A bit nervous

[Dark Nimbus]

What a crazy weekend. I msged this chick I've been chatting with a bit about how her trip was down south. If any of you read the thread I started about "girl and abortion", well this is the chick I'm referring to. She's 19 and I'm 26, and she had an abortion with her first and really only boyfriend to sum things up. So anyways, she went down south with like 7 other people and got hotel rooms for the night. They went clubbing and seemed to have a good time, although she told me she was bored with the people since she was the only single one and they just didn't want to party as much as her.

She sent me some photos and in one of them they're in a group shot, along with some guys they didn't even know who whipped out their members while standing behind them, haha. As I was chatting with her on MSN the connection died, so I went downstairs to make myself something to eat. A minute later she called me and I ended up making plans to see her today.

This is the strange thing, I'm usually really good at reading girls’ signals and gagging their IL in me, but with her, I really had no idea where I stood. I threw her a couple compliments but she never returned any. She didn't say anything about my looks or give any sign of attraction, other then the fact we talked for sometimes hours at a time, usually about her and stories of her friends or ex. I know better then to talk about past relationships with girls, but I have learned something valuable from doing it. When you find out what type of guy she was first with, you get a good idea of what mannerisms to take, because a girl’s first lay is usually what she ends up looking for in guys. So hearing that this guy was pretty much an *******, I turned up ****y and funny and give her a hard time about everything almost.

Anyways, back to my point, I really had no clue what she really thought of me, so what I ended up doing is just bluntly saying something like "well you sound like a great girl from what I know of you, but it's too bad you're not interested in me". She replied asking me why I would think that, and I told her she gave me no indication otherwise. So with that, she told me she is attracted to me and chats with me for sometimes hours for a reason. I was all ready to just say my goodbye since I don't keep female friends around, so it totally caught me off guard hearing this.

So now I made plans with her today and I'm actually a bit nervous for the first time in a long time. I'm hoping she doesn't flake on me, but I'm confident she won't, and I'm also very confident I'm going to get laid with her if she doesn't flake. I know this because as I was on the phone with her last night my friend called and wanted me to go out with him. I told her I have to let her go to get ready, and she started making fun of me calling me a pretty boy and telling me I probably need like 30 minutes to prepare myself. I asked her if she'd rather be with a guy that looks like a caveman, and she said "well just pluck the brows and nose hairs, shave, and trim your pubic area a bit". I told her I'll shave my pubes just for her and she could inspect them tomorrow when she comes over. She said "Uh huh" and gave me a nice girly giggle. This chick is really hot, probably the best looking girl I've met in a long time. It's going to be a fun day if she doesn't flake. Alright I feel better having written this down, haha, my online therapy.

Oh yeah, there is something I was going to ask. If you guys knew you were going to get laid with a hot girl, but didn't know if there would be another chance to have sex with her down the road, would you do anything differently? Like record the act on tape or something? haha.

 

[Omega]

Originally posted by Dark Nimbus

Oh yeah, there is something I was going to ask. If you guys knew you were going to get laid with a hot girl, but didn't know if there would be another chance to have sex with her down the road, would you do anything differently? Like record the act on tape or something? haha.

I'd first and foremost like to repremand you for reffering it to "you were going to get laid". It's more like, "going to lay a girl". Aren't you supposed to be the one in control?

Anyways, if I knew I wasn't going to have sex with her down the road I probebly wouldn't have sex with her in the first place cause of my morals. Regardless, for you, it's possible she will flake, since you repeatedly mentioned you "talked to her for hours on end", or something along those lines. That shows a very weak male, since anyone can talk on MSN for long periods of time. Thus, it's possible she might, and it's possible she won't. Be ready for anything.

Good luck

 

[WestCoaster]

You're doing fine

No reason to over-analyze this, you're doing well. She likes you ... you may or may not get laid, just take everything as it comes (whoops, freudian slip there).

AND NO, do not record, take pictures, or anything of the sort. This is one's private life and her's, too. Respect that. Treat her like a lady, not a tramp, even if it's a one-time thing. You'll end up the better person for this.

Also, we are in an incredible litigious society. People sue over anything these days. Keep the event private, between you and her.

Also, I see LTR here big time. She seems extremely interested, no reason to keep asking her if she is. Trust me, she is. Be confident and complimentary, treat her great but walk that fine balance of not worshipping her or putting her on a pedestal.

Not sure if you want an LTR or what this woman is like, but she sounds fun and she does have high IL in you. Enjoy it!

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Thanks guys

I just finalized plans with her a minute ago. She'll be here in about an hour or so, and now I know I'm going to get laid for sure. She said something about how she was thinking about wearing sneakers but realized she'll be getting naked with me so she changed her mind about what to wear

You're right R3N3GAD3, I'm gonna lay her, lol. I'm going off a couple of hours sleep this long weekend so my grammer and thinking is a bit off. I don't agree at all about it being weak to chat girls up for hours. I found the opposite to be true, and my friend who is the type to take a different direction on it realizes that my method is better too. The difference is I make a lot of history with these girls, I become a part of almost their everyday lives. They have something to lose once they've talked to me for hours and have gotten to know me a bit. I can swing either a LTR or STR based on my tactics, where's my friend seems to only get STR's.

WestCoaster, I'm not looking for anything long term, I'm sort of juggling three girls right now, but if one I really like does come along, I'll consider the thought.

I'll keep the video camera off too, lol, unless she want's it on

I'll fill you guys in later on how it all went...

 

[Dark Nimbus]

So much for getting laid being a sure thing. Here's what happened, and pardon the grammar, I'm sleep deprived. I picked her up from the train station, and went for the kiss on the mouth immediately, but she turned her head looking a bit nervous, so it landed on her cheek. I asked her if she's hungry and she said she ate but wouldn't mind having some onion rings, so we stopped off at burger king since I was starving, and got some grub. She wanted to pay for herself but I wouldn't let her. It was nice to know she would have though, and paid for herself later on in the date.

It was kind of fun eating with her there, cause it gave me a chance to get some good eye contact going, and when I looked into her eyes and held my gaze she would start to blush and looked away, haha. I poked fun of her a bit and we talked, and then went to my place. My sister rented a movie with her bf the night before so we were going to watch it. A few minutes in and we were both bored with it, but in the process I already had my arm around her and was rubbing her waist and playing with her hand. We chatted for a while, mostly her talking, and then I re-positioned myself to face her, looked her in the eyes with a grin, and went for the kiss. Holy sh1t, those were the softest lips I've ever kissed, and I think that was the best kiss I've ever had. The girl knows how to work her tongue and mouth. She told me a few times during the day that I'm an awesome kisser, but I swear she makes it easy for me.

After making out a bit, I was sucking on her titties. She seemed hesitant when I pulled down her top a bit to pop one of the girls out, but got REALLY into it once I started sucking and playing with her tits. I was blown away by how soft every inch of this chick was, and she's only like 110 pounds and 5'5", with pretty big tits. So anyways, I tossed her on the bed and we made out for a while, but she wouldn't let me take her pants off. I got as far as to finger her a bit, but it was obvious sex just wasn't going to happen, and it pissed me off a bit. She kept asking me if I'm mad most of the night and I told her no, just dissappointed. Anyways, I took her downtown later to see the fireworks show with a friend, and then to a bar where we met up with some other people. I was pretty quiet most of the night and still pissed off a bit, and she wasn't really the effectionate hold your hand type of girl.

We left the bar around 2am and I drove her home, which was 40 minutes from downtown, and a bit of a pain, but I didn't want her taking the bus that late. When I dropped her off we kissed goodnight for a while. She's easily the best kisser I've ever had, and I'm pretty sure she thinks I am too by the way she looked stary eyed and a bit confused afterwards, haha. She told me to call her when I got home just so she knew I was alright, and that's pretty much it. I got home after 3 and just woke up at 7. I'd write more detail but I have to go to class now, and I'm tired as hell.

Just goes to show you though to keep your expectations low regarding getting sex, because I couldn't hide my dissappointment from her when it didn't happen. From the sound of it, I probably will sleep with her eventually, and I might go clubbing friday with her and friends. Ok, gotta run.

 

[WestCoaster]

Keep your cool

Despite all the bad boy banterings and stuff, a woman eventually wants to be respected.

You did fine and what you want me be down the road. If you kept your cool and acted like nothing phased you, that would've made the night so much better. She would've enjoyed your relaxed demeanor and calm, cool, collected style. Not flaming, but you being mad upsets the apple cart.

She wasn't there that night -- who knows for some reason -- but she did like you enough to be quite playful. Take that for what it is, smile, enjoy life, be funny ... that's what she wants.

Anger and being upset (trust me, I've been there) because you're not getting what you want is a real turn-off for a woman.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Ok, back from school and now seriously sleep deprived

Yeah WestCoaster you're right, I didn't have as much respect for her as I normally do for girls. I don't know what came over me, I think the crappy weather all weekend and staying out late just made me edgy. I felt really bad after and apologized to her for creeping her out a bit. I'm sure the other main reason was that I find this girl to be stunning, and it was throwing off my game. It's been a while since a girl made me nervous at times, and I definitely messed some things up. Live and learn

Time for me to get some sleep.

 

[Dirtheart]

but it was obvious sex just wasn't going to happen, and it pissed me off a bit.

You sound too desperate.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

I'm not desperate, I have other girls on the side I'm sleeping with, it's more like I feel a lot of chemistry with this girl, something that's very rare with me. Most girls I've been with are sort of "just there", but this one is different, and it's making me act out of character.

 

[OpenMind]

Waiting for an update on this one..........

 

[FratAndDiddy]

yeah, where you at dark nimbus?

don't tell me the little head took charge and you strayed from the board.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Well if you guys really want an update, she turned psycho on me and I ended it, haha. I think she might be bi polar or something, because the last time I saw her was that night when we kissed goodnight and she told me to call her when I got home. I told her I won't because I didn't want to wake her up, and she insisted I did. From THAT she turned into a psycho, insulting me online out of nowhere. It makes no sense to me at all, at first she told me she's not looking for a relationship at the moment, and that it has nothing to do with me but her, and then she started taking shots at me out of nowhere, saying she didn't like my voice, and calling me a pedophile. I was like wtf?!? You knew my age and didn't have a problem with it when we made plans to go out.

I don't even want to speculate on what's wrong with her, but she obviously has issues. She also mentioned before we stopped talking that her ex is trying to get back into her life, so it might have something to do with that. I told her they deserve one another since they both have issues. Then I added I thought she was a good looking girl that I saw potential in, but I'm not going to put up with any of her BS or disrespect, and wished her a good life.

That was the last time I heard from her, so obviously it's over, and even if she msg's me down the road I wouldn't want anything to do with her. I can honestly say that was the first messed up chick I've ever had to deal with. Oh well, at least I have no regrets and took the chance to have some fun with her when the oppertunity came up.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Oh yeah, there's one more thing I should add. She did say she wanted to be friends before she went all psycho on me, but I make it clear to girls early on that I'm not looking for "friends", and most understand what that means. With this chick especially, after I already made out with her how does she expect me to just be "friends" with her?

I'm really starting to wonder if the strategy I've been using is causing me to miss out on opportunities. From my experience telling girls I'm not looking for friends is a great way to make it clear what I want. The problem is that it doesn't work on the really hot girls, because they're usually surrounded by guys and losing one isn't a big deal to them. I've been in numerous situations where I've gotten to know beautiful girls but eventually broke off contact with them because all we ever did was talk and even though I tend to gear the conversation towards sex and other topics to keep me out of the friend zone, I still don't see it going anywhere, like they're just content on talking with me and nothing more.

I guess I'm starting to wonder what would have happened if I just kept chatting them up longer. Would they eventually come around and realize they have a history with me and that I'm someone that's become a part of their life and they would finally date me, OR, would I end up in the friend zone while some guy comes into their lives one day and I'm hearing how she had sex with him the next?

Personally I see it as a sign of low interest if a chick enjoys talking with me but doesn't want to hook up, and if I don't get some signs of progress, I lose interest and tell them I need to move on, and that no, we can't still be friends. Maybe I'm burning bridges, but if it saves me from having to keep her around and think "yeah, here's another chick I couldn't bag" I guess it's worth it for me. The other reason for keeping a girl around (because she might have hot friends) is tricky, because I've noticed most girls you get to know will keep you away from their "better and more attractive friends", and try to set you up with some ugly friend they hardly chat with.

I'll have to think some of these issues through, especially since I'm chatting with this attractive Korean chick now that falls in the category of girls that want to be "friends" first, without any indication of where things will lead to.

Tell me what you guys think, am I being unfair and losing opportunities by sort of giving girls an ultimatum before getting to know them better? or is it a good strategy to save myself from wasting time with girls only to possibly end up in the friend zone down the road? Would scoring one of those truly hot girls be worth all the other failures and time wasted?

 

[Don_Marko]

Originally posted by Dark Nimbus

Tell me what you guys think, am I being unfair and losing opportunities by sort of giving girls an ultimatum before getting to know them better? or is it a good strategy to save myself from wasting time with girls only to possibly end up in the friend zone down the road? Would scoring one of those truly hot girls be worth all the other failures and time wasted?

You ought to make sexual interest in a girl obvious from the get go instead of approaching under a cloak of friendship, which then goes away as soon as a sexual opportunity arises. If you wanna be friends with a girl, then you gotta be a real friend, that means you should act towards her the same way sex or no sex, how would you feel if you knew somebody was pretending to be your friend in order to get personal gain out of you? While sex with a hot friend can be exteremely satisfying, if you can't maintain friendship without any sex and ultimatums present then you are being a FAKE. And people hate fakes.
So what I'm saying is? Either:
- be straight up and say what you want right away
- do what you do i.e. be friend and hope for something later on, (although this is sneaky!) but don't ruin the entire friendship just cuz she wouldn't put out, as it reflects very poorly on you!

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Originally posted by Don_Marko
You ought to make sexual interest in a girl obvious from the get go instead of approaching under a cloak of friendship, which then goes away as soon as a sexual opportunity arises.

... and here lies the problem. I can't just tell a girl as soon as I meet her "Hey, I'm looking for a relationship so if you're not interested, take a hike". I assume that's a given once I initiate contact in the first place, yet girls seem to think I want to be friends. I've tried being upfront before and someone end up pissing off the girls who accuse me of being shallow or a player because if they say "I'm not really looking for one at the moment" or "Can't we be friends and find out?" I usually tell them I'm not looking for a friends and move on. I DO make my sexual interests known early on, I have no problem doing it and no reason to lie and pretend to want to be friends with a girl. Problem is many girls, particularly the really good looking ones will end up saying something like "let's be friends and THEN find out what happens", only to possibly string you along for a LONG time, or end up getting in the friend zone with you. I've yet to have a sexual experience with a really hot chick who I tried to be friends with first. Usually things fall apart for me because I get impatient chatting with girls who show no passion for wtf they want.

I just don't care to waste too much time on a girl, and the hot ones won't admit if they want something to happen it seems. They also get offended when you try to pressure them into giving you an answer about what the chances are of starting something up are. What's the strategy here, to wait, take my time, and chat with them once in a while until THEY possibly decide they want to start something, or cut them loose early on when they refuse to answer about the possibility for something?

I always end up getting into arguements with hot chicks who I tell I don't want to chat with them anymore because I don't see it going anywhere with them. I guess that it's sort of like rejecting them and they take it personally or something, but wtf, if they told me what they wanted it wouldn't have to come to that. They're the ones beating around the bush, and they get all pissy when I don't want anything to do with them anymore.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Pursue a woman for romantic reasons only!! If you go for the kiss a few times and she shuns you then move on.

Wome really don't want to be your friend - they just say that as not to hurt you.

Don't tell a girl you want her romantically - show her!