Advice from DJ's

[NewMan]

Long story lot's has happened.

My Ex has been having more and more contact with me these last 3 weeks.

Last Wednesday she wanted to come over and see my new place - then we went for drinks after.

She told me she was not happy with this new guy she meet. She meet him quickly after we broke up and it got serious fast.

She told me things like - "You don't know what you've lost until it's gone" - we talked a lot about our relationship - and she said she's like to go out with me.

Yesterday I asked her to dinner for some day this week - she told me she would love to but she "Can't" because of this guy. That she doesn't want to be unhonest with him or hurt anyone including me.

Great.

She mentioned dinner today instead - I told her I'd IM her this morning.

Last night she called me - wanted to ask me 2 questions - total silly things - one about my on-line poker account, the other about a website I visited on our old computer (that I left with her).

I answered the questions - and hung up.

I had to call back because I was confused.

I called back. Asked her what was going on. Is she happy, because she said she was not happy last wednesday, and that she wanted to go out with me.

She told me that she wasn't happy. That she wants to go out with me but she can't right now.

I told her, that last Wednesday she said to me that I should not "Settle" (in reference to me telling her about a girl I banged that I was not into) - and I told her - YOUR settling right now. Settling for this guy.

She said she knows - and she wants to get out of it in her own time. That she needs time. That she needs to make sure because if it's over then it's over.

I'm confused on what to do. I want to persue her. Our conversations were just very insightfull about our realtionship - where things went wrong.

What advice can you give me here? Am I missing something? If I want to persue her wants the best approach?

I'm going to persue her for sure - I know some of you are going to give me Sh#t for this - but in my view it's worth it.

 

[xblitz44x]

Well if you've already made up your mind nothing you read here is going to change that now is it? First of all; it's cool that she mentioned the "You don't know what you had until you lost it" cliche. If she said that; and NONE of the other shyt that you posted about happened, I'd say you have a good chance and it MIGHT be worth taking a shot over.

But she's with this guy, and she's with him because she wants to be with him. That's what it comes down to. For some reason or another she WANTS to stay with him. She didn't sign a contract (heh, like THAT matters), he's not MAKING her stay there. So don't make exuses for her there. If she DOES go out with you, you'll never know if it's behind this guy's back or not (which would ultimately be behind YOUR back. And what's worse, is that even if you manage to make this happen, and her go out with you...the things that broke you guys up the first time, that are forgotton now WILL ressurect, they always do. We just tend to remember the good and surpress the bad.

 

[Survivor]

Yeah man, you don't need any confirmation from us. Do what you feel and go after her. Just don't get too caught up in the drama of the moment.

 

[NewMan]

Yeah - I'm going to lunch for sure...

But what do you guys think is my best approach to all of this.

Since we lived together and were together for 4.5 yrs?

Should I Persue her hard - let her know what I want, or should I be in kick back mode and "see what happens".

i also would like to add - whilst I would like to date her again, I have other women I'm persuing as well - and she knows this.

 

[Slickster]

Newman,

It seems to me that if she really wanted to be with you then this other guy would be history.

Sounds like she has sucessfully entrapped you in her web again. Which is probably all she really wanted anyway.

Can't you see man? The reason she's come back to you is because you were off doing your own thing.

Keep doing that. Don't make time for her. Don't ask her out for dinner. Don't pursue her. Make her come to you. As you've been doing.

Her IL has gone up after the break up because you have demonstrated that you can go on with your life without her.

Don't mess up again.

Good luck

 

[Walden]

Some chicks just like attention and enjoy jerking alphamales about.

Judge her by her actions not her words.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

She conquered what she set out to do. She wanted to see if you would crawl back, and begin supplicating again, since it was probably her who broke up your relationship.

She's seen that you are too available, and has you under control once again. Stop it with the dinner invitations. I would just get a little ****y with her and bust her balls and make fun of her for being flaky, indecisive and not able to handle men.

Tell her something like, "looks like you're one of those girls who's addicted to her struggles. You won't find true happiness because you don't know what you want, and if you do, you can't make up your mind and follow through." And don't be a wuss, or apologize, she needs a man who will take control of the situation, or at least of his own situation.

You need to get out of that chump zone she has you in. Stop being so available, and let her know you have improved your life since you split, and you want somebody in your league. This way you are communicating that you are no longer in need of her, you have options, and will not tolerate BS from anyone, because you are a chooser who's in control of your own life.

 

[Jay_VCU]

Originally posted by Gangster Of Love
She conquered what she set out to do. She wanted to see if you would crawl back, and begin supplicating again, since it was probably her who broke up your relationship.

She's seen that you are too available, and has you under control once again. Stop it with the dinner invitations. I would just get a little ****y with her and bust her balls and make fun of her for being flaky, indecisive and not able to handle men.

Tell her something like, "looks like you're one of those girls who's addicted to her struggles. You won't find true happiness because you don't know what you want, and if you do, you can't make up your mind and follow through." And don't be a wuss, or apologize, she needs a man who will take control of the situation, or at least of his own situation.

You need to get out of that chump zone she has you in. Stop being so available, and let her know you have improved your life since you split, and you want somebody in your league. This way you are communicating that you are no longer in need of her, you have options, and will not tolerate BS from anyone, because you are a chooser who's in control of your own life.

That comment didn't sound like busting her balls. That sounded like being a jerk. Then again, it might be because you're a gangster. Anyway, if you want to get back with her you can go out to the dinner thing, but after that don't talk to her. Wait till she calls you. And be very distant at the dinner. Make her think she hasn't won you back yet.

 

[NewMan]

I appreciate the advice.

I went to lunch with her.

She's called it off with the guy she was seeing. It's the end.

Thats what she has said.

She had plans with him for Saturday night - but now is going out with me.

I mentioned I had a date Friday (which is true) - she went very quiet.... But in the end was cool about it all.

She told me - that she didn't want me to think that she was calling me because it was not working out with him.

Bottom line - I'm taking her out Saturday - and I have a date Friday. I'm not running into anything. I'm going in with the eyes open. Any sh#t and I'm out. That simple.

But for me, it is worth the time to go out with her again.