Advice - GF’s behavior and testing her.

[Free_Agent]

48 here dating a 28 year old since very end of June. I’d rate her a SOLID 8. Intact family and great relationships with entire large family. Parents are divorced but great relationships with them. Church going. Educated with a solid job. Into fitness and eating healthy. No artificial beautification crap - implants, lips, etc. Never married no kids



1.

I travel a decent amount for business and to be with my kids. Whenever I’m gone she usually flys home to see her parents and hang out with her friends. 1x she got totally drunk. Another time definitely tipsy. Always sleeps at her dad’s house. From what she has told me the friends are hoes. One has had like 10 abortions and the other cheats on the husband. She plans trips when I’m gone. She’ll also catch up with her other gold digging friends here where we live when I’m gone. Happy hour here and there and occasional dinner. When I’m home it’s 100% we’re together doing everything


I don’t really like the friend selection. They’re her childhood best friends. I can kind of understand it as I have long time childhood friends that although they are trainwrecks they are good people and they’d have my back.

2.

I kind of tested her today. I know she was talking about the possibility of going home to celebrate a birthday with one of the hoe friends. She has been asking to travel with me to see my other home. My kids. My activities. All good. I asked her today“Hey you wanna fly out and see <western state she has never been to> and spend the weekend with us?” and she paused and said “I kinda have loose but not certain plans to fly out for xyz’s birthday.”


I didn’t like that but maybe I’m being unreasonable? I mean she’s young and we’ve been together like 3.5 months.



Seems high interest but hard to tell. All her friends seem like gold digging *****s. I mean one is milking a guy who’s worth $600mil. I’m in a VERY competitive dating market and these women have tons of options. We met by chance having dinner and sitting next to each other at a bar in a fine restaurant.



Just unsure how to handle the above. Maybe I need to just calm down and not take her seriously

 

[Divorced w 3]

I’m sorry but the dad in me is getting more furious by the moment reading this. I am absolutely insane, I’ll be the first to tell you, but children, all kids, have a soft spot in my heart.

What you’re intimating but not saying out loud is that you are concerned that she’s cheating on you. I don’t know how old your children are, but the idea that your child may be introduced to someone you feel this way about is just ridiculous.

However, given your thought process, I have to weigh out your likely skewed assessment of this woman as well. You’ve put a lot of energy and willpower in your relationship with her, whether or not she feels the same is up in the air.

When she heard meeting your kids, I could imagine one possibility of her ‘busyness’ is simply that being a terrible idea right now and her not wanting to do that, so if anything, credit to her for potentially having better judgement than you.

Look. There’s a likelihood that birds of a feather are flocking together. She may be open to infidelity or, perhaps she’s simply open to frequent casual sex outside a relationship and committed within it.

You should not try to force outcomes, it’s a bad road to go down, it doesn’t work and it’s going to lead to situations you didn’t intend and they won’t be happy ones. They’ll be very unhappy. There are definitely insecurities on your end that, just in the act of asking her to meet your kids, are manifesting in relationship sabotage.

I would be watch and see, no expectations, no demands, it should be fun and easy. If you can do that and reframe this situation, power to you.

 

[gwoppin]

Exactly as @Divorced w 3 said, birds of a feather

 

[Divorced w 3]

Exactly as @Divorced w 3 said, birds of a feather

That is NOT what I said. I said it’s possible, they’re friends for a reason and share similar values, but maybe she is committed within their relationship. He needs to have more to come at her with than her friends are slvts.

 

[gwoppin]

*Somewhat kinda what @Divorced w 3 said.

She may just eventually be swayed by their girlfriends though.

 

[Free_Agent]

I’m sorry but the dad in me is getting more furious by the moment reading this. I am absolutely insane, I’ll be the first to tell you, but children, all kids, have a soft spot in my heart.

What you’re intimating but not saying out loud is that you are concerned that she’s cheating on you. I don’t know how old your children are, but the idea that your child may be introduced to someone you feel this way about is just ridiculous.

However, given your thought process, I have to weigh out your likely skewed assessment of this woman as well. You’ve put a lot of energy and willpower in your relationship with her, whether or not she feels the same is up in the air.

When she heard meeting your kids, I could imagine one possibility of her ‘busyness’ is simply that being a terrible idea right now and her not wanting to do that, so if anything, credit to her for potentially having better judgement than you.

Look. There’s a likelihood that birds of a feather are flocking together. She may be open to infidelity or, perhaps she’s simply open to frequent casual sex outside a relationship and committed within it.

You should not try to force outcomes, it’s a bad road to go down, it doesn’t work and it’s going to lead to situations you didn’t intend and they won’t be happy ones. They’ll be very unhappy. There are definitely insecurities on your end that, just in the act of asking her to meet your kids, are manifesting in relationship sabotage.

I would be watch and see, no expectations, no demands, it should be fun and easy. If you can do that and reframe this situation, power to you.

Thanks. My kids are older . 14 & 11. My ex and I both date .

The gf was the one who originally brought up coming out. She’s been asking but it just didnt pan out one way or another .

Do I think she’s cheating ? No. I mean she shares her location on her phone so unless she’s a real operator leaving the phone and / or using another Apple device , I don’t think that.

I just don’t particularly care for the behavior but then again she’s 28 and I was going out with my friends at that age.

The trip to come out and see me… another story . I could care less it just kinda exposed what is more important to her.

We just got from a great European vacation together. Had a great time and there have been zero “moments”

 

[BackInTheGame78]

3.5 months and you are offering for her to meet your kids?

C'mon man. That is WAY too fast. Honestly you probably shouldn't even be exclusive with her at this point and you DEFINITELY should not be spending 100% of the time together.

The only thing you are doing right now is speeding up the demise of this relationship with your behavior.

It's YOUR job to not give in to her wanting to spend all her time with you. You are far too available for her. Essentially you are telling her "I have nothing to do in life except spend time with you".

Would not be surprised if she is out meeting up with random dudes while she is out with her friends.

There is a saying "tell me your 3 closest friends and I'll tell you who you are."

Taking her on a European Vacation within 3.5 months?!? Are you insane?

You have simp written all over your forehead in big flashing lights to her.

IMO within 3-6 months you are going to find out a lot of stuff you wish you hadn't about her. I've seen this movie one too many times before on here.

Trying to fast track relationships and hit milestones in half the time or less never works...it just gets to a point where it feels "off" to her and she won't be able to pinpoint why, but it will cause her to freak out internally.

And it happens because each time you add something "new" it's like putting a building block on top of each other. Except for it to last, it needs to have a strong foundation.

You never gave it time to build a strong foundation, you rushed into it headfirst. Eventually it's going to collapse under its own weight if you keep going at this pace.

You need to slow things down and become less available.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

3.5 months and you are offering for her to meet your kids?

I agree, don't have any ideas about a woman you've known for less than 9-12 months. After 6 months you might start introducing her to friends, but access to the inner circle? Not that soon, not so quickly.

48 here dating a 28 year old since very end of June. I’d rate her a SOLID 8. Intact family and great relationships with entire large family. Parents are divorced but great relationships with them. Church going. Educated with a solid job. Into fitness and eating healthy. No artificial beautification crap - implants, lips, etc. Never married no kids

I get the feeling you're emotionally over invested in this girl. And ignoring the red flags. Her beauty is the wrapping, not the gift.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I believe the sexual polarity here is off. Considering that masculine energy is action-oriented while feminine energy focuses on relationships, it seems she isn't showing appreciation or openness in the relationship and may even be shutting down. Additionally, it appears the foundation of your relationship was built on extravagant trips. When those stop and you both return to everyday life, cracks in your personalities may emerge that you'll need to address.

I've seen men become consumed by trying to maintain a woman's attention through trips, gifts, and surgeries, only to be discarded when they're no longer needed. It seems you might be adopting the "nice guy" role, feeling insecure and trying hard to please her with covert contracts to make the relationship work. However, she may have different goals and isn’t matching your effort. You need the confidence to step back and walk away if necessary, which could be why she feels comfortable behaving this way.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

48 here dating a 28 year old since very end of June. I’d rate her a SOLID 8. Intact family and great relationships with entire large family. Parents are divorced but great relationships with them. Church going. Educated with a solid job. Into fitness and eating healthy. No artificial beautification crap - implants, lips, etc. Never married no kids



1.

I travel a decent amount for business and to be with my kids. Whenever I’m gone she usually flys home to see her parents and hang out with her friends. 1x she got totally drunk. Another time definitely tipsy. Always sleeps at her dad’s house. From what she has told me the friends are hoes. One has had like 10 abortions and the other cheats on the husband. She plans trips when I’m gone. She’ll also catch up with her other gold digging friends here where we live when I’m gone. Happy hour here and there and occasional dinner. When I’m home it’s 100% we’re together doing everything


I don’t really like the friend selection. They’re her childhood best friends. I can kind of understand it as I have long time childhood friends that although they are trainwrecks they are good people and they’d have my back.

2.

I kind of tested her today. I know she was talking about the possibility of going home to celebrate a birthday with one of the hoe friends. She has been asking to travel with me to see my other home. My kids. My activities. All good. I asked her today“Hey you wanna fly out and see <western state she has never been to> and spend the weekend with us?” and she paused and said “I kinda have loose but not certain plans to fly out for xyz’s birthday.”


I didn’t like that but maybe I’m being unreasonable? I mean she’s young and we’ve been together like 3.5 months.



Seems high interest but hard to tell. All her friends seem like gold digging *****s. I mean one is milking a guy who’s worth $600mil. I’m in a VERY competitive dating market and these women have tons of options. We met by chance having dinner and sitting next to each other at a bar in a fine restaurant.



Just unsure how to handle the above. Maybe I need to just calm down and not take her seriously

would just like to share this article by Rollo Tomassi, who happens to have some solid advice over on his site as well: https://therationalmale.com/2012/08/27/girls-night-out/comment-page-2/

It may come in handy for you.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

I believe the sexual polarity here is off. Considering that masculine energy is action-oriented while feminine energy focuses on relationships, it seems she isn't showing appreciation or openness in the relationship and may even be shutting down. Additionally, it appears the foundation of your relationship was built on extravagant trips. When those stop and you both return to everyday life, cracks in your personalities may emerge that you'll need to address.

I've seen men become consumed by trying to maintain a woman's attention through trips, gifts, and surgeries, only to be discarded when they're no longer needed. It seems you might be adopting the "nice guy" role, feeling insecure and trying hard to please her with covert contracts to make the relationship work. However, she may have different goals and isn’t matching your effort. You need the confidence to step back and walk away if necessary, which could be why she feels comfortable behaving this way.

from my own experience, this holds a lot of truth.

 

[Agamemnon43]

You are almost double her age, you will never be on the same level. The things you want, the things you value, the life you live can never be a match long term. End it while you can before causing more damage.

 

[The Duke]

You are almost double her age, you will never be on the same level. The things you want, the things you value, the life you live can never be a match long term. End it while you can before causing more damage.

You would be surprised.

 

[Agamemnon43]

You would be surprised.

If it works, it's definitely a surprise.