Advice needed, girlfriend went to a after party

[Father Joseph]

So I have had this girlfriend for about three months. (We used to be a couple for almost a year then we were f-buddies for a year and now we are together)

Things have been good between us, frequent sex, funny dates saw each other 2-3 days a week etc.

Last friday however i was chilling with my friend and decided not to go out because i was tired from week of work and hitting the gym, went to sleep around 00:00. The following morning i saw a text from my girlfriend which was sent around three o'clock in the morning when they close the clubs. (She was out with her girlfriends) that se misses me and where I am. I answered her when i got out of bed that i am home and said something funny. (Around nine o'clock )Then I noticed that she didnt receive my whatsapp message meaning that her phone was ran out of battery or being switched off. This was very strange because she has always her phone on and she charges it every night.


Then about one o'clock in the afternoon she answered me and said that she finally got home. I had a gut feeling that something was off. We were planned to see each other in the evening so I forgot the whole thing for a while and focused on my days project.


So in the evening I went to her place. We talked for a bit and how we were going to go to our mutual friends birthday party later in the evening. Then I asked her "Gow was your last night the girls?" She started telling me events of the previous night:


They were in the club everything went great and when she was leaving the club she ran into her friends from acting class. (Her girlfriends went home at this point) who were chilling outside the club and she stayed there for a while talking. Then her friends decided to go for afterparty and the group started to divide into two groups one with my girlfriend and two of her guyfriends (one of them claimed to be gay [Guy A], and the other one a sleezeball [Guy B]). They walked to the Guy B:s house which was a twenty minute walk from their location.


When they got to the apartment they spent a while talking about theatre and acting. The clock was six in the morning and she (my girlfriend) was tired and quite drunk to walk back home. The guy A went to sleep on the matress. So the guy B asked her where she wanted to sleep bed sofa or on the floor with a matress. My GF stated that she wanted to sleep on bed (it was a big house with multiple beds) when she got to bed the Guy B suddenly jumped on to the bed with her and started groping her. She shoved him away and sayed that she is in a relationship and does not cheat, she was on the edge of falling asleep. The guy persisted bit girlfriend refused and told that she will go on the couch if he does not stop.



The morning after the guy B tried in the morning again and my GF had to smack him to make him stop. The group then walked to town. The guys went to their theatre practice and my GF went home. Where she sent the text message "It was a long night". So this is my girlfriends version what happened.



Some things to notice:

-She is horrible at lying or trying to hide something, so she does lie very very rarely.

-I live in northern europe the afterparty scene is a little different it involves often some drinking and playing pool or playing games. Not automatically sex. However this does not mean that I like the idea of after party especially with two guys.

-In northern Europe relationships mean still something. Under 1/10 of girls would qualify as a "Slut" and guys rarely and have any game at least in my country.

-My girlfriend told this in a very calm and convincing manner. She looked straight into my eyes.

-She was on her period

-But however she is very sexually active with me and I can get her
horny as fvck in a blink of an eye (no bragging intended describing her sexually) so it is quite hard to believe that she would not give in.

-She was drunk and really tired and it was 06:00 in the morning when she went to sleep.

-If she had banged the dude why would she tell me that she went to a afterparty when she could just lie and tell me that she went home and ask her girlfriends to cover up the whole thing

So when she told me this all honestly I was quite angry on the inside but I remained calm. I looked her straight in the eyes and said "I want you to be honest with me. What happened?"


She looked me a little bit stunned "What? I told you what happened, we did not do anything. I did not touch him and I will never touch anyone else but you."

We discussed in a calm manner about this I told her that I did not like the idea of going go a afterparty especially with two guys she said that she did not see it as big deal because they were her friends. But when I explained her a more she agreeded that the situation seemed a little bit shady. I told her that I needed time to think the whole situation because the circumstanses seemed odd. I also said that if our relationship is as important as she says she cuts all contact with Guy B. She agreed "If you want me to do so."


During this discussion she remained cool did not shout or try to shift blame on me. I honestly want to believe that she is telling me truth. But I do not want to be the chode that stays with girlfriend who lied to me and cheated on me because it is possible.



However I do not want to be a dork who left a loving girlfriend who says almost everytime I see her" I like you" or "I love you" and who persisted for a year that she wants to be my girlfriend just because she slept over at the apartment and was too tired to walk back home.

This where the pickup community has fvcked me over. Every girl is a potential cheater and everything a girl says is considered a lie. Even if it is your girlfriend you trust the most.

This community is about helping each other so try your best to understand me. I don't know what to do at this point. I wrote this on my cellphone.

 

[TheException]

This where the pickup community has fvcked me over. Every girl is a potential cheater and everything a girl says is considered a lie. Even if it is your girlfriend you trust the most.

That's because you clearly have been listening to the wrong people....

Sosuave has taken a dramatic swing in the anti-female direction. Lot's of CWAF mentality being passed around. Avoid all the bullsh1t and allow yourself to be open to the TRUE nature of women.....without all the resentment. It's pathetic. Don't allow yourself to turn into one of these men.

As far as your situation, it's full of CWAF(constantly worried about fidelity). I'm not quite sure why you distrust her so much. Really hope it's not because of sosuave. Nobody can come in here and more accurately deduce what's really going on better than you can. If you have screened for a high quality girlfriend and trust her.....than what's the big deal? You said she was upfront and didn't deflect. She even brought it up on her own and didn't hide anything (especially the groping part; kudos to her). If you trust her and believe her.....than DROP THE WHOLE FVCKING THING ALREADY. Quit wallowing in self doubt. She even agreed to your demands about not seeing these guys anymore.

If she were to start doing this stuff all the time and/or the relationship were to dip and sex was withdrawn, than perhaps something more could be going on. It's all speculative and all FEAR BASED. Fear is simply an emotion.....one that can bring the biggest and toughest individual to their knees in a whirlwind of insecurities.

Now.....I guarantee you will get a bunch of people coming in here and saying:

"oops, she started clubbing, better withdraw bro"

"oh ya she definitely cheated bro"

"push/pull bro"

"she disrespected ya bro" http://bit.ly/1KzqaA5



You can listen to whoever you want. Free choice is a grand thing.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Most men are desperate fvcks, so it makes sems. However, most members on this board think women are the spawn of satin so prepare for that.

 

[Thundernuts]

Most men are desperate fvcks, so it makes sems. However, most members on this board think women are the spawn of satin so prepare for that.

+1 buddy that made me laugh.

OP you have some history with this girl, so I''m gonna have to agree with what Exception said and let this one lay and move on. You set a boundary just keep that in mind if she decides to pull this stunt again. Obviously you screened this one before you decided to go into a LTR so goodluck. And please don't dwell on this for too long as it will have adverse affects on the relationship and your frame.

 

[Father Joseph]

Thanks for the advice I'll have to keep a eye on the things I read and what I believe. Back when I was single I saw a darker side of females, but I have to try to see the good side and put things in perspective. Althought it is hard.

 

[Alvafe]

funny is still tehre is people reading waht exception is saying, well I guess if you want to know what not to do you can read him and his stupid spins around with things only he knows.

Joseph just do what danger said read that, I would drop her for the lack of respect she did show, not really caring much about you and doing this

 

[LuckyStrike88]

The more you settle for bad behavior like this the more she'll get the upper hand in the relationship and act out more often, and if that results in her losing interest and/or breaking things off. You will feel like an ass later on for settling for those things because while you think it fixed things it made things worse, just be careful of that.

 

[asa_don]

women that put themselves in bad scenarios should be dumped, they are not reliable to have as a girlfriend.

The following morning i saw a text from my girlfriend which was sent around three o'clock in the morning when they close the clubs.

your girlfriend shouldn't be out that late drinking at clubs.

Then I noticed that she didn't receive my whatsapp message meaning that her phone was ran out of battery or being switched off. This was very strange because she has always her phone on and she charges it every night.

something always happens when there is strange behavior.

Then about one o'clock in the afternoon she answered me and said that she finally got home. I had a gut feeling that something was off.

always trust you gut.

The guy persisted bit girlfriend refused and told that she will go on the couch if he does not stop.

The morning after the guy B tried in the morning again and my GF had to smack him to make him stop. The group then walked to town

she put herself in that scenario going out to clubs getting drunk, not a quality girlfriend that is reliable.

-If she had banged the dude why would she tell me that she went to a afterparty when she could just lie and tell me that she went home and ask her girlfriends to cover up the whole thing.

there's always a chance you can find out about the party, her version shows her to be in the right where you don't question anything, a good way to cover her tracks.

I told her that I did not like the idea of going go a afterparty especially with two guys she said that she did not see it as big deal because they were her friends.

she wanted to go with them, she doesn't see anything wrong with it.

 

[j.619]

Once you have read the thread, let us know and I will share my take, especially the one very major red flag that people so far have missed.

I'm interested in this little cliffhanger...

 

[Yorkex]

1) **** let me turn off my phone incase she calls because I can't think of anything on the spot.

Anyways I will be honest with you because I have experienced both sides of the sword within 1 year.

2) She obviously wouldn't come out and tell you she met Brad Pitt and C.Tatum so she decreases their value in your eyes ( after all what is a gay guy and a dork going to do ) & you fell for it.

3) Drunk person can't retell a story with such detail & also if she is "right " ..what happened was basically rape but she didn't press no charges because SHE ALLOWED IT.

4) How shocking that you ran into people you haven't been in touch with the SUDDENLY go to a random house with them....

5) "In the morning he tried again & she slapped him". Honestly if they didn't do ANYTHING when she was drunk ..WHY would the guy think he has a chance when she was sober ?
MY understanding , they slept together ...then Ole boy wanted another round in the morning but then she was sober enough to resist.


Just a skim through , there are many red flags and ONE huge one.

 

[Yewki]

She shoved him away and sayed that she is in a relationship and does not cheat, she was on the edge of falling asleep. The guy persisted bit girlfriend refused and told that she will go on the couch if he does not stop.

This is a bit of a smoking gun. She pushed him away not because she didn't want to do it, but simply because she doesn't cheat? Interesting word choice.

The morning after the guy B tried in the morning again and my GF had to smack him to make him stop.

The fact that he "tried" to sex her up again the following day suggests she was in fact inviting that activity. If she really did react the way she says, then the guy is an absolute sleezeball and she must find him repulsive. The test? See how she reacts around him. If she's at all friendly with him, almost gauranteed she cheated... at the very least she wants to.

-If she had banged the dude why would she tell me that she went to a afterparty when she could just lie and tell me that she went home and ask her girlfriends to cover up the whole thing

Well she is terrible at lying, as you say.

 

[Dreesy]

It sounds like she's telling you 80% in hopes that it will cover up that nasty 20%.

Did she not change beds after he attempted to grope her the first time? The mere fact that she didn't change the situation based on that is a clear tell here. If she were really that uncomfortable or offended, she would have LEFT, not REMAINED IN THE SAME BED.

 

[In2theGame]

"It was a long night" LOL I bet it was.


The guy above me is right about her not telling you the whole story. Chances are that she may have messed around a little bit with the guy but stopped it before any actual sex happened but who knows. Also, again, like the poster above me stated.. If she was really that uncomfortable she would have left. Anyway, Why the fvck would a girlfriend put themselves in a situation like this in the first place. It's ridiculous.

 

[Boxer00]

They were in the club everything went great and when she was leaving the club she ran into her friends from acting class. (Her girlfriends went home at this point) who were chilling outside the club and she stayed there for a while talking. Then her friends decided to go for afterparty and the group started to divide into two groups one with my girlfriend and two of her guyfriends (one of them claimed to be gay [Guy A], and the other one a sleezeball [Guy B]). They walked to the Guy B:s house which was a twenty minute walk from their location.

What a coincidence she runs into "friends" from acting class. I like how she just happened to be divided into the group going back to a house with 2 guys. She never should have gone back with those 2 guys.

When they got to the apartment they spent a while talking about theatre and acting. The clock was six in the morning and she (my girlfriend) was tired and quite drunk to walk back home. The guy A went to sleep on the matress. So the guy B asked her where she wanted to sleep bed sofa or on the floor with a matress. My GF stated that she wanted to sleep on bed (it was a big house with multiple beds) when she got to bed the Guy B suddenly jumped on to the bed with her and started groping her. She shoved him away and sayed that she is in a relationship and does not cheat, she was on the edge of falling asleep. The guy persisted bit girlfriend refused and told that she will go on the couch if he does not stop.

Too drunk to walk back home but not too drunk to talk about theatre and acting? More like 3 way sexual theatre LOL. If you believe her story, you deserve the chump of the year award.

 

[j.619]

I've dealt with nasty infidelity on two different occasions in very long-term, committed relationships. In the first case, I rationalized. Second case... I didn't learn from the first case. Generally speaking, if your woman has high levels of respect for you, she won't party without you. Not for lack of opportunity, but because she has no desire to (because of said respect)... let alone stumble back to some dude's house after the "friends she initially went out with" had left the club (her night should have ended there, honestly).

You guys haven't been dating long. Maybe the respect isn't quite there. Maybe absolutely nothing happened. In my real-life experience though... if it smells like a dog, barks like a dog, looks like a dog: probably a dog. Something about men that when we smell something amiss, we're usually right.

Good luck, brother

 

[GetFit66]

I feel like my initial instinct that told me to post "damn that's a long post you must be a woman and kill her" are correct. I will concur with my original thought after reading your entire post.

 

[Father Joseph]

Father Joseph,

You did indeed come to the right place. Your story reminds me very much of an old thread from several years back, of a guy who's wife went to a club/bar.

There was a soap opera of advice and contention in there, but the evolution was quite interesting, as well as the end result. Your story is remarkably similar in several regards. Lots of great wisdom from members of old here, including the great late Jophil.

It is 25 pages but do yourself a big favor and read it, or at least the first 12 pages. At a minimum read the OP's, STR8UPs, and Jophil's posts if you want to skim it. I would bet very strongly that your thoughts and gut are following what STR8UP was saying through-out the thread. He evolved his position over time as more data came to light, just as I am sure your own is evolving.

Once you have read the thread, let us know and I will share my take, especially the one very major red flag that people so far have missed.

So I read the whole 25-page text. Thanks for the tip it was enlightening to read. So what is your take on this?

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Op she could be pulling the 80% truth bs but I was at cabin party one night and there was this hot drunk girl being stalked and molested by this guy. You could tell she didn't wanf him and she'd tried to leave and this guy would follow her and grapple her and ****. She tried to sleep on this couch but the guy kept trying to makeout with Her when this girl was drunk af trying to sleep and he picked her up and took her to some room. Shortly, she came running up to me to protect her because I was big enough to woop his ass if he got mad at me and the guy got mad and left the party. I slept with her that night lol too. I've learned that some girls are bad at saying no and most guys are desperate af.

 

[BrainDamage92]

-She is horrible at lying or trying to hide something, so she does lie very very rarely.

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

Son, sit down, we need to talk about women...

 

[Jaylan]

Most men are desperate fvcks, so it makes sems. However, most members on this board think women are the spawn of satin so prepare for that.

Indeed they are the spawn of satin.

Chicks I date have the smoothest skin