squirrels
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2003
- Messages
- 6,620
- Reaction score
- 178
- Age
- 45
This is in response to all of you people who are saying stuff like, "This girl I'm seeing, she really likes me and wants to be with me exclusive, but I don't know if I should..."
Grab your balls and make a damned decision. Either do it or don't. Don't sit there and hesitate like John Kerry's House of Waffles. Take a stand one way or the other and HOLD it.
I'm going to drop some truths here:
1) A "committed relationship" is NOT a "commitment".
That's right. People like to "play grown-ups" and get into "committed relationships", then treat them like marriages, like they've embarked on a road and if sh!t doesn't work out they have to "tough it out".
There is NO commitment in a "committed relationship" except what you put into it. Here are some things that are REAL commitments:
- Getting married
- Getting a house/property together or living together
- Knocking a girl up
THOSE are commitments, because now you have something you have to maintain jointly. NOTHING pisses me off more than to see people of my generation "shack up together" or make other stupid mistakes just because they're "in a relationship" and that's what "relationships do". That is BULLSH!T.
You know what a "committed relationship" is? It's a TRIAL RUN. It's a TEST DRIVE. You're saying to each other, "OK, let's be 'exclusive' for a while and see how the relationship evolves".
That's IT. That's the extent of it. If you think this girl can satisfy all of your current needs for a woman, if you think she's got the qualities that could JUSTIFY a commitment, then give it a try. Don't move in with her, don't knock her up...just do the "couples" thing for a little while.
Do the kinds of things that couples do. See how you like it. Meet each other's families and see how you get along.
If you start seeing "red flags", or you feel like the relationship's not growing into what you both want, then end the "trial" and agree to see other people again. Don't go to "couples therapy" or anything stupid like that. That is for MARRIED people or people in REAL commitments who are trying to "work it out for the kids" or in another desperate situation. If you go about this the RIGHT way, you won't end up IN a desperate situation.
2) A "mature man" isn't afraid of monogamy because of what the Internets think.
Check your ego at the door. If you are enamored with a young lady and you think that she exhibits everything you're looking for, you are a fool to continue dating other women just because SoSuave.net says you should.
A Mature Man doesn't care about keeping his numbers high or maintaining a "Don Juan" image. He cares about getting what he WANTS out of life.
If you still have a yearning to sow your oats, to experience different flavors of women physically, mentally, and emotionally, no one can fault you for refusing to commit.
But human beings are naturally monogamous creatures. It is NORMAL for you to find one you like more than the others and start thinking about making a life with her. And there's NOTHING wrong with this...so long as you go into it with BOTH EYES OPEN.
The problem with exclusivity isn't exclusivity itself, it's when a man loses control of his emotions and lets exclusivity blind him to his options that he runs into trouble. The danger of "exclusivity" is when men start doing it for its own sake, because it's what they "default to" because of social conditioning.
True, it's much more prevalent a problem for a man to be stuck with a woman he ISN'T into one-on-one because of social pressure to have a "steady girlfriend". If that's you, you're probably NOT ready for a relationship and DO need to take a step back into the dating world, see other people, and really see what your options are as far as women go, and whether any of them suit you in the long-run.
But that DOESN'T mean that it's WRONG to be in a one-on-one relationship with a woman if you have REALLY thought about it, REALLY feel good about it beyond your pubescent emotions, and want to give it a try.
This doesn't mean you stop flirting or stop being "Don Juan". It takes a REAL man to continue to be "Don Juan" in a relationship. This is the pinnacle of the virile male...the one who HAS options, but CHOOSES one woman that FULLY satisfies him. The plates are still spinning...but he's only EATING off of one.
If you're avoiding a one-on-one relationship because you're afraid that I won't think you're "Don Juan enough", I already think you're not.
3) You cannot expect her to be "faithful" to you if you're still loving other women.
That's right...a lot of you guys talk about being "afraid to lose a girl to another guy", but at the same time, when she's asking you about being "together", you're balking at the idea because you want to keep your own options open.
Men are hypocrites in this regard. We want all the women we are seeing to not fool around with other guys...to stay exclusive to us. Yet we don't want to bind ourselves to any of them.
Unless you're an Arabian oil sheik with your own harem, or Hugh Heffner, this crap just doesn't work. If you want to keep your romantic options open, you cannot close off hers. It's not fair to her as a person.
Even if you're in an "open relationship", you're going to have to be OK with your girl potentially hooking up with other guys. Not that she WILL do it often, but if you're going to be doing other women, you have to trust her to be just as responsible with other men. And you have to have a STRONG degree of trust between each other that you will STILL be around to support each other as a "couple" where appropriate.
And most women AREN'T okay with the idea of an "open relationship" for an extended period of time.
There are two ways men get around this:
1) They "con" the women into thinking that there's a promise of exclusiveness, where there really is one. That's not my style...but if you're OK with playing the "pimp hand" and aren't too concerned about women being hurt, then this may be an option for you.
2) They play this non-committal bullsh!t that I'm now ranting about. They send mixed signals to the girl like some ditzy clown and try to impress the "exclusive" issue on them, while dodging it for themselves.
This is NOT the way of a "Mature Man", and it WILL lead to conflict down the road. The girl does not want to wait for you forever. She wants you, but if you don't want her back, she wants a pass to "move on" and see if there are other options for her.
I've ALWAYS been like this with women I've dated. I've told them whether I'm exclusive or not, and I've given them the option of "drifting", of dating another guy, if they thought they could get more of what they wanted from him. And sometimes they linger for a while, sometimes longer. But they've moved on.
I am single because I WILL NOT engage a girl in a one-on-one relationship unless I am SURE I like what I see. But in doing that, I have to agree that this girl has the right to leave if she finds someone better. And deep down my ego would always like to convince me that I'm "the best she's ever had", but we all know that's not quite accurate.
Summary:
- A "committed relationship" is only as committed as you let it be. Use it as a test-drive for women you're thinking about being exclusive with, and don't be afraid to tell her "no" if you decide you don't like it or decide you still want to "shop around".
- Don't be afraid to tell her "yes", either, unless you're not sold. No one here cares how many women you've laid this month. Don't stroke your ego at the expense of your happiness...YOU decide what you want to do. You want to sleep with hundreds of beautiful women, DO WHAT YOU WANT. You want to sleep with ONE woman you find to be more beautiful than the other 99, DO WHAT YOU WANT.
- You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you aren't "in", don't expect her to be "in" either. Just because you're f*cking her, it doesn't mean you OWN her.
Grab your balls and make a damned decision. Either do it or don't. Don't sit there and hesitate like John Kerry's House of Waffles. Take a stand one way or the other and HOLD it.
I'm going to drop some truths here:
1) A "committed relationship" is NOT a "commitment".
That's right. People like to "play grown-ups" and get into "committed relationships", then treat them like marriages, like they've embarked on a road and if sh!t doesn't work out they have to "tough it out".
There is NO commitment in a "committed relationship" except what you put into it. Here are some things that are REAL commitments:
- Getting married
- Getting a house/property together or living together
- Knocking a girl up
THOSE are commitments, because now you have something you have to maintain jointly. NOTHING pisses me off more than to see people of my generation "shack up together" or make other stupid mistakes just because they're "in a relationship" and that's what "relationships do". That is BULLSH!T.
You know what a "committed relationship" is? It's a TRIAL RUN. It's a TEST DRIVE. You're saying to each other, "OK, let's be 'exclusive' for a while and see how the relationship evolves".
That's IT. That's the extent of it. If you think this girl can satisfy all of your current needs for a woman, if you think she's got the qualities that could JUSTIFY a commitment, then give it a try. Don't move in with her, don't knock her up...just do the "couples" thing for a little while.
Do the kinds of things that couples do. See how you like it. Meet each other's families and see how you get along.
If you start seeing "red flags", or you feel like the relationship's not growing into what you both want, then end the "trial" and agree to see other people again. Don't go to "couples therapy" or anything stupid like that. That is for MARRIED people or people in REAL commitments who are trying to "work it out for the kids" or in another desperate situation. If you go about this the RIGHT way, you won't end up IN a desperate situation.
2) A "mature man" isn't afraid of monogamy because of what the Internets think.
Check your ego at the door. If you are enamored with a young lady and you think that she exhibits everything you're looking for, you are a fool to continue dating other women just because SoSuave.net says you should.
A Mature Man doesn't care about keeping his numbers high or maintaining a "Don Juan" image. He cares about getting what he WANTS out of life.
If you still have a yearning to sow your oats, to experience different flavors of women physically, mentally, and emotionally, no one can fault you for refusing to commit.
But human beings are naturally monogamous creatures. It is NORMAL for you to find one you like more than the others and start thinking about making a life with her. And there's NOTHING wrong with this...so long as you go into it with BOTH EYES OPEN.
The problem with exclusivity isn't exclusivity itself, it's when a man loses control of his emotions and lets exclusivity blind him to his options that he runs into trouble. The danger of "exclusivity" is when men start doing it for its own sake, because it's what they "default to" because of social conditioning.
True, it's much more prevalent a problem for a man to be stuck with a woman he ISN'T into one-on-one because of social pressure to have a "steady girlfriend". If that's you, you're probably NOT ready for a relationship and DO need to take a step back into the dating world, see other people, and really see what your options are as far as women go, and whether any of them suit you in the long-run.
But that DOESN'T mean that it's WRONG to be in a one-on-one relationship with a woman if you have REALLY thought about it, REALLY feel good about it beyond your pubescent emotions, and want to give it a try.
This doesn't mean you stop flirting or stop being "Don Juan". It takes a REAL man to continue to be "Don Juan" in a relationship. This is the pinnacle of the virile male...the one who HAS options, but CHOOSES one woman that FULLY satisfies him. The plates are still spinning...but he's only EATING off of one.
If you're avoiding a one-on-one relationship because you're afraid that I won't think you're "Don Juan enough", I already think you're not.
3) You cannot expect her to be "faithful" to you if you're still loving other women.
That's right...a lot of you guys talk about being "afraid to lose a girl to another guy", but at the same time, when she's asking you about being "together", you're balking at the idea because you want to keep your own options open.
Men are hypocrites in this regard. We want all the women we are seeing to not fool around with other guys...to stay exclusive to us. Yet we don't want to bind ourselves to any of them.
Unless you're an Arabian oil sheik with your own harem, or Hugh Heffner, this crap just doesn't work. If you want to keep your romantic options open, you cannot close off hers. It's not fair to her as a person.
Even if you're in an "open relationship", you're going to have to be OK with your girl potentially hooking up with other guys. Not that she WILL do it often, but if you're going to be doing other women, you have to trust her to be just as responsible with other men. And you have to have a STRONG degree of trust between each other that you will STILL be around to support each other as a "couple" where appropriate.
And most women AREN'T okay with the idea of an "open relationship" for an extended period of time.
There are two ways men get around this:
1) They "con" the women into thinking that there's a promise of exclusiveness, where there really is one. That's not my style...but if you're OK with playing the "pimp hand" and aren't too concerned about women being hurt, then this may be an option for you.
2) They play this non-committal bullsh!t that I'm now ranting about. They send mixed signals to the girl like some ditzy clown and try to impress the "exclusive" issue on them, while dodging it for themselves.
This is NOT the way of a "Mature Man", and it WILL lead to conflict down the road. The girl does not want to wait for you forever. She wants you, but if you don't want her back, she wants a pass to "move on" and see if there are other options for her.
I've ALWAYS been like this with women I've dated. I've told them whether I'm exclusive or not, and I've given them the option of "drifting", of dating another guy, if they thought they could get more of what they wanted from him. And sometimes they linger for a while, sometimes longer. But they've moved on.
I am single because I WILL NOT engage a girl in a one-on-one relationship unless I am SURE I like what I see. But in doing that, I have to agree that this girl has the right to leave if she finds someone better. And deep down my ego would always like to convince me that I'm "the best she's ever had", but we all know that's not quite accurate.
Summary:
- A "committed relationship" is only as committed as you let it be. Use it as a test-drive for women you're thinking about being exclusive with, and don't be afraid to tell her "no" if you decide you don't like it or decide you still want to "shop around".
- Don't be afraid to tell her "yes", either, unless you're not sold. No one here cares how many women you've laid this month. Don't stroke your ego at the expense of your happiness...YOU decide what you want to do. You want to sleep with hundreds of beautiful women, DO WHAT YOU WANT. You want to sleep with ONE woman you find to be more beautiful than the other 99, DO WHAT YOU WANT.
- You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you aren't "in", don't expect her to be "in" either. Just because you're f*cking her, it doesn't mean you OWN her.
