Accidental Interviewing, 1min awkward silences, getting up and leaving

[professional_spartan]

I've been told that sometimes when I'm talking with women, I tend to more or less interview them...I just ask them what they do, and generally ask questions.

I know I need to work on digging into their answers instead of going on to the next question about them, but more often than not, I don't really know how to respond to their answers. (insert sample answer here, I can't really think of one right now).

It's hard to talk about something or be C&F about things that I know nothing about.

I'm probably trying to avoid the 1 minute awkward silence, so i shift into interview mode, I guess. How can I avoid doing this?

Or are 1 minute awkward silence (or just getting up & leaving) better than wasting time interviewing?

 

[chrisgoodrich25]

i do the same thing..but on dates..try realting with her..telling a story of your own..this will help build atrraction plus if she know nothing about you she cant become attatched..

 

[cffrmw]

Yeah, you need to have some interesting stories to tell, something funny that happened recently or whatever. I don't know, I think it's just something that you'll get better at with time. Next time your hanging out with your friends try to keep track of how the conversation goes - it's natural, it just flows, and try to figure out what you are doing differently when you're on a date.

 

[SandHawk]

I usually tend to avoid the whole <what you doing in life> question set. I sometimes pop a quick one in, what she studies or something, so I know what kind of girl I'm dealing with. I tend to run into quite a few religious girls at the place where I work as a bartender(Great way to pick up girls btw). So a quick 2 questions are used to figure out if they're that kind of religious(= no ****ing before marriage = no go).

But then it's best to move on to the 'What makes your day special' or 'What things drive you in life'. This helps weed out the boring girls quickly too. And from those questions it's quite easy to continue the conversation. If she responds with "Well, if I have breakfast in bed, that wold really make my day special", you could continue on that track by asking what kind of breakfast, how she would like it to be served, pop in a story about how you'd like the breakfast in bed. You could use add in some roleplaying and be like 'So, what if we were having breakfast in bed, what would it be look like'. Depending on how well you make contact with her, you cold leave the bed out, and put a little back story in there, like meeting her for breakfast instead of waking up next to her.

 

[Ease]

il share some tricks that liven up convos,

If she gives a long answer or goes into detail, say 'wow ok i didnt ask for your life story.. '. Simple joke, easy tease.

If she is being unresponsive or giving short answers for watever reason, point it out, eg. where do you work? 'i work at X shop', 'wow ok is that it, you sound pretty boring'

Anything you need to pick up on, you can tease her for. If you have an awkward silence, look at her awkwardly as though its her fault, and say 'are you always this boring?'. If you smile and deliver it confidently, you can get away with saying anything, dont worry.

When you neg and tease like this, you immediatly place her value below you and DHV yourself. It also livens up convos and generally good flirting technique.

Basically, neg and tease a lot. It makes for more personal and fun conversations.

 

[Soprano]

Anything you need to pick up on, you can tease her for. If you have an awkward silence, look at her awkwardly as though its her fault, and say 'are you always this boring?'. If you smile and deliver it confidently, you can get away with saying anything, dont worry.

When you neg and tease like this, you immediatly place her value below you and DHV yourself. It also livens up convos and generally good flirting technique.

Basically, neg and tease a lot. It makes for more personal and fun conversations.

very good tip!!!

 

[bmp2cpm]

I've been told that sometimes when I'm talking with women, I tend to more or less interview them...I just ask them what they do, and generally ask questions.

I know I need to work on digging into their answers instead of going on to the next question about them, but more often than not, I don't really know how to respond to their answers. (insert sample answer here, I can't really think of one right now).

It's hard to talk about something or be C&F about things that I know nothing about.

I'm probably trying to avoid the 1 minute awkward silence, so i shift into interview mode, I guess. How can I avoid doing this?

Or are 1 minute awkward silence (or just getting up & leaving) better than wasting time interviewing?

You're on the right track. Don't give up on this. Asking questions is good...but you need to make the whole process natural and not feel like a job interview going terribly wrong.

Here's how:

1) Keep your first few questions general, nothing too personal
2) Listen to her answers, looking for your next question
3) Based on her answer, ask the next question, she'll keep talking, giving up personal stuff
4) If you find you have something in common, BRIEFLY mention it to her. Show her you relate to what she's talking about.

After your first general question, she'll start giving up personal stuff, which permits you to start asking more personal questions. With enough practice, you can find out a lot about a woman in a few minutes. Women love to talk about themselves. Get them to do in a way that it feels natural, not awkward. When you're telling her about yourself, it should be mostly "me too" like statements relating to things that she's told you. Reveal only what you need to, let her do most of the talking and the work.

Pretend you're Jay Leno and practice this with everyone, male, female, old, and young. It's a good skill to have.

 

[professional_spartan]

I never watched Jay Leno, I don't own a TV at all, actually (no time for it, anyway).

It's also very hard to have conversations (let alone group convo) at most places/bars/clubs. The music and talking is so LOUD, it is impossible to hear somebody, unless they're SCREAMING in your ear. Attempting to communicate next to a jet engine (basically), doesn't make alot of sense...

Thanks for the tips!

 

[TheCzar]

Conversation can sometimes be tricky especially in a club/bar where the music is loud. But, I use that to my advantage by leaning in more and moving in closer. You can use the fact that there's a lot of noise as an excuse to see how willing she is to let you into her personal space.

If you're asking too many standard out-of-the-box questions (where do you work, live, ...) and you're hitting dead-space then you probably need to get out of your head. Your thinking to much about 'what do I ask next' rather than focusing on the response and expanding the conversation from there. If you find that you can't build the conversation from even a short response then she's thinking the same thing -- you are BORING and in her head she's probably saying "Great, typical guy, only the 5th time tonight I've had to answer these same questions - here we go again" - Throw in a non-sequitur question related to your own experience.. "Last week a group of us hit the slopes to go snowboarding and were blown away by how much powder there was... Have you ever been up to [name of ski resort]...." from here you can fork off into a lot of directions, if she says 'yes' you got a common-ground to work from, 'no' you can find out if she's into the snow or the beach, 'beach' water skiing or kite-boarding,.... Throw in as much C+F as you possibly can. My point here is be atypical - typical is boring, not different.

TC

 

[ALPHAROMEO]

King

prescript your questions stack them if you want always the same questions , always the same negs
4 OPENERS IF YOU WANT

TAKE your cue from LARRY KING When he interviews celebs , he alsways has a structure , a list of Qs he s compiled prior to the interview naturally he allows himself to deviate on and off from the " prescripted " structure

 

[Nexus Polaris]

It's hard to talk about something or be C&F about things that I know nothing about.

Not really. Check it out.....


You: "What was the last movie you saw?"

her: "New Moon.... the new Twilight movie."

You: "........I gotta go. I can't be seen in public with you."

her: *laughs* "Why?"

You: "Because I'm losing cool points just sitting her next to you."

her: *laughs again*

You: *look over your shoulder as if you're checking for people* "......so really, how was it?"


And then after she gives you the full review, you can explain that you actually don't know anything about it and she'll give you an in-depth explanation. Boom! You're in a discussion about something she enjoys. Be sure to ask all kinds of silly questions that have nothing to do with the actual topic. Like, "Okay, so one guy is a vampire with diamond skin and the other one can turn into a werewolf. Why on earth are they fighting over a high school girl? Especially the vampire guy. Diamond skin is like the ultimate bling. He could be in a rap video and get tons of chicks."


I've found that it definitely helps to be knowledgable about stuff in general. To make some extra effort to just brush up on pop culture, news headlines, and current events. But if you just act playful in general, you can pretty much talk about nothing for a long time. Asking pointless questions and making comments that really don't mean anything. It's more the attitude you're projecting than the actual words you're saying.

That's why women find interview mode to be boring. Because it feels like a job interview. Very dull. No excitement.

 

[Veridin]

Everyone has things they love to talk about, and those are the things you need to find. A girl will usually enjoy talking about her free-time interests, or something in her past. Difficult of course if she is a teenager, but it gets easier with age, when you have done more things and when girls start thinking more.

 

[Joe Stud]

if you get mentally stalled... just try repeating the last sentence of hers, in the form of a question.

her: and then when I went to college, i overcame my shyness and was popular. I even joined the top sirority.
you: You joined the top sirority? really?