Feelings and body go hand in hand, that means if you feel shy or intimidated by the presence of your lady, your body will communicate it (nervous, awkward, reserved etc.)
That’s why it is hard to fake confidence, even if you try to communicate a relaxed body language your feelings will get the hell out of you, your heart beat will go fast, you will start sweating and eventually appearing nervous. You can’t be self-confident by fighting yourself.
The problem that guys have with self-confidence is how they perceive it, they think a man who is self-confident is perfect, he never feels shy, he never feels intimidated, he never feels weak and yet any human is subject to those kind of feelings. Don’t get caught in fictional characteristics. Those high James Bondy expectations you link to self-confidence are making you less worthy and less confident.
Let’s examine the meaning of self-confidence:
« a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement. »
That is, to be self-confident is to trust yourself, it doesn’t even have to do with others (How to sit and how to **** kind of stuff), there is just you.
There is no fictional things going on with it (Although those may be a great add in real-life
):
highly intelligent, exceedingly cunning and diabolically independent, fight 100 men with one hand, sleep with 5 women a day, wear a new suit eveyday, insert your fantasies.
Now let’s examine the big other word: TRUST
« firm belief in the reliability, truth, of someone or something. »
This boils down to belief and truth. Which go hand in hand.
You can’t believe a lier, can you?
What if you are that lier who lie to himself,
Would you trust you?
Or course not.
And that is the point:
You are not feeling-self confident enough, because
Your don’t believe in your-self enough, because
You lie to yourself enough.
How do you lie to your self comes in countless ways, one of them is not admitting what you really feel and trying to believe otherwise, those repeated lies you say to yourself in the morning and before you sleep: I am confident, I am on top of the word, I take charge…, those gestures you want to mimic to look powerful, your incapability to take criticisme or other’s opinions that differ to yours, etc.
So let’s examine the other words: (Qualities, abilities, and judgment)
« a distinctive attribute or characteristic possessed by someone or something.»
« possession of the means or skill to do something. »
« the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. »
What we are talking about here gentlemen are:
- Uniqueness
- Skill
- and Reason
There is a lot going on here, so let’s group the bigger picture
SELF-CONFIDENCE = BEING HONEST, OPEN, CREATIVE, CURIOUS, AND REASONABLE.
This means you still can feel shy, down, weak, or anything, and yet be ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT. If you are:
HONEST in admitting where you are right now, without hiding it or rejecting it, but owning it, and being honest on what you wanna do about it. You feel shy all the time? own it, admit it to yourself, tell yourself you can’t go to a girl and take her number, or your friend is laughing at you because you can’t, tell him yes you are right I can’t do that and smile. Then within yourself decide what you gotta do about it. You went to a girl anyway and you are sweeting use it as an advantage tell her your were hesitating but you could not resist her, be fine with it, own it, it’s the reality after all. That is what I call ABSOLUTE SELF-CONFIDENCE.
OPEN so you let the word around you express itself without you feeling offended or victimized, OPEN to learn from any situation, and anyone. Let the word throw whatever it wants on you, take it, own it, analyze it and decide what to do with it; But don’t feel victimized.
CREATIVE to take your ideas seriously and give yourself a chance to create new things. There is a fear of creating because you expose yourself to criticism, then if you are honest you won’t be affected. You may feel afraid to expose yourself that’s fine, but you are open and honest so you do it anyway.
CURIOUS to know more, and explore. Don’t be trapped in your head, read about biases, read about bad ticks that people could use against you so you know them, be curious ask questions, it’s fine if you are with your girl and you tell her I don’ know this or that.
REASONABLE as to not screw yourself, it’s good to enjoy your life but also not to screw it.
When building your self-confidence remember that you had it when you were burn, but it was stollen from you. What you are doing now is just getting it back.
Start with Honesty, if you only get this right you will be much better and impressed, being relaxed is a great quality and it comes from honesty and harmony.
AND REMEMBER THAT
SELF-CONFIDENCE IS ABOUT YOU
SELF-CONFIDENCE IS WITHIN YOU
ABSOLUTE SELF-CONFIDENCE IS YOU
——
That’s why it is hard to fake confidence, even if you try to communicate a relaxed body language your feelings will get the hell out of you, your heart beat will go fast, you will start sweating and eventually appearing nervous. You can’t be self-confident by fighting yourself.
The problem that guys have with self-confidence is how they perceive it, they think a man who is self-confident is perfect, he never feels shy, he never feels intimidated, he never feels weak and yet any human is subject to those kind of feelings. Don’t get caught in fictional characteristics. Those high James Bondy expectations you link to self-confidence are making you less worthy and less confident.
Let’s examine the meaning of self-confidence:
« a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement. »
That is, to be self-confident is to trust yourself, it doesn’t even have to do with others (How to sit and how to **** kind of stuff), there is just you.
There is no fictional things going on with it (Although those may be a great add in real-life
):highly intelligent, exceedingly cunning and diabolically independent, fight 100 men with one hand, sleep with 5 women a day, wear a new suit eveyday, insert your fantasies.
Now let’s examine the big other word: TRUST
« firm belief in the reliability, truth, of someone or something. »
This boils down to belief and truth. Which go hand in hand.
You can’t believe a lier, can you?
What if you are that lier who lie to himself,
Would you trust you?
Or course not.
And that is the point:
You are not feeling-self confident enough, because
Your don’t believe in your-self enough, because
You lie to yourself enough.
How do you lie to your self comes in countless ways, one of them is not admitting what you really feel and trying to believe otherwise, those repeated lies you say to yourself in the morning and before you sleep: I am confident, I am on top of the word, I take charge…, those gestures you want to mimic to look powerful, your incapability to take criticisme or other’s opinions that differ to yours, etc.
So let’s examine the other words: (Qualities, abilities, and judgment)
« a distinctive attribute or characteristic possessed by someone or something.»
« possession of the means or skill to do something. »
« the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. »
What we are talking about here gentlemen are:
- Uniqueness
- Skill
- and Reason
There is a lot going on here, so let’s group the bigger picture
SELF-CONFIDENCE = BEING HONEST, OPEN, CREATIVE, CURIOUS, AND REASONABLE.
This means you still can feel shy, down, weak, or anything, and yet be ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT. If you are:
HONEST in admitting where you are right now, without hiding it or rejecting it, but owning it, and being honest on what you wanna do about it. You feel shy all the time? own it, admit it to yourself, tell yourself you can’t go to a girl and take her number, or your friend is laughing at you because you can’t, tell him yes you are right I can’t do that and smile. Then within yourself decide what you gotta do about it. You went to a girl anyway and you are sweeting use it as an advantage tell her your were hesitating but you could not resist her, be fine with it, own it, it’s the reality after all. That is what I call ABSOLUTE SELF-CONFIDENCE.
OPEN so you let the word around you express itself without you feeling offended or victimized, OPEN to learn from any situation, and anyone. Let the word throw whatever it wants on you, take it, own it, analyze it and decide what to do with it; But don’t feel victimized.
CREATIVE to take your ideas seriously and give yourself a chance to create new things. There is a fear of creating because you expose yourself to criticism, then if you are honest you won’t be affected. You may feel afraid to expose yourself that’s fine, but you are open and honest so you do it anyway.
CURIOUS to know more, and explore. Don’t be trapped in your head, read about biases, read about bad ticks that people could use against you so you know them, be curious ask questions, it’s fine if you are with your girl and you tell her I don’ know this or that.
REASONABLE as to not screw yourself, it’s good to enjoy your life but also not to screw it.
When building your self-confidence remember that you had it when you were burn, but it was stollen from you. What you are doing now is just getting it back.
Start with Honesty, if you only get this right you will be much better and impressed, being relaxed is a great quality and it comes from honesty and harmony.
AND REMEMBER THAT
SELF-CONFIDENCE IS ABOUT YOU
SELF-CONFIDENCE IS WITHIN YOU
ABSOLUTE SELF-CONFIDENCE IS YOU
——
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