A good rule or a bad rule?

[perseverance]

When I found this site in Aug. 2010, I made a rule to myself that I swore I will live by and the rule is "if a girl rejects me, then I won't ever ask her out again and if she asks me I'll say no in spite". I figured that if I am not good enough for a woman then, then why should I let her in elsewhere down the line?

It just so happens I bumped into a girl I was rejected by a few years ago, today. She actually approached me and we got talking, it wasn't a long conversation and she insisted that we exchange numbers and hang out sometime. I took down her number and went on my way. As soon as I got to the bus stop to go home, I deleted her number and soon after boarded the bus home.

I'm not saying this girl wanted me or fancies me, but the way I see things is that if I wasn't good enough for her a few years ago and she didn't want to hang out with me, what's changed all of a sudden? Not that I care, I have no interest in associating myself with a woman who has probably exhausted all of her options and has decided to "lower herself" and re-chase someone she rejected a few years ago for either friendship or something more.

What I want to know is, is this rule too strict, too rigid, what do you think of it? It's basically a one strike and you're out for good rule that I have assigned to myself. Will it pay off or will it cause me problems somewhere along the line?

 

[ARrocket]

The way I see it, if you can keep your emotions in check, you shouldn't need a rule like this.

if I wasn't good enough for her a few years ago and she didn't want to hang out with me, what's changed all of a sudden?

Uhh...you improved. You're not the same person you were there, you've been learning, and what you learned is starting to show.

What I want to know is, is this rule too strict, too rigid, what do you think of it? It's basically a one strike and you're out for good rule that I have assigned to myself. Will it pay off or will it cause me problems somewhere along the line?

There are two things that this depends on...the first being what you're looking for, and the second being your ego.

If you are looking for some fun, there should be no issue. If she's into you now, go with it. If you already think you want to marry the damn girl, your issues are beyond this simple problem. If you're somewhere in between, you just have to ask yourself if you can deal with the fact that no, she didn't want the old you, and she will get rid of you if you go back to that. Kind of a challenge I'd say.

Also, I agree with PairPlusRoyalFlush; the manner in which you were rejected matters greatly. But, again, if you're looking for sex then that shouldn't matter either haha.

 

[horaholic]

I think thats a stupid rule. Any number of elements could have caused her to reject you. She may have just broke up with a BF, she could have been very busy. You may not have raised her IL enough at the time.

... But, if you want to limit yourself, go ahead.

 

[handle]

It's a "training wheels" rule to stop newbies from getting caught up in one particular girl early on. It shouldn't be followed as some big macho principle or anything like that. If you insist on keeping your rule, for god's sake add a unless-it's-been-a-year-and-you're-clearly-the-****ing-man-now clause.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

If you felt your pride was hurt that much that you can't proceed then don't bother. You don't know what situation she was in at the time, so for all you know it was her with an issue not an issue she had with you.

Another thing to consider is that maybe something about you is better now than it was back in the day.

I had a girl in a class of mine a while back. I was going to withdraw from the class so I gave her my number, thought what's the worst that could happen? She never called so I forgot about it. Now like 2 years later I'm in a class with her, talked with her a few times and get signs of interest from her so I asked her out for a drink since I knew she'd go for it. Suffice to say I won't be mentioning our original class until after I sleep with her.

 

[perseverance]

Its a good rule, I just got burned by NOT following it the other day.
I might make exceptions that take HOW and WHY you were rejected into consideration.

1. If you were rejected in a rude way, go no further. If rejected in a classy way, proceed to #2
2.Were you rejected more or less outright or after she really got to know you well? If rejected outright, proceed to #3. If she really knows you, she knows what she is getting and she might be settling or using you as a backup, go no further.
3. Were you rejected because because she was not attracted to you or because she had something else going on in her life? Attraction is not a choice, but if she has not really gotten to know you then she might develop attraction for you. Proceed with caution. If she had something legit going on and explains her rejection of you, like not being over an ex or whatever, swing away

I was rejected like most people are, given the "I just don't feel the same way& I'm seeing someone else" lines. I wouldn't say she knew me well, she knew certain things about me, but we were never really friends and never hung out at all.

 

[Falcon25]

Very bad rule to follow in life. Sometimes, it's just bad timing, or the girl needs to take shivt, is on her period, tripping over another man, etc. It has nothing to do with you. Hide the number in a dark place in your heart, and call it up again after a month or so. You never know. Sometimes rejections have nothing to do with you.

 

[perseverance]

The way I see it, if you can keep your emotions in check, you shouldn't need a rule like this.

This is something I need to work on, at times my emotions spill over, I guess it doesn't help that I have a short fuse and can be highly intolerant? I'm getting better, I'm getting to used to biting my tongue.

Uhh...you improved. You're not the same person you were there, you've been learning, and what you learned is starting to show.

She's gone down hill in my book. When I was speaking to her, I had a voice in my head that kept saying "What were you thinking, you can land so much better". The sexual attraction on my part just isn't there. Maybe some men can have sex with women they don't find attractive, but having tried it once I struggled and didn't enjoy the sex at all.

There are two things that this depends on...the first being what you're looking for, and the second being your ego.

If you are looking for some fun, there should be no issue. If she's into you now, go with it. If you already think you want to marry the damn girl, your issues are beyond this simple problem. If you're somewhere in between, you just have to ask yourself if you can deal with the fact that no, she didn't want the old you, and she will get rid of you if you go back to that. Kind of a challenge I'd say.

Also, I agree with PairPlusRoyalFlush; the manner in which you were rejected matters greatly. But, again, if you're looking for sex then that shouldn't matter either haha.

I'm not really looking for anything at the moment. I'm working on myself and having fun. I'm doing lots of gym work which has boosted my confidence and boosted my self esteem because I'm seeing results. I'm enjoying immersing myself in my hobbies. I wouldn't mind an FB situation for a while with a girlfriend. I want more than a one night stand, but I want less than a full, blown relationship.

 

[perseverance]

Very bad rule to follow in life. Sometimes, it's just bad timing, or the girl needs to take shivt, is on her period, tripping over another man, etc. It has nothing to do with you. Hide the number in a dark place in your heart, and call it up again after a month or so. You never know. Sometimes rejections have nothing to do with you.

This thread has been an eye opener for me and as a result I'll be dropping this rule. I always assumed that rejection was always to do with you, but I learnt to accept this and not take it personally. I just decided to implement this rule because I didn't want to be seen as weak. I thought that if a girl came sniffing around after rejecting me sometime later and I welcomed her in, that she would run rings around me etc.

 

[perseverance]

It's a "training wheels" rule to stop newbies from getting caught up in one particular girl early on. It shouldn't be followed as some big macho principle or anything like that. If you insist on keeping your rule, for god's sake add a unless-it's-been-a-year-and-you're-clearly-the-****ing-man-now clause.

Well technically I am still a newbie really, I've come on leaps and bounds, but I am still a work in progress. I'm making mistakes and learning from them and I am thankful for the support and advice I get from others.

 

[56andre]

I just wanted to point out that your rule totally goes against your chosen forum name "perseverance"

 

[perseverance]

I just wanted to point out that your rule totally goes against your chosen forum name "perseverance"

Somethings are worth persevering with and some aren't. Most women are not, if a woman rejects me I tend to chalk it up as a loss and move on. I never expect that the said girl will one day approach me etc. This has never happened to me before.

I've never understood why men continually ask out a woman who constantly says no? No means no to me, so I don't bother asking again. I persevere with things that mean a great deal to me like busting a nut' at the gym to get in shape and to have amazing stamina and fitness levels so when I go into the Army, I am in peak condition.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I agree with most others here in saying that's a bad rule to have. In fact rules in general are bad to have because everything is situational.

I will also say if you've spent enough time with a girl, its pretty obvious when she's rejecting you because she's flat out not interested as opposed to the timing being off (she's seeing another guy, she just got out a relationship etc).

However, 2 years is a long time! Things change, people change and as you've pointed out you have improved yourself.

The key to avoiding this issue is to always have many women on the hook, that way when one from the past comes back around you can have fun with her and not getting emotionally attached to the past and literally let the good times roll! LOL Cheesy but its fitting. This is also the reason why men consistently ask the same woman out over and over after getting rejected, LACK OF OPTIONS. Its amazing what meeting a couple new girls will do to even a AFC newbie who is hung up on one particular girl. When you have options your mindset automatically shifts to being the prize, and because your time is split between 3, 4 or however many girls you tend not to get too attached to any girl right off the bat and things have a natural progression. In the mean time each one of the girls starts liking you more and more because your not like the rest. Your not calling several times a week etc. Girls can smell a man who has options..

As you gain experience in the game you will quickly be able to realize women who are attracted to you and have some level of interest (whether you hook up, date them or they reject your advances) from women that are truly no interest at all.

And again remember the longer its been between your 1st and 2nd interaction, the better your chances are of starting off with a clean slate in her mind as a new man.


Good luck



PIMP

 

[handle]

Well technically I am still a newbie really, I've come on leaps and bounds, but I am still a work in progress. I'm making mistakes and learning from them and I am thankful for the support and advice I get from others.

Well, your call then. Most "rules" are just to help you get out of the whole "I need this one particular girl" mindset. If you can stay away from that I think you'll be good.

 

[5string]

This "rule" is pure BS. Follow your gut when it comes to women and rejection.

If a second chance is warranted for one reason or another, roll with it. If not, put one foot before the other and move on down the road.

 

[vatoloco]

Although like they say, "Rules are meant to be broken" it's always good to have some discipline in your life. But like with everything, things are not black or white. There are countless shades of gray in-between.

The way I go about it is this: If a woman rejects me right now that I'm at the peak of my life, then she's out. If she doesn't dig me now, then she won't dig me later, when I become an even better man than I'm currently am.

Now, if I girl rejected me back in HS or college (when I was a huge AFC), then I'd think about a second chance. Maybe she sensed my AFC-ness back then and therefore had a valid reason to reject me...

 

[TizZle]

This "rule" is pure BS. Follow your gut when it comes to women and rejection.

If a second chance is warranted for one reason or another, roll with it. If not, put one foot before the other and move on down the road.

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