A girlfriend's guyfriend

[nan3109]

My girlfriend has this guy friend named Nick who is always jokingly hitting on her. This wouldn't worry me as a DJ but she told me once that Nick asked her to come over to his house one night (alone, 1 on 1) and watch a movie.

This worries me because I talked to Nick about girls (to feed into him) and discovered he's had plenty of one nighters where he would invite the girl over to his house to watch a movie.

So my question is...

When another guy is getting on your woman's ****t and you dont like it, is it DJ to just ignore it or should you do something about it?

The only thing I can think of is taking a bat to this guy's head!

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

How long have they been friends? If it's been a while and nothing's ever happened between them, then there's probably a reason. Girls and guys CAN be friends without ****ing each other... (although I know this was debated a lot in another thread a while back and every disagreed that they can be friends, but whatever I say they can)... I've had a female friend over to watch a movie before and we didn't end up fooling around because I'm just not attracted to her... or any women for that matter.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

You've talked to him about this stuff before? Then just get him on his own again, look him in the eye, tell him you know he's tried it w/ your gf, and if he ever does again whilst you're going out with her you'll take a baseball bat to his kneecaps. Simple, no?

 

[nan3109]

I like that idea (the getting to the point one).

He's about 3-4 inches taller than me but he's really skinny and dorky.

I know after seeing him play sports at his graduation party that I could EASILY take him WITHOUT a bat.

But would giving this kind of threat be smart? He is a good friend of hers (about 5 guys are her main guy friends, and he's one of them).

I've never really worried about these guys because they're dorky and my girl likes "masculine" guys like myself who works out alot and has a shadow (hair on face).

 

[NMMWCR]

nan3109,

I'm going to give you a damn good piece of advice. You let that woman make her own decisions and you stay out of it. Anytime another guy can take your girl, she's already gone. Has been for months, you just didn't know it yet.

You want to make sure any woman, every woman, has the freedom to discover for herself that you are the only guy she wants to be with. If she chooses to leave, you let her go and learn to be happy for her. There will be others who recognize your value.

This does two things:

It keeps you from being needy. There is no excuse for one-itis even with a woman you are sleeping with.

It gives you an unfair advantage over other guys. No other guy is going to give her that freedom and she'll feel the other guy's relative neediness and need to control her.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

My point about making a threat was based on this belief:

It's ok for a guy to hit on a girl and have her reject him *unless* he knows she's taken and tries anyway.

Some ppl believe this, others don't. Lots of girls say they do (which is good enough in this case).

And the 2nd fact is that he never told her not to do anything, just the guy.

Good points last poster though.

 

[John Juan]

WTF is this!?

Originally posted by Sexy_Malibu
Girls and guys CAN be friends without ****ing each other... (although I know this was debated a lot in another thread a while back and every disagreed that they can be friends, but whatever I say they can)...

Well keep debating, because this is one of the dumbest things I've read on the forum in days! Let a man spell it out for you:

If a guy is attracted to a girl, he's gonna try to get her alone for a reason. This is because attraction overrides platonic friendship for uncommitted men.

And then when they're alone, if they're both into each other, and especially if they feel there's a good chance no one else will find out, its gonna happen. That's human nature. Guaranteed.

-jlc

 

[John Juan]

Originally posted by NMMWCR
You want to make sure any woman, every woman, has the freedom to discover for herself that you are the only guy she wants to be with. If she chooses to leave, you let her go and learn to be happy for her. There will be others who recognize your value.

This is great advice. You don't have to let it concern you.
-jlc

 

[Chewy Bagel]

If she's a drinker, and she likes to hang out with her guy "friend" then (usually) she's hooking up with him and/or will be when you break up with her.

Any time I've heard about a guy and girl breaking up, the girl is soon with the guy "friend" who she says she would never date and was always viewed as a AFC by the guyfriend.

I'm not saying that she shouldn't be allowed to have friends, but for me, I wouldn't allow my gf to be hanging out with another dude - just isn't cool...

Oh, and if he's "jokingly" hitting on her, then he needs to be corrected real quick.

 

[John Juan]

i agree that you should not let her hang out alone with some guy who's hitting on her if you want to continue things with her. if you don't allow it, she'll only leave you if she's no longer into being with you (in that case, good riddance). if you allow it, i wouldn't count on things lasting much longer anyways. good luck bro.
-jlc

 

[becker]

Originally posted by NMMWCR
nan3109,

I'm going to give you a damn good piece of advice. You let that woman make her own decisions and you stay out of it. Anytime another guy can take your girl, she's already gone. Has been for months, you just didn't know it yet.

You want to make sure any woman, every woman, has the freedom to discover for herself that you are the only guy she wants to be with. If she chooses to leave, you let her go and learn to be happy for her. There will be others who recognize your value.

This does two things:

It keeps you from being needy. There is no excuse for one-itis even with a woman you are sleeping with.

It gives you an unfair advantage over other guys. No other guy is going to give her that freedom and she'll feel the other guy's relative neediness and need to control her.

This is great advice from NMMWCR. As a guy who often finds himself going after girls w/ BFs, not out of preference, but rather as a result of the fact that all girls I develop an interest in seem to have BFs already, I think that it's important to not become too jealous and needy in front of your girl, although a little jealousy won't hurt the relationship. I'd say try to give her space to do what she wants, unless we're talking about some blatant hit on your girl like asking her to watch a movie when you know the tendencies of the guy that's asking her.

I also wanted to address the scenario where the girl ends up with the guy "friend" rather than the BF. As far as my experience, this stuff only happens in the movies, because in real life, unless the girl has truly found someone better in the "friend", nothing is going to happen to take her away from her current relationship, no matter how dull, abusive, or whatever it is. Girls to me in LTRs are generally pretty loyal to the relationship. I've had girls tell me certain peeves that their BFs do that they don't like, but at the same time, they stay with them, despite being desired by other guys.

 

[Eyecandie4ya]

Can you imagine if you had females friends like she have those male friends?

I will tell you that she wouldn't like that one bit because females always say they know how other females are and that they will try to steal you from them.

But if you say the same things about her friends, she would think that you are insecure. Females make it seem like dudes don't try that same trifling **** like a female.

 

[THA REALNESS]

whoa

FUCC HIS AZZ UP!

LISTEN,WHY ARE U EVEN PONDERING THIS ? SHE TOLD U THIS CUZ SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT EITHER AND WANTS IT 2 STOP!ANSWER:BEAT HIS AZZZZ!!!PLUS UR A MAN ,WE ALL HAVE 2 GET RETARDED SOONER OR LATER SO JUST DO IT CONFRONT HIM ABOUT IT AND JUST DO IT!

ALSO: why are u even talking 2 him about things like that ?u might be giving off a vibe that u don't care about her?on top of that he might get pissed off with u and tell her.Imo,that's afc stuff rught there.

 

[Santos]

Friendship between a man and a woman can not turly be a friendship if either one is attracted to the other. If your girlfriend isn't attracted to this dude, then you've got nothing to worry about. If she is, then there could be trouble. I agree with NMMWCR - if she does anything with this dude, then you've lost her already.

I invited some chick with a BF (don't know him, just know he exists) for movies at my house, nothing happend. Then I invited her to my house again and we made out. WE WERE BOTH ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER.

She breaks up with her BF, but keeps giving him hope. Guess what? I was at her house feeling her up and making out with her two days ago. Her BF has no idea, if he knew - he'd stop begging to have her back.

I'm not too sure what you should do. Don't stop her from hanging out with the guy completely (this is what made that girl cheat with me) but if they start having "intimate" evenings together then call her on her BS.

 

[becker]

Re: whoa

Originally posted by THA REALNESS
FUCC HIS AZZ UP!

LISTEN,WHY ARE U EVEN PONDERING THIS ? SHE TOLD U THIS CUZ SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT EITHER AND WANTS IT 2 STOP!ANSWER:BEAT HIS AZZZZ!!!PLUS UR A MAN ,WE ALL HAVE 2 GET RETARDED SOONER OR LATER SO JUST DO IT CONFRONT HIM ABOUT IT AND JUST DO IT!

ALSO: why are u even talking 2 him about things like that ?u might be giving off a vibe that u don't care about her?on top of that he might get pissed off with u and tell her.Imo,that's afc stuff rught there.

In my past experience, when a girl tells her BF that she doesn't like the guy hanging around her all the time and stuff like that, she usually doesn't mean it, but is rather saying it to keep her BF at ease. If she really didn't like it, she would make it a little more obvious, even if she didn't tell him straight up.