There is a problem that needs a resolution. So I come here to you, brothers, for advice. But before the main point, a background story.
I was 18 and just had a transformation from being a fat, shy boy to being a socialite. This is partly because of the fact I got rejected from a crush I had on my classmate because I was “not the right guy”. Therefore, it was interesting for me to finally be able talk to girls my age and get the attention I wanted. But then, I met this girl through a mutual friend. We talked everyday. It seemed normal. But somehow, I started feeling attracted to her. I wanted to be near her and listen to her. And her eyes... So powerful and mysterious. (I have a thing for eyes). So desperate was I that I decided to go to the same university as her in order to be near her and letting go of my dreams. (I know, pathetic). During university, I just could not get near her. We were in different classes so meeting was near impossible. Within 6 months, I realised that I cannot even get near her because she was excellent in studies while I struggled. I decided that it just is not possible for me to be with her because “I am not good enough for her.” So, I decided to let her go.
We have been friends ever since. It has been a decade. Yes, a decade. We are best friends as well, or so I want to believe.
During this time, I met many woman. Dated some but never made the relationship official. Fell for another woman thinking that she is the one but again the same story, “I was not the right guy”. Shattered but got back up and continued, improved myself. In the mean time, my friend and I became really close. We are best friends. Once out of university, we would talk everyday, hang out every other night, have insane conversations like normal friends do. But things again changed 4 years ago.
4 years ago, she moved out of the country to pursue her career and is at the other side of the globe. We have been in touch but due to the time difference, it has been difficult. Sometimes, months would go by and we would not talk. Whenever she visits the country, we always hang out and act the same.
Near the end of last year, we somehow started talking a lot again. Her tone was different. As if she was acknowledging my existence again. It was weird at first since we did not usually talk that much but we were texting almost everyday, regardless of the time difference. And then, I feel my feelings resurfacing again. I kept telling myself that it is just a “phase” like in the past and nothing is serious about this and should acknowledge the fact that she is trying to reconnect.
And then she tells me this: At the beginning of this year, she told me that she was with someone and were serious about getting married. They had broken up a few months ago and that she was devastated. She never told me about her past relationship and only told me once she was feeling better. This confused me: if I am suppose to her “best friend”, why did not she tell me this before? Even if she was in a relationship, why did she not tell me? I told her about all the woman I was seeing so why did she hide this? Is there something here? This really did puzzle me but what was more troubling was it made me fell worse to think that I almost lost her to another guy. I do not know why this came up because in the past, we would talk about our weddings and would tell each other the role we would play during each other’s wedding. However, this incident that she was with someone and that they wanted to get married caught me off guard. I consoled her as a good friend and let it be. For the next few days, it was evident that my feelings had resurfaced and I know for a fact that I am screwed. This time, I knew that when she would come back to the country, I would make the move and let know about how I feel. If the feeling is not mutual then I really need to move on even from this friendship because I did not want to hurt myself further. Till the mean time, I decided to create the attraction I wanted that I tried with other woman in the past. It worked to some considerable extend. Ghosting, being the first to leave the conversation, creating mystery about myself and my actions. It really did work.
And then, a few months ago, she made a surprise visit to the country because her dad was sick. When I went to the hospital, I saw her. When she saw me, she started crying. Tears running down. The doctors said that there was no hope that he would survive. I went near her and we embraced each other. This was the first time in a decade that we really did embrace each other. We have hugged before but this was different. We stood there in that position until I broke off. All I knew was that at that time, I need to be a friend and not a potential lover. The feeling of lose was mutual because I lost my dad a few years ago too and she was with me the whole time. Everyday, I would be with her. Helping her and her family with anything they would need help in. Not a day would pass when I would not be talking to her or helping her out. I was even with her at the time her dad breath his last.
2 weeks after the funeral, she left the country with her family. In the meantime, I have been in constant contact with her. We talk every week or 2. However, now I feel that the seduction has broken. When she was here, I had to go back to being the overly caring person because it was the right thing to do. I knew this would shatter the seduction I have created but I also knew that I need to be a friend right now. I just could not stand her tears. She now often mentions her ex and says she cannot her over him.
So my problem is this: I have strong feelings for my dear friend. I want to seduce her through the art I learned but I just cannot shake the feeling that I am also her friend. During my time, she was there for me, therefore, I have to be there for her now that she needs me. I know for a fact that long distances do not work but I am planning to move abroad next year as well so I want to give this thing a chance.
Therefore, I seek your advice my brothers: What should I do? I want to leave her but I cannot because of my ties with her. I know that if I leave, she would be devastated. She is already in mourning. However, if I keep talking to her, it would make things worse for me. I need help in this.
Much regards!
I was 18 and just had a transformation from being a fat, shy boy to being a socialite. This is partly because of the fact I got rejected from a crush I had on my classmate because I was “not the right guy”. Therefore, it was interesting for me to finally be able talk to girls my age and get the attention I wanted. But then, I met this girl through a mutual friend. We talked everyday. It seemed normal. But somehow, I started feeling attracted to her. I wanted to be near her and listen to her. And her eyes... So powerful and mysterious. (I have a thing for eyes). So desperate was I that I decided to go to the same university as her in order to be near her and letting go of my dreams. (I know, pathetic). During university, I just could not get near her. We were in different classes so meeting was near impossible. Within 6 months, I realised that I cannot even get near her because she was excellent in studies while I struggled. I decided that it just is not possible for me to be with her because “I am not good enough for her.” So, I decided to let her go.
We have been friends ever since. It has been a decade. Yes, a decade. We are best friends as well, or so I want to believe.
During this time, I met many woman. Dated some but never made the relationship official. Fell for another woman thinking that she is the one but again the same story, “I was not the right guy”. Shattered but got back up and continued, improved myself. In the mean time, my friend and I became really close. We are best friends. Once out of university, we would talk everyday, hang out every other night, have insane conversations like normal friends do. But things again changed 4 years ago.
4 years ago, she moved out of the country to pursue her career and is at the other side of the globe. We have been in touch but due to the time difference, it has been difficult. Sometimes, months would go by and we would not talk. Whenever she visits the country, we always hang out and act the same.
Near the end of last year, we somehow started talking a lot again. Her tone was different. As if she was acknowledging my existence again. It was weird at first since we did not usually talk that much but we were texting almost everyday, regardless of the time difference. And then, I feel my feelings resurfacing again. I kept telling myself that it is just a “phase” like in the past and nothing is serious about this and should acknowledge the fact that she is trying to reconnect.
And then she tells me this: At the beginning of this year, she told me that she was with someone and were serious about getting married. They had broken up a few months ago and that she was devastated. She never told me about her past relationship and only told me once she was feeling better. This confused me: if I am suppose to her “best friend”, why did not she tell me this before? Even if she was in a relationship, why did she not tell me? I told her about all the woman I was seeing so why did she hide this? Is there something here? This really did puzzle me but what was more troubling was it made me fell worse to think that I almost lost her to another guy. I do not know why this came up because in the past, we would talk about our weddings and would tell each other the role we would play during each other’s wedding. However, this incident that she was with someone and that they wanted to get married caught me off guard. I consoled her as a good friend and let it be. For the next few days, it was evident that my feelings had resurfaced and I know for a fact that I am screwed. This time, I knew that when she would come back to the country, I would make the move and let know about how I feel. If the feeling is not mutual then I really need to move on even from this friendship because I did not want to hurt myself further. Till the mean time, I decided to create the attraction I wanted that I tried with other woman in the past. It worked to some considerable extend. Ghosting, being the first to leave the conversation, creating mystery about myself and my actions. It really did work.
And then, a few months ago, she made a surprise visit to the country because her dad was sick. When I went to the hospital, I saw her. When she saw me, she started crying. Tears running down. The doctors said that there was no hope that he would survive. I went near her and we embraced each other. This was the first time in a decade that we really did embrace each other. We have hugged before but this was different. We stood there in that position until I broke off. All I knew was that at that time, I need to be a friend and not a potential lover. The feeling of lose was mutual because I lost my dad a few years ago too and she was with me the whole time. Everyday, I would be with her. Helping her and her family with anything they would need help in. Not a day would pass when I would not be talking to her or helping her out. I was even with her at the time her dad breath his last.
2 weeks after the funeral, she left the country with her family. In the meantime, I have been in constant contact with her. We talk every week or 2. However, now I feel that the seduction has broken. When she was here, I had to go back to being the overly caring person because it was the right thing to do. I knew this would shatter the seduction I have created but I also knew that I need to be a friend right now. I just could not stand her tears. She now often mentions her ex and says she cannot her over him.
So my problem is this: I have strong feelings for my dear friend. I want to seduce her through the art I learned but I just cannot shake the feeling that I am also her friend. During my time, she was there for me, therefore, I have to be there for her now that she needs me. I know for a fact that long distances do not work but I am planning to move abroad next year as well so I want to give this thing a chance.
Therefore, I seek your advice my brothers: What should I do? I want to leave her but I cannot because of my ties with her. I know that if I leave, she would be devastated. She is already in mourning. However, if I keep talking to her, it would make things worse for me. I need help in this.
Much regards!
