[Advanced] Not being too available: does it still work with quality girls?

[TheCWord]

Anyone on this forum who has put actual work into their self-improvement journey and internalized what we preach here about game knows unequivocally: this sh*t works!

What most of us also know, but perhaps don't talk about - save for inferences we can make based on each other's posts - is that we often don't end up with "quality girls." That definition will probably vary from person to person, but in a general sense I'm talking about a girl-next-door, take-home-to-mom type who is loyal, loving, independent, not BPD, and good in the sack.

Total packages like that are hard to find so, mathematically, it's more likely to find ourselves writing about experiences with girls who are not from this top tier.

However, I gotta ask, as someone who has dated and slept with more women in the past 2-3 years than ever before... is my "game" keeping me from landing a quality LTR girlfriend?

There's no bias in my question. I genuinely don't know the answer. I'm just musing. And hoping someone who is in a happy, healthy relationship with a quality girl can weigh in.

I'm specifically thinking of a new girl who fits my "quality" description. She likes to text throughout the day. Frankly, I like hearing from her. But everything I've learned on this forum, and everything that has provided me with tremendous dating success the past couple years and always allowed me to maintain a strong frame, tells me that I've got to back off from this. I'm not supposed to be her text buddy throughout the day. She has to miss me. But I also notice that my friends and family who are in LTRs or married to quality women keep in regular touch with their girls throughout the day.

Further, I was joking around with her over text the other day and she said something that was not rude, not disrespectful, but it felt like she didn't like the direction I was taking the conversation - I was taking it to a sexual place - and she kind of shut it down and changed the subject... Well, as if by reflex, I ignored her next text. She sent another one and I didn't reply. This is my SoSuave/DJ/Alpha male "disciplining" her for misbehaving. I know I'm only doing it because I believe I have to in order to maintain a frame and that if I don't I'll risk her losing interest, but I wonder if ignoring a girl for a silly reason like this is effective when it comes to NON-attention wh0re women.

When I date women, I pretty much do it by the book (of Pook). I escalate quickly, I don't make myself too available, etc. Those relationships often flame out quickly or they are with girls who I wouldn't consider LTR material. Is this type of stuff, that I have hardwired my brain for, only good at attracting and keeping low-quality girls? Is it pushing away high quality ones?

Or is this stuff universal? ...Or, have we cult-mind convinced ourselves it is universal?

 

[jurry]

If its a good LTR match this kind of question will not come up, you two will be in sync and you wont have any need for this much analysis and games. At the beginning (first month or whatever), yea you need to be cool and aloof and a bit distant and let the thing develop on its own.

Obviously if you begin dating a girl you already know is not LTR material, she isnt suddenly going to become LTR material. So I dont see what game or pook has to do with that. First month or two should be a bit of a screening process anyways, so maybe you just havent picked the right kind of girls so far.. Or maybe you dont actually want an LTR?

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

my friends and family who are in LTRs or married to quality women keep in regular touch with their girls throughout the day

I think you answered your own question there.

When I date women, I pretty much do it by the book (of Pook). I escalate quickly, I don't make myself too available, etc. Those relationships often flame out quickly or they are with girls who I wouldn't consider LTR material. Is this type of stuff, that I have hardwired my brain for, only good at attracting and keeping low-quality girls? Is it pushing away high quality ones?

Have you read this one by Pook:
http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/000265.html

It can be wise not to seduce too fast, to not get her between your sheets ASAP. Patience is always a good thing and lets things grow between you two.

Confident guys are confident because they know that it will come. If it is not now, then it will come. If it will come, then it is not now. Yet, it will come. I think patience has been the biggest element to my success than anything else.

I believe the type of relationship you end up having with a woman depends all on how it begins. i.e. did you two actually get to know each other before you had sex. When you first have sex with her, WHO is she having sex with? Is it YOU? Or is it a persona? A glorified dildo?

 

[TheCWord]

month or two should be a bit of a screening process anyways, so maybe you just havent picked the right kind of girls so far.. Or maybe you dont actually want an LTR?

Yeah I definitely think part of it is just not finding the right woman - I am open to an LTR but am not interested in getting into one just for the sake of it, or settling.

I guess I'm wondering if I should slow down the texty text with this one. Cause the thing is, jurry, I don't necessarily want to, but I feel like I have to.

I think you answered your own question there.

Have you read this one by Pook:
http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/000265.html


I believe the type of relationship you end up having with a woman depends all on how it begins. i.e. did you two actually get to know each other before you had sex. When you first have sex with her, WHO is she having sex with? Is it YOU? Or is it a persona? A glorified dildo?

Hey Peaks. That must be the one Pook article I skipped over. Thanks!

Yeah, I think most of my dating relationships start off sexually charged. We are attracted to each other and we end up banging pretty quickly.

Current girl referenced in my OP was attraction, of course, but it was born from pretty amazing conversation and a connection I haven't really felt since my beta days. I think that's what has me so worried! I'm trying not to backslide and make old mistakes but I also don't want to accidentally over game a girl.

Oh, and glorified dildo? Might be my new SoSuave handle

EDIT: for anyone following along, I looked up this Anti-Dump post for guidance. AD is pretty much always right about everything.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=39785

That post actually touches on that fine line I still struggle with: not letting her know she "has" you but not coming off as so distant and uninterested that she peaces out.

 

[Stugots26]

my friends and family who are in LTRs or married to quality women keep in regular touch with their girls throughout the day.

Critical distinction here: who's initiating these throughout-the-day contacts? Is it the man or the woman?

Contact throughout the day is fine - as long as it's her contacting you the vast majority of the time. She should always be reaching for you, and you can respond as you wish or necessary.

One of my current babes is in regular, daily contact, so much so that even if I have something logistical to tell her, I'll wait and make it part of my response to her next contact rather than reaching out myself. That way she's happy because she gets to think about me and reach out for me, and I'm content knowing that business still gets handled.

 

[TheCWord]

Critical distinction here: who's initiating these throughout-the-day contacts? Is it the man or the woman?

Contact throughout the day is fine - as long as it's her contacting you the vast majority of the time. She should always be reaching for you, and you can respond as you wish or necessary.

One of my current babes is in regular, daily contact, so much so that even if I have something logistical to tell her, I'll wait and make it part of my response to her next contact rather than reaching out myself. That way she's happy because she gets to think about me and reach out for me, and I'm content knowing that business still gets handled.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Stugots26 again.

Yeah in this case it's all her initiating. I said something similar to you in another thread, Stugots. That as long as she's the one initiating and you're not always replying right away, then no harm. But I know some on here would preach that if she wants to talk to you, she has to see you in person, and giving her a fix via the cell phone is not making her act (and thereby invest).

Again, I don't know if either school of thought is right or wrong.

 

[Rainman4707]

She'll get around 5 texts a week of me if she's very lucky. That mindset has been drilled into me & in my experience with women it has done more good than harm.

 

[Krueg]

Not everything here is set in stone... You can bend rules and alter things to fit your game. Though here is one thing I've learned. If a girl REALLY likes YOU! There is no games, you by pass all sh!t tests and or games. Sounds nice huh, get use to it Don Juan. Kick the ho's to the curb and find the ones crazy about you!!

 

[TheCWord]

Sounds nice huh, get use to it Don Juan.

I appreciate you channelling Anti-Dump here

 

[Stugots26]

CWord - I agree about in-person fixes.

I'm talking about her initiating when the next meet-up has already been set. If we have a definite date - or in a relationship, you're going home to her at the end of the day - then both you and her know that she's going to get an in-person fix eventually, so there's no sense in pretending otherwise. As long as your game is tight she should always be incredibly excited, wanting more of you, and never get her complete fix.

It's more about positive reinforcement. She reaches for you, and you reward with your time and attention in doses small or large. You want to program that into her.

Some women will let their prides get in the way of pursuing you, but that's just special snowflake syndrome (aka golden uterus syndrome). Most likely, you'll never have an effortless relationship with these type of women. It just demonstrates that they have bad attitudes and are not "quality." They're damaged goods. They've ridden the c0ck carousel in their 20s and most likely they're hitting the Wall, and looking for a man to rope into a relationship, and now can't handle the hits to their ids that men aren't as interested in them as they are early to mid twenty-year-olds.

 

[Comatozed]

Not everything here is set in stone... You can bend rules and alter things to fit your game. Though here is one thing I've learned. If a girl REALLY likes YOU! There is no games, you by pass all sh!t tests and or games. Sounds nice huh, get use to it Don Juan. Kick the ho's to the curb and find the ones crazy about you!!

nah recipe for disaster.

I was guilty of this line of thought with my oneitus and it still haunts me to this day. I thought we had skipped all the games and I was too available and it blew up in my face.

Never again will I let that happen, hurt way too much.