Time and time again, I come back to this 'sticking point' in dating. Success is a numbers game, but more importantly...why?
In much of my dating life, it's rare to have met women from 'normal Leave-it-to-******' homes. Many times, parents have split, ones has been distant, one has died, etc. The more you date, the more you see this. I am willing to bet many guys here will know what I am talking about. In fact, I have 8 aunts/uncles, and 3 of them have divorced, while the remaining 5 are some what happily married. The traditional family is one wrought with many trials and tragedies. Women being the most emotional of creatures, internalize much of this. They wear it like a badge on their sleeve, until you come along.
It's by no means an excuse, but as a talent, you're better to cultivate empathy, understanding, and introspective skills, than to combat them for 'quick lays' perpetuating their cycle of never-ending hurts.
I will admit, having dated more as I age, you encounter all types of women with 'emotional bruises' from their past. Even us men have been bruised, BUT, how you deal with those bruises determines whether its a badge of honor, or a shameful scar, sure to effect your whole life.
I asked a girl recently who seems to come and go at times, what her 'deal was' so-to-speak, and she replied:
Her: "I'm fvcked for life b/c my dad cheated on my mom. And that's why I'm so close to her. I mean, he's a good guy, but if my dad can cheat on my mom, what would any other man do. I see men as dogs."
Me: "So what am I to you, a dog?"
Her: "No, you're different, but most guys are that way, that's why I'm so skeptical about men when they try to pick me up. They come on skeavy and so 'player-like' that it just wreaks of what my father did. And I know I'm supposed to want someone like my dad, but I wouldn't want someone totally like that."
Me: "Well, I understand that to a woman, the father is her first introduction to a man, and that any problems tend to filter down to their own relationships. I'd be lying if I said I haven't dated lots of women who've been through similar situations. And unfortunately, for better or worse, they peg me as one of those 'guys.'" But you know what, if I held onto all my bad mistakes and pains, I wouldn't be here with you now. What do you think of that?"
Her: "I get that, and it's changing slowly. It's taken me a few months to get comfy with you, and now that I'm more comfy I like it. But it takes alot of time."
Me: "Obviously. If you take the same attitude you would toward men who hurt you, toward me, you'll ruin a good thing. You can't judge me on words, but you can do so on actions. And I know you're not shy, you're afraid of getting close. "
What I'm drawing upon is that though you may see a girl at a club, and she's a 10, she's a vulnerable human being just like you and I. Men are men because they're endowed with responsibility. Men who are enlightened as many here are, are endowed responsibility to not harm others.
I have friends who've dated girls in similar situations, and they could fvck them and forget about 'em because they got so clingy so quick. Which is fine, if you want a nut, but do you really want to pass along that type of behavior and continue her cycle of shyt? Do you want to be another azzhole in her line of past failures? To compound her existing problems? A person who does so has internal problems far greater than what exists in just meeting women. It's sadistic.
Over time, you come to realize, most people wear these societal masks, and it's your mind that makes you fear them, because underneath it, the person is really just a small child, particularly women. The mask is their escape from a reality they know not how to escape of their own accord. And when you're someone not of her reality, you can break the cycle and be different based just on you.
Don't forsake the principles of DJ's, of being a man, and picking up women, but realize, they're living, breathing, feeling beings, and most of them wear masks of Clinique to cover up their true feelings.
How does this help with women?
Realize, you'll encounter lots of women like this, and it is more than likely the underlying reason why they do what they do.
Also, it's a numbers game, keeping in mind that you won't click with every girl, and that some have bf's, or babies, or problems, do you want to just open your life's door to trouble?
And that in time, that masculine patience wears out, not exasperated dependency. More often than not, I've done well, very well for S/T RL and L/T RL by sticking to my guns and being patient. There's alot of you communicated in non-action as well, since as men we tend to be so action oriented, that we bull right past the issue.
I remember a situation with an X where we were split, living on the same campus mind you, for about 2 weeks. At the time I didn't know it, but she still wanted me, though she wouldn't re-committ. When I told her:
"Have a nice life. Date other people, because obviously you're not happy with me, and I won't be with anyone not 100% committed."
she immediately changed her attitude. We worked on things, got back together, and then split because we truly were meant to be. And X doesn't want to have a quick cutoff, they want it to fizzle slowly, so they feel less bad about losing another relationship. But if you take the high road of integrity, you always win out.
Part of being a "prize" isn't about material or superficial things, but about intangible qualities, like Integrity, Pride, Respect, Humility, Empathy. By having Integrity, people see you will not pander yourself for lowly deeds or things, because you're more valuable than that. When you subvert yourself to small deed, you speak of how small you are and how you truly feel about yourself. This why controlling irrational actions is so important, because in society we judge actions, such as body movement, or what you do. If your energy and actions are all over the place, what do you truly feel of yourself? Of your life? You're spreading yourself thing, and exasperating your energy.
It speaks of Low Integrity, Low Self Respect, and Little Pride. IF you want to raise your energy, and your confidence quicker control those vibrant actions you feel you can't. Don't give way to fleeting hyper emotional moments. Don't be so ruled by damaging thoughts. Integrity comes full-circle to DJISM, as it is the core of who you are. If you have little integrity, and you cannot communicate straight what you are, then what is she, or even your friends to know of you?
A-Unit
In much of my dating life, it's rare to have met women from 'normal Leave-it-to-******' homes. Many times, parents have split, ones has been distant, one has died, etc. The more you date, the more you see this. I am willing to bet many guys here will know what I am talking about. In fact, I have 8 aunts/uncles, and 3 of them have divorced, while the remaining 5 are some what happily married. The traditional family is one wrought with many trials and tragedies. Women being the most emotional of creatures, internalize much of this. They wear it like a badge on their sleeve, until you come along.
It's by no means an excuse, but as a talent, you're better to cultivate empathy, understanding, and introspective skills, than to combat them for 'quick lays' perpetuating their cycle of never-ending hurts.
I will admit, having dated more as I age, you encounter all types of women with 'emotional bruises' from their past. Even us men have been bruised, BUT, how you deal with those bruises determines whether its a badge of honor, or a shameful scar, sure to effect your whole life.
I asked a girl recently who seems to come and go at times, what her 'deal was' so-to-speak, and she replied:
Her: "I'm fvcked for life b/c my dad cheated on my mom. And that's why I'm so close to her. I mean, he's a good guy, but if my dad can cheat on my mom, what would any other man do. I see men as dogs."
Me: "So what am I to you, a dog?"
Her: "No, you're different, but most guys are that way, that's why I'm so skeptical about men when they try to pick me up. They come on skeavy and so 'player-like' that it just wreaks of what my father did. And I know I'm supposed to want someone like my dad, but I wouldn't want someone totally like that."
Me: "Well, I understand that to a woman, the father is her first introduction to a man, and that any problems tend to filter down to their own relationships. I'd be lying if I said I haven't dated lots of women who've been through similar situations. And unfortunately, for better or worse, they peg me as one of those 'guys.'" But you know what, if I held onto all my bad mistakes and pains, I wouldn't be here with you now. What do you think of that?"
Her: "I get that, and it's changing slowly. It's taken me a few months to get comfy with you, and now that I'm more comfy I like it. But it takes alot of time."
Me: "Obviously. If you take the same attitude you would toward men who hurt you, toward me, you'll ruin a good thing. You can't judge me on words, but you can do so on actions. And I know you're not shy, you're afraid of getting close. "
What I'm drawing upon is that though you may see a girl at a club, and she's a 10, she's a vulnerable human being just like you and I. Men are men because they're endowed with responsibility. Men who are enlightened as many here are, are endowed responsibility to not harm others.
I have friends who've dated girls in similar situations, and they could fvck them and forget about 'em because they got so clingy so quick. Which is fine, if you want a nut, but do you really want to pass along that type of behavior and continue her cycle of shyt? Do you want to be another azzhole in her line of past failures? To compound her existing problems? A person who does so has internal problems far greater than what exists in just meeting women. It's sadistic.
Over time, you come to realize, most people wear these societal masks, and it's your mind that makes you fear them, because underneath it, the person is really just a small child, particularly women. The mask is their escape from a reality they know not how to escape of their own accord. And when you're someone not of her reality, you can break the cycle and be different based just on you.
Don't forsake the principles of DJ's, of being a man, and picking up women, but realize, they're living, breathing, feeling beings, and most of them wear masks of Clinique to cover up their true feelings.
How does this help with women?
Realize, you'll encounter lots of women like this, and it is more than likely the underlying reason why they do what they do.
Also, it's a numbers game, keeping in mind that you won't click with every girl, and that some have bf's, or babies, or problems, do you want to just open your life's door to trouble?
And that in time, that masculine patience wears out, not exasperated dependency. More often than not, I've done well, very well for S/T RL and L/T RL by sticking to my guns and being patient. There's alot of you communicated in non-action as well, since as men we tend to be so action oriented, that we bull right past the issue.
I remember a situation with an X where we were split, living on the same campus mind you, for about 2 weeks. At the time I didn't know it, but she still wanted me, though she wouldn't re-committ. When I told her:
"Have a nice life. Date other people, because obviously you're not happy with me, and I won't be with anyone not 100% committed."
she immediately changed her attitude. We worked on things, got back together, and then split because we truly were meant to be. And X doesn't want to have a quick cutoff, they want it to fizzle slowly, so they feel less bad about losing another relationship. But if you take the high road of integrity, you always win out.
Part of being a "prize" isn't about material or superficial things, but about intangible qualities, like Integrity, Pride, Respect, Humility, Empathy. By having Integrity, people see you will not pander yourself for lowly deeds or things, because you're more valuable than that. When you subvert yourself to small deed, you speak of how small you are and how you truly feel about yourself. This why controlling irrational actions is so important, because in society we judge actions, such as body movement, or what you do. If your energy and actions are all over the place, what do you truly feel of yourself? Of your life? You're spreading yourself thing, and exasperating your energy.
It speaks of Low Integrity, Low Self Respect, and Little Pride. IF you want to raise your energy, and your confidence quicker control those vibrant actions you feel you can't. Don't give way to fleeting hyper emotional moments. Don't be so ruled by damaging thoughts. Integrity comes full-circle to DJISM, as it is the core of who you are. If you have little integrity, and you cannot communicate straight what you are, then what is she, or even your friends to know of you?
A-Unit
