TheProspect
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- Feb 5, 2016
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Hello gentlemen,
I haven't been too active on here lately and was randomly browsing the forum when I noticed that yesterday (Feb 4) was my 7th year anniversary here on the forum. Inspired by this realization, I decided to off the top of my head come up with a quick list of 7 tips that I feel would help the newer members of the forum when it comes to dating and navigating women (whilst serving as a reminder or refresher to the rest).
The following tips have been forged through both educating myself with the wisdom of the SoSuave forum as well as applying the following tips in the field over the past 7 years...
Without further adieu,
[ Tip #1 - Build rapport. Escalate. Repeat. ]
Building rapport with a woman before escalating should become second nature to you when it comes to dating, however this is something many newcomers struggle with for one reason or another.
To build rapport with someone is to develop a mutual affinity with them through shared understanding and communication. Natural ways to build rapport include banter, sharing common interests, empathetic listening, connecting & relating your own ideas to theirs, and even simply spending time & sharing experiences together. Building rapport with a woman allows her to gain trust and become comfortable in your presence. She in turn begins to let her guard down (specifically the anti-slut defense) and she will be more receptive to your attempts at escalation
To escalate means to increase rapidly or to become more intense. In the context of dating, escalating means taking a course of action that is the next rational step towards your ultimate goal with a woman (usually sex). Here's just a quick example of step-by-step escalation: initiate an interaction with a woman, set up a date & ask her out, meet up with her, turn the conversation into banter, close your physical proximity with her, light platonic touch/kino, hug, kiss, light caressing, making out, taking her to a location where sex can happen, foreplay, and finally sex. Obviously the time between steps can vary from a few seconds to a few dates, and each step may require a new level of rapport to be built in order to be a successful escalation, hence the repeat part.
Proper escalation requires some rapport to be established first, as well as some social calibration. It is a skill you can hone to be able to read the situation and act accordingly. Skilled men are aware when enough rapport has been built and know when they can escalate to the next step with success.
Building rapport increases the chances that your attempts to escalate will succeed. However, the key part is the attempt to escalate. A woman's interest level and attraction to you is intrinsically tied to her receptivity & warmth towards you when you attempt to escalate. In other words, when you attempt to escalate you force a woman's hand to reveal how she feels about you in that particular moment. Is she receptive to your advances? If yes, then great. If no, either you're either moving too fast (not enough rapport; reading the vibe incorrectly; lacking social adroitness) or she's just not interested. What's important if she isn't receptive is her warmth, it spells out the difference between you moving too fast and you dealing with an uninterested woman.
Attempting to escalate solves the majority of newbie questions that revolve around "Does she like me?" and "What does she see me as?".
If you want to figure out where you stand with a woman, ESCALATE.
[ Tip #2 - If she's into you, she'll help you out. If she's not, you'll receive mixed signals and be confused. ]
Girls who are interested in you and attracted to you will make things easier for you. They are more receptive to your attempts to escalate and often require less rapport at each step of escalation. They are enthusiastic and available when you try to make plans with them, and if they genuinely are busy, they WILL find time to fit you in somewhere. Uninterested girls will just give you excuses instead.
If a chick is giving you mixed signals (especially after you've taken her on a date or two), she has LOW interest and is just using you for attention & validation. Read and re-read that again.
[ Tip #3 - Put the advice you receive here into practice. ]
There's nothing wrong with learning theory, but experience is the best teacher.
Apply and field test the veracity of the advice you receive here. Many members here like to discuss game, women, dating, and the psychology behind it all, without actually applying anything they've learned... Or they are too concerned with debating the validity of everybody's advice instead of field testing it. Don't be that guy!
What's the point of reading one new self-development book every week for a year if you never take the time to apply it? Same goes with this forum. Don't get stuck in the trap of collecting theory without ever taking the time to integrate it into your life.
Reminder: Advice on SoSuave is not one-size-fits-all. Some of it that works for others won't work for you and vice-versa. Field test it.
Just keep doing what works for you, and disregard what doesn't. Simple.
[ Tip #4 ] - Cultivate and practice what I call the Three C's.
The following traits are largely intangible but they manifest themselves in the way a man carries himself, and they amplify his attractiveness tenfold:
Confidence:
Confidence is a cornerstone of good game. It's a force multiplier. A self-assured man is an attractive man. Not much generates raw sexual desire more than confidence does.
Develop competence in all arenas of life and know who you are. Confidence will follow.
If you don't have it, fake it til you make it.
Charisma:
Develop a charming personality that captivates everyone you interact with. There are many ways to exhibit charisma, so do your own research into the different kinds of charisma and find which one you could most naturally emanate if you practice it. James Bond, Russell Brand, Dwayne Johnson, Tom Hardy, Conor McGregor, Andrew Tate, and Chris Pratt are all charismatic in different ways.
Composure:
You'll stand out from the crowd if you can be the calm and composed one in situations where most other people lose their cool. Think James Bond. Always calm, cool, and collected. It's unattractive for a man to be overly reactive to his emotions like a chick would. Be in control. One way to develop that sense of inner calm is through meditation. Another way is to expose yourself to situations that make you nervous or react emotionally, examples being public speaking, cold approaching women, and military type training.
I may create a separate thread elaborating on these "C's" in the future because I think they're very important tools to have in your arsenal, not just in dating, but life in general.
[ Tip #5 - Remember: Your girl isn't special. Every single chick you date, plate, or wife up is subject to be replaced or dismissed if need be. ]
Sorry to break it to you, but unfortunately you didn't meet the one girl who is the exception. If you think otherwise, you have one-nitus. A girl may be rare or unique, hell she might even have all the attributes of a "unicorn", but that doesn't mean she's irreplaceable.
Often guys will become infatuated with a hot girl after they sleep with her – or maybe they locked up a unicorn in an LTR – and they obsess with the idea that she is "different", then become complacent and behave as if she is special and that game & female psychology suddenly no longer applies to her. These guys always learn the hard way, but we have ALL been there at one point or another, and that is likely why we ended up on this forum to begin with.
Don't forget the emotional experience that brought you here.
[ Tip #6 - Silence & Distance is a powerful tool. Learn when and how to use it. ]
@guru1000's thread on Silence & Distance can be read here if you're not familiar with the concept. The thread is a gold mine for the topic. Read it.
Silence & Distance leads naturally into the next tip...
[ Tip #7 - Never be afraid to walk away. ]
Admit when you have a losing hand and fold. We all have multiple instances where we held onto a relationship much longer than we should have, and we all know how that ended up.
A lot of the previous tips relate to this one:
- If she is giving you mixed signals, walk away. (Tip #2)
- Put the advice you received into practice, walk away. (Tip #3)
- It takes confidence to walk away and know you'll be okay. (Tip #4)
- Your girl ain't special nor irreplaceable. Walk away. (Tip #5)
Walking away from an undesirable situation is probably the most powerful thing you can do. Can you do it if need be?
Thought experiment: Try imagining right now initiating breaking it off with a plate, a girlfriend or your wife, just to prove that you can. Perhaps this is a girl you particularly like and enjoy spending time with -- let's say she didn't even do anything "wrong" per se. Notice any hesitation, or if you rationalize why you shouldn't. Notice the tendency to cling to a person, to a relationship, to a feeling, or to an idea.
"Never get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."
---
Gentlemen, I'd finally like to end with and point out that dating, relationships, sex, and women should only be a complement to your life, not the core that everything else revolves around. Find out your purpose and what a meaningful life looks like to you, and I wish you all the best of luck in achieving that life. Cheers.
I haven't been too active on here lately and was randomly browsing the forum when I noticed that yesterday (Feb 4) was my 7th year anniversary here on the forum. Inspired by this realization, I decided to off the top of my head come up with a quick list of 7 tips that I feel would help the newer members of the forum when it comes to dating and navigating women (whilst serving as a reminder or refresher to the rest).
The following tips have been forged through both educating myself with the wisdom of the SoSuave forum as well as applying the following tips in the field over the past 7 years...
Without further adieu,
[ Tip #1 - Build rapport. Escalate. Repeat. ]
Building rapport with a woman before escalating should become second nature to you when it comes to dating, however this is something many newcomers struggle with for one reason or another.
To build rapport with someone is to develop a mutual affinity with them through shared understanding and communication. Natural ways to build rapport include banter, sharing common interests, empathetic listening, connecting & relating your own ideas to theirs, and even simply spending time & sharing experiences together. Building rapport with a woman allows her to gain trust and become comfortable in your presence. She in turn begins to let her guard down (specifically the anti-slut defense) and she will be more receptive to your attempts at escalation
To escalate means to increase rapidly or to become more intense. In the context of dating, escalating means taking a course of action that is the next rational step towards your ultimate goal with a woman (usually sex). Here's just a quick example of step-by-step escalation: initiate an interaction with a woman, set up a date & ask her out, meet up with her, turn the conversation into banter, close your physical proximity with her, light platonic touch/kino, hug, kiss, light caressing, making out, taking her to a location where sex can happen, foreplay, and finally sex. Obviously the time between steps can vary from a few seconds to a few dates, and each step may require a new level of rapport to be built in order to be a successful escalation, hence the repeat part.
Proper escalation requires some rapport to be established first, as well as some social calibration. It is a skill you can hone to be able to read the situation and act accordingly. Skilled men are aware when enough rapport has been built and know when they can escalate to the next step with success.
Building rapport increases the chances that your attempts to escalate will succeed. However, the key part is the attempt to escalate. A woman's interest level and attraction to you is intrinsically tied to her receptivity & warmth towards you when you attempt to escalate. In other words, when you attempt to escalate you force a woman's hand to reveal how she feels about you in that particular moment. Is she receptive to your advances? If yes, then great. If no, either you're either moving too fast (not enough rapport; reading the vibe incorrectly; lacking social adroitness) or she's just not interested. What's important if she isn't receptive is her warmth, it spells out the difference between you moving too fast and you dealing with an uninterested woman.
Attempting to escalate solves the majority of newbie questions that revolve around "Does she like me?" and "What does she see me as?".
If you want to figure out where you stand with a woman, ESCALATE.
[ Tip #2 - If she's into you, she'll help you out. If she's not, you'll receive mixed signals and be confused. ]
Girls who are interested in you and attracted to you will make things easier for you. They are more receptive to your attempts to escalate and often require less rapport at each step of escalation. They are enthusiastic and available when you try to make plans with them, and if they genuinely are busy, they WILL find time to fit you in somewhere. Uninterested girls will just give you excuses instead.
If a chick is giving you mixed signals (especially after you've taken her on a date or two), she has LOW interest and is just using you for attention & validation. Read and re-read that again.
[ Tip #3 - Put the advice you receive here into practice. ]
There's nothing wrong with learning theory, but experience is the best teacher.
Apply and field test the veracity of the advice you receive here. Many members here like to discuss game, women, dating, and the psychology behind it all, without actually applying anything they've learned... Or they are too concerned with debating the validity of everybody's advice instead of field testing it. Don't be that guy!
What's the point of reading one new self-development book every week for a year if you never take the time to apply it? Same goes with this forum. Don't get stuck in the trap of collecting theory without ever taking the time to integrate it into your life.
Reminder: Advice on SoSuave is not one-size-fits-all. Some of it that works for others won't work for you and vice-versa. Field test it.
Just keep doing what works for you, and disregard what doesn't. Simple.
[ Tip #4 ] - Cultivate and practice what I call the Three C's.
The following traits are largely intangible but they manifest themselves in the way a man carries himself, and they amplify his attractiveness tenfold:
Confidence:
Confidence is a cornerstone of good game. It's a force multiplier. A self-assured man is an attractive man. Not much generates raw sexual desire more than confidence does.
Develop competence in all arenas of life and know who you are. Confidence will follow.
If you don't have it, fake it til you make it.
Charisma:
Develop a charming personality that captivates everyone you interact with. There are many ways to exhibit charisma, so do your own research into the different kinds of charisma and find which one you could most naturally emanate if you practice it. James Bond, Russell Brand, Dwayne Johnson, Tom Hardy, Conor McGregor, Andrew Tate, and Chris Pratt are all charismatic in different ways.
Composure:
You'll stand out from the crowd if you can be the calm and composed one in situations where most other people lose their cool. Think James Bond. Always calm, cool, and collected. It's unattractive for a man to be overly reactive to his emotions like a chick would. Be in control. One way to develop that sense of inner calm is through meditation. Another way is to expose yourself to situations that make you nervous or react emotionally, examples being public speaking, cold approaching women, and military type training.
I may create a separate thread elaborating on these "C's" in the future because I think they're very important tools to have in your arsenal, not just in dating, but life in general.
[ Tip #5 - Remember: Your girl isn't special. Every single chick you date, plate, or wife up is subject to be replaced or dismissed if need be. ]
Sorry to break it to you, but unfortunately you didn't meet the one girl who is the exception. If you think otherwise, you have one-nitus. A girl may be rare or unique, hell she might even have all the attributes of a "unicorn", but that doesn't mean she's irreplaceable.
Often guys will become infatuated with a hot girl after they sleep with her – or maybe they locked up a unicorn in an LTR – and they obsess with the idea that she is "different", then become complacent and behave as if she is special and that game & female psychology suddenly no longer applies to her. These guys always learn the hard way, but we have ALL been there at one point or another, and that is likely why we ended up on this forum to begin with.
Don't forget the emotional experience that brought you here.
[ Tip #6 - Silence & Distance is a powerful tool. Learn when and how to use it. ]
@guru1000's thread on Silence & Distance can be read here if you're not familiar with the concept. The thread is a gold mine for the topic. Read it.
Silence & Distance leads naturally into the next tip...
[ Tip #7 - Never be afraid to walk away. ]
Admit when you have a losing hand and fold. We all have multiple instances where we held onto a relationship much longer than we should have, and we all know how that ended up.
A lot of the previous tips relate to this one:
- If she is giving you mixed signals, walk away. (Tip #2)
- Put the advice you received into practice, walk away. (Tip #3)
- It takes confidence to walk away and know you'll be okay. (Tip #4)
- Your girl ain't special nor irreplaceable. Walk away. (Tip #5)
Walking away from an undesirable situation is probably the most powerful thing you can do. Can you do it if need be?
Thought experiment: Try imagining right now initiating breaking it off with a plate, a girlfriend or your wife, just to prove that you can. Perhaps this is a girl you particularly like and enjoy spending time with -- let's say she didn't even do anything "wrong" per se. Notice any hesitation, or if you rationalize why you shouldn't. Notice the tendency to cling to a person, to a relationship, to a feeling, or to an idea.
"Never get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."
---
Gentlemen, I'd finally like to end with and point out that dating, relationships, sex, and women should only be a complement to your life, not the core that everything else revolves around. Find out your purpose and what a meaningful life looks like to you, and I wish you all the best of luck in achieving that life. Cheers.