A Shell of my former self

[honi1]

This site has helped me so much over the years.

I was
-Ridiculously funny (being in a number of improv shows and being able to make anyone laugh.)
-Social butterfly (I knew every student in my grade, every teacher and every Janith . I was extremely friendly and went to parties every week.)
-positive and very outgoing.
- an alpha male

However; it all took a turn for the worst. Last August, I was expelled from my private catholic high school for bringing weed on to a school retreat. Me and my good friend were interrogated by a teacher and my so called friend cracked under the pressure and admitted to us smoking. Before getting thrown out of the retreat, I told my friend to stick to the story and only admit to what we got caught with. Well, a couple agonizing days later we had to face the dean of student and tell our side of the story... My "friend" ended up ratting me out even more and even ratting his dealer out. I later got in contact with him and asked why did he do this, he told me that " he did'nt want to be the only one going down".

Fast forward to today and I'm a shell of my former self. I had to changed schools on my senior year, i had to quit smoking and get rid of all of my friends who smoked in my hometown. Which turned out to be all my main friends.
I've become.
-cynical and pessimistic
-Awkward
-shy and timorous
- and vindictive to the friend that betrayed me. ( this is a big problem because this kid is friend with a lot of my non-smoking friends. Alot of these friends won't choose sides , even though he was the one who burned me pretty bad. They tell me to forget about it and that it was both our faults. I understand that it's both our faults but that does'nt change the fact that he betrayed me. I really don't know how to feel except angry.)


I've tried to build myself back again but i just can't seem to do it..This experience has been too traumatic for me . I don't know what posting this here will accomplish but i know the first change in my life happened from this site so maybe i could get a second.

Any advice would be very appreciated...

 

[seano99]

hey man, for me, what turned things around when i was a shell of my former self - 20 and broken up with my GF of 2 years that i lived with at the time and invested everything in (eek), the world seemed over. what i did....

i joined the gym with my mate.

now joining the gym was the best thing i ever did with my life.

now im 28, still go to gym for weights 2x a week, i run 2x a week... im fsckin fit and confident.

i dont know your build and body type so whether you're like me and just need to hit the weights and eat a lot to build muscle, or maybe you need cardio to lose some weight. either way, you'll make rapid gains in your health and therefore confidence (which is what you're missing), then you just keep working at it... it will become a way of life and your mental strength (that voice in your head) improves from this too. you get that by ignoring the voice in your head and pushing further than you thought you could.

this will release your anxiety and make you feel and look great.

now ive had a small setback (there is a thread here on it), and what im doing now is to learn something new, so im adding boxing (just mitt work) to my gym sessions.

i dont know about you, but pot can have it's place. i use it sometimes to chill the fsck out and stop myself thinking so much. but you need to be able to balance it and not let it take over or kill your motivation.

good luck, you can get your confidence back

 

[lugsy211]

Everyone goes through **** in their life, setback, misery, tragedy. Just remember, it does not last forever, people who overcome it will look back on it as a learning experience which will give strength in future.

No great man in history ever made his way into the history books by having things handed to him on a plate. Men must suffer for greatness.


What have you got going for yourself?

-Ridiculously funny (being in a number of improv shows and being able to make anyone laugh.)
-Social butterfly (I knew every student in my grade, every teacher and every Janith . I was extremely friendly and went to parties every week.)
-positive and very outgoing.
- an alpha male

You're also young by the sounds of it, but it sounds to me you like you will look back on this in later life and realise how immature you were at the time, when we're young we make mistakes. Hell you might even think about doing comedy and use it in your performances.

Don't blame any of you're friends for 'ratting' on you, as you get older you take personal responsibility for yourself, you are only accountable to yourself. That means you have to be willing to stand up for your principles aswel, if you're not against drugs, why not? If you're pissed your 'friend' ratted on you? Why do you think he did that? Obviously his principles differ somewhat from yours.

Being expelled from school is not the end of the world. Case-in-point being Stephen Fry who was expelled from Public school and still went on to study at Queen's College Cambridge. He is now one of the most successful and famous TV presentors and actors Britain has ever seen, with half a million followers on twitter.

Get back on track.

Seano has just given you THE golden piece of advice, get out there, hit the gym, life as you know it has just thrown opportunity at you. What do you want to do with yourself now? Do you see yourself going to a new school/ future college?