A thought: the conflict between "What you want" and "Who you are"

[squirrels]

I've been thinking lately about the way I handle certain things...and I think I'm on to something.

For example, last night I called a girl I met Friday (numerous posts about this one, do a seach LOL). She asked me if she could "call me back when her TV show was over". At the time, I found myself of a split mind on how to respond.

One one side, was "WHO I AM," I'm a man who is highly desired, I don't have time for women who put television above a 5-minute phone conversation with me. I have many things to do and I have higher standards than that.

On the other side was "WHAT I WANT." I think you all can figure that one out.

After wavering for a second, I let WHAT I WANT win out over WHO I AM, and gave her a hesitant "Ooookayy..." She never returned the call.

I'm starting to realize that a lot of times, I let WHAT I WANT preempt WHO I AM, especially dealing with women. Why? Because I end up caring so much about WHAT I WANT that it becomes WHAT I NEED. Same with any human interaction...we all want approval from our peers, but we all feel and think a certain way...and I tend to hide WHO I AM for fear that WHO I AM will discourage people from giving me WHAT I WANT.

The difference I've noticed, especially dealing with women, is that when, through the influence of alcohol or any other cognition, I can truly not care if I get WHAT I WANT or not, where success or failure in obtaining WHAT I WANT becomes unimportant, I can be WHO I AM. This may not let me GET what I want, but it frees me to DO what I want and SAY what I want. And it seems as though other people eat this up, especially women.

Granted, there's a time and a place for being WHO I AM...it doesn't work well all the time in business, for instance. But I'm starting to think...that I spend too much time trying to take control of other people and not enough time trying to take control of my OWN words and thoughts and actions.

And in the end, yes, you do WANT other people's approval and affection and everything, but if you be WHO YOU ARE, then you set an example for others so they can be THEMselves, instead of worrying about what THEY want from you.

This isn't a "just be yourself" speech, because most of the time, when someone says, "just be yourself," you think of the self that you project to others, the one that tries to manipulate others into giving you WHAT YOU WANT. There's that other self we all know about, the REAL you, that most people never let anyone see. That is the you that you have to "just be"...WHO YOU ARE.

This above all...to thine own self be true. -Shakespeare

Comments? Criticisms? Let me know if I'm off on a tangent here, otherwise I'll never learn.

 

[intel200]

Dude, I TOTALLY agree. I mean 100%. And I have been there too. But, if you were being yourself...what would you have said to her?

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by intel200
Dude, I TOTALLY agree. I mean 100%. And I have been there too. But, if you were being yourself...what would you have said to her?

I dunno...I forget how I felt at the time. If I was feeling particularly horny, I would've "real quick..." thrown out a meeting suggestion. If I was just happy-go-lucky, I would've busted on her for watching some goofy reality TV instead of talking to me on the phone. If I was offended, I probably would've told her, "That's all right, don't worry about it. Bye. *click*"

Anything would've been a more valid response than "OK," which pretty much says, "I'm not OK with it, but I care more about getting in your pants than I do about myself and how I feel." Which is lame any way you slice it.

 

[intel200]

Dang. I heard that. I think you could have done better, but atleast you learned. I was there a few short weeks ago, and I hadnt come up with a solution till now. So I agree whole heartedly....

 

[bugsquish]

Very thought provoking.... It's great to see you take a problem and come up with not only a solution/explanation, but be able to share an enlightening concept with hundreds of others.