A road block I've hit, I know i'm an AFC

[Jokerlsk]

Ok, i've always been an afc with everything almost. I'm good at a lot of things, but my lack of confidence has restricted me from ever really pursuing them, and i'm afraid that this is going to affect more than just my dating life. I played football in middle school, and i was really good at it, but i quit in highschool because i was unconfident in my abilities, same with wrestling, and everything else. I'm afraid of failure, and competition more than anything, and with girls, basically i just brush them off. I have this mindset that asks, "Why would she want to talk to me?" or "Why would she ever date me?" I've always been friends with people who are confident, so i can feed off whatever they've done, because being with them makes me more confident in myself, and hoenstly, when I'm a leader, I'm good at it. I just don't know how to take the reigns, i have to be given them. My biggest problem with girls is getting to know them. I've never had a gf, but i've had a few really good friends that happen to be girls. I don't know how to flirt, and i don't know how to get a girl to that "Level" where I can actually date her, and honestly, even if i did get her to that level, i probably wouldn't make a move because i am a fvcking pvssy. The only thing i have confidence in is school. I always think i'm ugly, or I'm fat, because when i was younger i was a little overweight, and even though I'm not fat anymore, i still believe i am.

There's this sophomore girl in my class that I've been talking to lately, and I want to be able to ask this girl out. I haven't gotten to that 'level' yet, but i don't even know where that level is, so I'm just going for it. She's more popular than i am probably, but i'm not unpopular myself. I just need a more confident mindset. Something i've never had.

 

[Sir_Turtle]

Its difficult to correct everythign in yoru mindset because you have alot of assumptions about the way things work. I'll try to catch a few of them

"Asking out" is not a way to create attraction and probably not the best way to test attraction. Think about it. what exactly are you hoping to accomplish. If she isn't already attracted to you she';ll take it as an ego boost and carry-on nothing changed. If you aren't already talking and flirting with this girl then asking her out really comes out of the blue.

If you want to get better at talking to girls talk to girls. I also suggest talking to guys. I see that most of the guys that can't talk to and relate to girls also cannot talk to and relate to guys. This is because both guys and girls are people and if you want to be able to be confident talking to people you have to be used to talking to people.

Basically talk to people to get better at it.

Talk to everyone, practice cracking jokes, you'll suck at first but after a while you will start to see improvement. Even if the jokes you think of stay in your head because you know that they would bomb keep thinking of jokes and when you think of something you find amusing for for it.

This is help you with girls. because girls are people and people like to relate to other people and be entertained in general.

GL

 

[Jokerlsk]

That's my problem. I can talk to guys. I'm friends with most everyone in my grade, and I'm considered funny, but I can't translate that attitude and charisma when i'm conversing with a girl.
I use to be somewhat of a clown, and that's what made me stop being as outgoing as i use to be. that's not the way i want to be viewed, because that's not the person i am.

 

[Dole]

That's my problem. I can talk to guys. I'm friends with most everyone in my grade, and I'm considered funny, but I can't translate that attitude and charisma when i'm conversing with a girl.
I use to be somewhat of a clown, and that's what made me stop being as outgoing as i use to be. that's not the way i want to be viewed, because that's not the person i am.

You can start by removing the word joker out of your name.

 

[Jokerlsk]

We've got a wise guy

 

[Jokerlsk]

any other advice

 

[IamtheAlphamale]

The truth is... the best way to build confidence is to do things you want while overcoming emotion to achieve it. Failure is unimportant. Your ego needs to take a lot of hits before it can ever be strong.

Basically everything you do thats good, like going and talking to a pretty girl, counts as points towards your level ups. Asking a girl out counts as points. So basically you have to do a lot of grunt work before your going to be where you want to be mentally.

Try to talk to a lot more girls so that you are used to talking to them to start off.

 

[Jokerlsk]

Ok.... I do talk to girls, but not effectively, and the only girls i ever talk to are the really smart girls who I am not attracted to, or freshman who I'm friends with. I'm a junior btw