A lack of cold-approaching doesn't measure a guys confidence level

[edger]

Some assume around here, if you don't cold-approach, you must lack confidence.

No matter how confident someone is, they are not prone to the pain of rejection. If someone is prone to rejection, it would be like saying, when you get stuck with big needle, you're prone to the pain, you never feel it. The most confident guys in the world feel pain when they get rejected during a cold-approach. By the laws of biology, it would reason that they have to. It's a chip at the ego, no matter how big a guys ego is. The reason you don't see guys cold-approach, is not because they're unconfident, but that they don't want to deal with the pain. I'll speak on my behalf; I'm one confident dude, believe me. I know I'm good-looking and I know I can take a woman to bliss. A woman would be extremely lucky if I gave her the time of the day and she managed to sleep with me. I know myself well and what I'm about. But the reason I don't cold-approach often is because I'd rather not risk experiencing pain if I don't have to. I'm perfectly suited and confident to go up to a hot woman and dance with her, or strike up a conversation, but I just don't want to deal with any potential pain, if I don't have to. Now, some guys still do it, regardless of the pain. It's not that they're immune from the pain or more confident, it's just that they're willing to risk themselves and feel the pain. It just comes down to what someone is willng to sacrifice. Everyone has a different preference.

So, whether a guy chooses to cold-approach or not, has nothing to do with his confidence. It has to do with whether or not he's willing to sacrafice himself to feeling the pain of a possible rejection.

 

[Jitterbug]

...
The most confident guys in the world feel pain when they get rejected during a cold-approach.
...

Keep telling yourself that, buddy.

 

[horaholic]

Confident people approach anyways. Its not even the rejection that hurts. Rejection doesnt cause pain. We just think it does. Its the FEAR of rejection that stops people from cold approaching. With confidence, you ASSUME you will not be rejected, and you KNOW that you'll be just fine if she does. By definition, that is confidence. So no, you arent as confident as you think, and your whole thread is an attempt at justification for being a chickenshyt. You arent confident, you're delusional.

I at least ADMIT to myself that Im being a pvssy when I dont approach.

A woman would be extremely lucky if I gave her the time of the day and she managed to sleep with me. I know myself well and what I'm about. But the reason I don't cold-approach often is because I'd rather not risk experiencing pain if I don't have to.

So the 'pain of rejection,' is greater than the satisfaction of banging a hot chick in your book??? Who are you tryin to bvllshyt with that?

 

[trent81]

Personally, I really don't give a fuvk if women reject me. I know how spineless, shallow, incompetent, and demanding some of them are. So when they say fuvk off, I say, next. I see it as funny. But, you have to understand that you have better chance with a transactional relationship. That is, when someone introduces you, or you meet in a setting where you both know each other through someone else. Cold approach rarely works. But if builds confidence. Don't listen to anyone bro, just approach them and laugh at them when they reject you. Because it takes more courage to ask, then to reject someone.

 

[trent81]

Edger,



I recommend you mix some cold approaching in with your game. Maybe if you think of it less as "approaching," it won't seem like such a big deal. Approaching sounds like you are invading someone's space and annoying her, but what you are really doing is saying something, anything when you and some chick pass by like ships in the night. Make a joke, a witty comment, ask a question, see what happens. Don't put so much pressure on phone numbers and dates, just try being a raconteur. Then maybe you'll have more fun with it.

This is a great, great example....Just say something!! ANYTHING! Even if you look like a fool, if she was attracted to you, she will overlook that you sound like a dumb ass.

 

[#41]

Personally, I really don't give a fuvk if women reject me. I know how spineless, shallow, incompetent, and demanding some of them are. So when they say fuvk off, I say, next. I see it as funny. But, you have to understand that you have better chance with a transactional relationship. That is, when someone introduces you, or you meet in a setting where you both know each other through someone else. Cold approach rarely works. But if builds confidence. Don't listen to anyone bro, just approach them and laugh at them when they reject you. Because it takes more courage to ask, then to reject someone.

Which is exactly why I don't cold approach much.

I've scored dates off cold approaches -- some of whom I've eventually ƒucked -- but the hit to miss ratio really makes me feel like I'm spinning my wheels. Plus, I don't care how confident you SAY you are, it still stings a little bit and leaves a bad taste in your mouth when you strike out on all your cold approaches for a weekend.

I'm also not a big fan of doing sets solo and don't have any friends who do anything in the way of winging, so I usually limit myself to women who I can easily isolate for a while.

Cold approaching is what it is -- another tool to use. One would be silly to disregard it entirely, but would be similarly silly to think it's the be-all and end-all of game.

 

[edger]

Keep telling yourself that, buddy.

Confident people approach anyways. Its not even the rejection that hurts. Rejection doesnt cause pain. We just think it does. Its the FEAR of rejection that stops people from cold approaching. With confidence, you ASSUME you will not be rejected, and you KNOW that you'll be just fine if she does. By definition, that is confidence. So no, you arent as confident as you think, and your whole thread is an attempt at justification for being a chickenshyt. You arent confident, you're delusional.

I at least ADMIT to myself that Im being a pvssy when I dont approach.


So the 'pain of rejection,' is greater than the satisfaction of banging a hot chick in your book??? Who are you tryin to bvllshyt with that?

Here come the p*ssy cats who can't discuss this civily, without being catty and resorting to "put downs". But I will share something though...if anything does make me unconfident, it's these "put downs". See, I'm not always a confident guy.
__________________

 

[edger]

Its the FEAR of rejection that stops people from cold approaching.

And where do you think the "fear of rejection" comes from? It comes from the sting the guy felt when he was rejected at a previous time. It's not that he CAN'T approach or is unconfident in cold-approaching, it's that he doesn't wanna have to deal with a sting if he doesn't have to. And that's exactly how I feel regarding the matter. I have 110% the confidence to do it, but I don't feel like getting stung if I don't have to.

So the 'pain of rejection,' is greater than the satisfaction of banging a hot chick in your book???

I see what you're saying, but it's a vulnerable position a person is putting themself in. Regardless of how "nice" the prize might be, you still must endure "stings", and the way we are by human nature, we're not willing to put ourselves in such a position if we don't have to, regardless of how nice the reward is. Human beings are all about their ego. We are ego driven. Almost everything we do, revolves around our ego.

 

[horaholic]

My post was not a 'put down.' My intention by saying those things wasn't to 'bring you down' or make fun of you. Like many other posts on here, it was merely speaking the truth, and stating facts, and hopefully you'll learn from it.

The FACT of the matter is, you're trying to rationalize your inability to approach, instead of owning up to your fear like man. Reread your thread and tell me honestly that it isnt a cop out on your part. You dont approach because you're scared to, just like most of us. Rejection does not hurt. The fear of rejection os much worse than the actual rejection. At least after a rejection, you can have a little pride in yourself that you tried, even though you were scared, and you took the sting like a man. It's called courage. It means doing something even though you are scared to. Its part of being confident. You might have self esteem, if you know you're such a worthy guy, but that is not confidence. The worst thing you can do is be in denial about it.

Lets put it this way: you dont have the confidence that you'll be just fine, if not better by approaching and facing a few rejections.

You are making up excuses for not approaching. The only way a confident single man is not approaching is if he doesnt need to because chicks throw themselves at him. That is the ONLY valid excuse not to approach.

Please dont further your fantasy by accusing me of 'putting you down,' cuz thats not the case. I am however, calling you out on some bullshyt, and if you want to improve yourself, you might want to listen.

P.S. it doesnt matter where the fear comes from. It is an irrational fear. You wont get beat up, you wont have anything stolen from you, and you wont get laughed at any more than you normally do. Practically NOTHING bad can happen by approaching. It is nothing more than social conditioning, and or instinctual. Mystery thinks our fear dates back to the stone age where a rejection could literally mean death, or to never have sex again.

 

[STR8UP]

If you are the kind of person who draws energy from others (outgoing) rather than being DRAINED by other people's energy (introverted), then I can see cold approaching being a main strategy, but if you are like me, it's just too low of a payoff for the energy it expends.

I agree with the comments about meeting people through a mutual acquaintance. That's my forte. I play off of status and social proof where I can actually FEED off of the positive social energy rather than become drained from the "numbers game" that is cold approaching. If you can manage to cultivate a social "garden" you can live off the fruits of your many different plants for years.

This isn't to say that I don't ever meet women outside of my social circles, but generally I would rather meet chicks in ways that compliment my personality.

 

[Jitterbug]

horaholic's post above (#10) is spot on.

edger, if you want respect, you should show it first by respecting our intelligence. Like horaholic posted earlier, who exactly are you trying to bullsh!t here?

Do I cold approach? Yes, a lot. All the time like a machine? No. Sometimes I chicken out. Same as making a move on a date, sometimes I feared whatever and never did it. I regret afterwards every time I didn't do it.

When I strike out, do I immediately feel a negative feeling? Yes, but it's no worse than, say, my missing a scoring opportunity in my amateur sport league, or doing something dumb that leads to the other team scoring. I wouldn't call it pain - not the kind of pain that scares the life out of you or paralyzes you anyway.

The other day, I approached a pretty girl on public transport after she flashed me a smile. It was during daytime and there were quite a few people on it. The interaction was OK but she turned me down with the "I have a BF" line. It was a gentle turn-down, and as she got off the tram, some people did look at me, namely an old couple sitting behind us, but it was with a gentle "you did well" smile. I felt a little disappointed after the turn down, naturally, but I felt great for the rest of the day as I did get off my arse and make a move instead of sitting there fantasizing about what-ifs.

edger, your getting scared of the fear of rejection is normal and natural. Everyone of us is hit by that at one point or another, to various extents. But most of us own up to our fears and acknowledge that we chicken out and should man up. You, on the other hand, are doing this strange macho chest beating to bullsh!t us that you are a confident guy and your being sh!t-scared of rejection (by strangers no less) has nothing to do with how confident you are and how good your game is.

Puh-lease.

 

[edger]

I wouldn't call it pain - not the kind of pain that scares the life out of you or paralyzes you anyway.

Of course, I used the word "pain" because I couldn't think of anything else to use at the moment. I later used the word "sting", as it was better suiting.

But most of us own up to our fears and acknowledge that we chicken out and should man up. You, on the other hand, are doing this strange macho chest beating to bullsh!t us that you are a confident guy and your being sh!t-scared of rejection (by strangers no less) has nothing to do with how confident you are and how good your game is.

Puh-lease.

I've admitted to chickening out, and I'll admit it again: FORUM, MOST OF THE TIME I CHICKEN OUT WITH COLD-APPROACHES. I'll graciously be the first one to broadcast that. But it has nothing to do with my confidence. Again, I chicken out because I don't feel like dealing with a sting. What is so hard to understand about that?

Mr. Bug, if you wanna think I'm bullsh*tting you, thats your hang-up and problem. Why would I want to come here and bullsh*t everyone? Lol. That's pretty dumb. You're accusations are making me laugh. I come to tell it like it is on this forum, not tell fictional stories. But your head is too hard to undertsand that. If I wanted to bullsh*t you all and put on a "machismo" front, then why would I tell you about my past escort hiatuses? Why would I be upfront about frequenting strip clubs to get off on lap dances? Why would I be up front about my once every month and a half trips to Amsterdam, Holland for it's high caliber prostitutes? Dude, if I wanted to bullsh*t everyone, I'd be playing it up as if I'm getting laid by a different attractive woman on a regular basis. And I'm not doing that. Read my signature, I've ONLY slept with 9 hot women in my life that weren't high caliber prostitutes. By now in life, I should have doubled or tripled that. So, do yourself a favor, go argue and get catty like a woman somewhere else. I've dealt with my share of p*ssy cats, I don't need to deal with any more.

 

[horaholic]

Dont go calling jitterbug 'catty'. he is not being catty in the slightest. Look what you're doing. You are SLOWLY admitting how your fist post may be 'ill thought out.' You are also, slowly admitting that the reason you dont approach is because you're scared. He is not arguing with you. I am however, so you can call me 'catty' if you'd like. Thats a pretty womanish term, from someone who is rationalizing fear, and passing judgement on anyone who criticising it. Remember YOU made this thread, and you're getting called out on it.

Now, either admit you are a pvssy for not cold approaching (as am I , and most everyone else here), or we will call you a woman, for trying to rationalize a bunch of social conditioning like bytches normally do. Admit you're a pvssy, or be a bytch in denial. Your choice.

We're not accusing you of bvllshytting US. We are accusing you of bullshytting yourself.

Remember, you made this thread. Before you call anyone out, you should realize your own faults.

 

[edger]

You are SLOWLY admitting how your fist post may be 'ill thought out.' You are also, slowly admitting that the reason you dont approach is because you're scared.

I am? Wow, that's news to me. Care to show me?

He is not arguing with you. I am however, so you can call me 'catty' if you'd like.

Ok p*ssycat.

Thats a pretty womanish term, from someone who is rationalizing fear, and passing judgement on anyone who criticising it.

It is a pretty womanish term, you said it. Gotta use the womanish terms for the women here, ya know? You do wanna be treated like a lady, right? What lady doesn't?

Now, either admit you are a pvssy for not cold approaching (as am I , and most everyone else here), or we will call you a woman, for trying to rationalize a bunch of social conditioning like bytches normally do. Admit you're a pvssy, or be a bytch in denial. Your choice.

I believe it's already been established who the woman is here.

We're not accusing you of bvllshytting US. We are accusing you of bullshytting yourself.

Right dude.

Remember, you made this thread. Before you call anyone out, you should realize your own faults.

It's my fault.

Peace

 

[edger]

This brings me to my question, how come you only want the hottest of the hot?

For the same reason every other guy does. That's what gets my d*ck hard and makes me have mindblowing orgasms.

Would you ever go for a girl who was at the level of or below a hb7 ?

Would never happen. Even if I must suffer for the rest of my life. That's why there's hot high caliber prostitutes and strippers. A guy can always resort to that. Problem pretty much solved.

Finally have you ever tried going for these women and then trading upwards cos I think dealing with the lower wrung ladies would help you to be more comfortable with hot chicks and also maybe increase your social proof..... what are your thoughts?

I've tried once to be with a chick I wasn't that attracted to when I was 17, and realized it wasn't going to work. I was miserable and in turn made her miserable.

 

[#41]

I've tried once to be with a chick I wasn't that attracted to when I was 17, and realized it wasn't going to work. I was miserable and in turn made her miserable.

Alcohol helps -- but usually only for as long as it takes to 'enjoy' a ONS and get the hell out the next morning.

 

[Deep Dish]

I agree the lack of cold approaching isn't necessarily a sign of lacking confidence in yourself, but I agree for a different reason. The reason I don't cold approach women is that I have literally nothing to say to them. There is no overlap between what they are interested in talking about (people) and myself (anything other than people). Women are utterly uninteresting creatures for 95% of their breed. They're vapidly boring.

 

[MatureDJ]

I find the dating market in the USA so poor that I really don't even try. I know that the level of woman who would actually accept my advance is so low that it isn't even worth my time, and certainly not my pride. I suppose that if a situation were to present itself to me, I would run with it, but I am not going to try to be the aggressor.

I save my aggression for when I am visiting Eastern Europe.

 

[Tazman]

I don't cold approach (I think I've done it maybe 2 times in my life, failed both times) and I don't have an impressive number of women under my belt, but then I've accepted that.

I just like to have sex with women I find attractive, she doesn't have to be a so called "10", just good enough for me to want to put in the effort. Some see that as being a p-ssy etc., but am I doing this for myself or other people?

I've accepted the fact that I will not make the kind of effort required to snag the most beautiful women because I simply can't be bothered. The most attractive woman I'd been with was what I called "high maintenance", meaning the sh-t tests seemed overwhelming and I decided the investment wasn't worth the nut.

I don't cold approach and so far it hasn't caused me any problems. I don't see why you can't go by IOIs and still be successful, that's all I do, even then I sometimes miss opportunities by not acting quick enough.

Women are utterly uninteresting creatures for 95% of their breed. They're vapidly boring.

Some would call this a buffer, but I have to agree. Conversation with women, even the fugly ones I have no intention of asking out are exactly that. I remember this one woman would try to strike up conversation with me (my guess was she liked me, but the feeling wasn't necessarily mutual) and I had to make an effort to respond so I didn't seem rude, and all I could think of was that I was glad I wasn't a woman.

I have to kind of turn part of my brain off when I have discussions with them because I tend to get philosophical and too technical.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

It's something that we should make ourselves do from time to time. I typically don't cold approach because a. it sets you up as a beggar and b. the 95% flaking/going nowhere effect of the cold approach. But it should be done in moderation to keep your courage sharp.

I watch the guys who cold approach, and it goes one of two ways: usually, they put up their shield and embarrass the guy, or sometimes she soaks up the attention for the night, then gives him the number so he can continue giving her attention without reciprocation.

Maybe cold approaching=future orbiter at best. There are always exceptions, but the odds are against us.

I like those odds.