from there]

If she has also been noticing you every day too, then even if she wants nothing to more to do with you, the above line won't create anything "awkward", so you can still keep walking past her even if she "rejects" you. (Your criterion is satisfied.)

If you all really must know this is where I call on both parties of the war "looks are not that important" to put their input and angles on a situation like this.

From a looks-matters perspecive: If she's taller than you, your chances are low. For an equivalent "package" of yourself, I guesstimate being shorter than her knocks off about 50% of your "value" than if you were taller than her.

 

[Wyldfire]

Don't you think you HAVE been taking things really slowly since you noticed her MONTHS ago?

How about stopping in front of her and saying "With how many times we arrive here at the same time I think it's only fitting we introduce ourselves. Hi, my name is -your name here-, and you are?" Then take it from there for a brief conversation. Then greet her by name for the next week or so, slipping in little casual comments here and there. If she seems receptive then ask her if she'd like to grab lunch with you at the nearest decent lunch spot one day after a couple of weeks.

 

[IamtheAlphamale]

Ok, here is the easiest thing you could possibly do. First of all since you have been making eyecontact I would imagine there is some sexual tension there so that is good. Heres what you do.. don't masterbate until you just start talking to her without thinking about it. Seriously everytime I stop masterbating for like a week I pull a 9. Do it.

 

[darwinian_sympathiser]

I find all your replies interesting, I've been on holiday for 3 weeks

I single out Wyldfire: I put it to you that you have a more balanced view of things, and more realistic. This woman I would like to know better and f*ck. But as a woman you know that it has to be her decision too.

I mean I could just be one of those people that we all see around but not bother with, we do this all the time, it's just the way we are made. The point I'm making is that I can't force something from her, but I can do a light hearted nudge if you know what I mean. I'm sure you've been through quite a lot of incidences like this yourself.

you've been here since 2002...you know all the ways to speak to women.

I've had a few women since then - nothing serious. Getting better in dealing with them all the same, and reading them much more accurately too.

 

[Snow Plowman]

Is it that hard? It's one girl.

It hurts when I see my friends wanting to talk to a girl but don't open her because she is a girl.

You've been in a community like this since 02? an you can't approach this girl. But anyway that's beside the point I'm just going to lay it to you...

First of all your probably not going to get her. Your being totally reactive to the situation. It's been months and your trying to find a perfect way to get in. You want to know the perfect way...

Next time you see her go up to her tap her an fuking open her. Don't be a puss and go in like a bum asking for change or a cat. Go in like your in battle an busting up a door to clear the room. Go in fuking hard an dominant. Eye contact and voice is key. Talk, talk, talk. Just convey your personality. Frame control is key here. Just plow through and you will get in.

Another thing is to start practicing to talk to women in general because that will help you get the women you want. It doesn't matter what you say just go in hard and confident.

It amazes me that no one tells you that your getting blown out when you go in like a puss. Why beat around the bush "excuse me...uh...I see you everyday an I wanted to know...uh know your name." Instead why can't you go up hard. "Hey your ****ing gorgerous I had to come talk to you."

PLOW, PLOW, PLOW, an when in doubt Plow some more. Just focus on having fun and offering value. Just be real man talk about and do what you want. Don't lose the frame, a lot of guys are going up to girls expecting them to just talk and just overall giving them the ball.

Tell her how your going to take her on the red carpet with you so you can trip her and end up on mtv. Claw her in and make her your new girlfriend and break up with her. Tell her you like her style but your not into tall girls because there feet hang off the bed. Act through your own intentions and you should be good. Overall don't be scared just go in and have fun

 

[darwinian_sympathiser]

all we need now is some totally unrealistic, outrageous reponses and we could have a comedy sketch on our hands

so, Snow Plowman, you say it's just one girl. Therein lies a paradox that I hope better posters will shed some light on.

Let me go over a few points:

1) I really don't care if I succeed with this woman. And it ain't for the reason you lot are thinking
2) I probably don't have a chance with her, even with you people egging me on
3) I can talk to women quite easily thank you very much. Have to tell you though, and maybe someone can elaborate more, I can usually tell within minutes of first meeting someone whether she sees me in "that" way or not. It's very subtle, but I can tell. Coversely I can also tell within minutes if they're not into me. It's much harder if you have no social contact with them because reading silent facial expressions is incredibly difficult
4) I find it paradoxical that on the one hand I've been told "she's only one woman", "there are others to be had", "don't get all worked up into a oneitis". And yet no one seems to be bothered to acknowledge the fact that that is how love actually happens. Oneitism is actually a natural thing, it's one of the preliminary mechanisms en route to falling in love. Oneitism is only a problem if the woman in question does not return you feelings, then it's just obsessive/unrequited love
5) hence from above the more perceptive of you will know that this woman doesn't mean that much to me, my feelings not being in the oneitism territory, this implies that my interest in her is mostly sexual

On a more serious note there are posters here who never claimed to allow themselves to suffer from oneitism. This is a shame, but also disturbing. It is disturbing because I can only conjecture that such people never put their feelings on the line, either too scared that their feelings would be ridiculed, or that they conduct their lives in an emotionally cold manner.

But on the other hand oneitism can make a seeminingly normal healthy person into a pathetic wreck if feelings are no reciprocated. So at the other end there is a dark side too.

 

[ConantheLibertarian]

You haven't really addressed the main point, and that is why you haven't approached her. Perhaps you simply do not want to, for whatever reason. It leaves one to wonder why you started this thread in the first place. You originally wanted advice on how to "take this further," you received the best advice on how to do so.

Perhaps you don't want to approach because you're really an AFC who has made this woman his oneitis, denying it, and wants to know how to approach without getting shot down. Safe approach is an oxymoron mate. I could be wrong, but the facts line up for the above scenario.

 

[darwinian_sympathiser]

You haven't really addressed the main point, and that is why you haven't approached her. Perhaps you simply do not want to, for whatever reason. It leaves one to wonder why you started this thread in the first place. You originally wanted advice on how to "take this further," you received the best advice on how to do so.

Perhaps you don't want to approach because you're really an AFC who has made this woman his oneitis, denying it, and wants to know how to approach without getting shot down. Safe approach is an oxymoron mate. I could be wrong, but the facts line up for the above scenario.

I'm not an AFC, I'm also not a Don Juan. I don't think anyone is. I've stop seeing her all of a sudden. The purpose of this thread was for me to gauge how people see things like this. If I were to be honest there is probably no right or wrong answer, that's the way life is. And no, I don't have a oneitis about her. There are many posters who will agree with me that you can meet /see a really sexy woman, lust after her, but don't develop oneitis about them.

I'll tell you what, next time I pass her it will be a sly smile:rock: