A beer and a story

[ZTIME]

Been down this road before and it’s been awhile since I’ve been back to SS.

Just cracked open a beer to share my handling of a situation thus far.

been dating this girl for about years and actually let her stay at my place for the last year and a half. Figured it would be easier as my schedule and the 40 min drive back and forth was a pain.

so things were getting rocky the last few months, (her withholding sex, getting a little disrespectful, and complaining every 10 min).

She’s a bartender, and happens to work with a friend of mine. 4 days ago she leaves for work and comes back her normal time. When talking to my friend, I asked if they had a busy night which was rough because you’re girlfriend wasn’t there. News to me.

Later that morning I asked her how her night was at work and she tells me she didn’t go but went to look at a condo and decided to rent it and move out next week.

she goes into details that she knows “we” are not happy and the space will do is good so we can work on “our” relationship. She gives me the verbal list of all the things I’ve done in the past and how this whole thing is my fault.

there’s no begging from me, no promises to change, and no being extra nice. I congratulated her on her new adventure and said I’d help her pack her things.

Im pretty sure she’s starting to second guess herself as I asked how much the place was and kind of laughed and said “good-luck”.

Feel like I’m hiding in my office for the next week when she’s in the house avoiding her. She asked me to go to dinner with her last night. I politely declined and was questioned 30 times as to why I would not go. “Politely” went out the door on question 35.

I’m pretty sure I’ve got this. Feel a little cruddy inside, but that’ll go away. In the end I feel there was absolutely no ROI to the time put in.

Thanks for the read and I’ll be around the next few weeks refreshing myself with some good posts here. Cheers!

 

[DonJuanjr]

She gives me the verbal list of all the things I’ve done in the past and how this whole thing is my fault.

Another example of how females will reverse engineer the justifications for their indiscretions.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Been down this road before and it’s been awhile since I’ve been back to SS.

Just cracked open a beer to share my handling of a situation thus far.

been dating this girl for about years and actually let her stay at my place for the last year and a half. Figured it would be easier as my schedule and the 40 min drive back and forth was a pain.

so things were getting rocky the last few months, (her withholding sex, getting a little disrespectful, and complaining every 10 min).

She’s a bartender, and happens to work with a friend of mine. 4 days ago she leaves for work and comes back her normal time. When talking to my friend, I asked if they had a busy night which was rough because you’re girlfriend wasn’t there. News to me.

Later that morning I asked her how her night was at work and she tells me she didn’t go but went to look at a condo and decided to rent it and move out next week.

she goes into details that she knows “we” are not happy and the space will do is good so we can work on “our” relationship. She gives me the verbal list of all the things I’ve done in the past and how this whole thing is my fault.

there’s no begging from me, no promises to change, and no being extra nice. I congratulated her on her new adventure and said I’d help her pack her things.

Im pretty sure she’s starting to second guess herself as I asked how much the place was and kind of laughed and said “good-luck”.

Feel like I’m hiding in my office for the next week when she’s in the house avoiding her. She asked me to go to dinner with her last night. I politely declined and was questioned 30 times as to why I would not go. “Politely” went out the door on question 35.

I’m pretty sure I’ve got this. Feel a little cruddy inside, but that’ll go away. In the end I feel there was absolutely no ROI to the time put in.

Thanks for the read and I’ll be around the next few weeks refreshing myself with some good posts here. Cheers!

Proud of you man. I think you handled the situation well.

I've actually said this to girls I dated, and it can sound like Im being a d**k but its the truth, if you are not happy or fulfilled there's the door. Good luck. Nobody should be begging and lowering their worth/value for someone that does not fully appreciate your presence in their life.

If at a given moment that person decides to walk away, you show them the door. Poltitely like you did. Worst thing you can do is get worked up, letting your emotions get the best of you, and react.

Again, good frame on your part. Keep us posted on your progress and new chapter.


Modern Man advice

 

[The Duke]

Always care less about the relationship than they do. Honor respect, and loyalty are not things that mean as much to women as they do men. Her getting a new place was a big disrespect to you and your relationship. Always let them go when they pull stunts like this. She has no desire to work things out, that was all lip service. But she does want to blame this on you. Typical female mode of operation. There is probably a new guy sniffing around that she is interested in. Keep calm and move on. There is no shortage of women out there.

 

[ZTIME]

Always care less about the relationship than they do. Honor respect, and loyalty are not things that mean as much to women as they do men. Her getting a new place was a big disrespect to you and your relationship. Always let them go when they pull stunts like this. She has no desire to work things out, that was all lip service. But she does want to blame this on you. Typical female mode of operation. There is probably a new guy sniffing around that she is interested in. Keep calm and move on. There is no shortage of women out there.

Gotta say I did allow myself to act a little like the relationship was a little more important on my end which is where I noticed a shift in control and the start of disrespectful behavior.

Once they start with the conversations of how things were in the beginning and how you’ve changed, it’s a big indicator things are going to end.

 

[bat soup]

Been down this road before and it’s been awhile since I’ve been back to SS.

Just cracked open a beer to share my handling of a situation thus far.

been dating this girl for about years and actually let her stay at my place for the last year and a half. Figured it would be easier as my schedule and the 40 min drive back and forth was a pain.

so things were getting rocky the last few months, (her withholding sex, getting a little disrespectful, and complaining every 10 min).

She’s a bartender, and happens to work with a friend of mine. 4 days ago she leaves for work and comes back her normal time. When talking to my friend, I asked if they had a busy night which was rough because you’re girlfriend wasn’t there. News to me.

Later that morning I asked her how her night was at work and she tells me she didn’t go but went to look at a condo and decided to rent it and move out next week.

she goes into details that she knows “we” are not happy and the space will do is good so we can work on “our” relationship. She gives me the verbal list of all the things I’ve done in the past and how this whole thing is my fault.

there’s no begging from me, no promises to change, and no being extra nice. I congratulated her on her new adventure and said I’d help her pack her things.

Im pretty sure she’s starting to second guess herself as I asked how much the place was and kind of laughed and said “good-luck”.

Feel like I’m hiding in my office for the next week when she’s in the house avoiding her. She asked me to go to dinner with her last night. I politely declined and was questioned 30 times as to why I would not go. “Politely” went out the door on question 35.

I’m pretty sure I’ve got this. Feel a little cruddy inside, but that’ll go away. In the end I feel there was absolutely no ROI to the time put in.

Thanks for the read and I’ll be around the next few weeks refreshing myself with some good posts here. Cheers!

She probably started banging another dude.

 

[ZTIME]

She probably started banging another dude.

This is always my first thought. In this case her cell is connected to my network. I should not have cared enough to look but I did. I can’t find anything text or call that is suspicious.

she could have a burner phone but that doesn’t seem like something she would do.

For right now her presence in my house is holding up my healing process.

 

[ZTIME]

Dude she has been gas lighting you

This I recognize now. It takes a bit to figure it out how women try to rationalize or straight out lie to gain the upper hand in any situation. Some are better than others.

 

[typical]

Yes.
Get your head from the idea of being Bf to use her for practice. Frame practice walking away etc etc. If you still want to **** her treat her like the little bytch slutz she is.

Nah I wouldn't even interact with her once she has finished moving out. I would however change the locks the day after. Become extremely busy with your life and plan projects to keep your mind off her. Once your mindset is a little clearer I would start to spin plates.

Remember everything that has happened is "YOUR" fault and will always remain so (well in her mind anyway). Even if you two were to reconcile later she will always tell her friends that you fu(ked up and she had to remind you who's in charge as shes the boss ................ cue her friends all yelping in succession "You go girrrrl !!!" "Yea keep him on a tight leash babe and dump if he screws up again".

So accept everything the way it is and protect the heart for the inevitable end of this relationship and don't rummage through the rubbish once it's been taken out. As rollo says salvaging a dying relationship is never worth the hassle as starting fresh with a new woman.

You lost the frame a few years ago (unfortunately) and she doesn't respect you anymore ............... she's only going to be concerned of you not caring because in her hamster wheel mind up till now she controlled everything and with you going cold it throws the hamster into overdrive. Any momentary change in her behavior is only done to console her ego and again assert her dominance of you and to regain the frame ..... You can get some quick sex BUT don't fall into any trap of hers.

 

[ZTIME]

Nah I wouldn't even interact with her once she has finished moving out. I would however change the locks the day after. Become extremely busy with your life and plan projects to keep your mind off her. Once your mindset is a little clearer I would start to spin plates.

Remember everything that has happened is "YOUR" fault and will always remain so (well in her mind anyway). Even if you two were to reconcile later she will always tell her friends that you fu(ked up and she had to remind you who's in charge as shes the boss ................ cue her friends all yelping in succession "You go girrrrl !!!" "Yea keep him on a tight leash babe and dump if he screws up again".

So accept everything the way it is and protect the heart for the inevitable end of this relationship and don't rummage through the rubbish once it's been taken out. As rollo says salvaging a dying relationship is never worth the hassle as starting fresh with a new woman.

You lost the frame a few years ago (unfortunately) and she doesn't respect you anymore ............... she's only going to be concerned of you not caring because in her hamster wheel mind up till now she controlled everything and with you going cold it throws the hamster into overdrive. Any momentary change in her behavior is only done to console her ego and again assert her dominance of you and to regain the frame ..... You can get some quick sex BUT don't fall into any trap of hers.

My goal is to never interact with her again. Just delete.

A few years back I was in a horrible place with a break up and found SS. I had no idea what to do and so many people here put me on the right path to recovery.

I stopped checking in thinking I was fine. Spinning plates, working on me, ad having a blast.

I think somewhere in me there’s an issue with believing that there is someone to settle down with, and I guess I inevitably put them on some sort of pedestal and lose frame.

my SMV is still high, but I think as I get older I start to doubt myself, which in turn leads to a control shift.

at least in this break-up I have a lot more clarity.

 

[typical]

Mentaly strong dudes can do this. This is a fcking game not a map of emotions.
If he knew what "monetary change" meant from the beginning he wouldn't be on SS listening to this garbage. If he would listen to String he would be smashing her puzz and then kicking her to the curb instead of "hiding in his office"
Gimme a fcking break already

You're different man, you've learned and applied the teachings to yourself and have a tonne of foresight and perhaps already had many of these attributes before getting on SS. Many of these guys lack that foundation level thinking and will only make more mistakes and complicate things.

We can't expect them to sprint before they've even learnt to walk my man.

 

[ZTIME]

Indeed some of us guys have a lot to learn. I do appreciate the advice.
She finally got all of her belongings yesterday afternoon and is gone. I took the advice of the locks being changed and notified the guard gate not to let her through.
I used the term “hiding in my office” as I tried to stay away from her emotional rollercoaster and trying to put me down every chance she had.
Yesterday before her leaving she walked into my office and said everything is packed and I’m leaving. Do you have anything you want to say?
I replied with: Umm, have a Happy Thanksgiving and a Merry Christmas??
She asked me to giver her a hug……. I did (my bad) and she just started crying.
She said you can call me anytime you need to. I said take care of yourself and be safe.
In the end I guess I could have boned her one more time, but didn’t think it was good for me.
I put a list together of the things I need to work on (including buying a second home up north), to make sure I maximize my time while getting over the “feelzies”.

 

[Willie Naylor]

As soon as your girl starts acting like a b!tch, give that b!tch her key and get the fvck up out that muhfvcka.

Glad you didn't start acting like a spineless pvssy with her.

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

She probably started banging another dude.

Is there a single breakup thread on this forum where this is not assumed?

 

[Willie Naylor]

Is there a single breakup thread on this forum where this is not assumed?

No.

 

[ubercat]

Well if she has shut the clamshell to you who cares what other guy is hitting it. The good thing about chicks is they always display their worst behaviours at the end which makes you feel glad just to be rid of the drama. You know the drill brother throw yourself into work sports and social and when your head is clear climb
on top of something else tasty

 

[Epimanes]

Another prime example of how "women should make my d!ck hard not my life"

Good job

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

She gives me the verbal list of all the things I’ve done in the past and how this whole thing is my fault.

I love how they keep a mental list ready to recall at a moments notice of every wrong you have done in your relationship. I had one that could go back 10 yrs to crap i didnt even remember til she brought it up. those type women live in the past and thats where you should put em. You made a mistake in letting her move in, sh*t changes soon as that happens, never for the better.

 

[ZTIME]

I love how they keep a mental list ready to recall at a moments notice of every wrong you have done in your relationship. I had one that could go back 10 yrs to crap i didnt even remember til she brought it up. those type women live in the past and thats where you should put em. You made a mistake in letting her move in, sh*t changes soon as that happens, never for the better.

Totally Agree. When she was a plate 5 yrs ago she called me at 3pm asking to stop by my place around 11pm. I said I’d be there but was a little tired. Come 6pm a few friends wanted to go grab a couple beers so I went. I get home 10pm and mess around with the plate at 11pm as promised.
5 years go by and in the breakup list of how horrible I am, I was told she knew I was a liar that day because at 3 I said I was tired but managed to go out with friends but never told her. She found the bar receipt in my pocket and never said a word.
I said “wow! Wish I knew that years ago!” “People searching through my pockets is pretty creepy”!
Her response “That’s the only way to catch people like you!” “Everyone told me how you are”.

This is the mentality of these women??!!!

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

lol yeah one im talking about decided to try going thru my phone one morning while i was asleep, failed to many times trying to guess my code to open the phone and locked it up on her. She even had an excuse of why she was trying to get into my phone when i figured out what had happened. She was always going thru my stuff too and then she'd save what she found til out next fight and throw it out there "well i found this". You didnt find it, you went snooping for it b*tch. Yeah she was a crazy one for sure.