50+ Looking to divorce (UK)

[Toddy]

Quick intro...

I'm 48yrs old live in the UK, currently married (been with my wife since I was 23yrs old). Have a couple of teenage kids.
I've not been happy for a long time, I settled way too early, the problem I had when I was younger was I had zero confidence and skinny. My wife (who is 5 years older) was one of the first girls to come along that I settled with. Prior to this I had a 2 year relationship with a stunning girl who left me for an alpha, it's the reason I wanted to get in to the gym.

Over the years my sexual market value has significantly increased. I now realise I'm top 20% of men. When I was at college I befriended a bodybuilder who introduced me to the gym, I have always trained 4-5 times a week, largely as a powerlifter/strongman packing on some size, my confidence began to grow, but I'm still the silent type. More recently I began keto and intermittent fasting, and have leaned up to 95kg @ 12% body fat. I'm 6'4''. I've also got a full head of hair, albeit greying with a decent cut, I'm well dressed no tattoos and have the v-taper. Style wise, I'd say Daniel Craig in James Bond, that's what I'm aiming for anyway!

I've become aware in the looks department, I do get attention from women, I've noticed by the way some give me long looks. I even had a great looking women come up to me a car park and started talking to me about our cars, I was oblivious to the chat up and just had a friendly discussion.

In terms of work, I have reached upper management in a professional role, with an income equivalent to $100k US per annum. Whilst my wife is on less than half that, and didn't work for 10 years whilst the kids were growing up.

I realise I have been unhappy for a number of years, and have recently become red pill aware, stumbling across Rich Cooper and Rollo's content, as well as this great forum and reading their books. I now see all the red flags in my wife, and how my mother betatised my father, which affected my future relationships with women.

I'm looking to leave my wife, I've no frame, treated like a kid, can't make any decisions, don't see any of my money, not had sex in over a year now. I don't even fancy her, she's pilled on the weight, lazy, and ultimately not a nice person. I've noticed it also by the way she speaks to shop assistants etc.

In the UK, in divorce I'm likely to be shafted, as she's older, earns less, see be likely entitled to 70-80% of the assets, and I'll also be expected to pay child maintenance for a few years. I intend to hold off until the kids are old enough, only a couple of years.

I'm after advice on what I can be working on in the interim, I've just enrolled in BJJ so looking forward to that. Anyone in UK been through a similar situation? I also know I need to work on being more captivating, not be boring, have some fun things to do once I get back out there. After so many years out I'll need to learn bedroom game too.

What's life like dating in your early 50's, what age range should I be aiming for? What should I be working on? What should I preparing for whilst planning a divorce?

 

[threeforfree]

I'm 51, dating in the upper 30s is no problem with me. I live in a pretty rural area (OLD sites only have 1-3 new profiles pop up within a 30 mile radius each day, if at all). I'm looking to move to a more populated area with more singles, I think things will be even better there.

 

[Toddy]

I'm 51, dating in the upper 30s is no problem with me. I live in a pretty rural area (OLD sites only have 1-3 new profiles pop up within a 30 mile radius each day, if at all). I'm looking to move to a more populated area with more singles, I think things will be even better there.

Thanks for the reply, that's what I was hoping to hear. 5 plus years younger would be my preference, so will be 10 years younger than the current one.
I'm in a fairly well populated area, although have considered retiring to Canada or Portugal in the future.
Good luck with your dating...

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Quick intro...

I'm 48yrs old live in the UK, currently married (been with my wife since I was 23yrs old). Have a couple of teenage kids.
I've not been happy for a long time, I settled way too early, the problem I had when I was younger was I had zero confidence and skinny. My wife (who is 5 years older) was one of the first girls to come along that I settled with. Prior to this I had a 2 year relationship with a stunning girl who left me for an alpha, it's the reason I wanted to get in to the gym.

Over the years my sexual market value has significantly increased. I now realise I'm top 20% of men. When I was at college I befriended a bodybuilder who introduced me to the gym, I have always trained 4-5 times a week, largely as a powerlifter/strongman packing on some size, my confidence began to grow, but I'm still the silent type. More recently I began keto and intermittent fasting, and have leaned up to 95kg @ 12% body fat. I'm 6'4''. I've also got a full head of hair, albeit greying with a decent cut, I'm well dressed no tattoos and have the v-taper. Style wise, I'd say Daniel Craig in James Bond, that's what I'm aiming for anyway!

I've become aware in the looks department, I do get attention from women, I've noticed by the way some give me long looks. I even had a great looking women come up to me a car park and started talking to me about our cars, I was oblivious to the chat up and just had a friendly discussion.

In terms of work, I have reached upper management in a professional role, with an income equivalent to $100k US per annum. Whilst my wife is on less than half that, and didn't work for 10 years whilst the kids were growing up.

I realise I have been unhappy for a number of years, and have recently become red pill aware, stumbling across Rich Cooper and Rollo's content, as well as this great forum and reading their books. I now see all the red flags in my wife, and how my mother betatised my father, which affected my future relationships with women.

I'm looking to leave my wife, I've no frame, treated like a kid, can't make any decisions, don't see any of my money, not had sex in over a year now. I don't even fancy her, she's pilled on the weight, lazy, and ultimately not a nice person. I've noticed it also by the way she speaks to shop assistants etc.

In the UK, in divorce I'm likely to be shafted, as she's older, earns less, see be likely entitled to 70-80% of the assets, and I'll also be expected to pay child maintenance for a few years. I intend to hold off until the kids are old enough, only a couple of years.

I'm after advice on what I can be working on in the interim, I've just enrolled in BJJ so looking forward to that. Anyone in UK been through a similar situation? I also know I need to work on being more captivating, not be boring, have some fun things to do once I get back out there. After so many years out I'll need to learn bedroom game too.

What's life like dating in your early 50's, what age range should I be aiming for? What should I be working on? What should I preparing for whilst planning a divorce?

Get a consult with a good lawyer so you have some idea about the issues you will be facing when you actually divorce. Based on that information, take the proper steps to minimize the damage you will suffer in the divorce.

Put a plan into action and stick to it and stay unemotional. Approach planning for your divorce like your life depended on it because the quality of the rest of your life will depend on the outcome of your divorce.

15 years younger should not be an issue at all.

-Augustus-

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

I'm 51, dating in the upper 30s is no problem with me. I live in a pretty rural area (OLD sites only have 1-3 new profiles pop up within a 30 mile radius each day, if at all). I'm looking to move to a more populated area with more singles, I think things will be even better there.

This list I put together years ago might be helpful to you:

Rules To Live By

While doing a post mortem review in the aftermath of the break up of a 5 year relationship in December, I made a list of rules with regard to women and relationships. I'm sure a lot of this has been posted elsewhere, but it was helpful for me to put it into a single document to review every...

www.sosuave.net

-Augustus-

 

[Toddy]

This list I put together years ago might be helpful to you:

Rules To Live By

While doing a post mortem review in the aftermath of the break up of a 5 year relationship in December, I made a list of rules with regard to women and relationships. I'm sure a lot of this has been posted elsewhere, but it was helpful for me to put it into a single document to review every...

www.sosuave.net

-Augustus-

Thanks for that!

 

[LiveYourDream]

This list I put together years ago might be helpful to you:

Rules To Live By

While doing a post mortem review in the aftermath of the break up of a 5 year relationship in December, I made a list of rules with regard to women and relationships. I'm sure a lot of this has been posted elsewhere, but it was helpful for me to put it into a single document to review every...

www.sosuave.net

-Augustus-

I felt moved to bump it into the main threads. It is buried SS gold. It will serve everyone on SS, to read it who hasn’t seen it. It can serve as a great refresher, to those that were fortunate to read it before. It is a truly great post @Augustus_McCrae

 

[EyeBRollin]

I appreciate the topic. Feel for you, OP. I am much younger than you so can’t offer much advice other than consult a lawyer and plan. Congrats on your progress and becoming red pill aware. Rooting for you!

 

[Jor-El]

Quick intro...

I'm 48yrs old live in the UK, currently married (been with my wife since I was 23yrs old). Have a couple of teenage kids.
I've not been happy for a long time, I settled way too early, the problem I had when I was younger was I had zero confidence and skinny. My wife (who is 5 years older) was one of the first girls to come along that I settled with. Prior to this I had a 2 year relationship with a stunning girl who left me for an alpha, it's the reason I wanted to get in to the gym.

Over the years my sexual market value has significantly increased. I now realise I'm top 20% of men. When I was at college I befriended a bodybuilder who introduced me to the gym, I have always trained 4-5 times a week, largely as a powerlifter/strongman packing on some size, my confidence began to grow, but I'm still the silent type. More recently I began keto and intermittent fasting, and have leaned up to 95kg @ 12% body fat. I'm 6'4''. I've also got a full head of hair, albeit greying with a decent cut, I'm well dressed no tattoos and have the v-taper. Style wise, I'd say Daniel Craig in James Bond, that's what I'm aiming for anyway!

I've become aware in the looks department, I do get attention from women, I've noticed by the way some give me long looks. I even had a great looking women come up to me a car park and started talking to me about our cars, I was oblivious to the chat up and just had a friendly discussion.

In terms of work, I have reached upper management in a professional role, with an income equivalent to $100k US per annum. Whilst my wife is on less than half that, and didn't work for 10 years whilst the kids were growing up.

I realise I have been unhappy for a number of years, and have recently become red pill aware, stumbling across Rich Cooper and Rollo's content, as well as this great forum and reading their books. I now see all the red flags in my wife, and how my mother betatised my father, which affected my future relationships with women.

I'm looking to leave my wife, I've no frame, treated like a kid, can't make any decisions, don't see any of my money, not had sex in over a year now. I don't even fancy her, she's pilled on the weight, lazy, and ultimately not a nice person. I've noticed it also by the way she speaks to shop assistants etc.

In the UK, in divorce I'm likely to be shafted, as she's older, earns less, see be likely entitled to 70-80% of the assets, and I'll also be expected to pay child maintenance for a few years. I intend to hold off until the kids are old enough, only a couple of years.

I'm after advice on what I can be working on in the interim, I've just enrolled in BJJ so looking forward to that. Anyone in UK been through a similar situation? I also know I need to work on being more captivating, not be boring, have some fun things to do once I get back out there. After so many years out I'll need to learn bedroom game too.

What's life like dating in your early 50's, what age range should I be aiming for? What should I be working on? What should I preparing for whilst planning a divorce?

You are correct. In the UK,family law always,by default,sides with the mother. They see it like,its almost as if,the mans starting point is that he is trying to avoid paying...cant speak from personal experience but iv had friends who`s marriage has gone south and basically he ends up giving the woman his house,kids,half his savings and a massive chunk of his wages to the point all he can then afford is a crummy bedsit....also the female can be financially incentivised to lie,ie,hes abusive etc to me and the kids,so he cant get to see them thus ends up paying her more ££££.This is the CSA for you (now CMA I think,child maintainance) Now im not suggesting,for a second,that a man shouldnt pay for his kids,of course he should,what im saying is he shouldnt have to do so to the point where he has nothing! And iv even heard of cases where the woman has an affair,leaves the husband,then moves the bloke into her house that her ex is paying for! As they say,its never reyt,and men have committed suicide due to such things...so good luck OP,you only get one life so good for you.

 

[Toddy]

You are correct. In the UK,family law always,by default,sides with the mother. They see it like,its almost as if,the mans starting point is that he is trying to avoid paying...cant speak from personal experience but iv had friends who`s marriage has gone south and basically he ends up giving the woman his house,kids,half his savings and a massive chunk of his wages to the point all he can then afford is a crummy bedsit....also the female can be financially incentivised to lie,ie,hes abusive etc to me and the kids,so he cant get to see them thus ends up paying her more ££££.This is the CSA for you (now CMA I think,child maintainance) Now im not suggesting,for a second,that a man shouldnt pay for his kids,of course he should,what im saying is he shouldnt have to do so to the point where he has nothing! And iv even heard of cases where the woman has an affair,leaves the husband,then moves the bloke into her house that her ex is paying for! As they say,its never reyt,and men have committed suicide due to such things...so good luck OP,you only get one life so good for you.

Thanks for the reply, indeed in the UK if you have kids the mother gets a really good deal. Hence if I wait until the kids are older it should be less painful. But of course I will always be there for them emotionally and financially.
I too have had friends hand over a five bedroom house, most of the savings, continue to pay 1/3rd of their wages to the ex and they are left in one bed flats.
Hence my planning!

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

You are correct. In the UK,family law always,by default,sides with the mother. They see it like,its almost as if,the mans starting point is that he is trying to avoid paying...cant speak from personal experience but iv had friends who`s marriage has gone south and basically he ends up giving the woman his house,kids,half his savings and a massive chunk of his wages to the point all he can then afford is a crummy bedsit....also the female can be financially incentivised to lie,ie,hes abusive etc to me and the kids,so he cant get to see them thus ends up paying her more ££££.This is the CSA for you (now CMA I think,child maintainance) Now im not suggesting,for a second,that a man shouldnt pay for his kids,of course he should,what im saying is he shouldnt have to do so to the point where he has nothing! And iv even heard of cases where the woman has an affair,leaves the husband,then moves the bloke into her house that her ex is paying for! As they say,its never reyt,and men have committed suicide due to such things...so good luck OP,you only get one life so good for you.

There’s an old joke that goes something like: “The next time I even think about getting married, I’ll just find a woman who hates me and I’ll buy her a house“.

-Augustus-

 

[9-3enthusiast]

Quick intro...

I'm 48yrs old live in the UK, currently married (been with my wife since I was 23yrs old). Have a couple of teenage kids.
I've not been happy for a long time, I settled way too early.....

......confidence began to grow, but I'm still the silent type......

..... have leaned up.....

.......I do get attention from women, I've noticed by the way some give me long looks.......

I realise I have been unhappy for a number of years.......

What's life like dating in your early 50's, what age range should I be aiming for?

Hi Toddy...
The points above ^^^^ sound very much like me at your age...
I stayed married for way too long - should've left her MUCH sooner than I did - Wish I did it 10+ years sooner.
Through my 40s, I went grey, though still had a good head of hair - and I PILED on weight.
Looking back I was comfort-eating, I'd basically given up and 'settled'.
Then I had a health scare (blood pressure) - My sister had a stroke because of it (it runs in my family) which prompted me to get tested - The results were stupidly high.. 260+ systolic was common for me until I got it under control.
My Doc told me losing weight would do far more good than he pills he had prescribed - So because I was a terrible sugar-monster, I cut refined/processed sugars from my diet wherever I could.
It had been a HUGE wake-up for me - I also re-thought life in general and decided to get a divorce.
I dropped from around 21½ stones to 15 in 10 months and the change was astonishing - People I'd known for years walked past me in the street with no sign of recognition.
After moving out and completing the transformation, I also noticed the attention I was getting from women.

Like you I was the quiet type when I was younger - I also married on the rebound after getting dumped and settled for the next one who came along - I have one daughter who is now in her 30s (I'm now 58)
Since becoming single again, I've found that dating in my 50s has been WAY easier than it ever was as a shy 20-something.
I'm way more confident now, and comfortable speaking to strangers, thanks to doing presentations for hobby-related clubs/societies (I'm into astronomy).
Standing in front of a room full of people, speaking about a subject you know very well - does wonders for your self-esteem - I also learned to read body-language, and did notice some women who were interested (though I did nothing about it at the time because I was married)
After losing the weight, I'm not just fitter - I also now look much younger than my actual age, been told I can pass for mid-40s these days.
Also - a weird side-effect of the no-sugar diet.... My natural hair colour came back. There's still a few greys here and there, but after a year or so of going no-sugar I was pretty much back to the mouse-brown colour I had when I was younger.

Can't really comment on your divorce prospects - Mine was relatively easy... We were no longer a couple, just two people living together, sex had stopped a coupla yrs previously. There was no wrongdoing on either side. Daughter had grown up and left home.
I left the house to ex-wife rather than fight over it (didn't want it anyway), in return for her just signing the papers and splitting amicably.

Dating wise - So long as you have your sh*t together, grooming on point, and you're self-confident - You can definitely date down by 15 years... or more.... in your 50s.
The youngest for me was 29 (an overnighter), when I was 54 - Though I tend to do best with women from late 30s, through 40s...
I'll also admit to a few casual entanglements with some of my daughter's circle of friends/co-workers - though I hasten to add, these were all single, all mid-30s or older, and DEFINITELY NONE of the ones I've known since they were kids.
I'm not completely without scruples - LOL



My daughter, by the way... has far more involvement with me than her mother - when I left she asked me how I'd put up with her for so long.

 

[Toddy]

Hi Toddy...
The points above ^^^^ sound exactly like me at your age...
I stayed married for way too long - should've left her MUCH sooner than I did - Wish I did it 10+ years sooner.
Through my 40s, I went grey, though still had a good head of hair - and I PILED on weight.
Looking back I was comfort-eating, I'd basically given up and 'settled'.
Then I had a health scare (blood pressure) - My sister had a stroke because of it (it runs in my family) which prompted me to get tested - The results were stupidly high.. 260+ systolic was common for me until I got it under control.
My Doc told me losing weight would do far more good than he pills he had prescribed - So because I was a terrible sugar-monster, I cut refined/processed sugars from my diet wherever I could.
It had been a HUGE wake-up for me - I also re-thought life in general and decided to get a divorce.
I dropped from around 21½ stones to 15 in 10 months and the change was astonishing - People I'd known for years walked past me in the street with no sign of recognition.
After moving out and completing the transformation, I also noticed the attention I was getting from women.

Like you I was the quiet type when I was younger - I also married on the rebound after getting dumped and settled for the next one who came along - I have one daughter who is now in her 30s (I'm now 58)
Since becoming single again, I've found that dating in my 50s has been WAY easier than it ever was as a shy 20-something.
I'm way more confident now, and comfortable speaking to strangers, thanks to doing presentations for hobby-related clubs/societies (I'm into astronomy).
Standing in front of a room full of people, speaking about a subject you know very well - does wonders for your self-esteem - I also learned to read body-language, and did notice some women who were interested (though I did nothing about it at the time because I was married)
After losing the weight, I'm not just fitter - I also now look much younger than my actual age, been told I can pass for mid-40s these days.
Also - a weird side-effect of the no-sugar diet.... My natural hair colour came back. There's still a few greys here and there, but after a year or so of going no-sugar I was pretty much back to the mouse-brown colour I had when I was younger.

Can't really comment on your divorce prospects - Mine was relatively easy... We were no longer a couple, just two people living together, sex had stopped a coupla yrs previously. There was no wrongdoing on either side. Daughter had grown up and left home.
I left the house to ex-wife rather than fight over it (didn't want it anyway), in return for her just signing the papers and splitting amicably.

Dating wise - So long as you have your sh*t together, grooming on point, and you're self-confident - You can definitely date down by 15 years... or more.... in your 50s.
The youngest for me was 29 (an overnighter), when I was 54 - Though I tend to do best with women from late 30s, through 40s...
I'll also admit to a few casual entanglements with some of my daughter's circle of friends/co-workers - though I hasten to add, these were all single, all mid-30s or older, and DEFINITELY NONE of the ones I've known since they were kids.
I'm not completely without scruples - LOL



My daughter, by the way... has far more involvement with me than her mother - when I left she asked me how I'd put up with her for so long.

Thanks I appreciate the response. Well done on the weight loss! Likewise I've gone sugar free, not eating any processed foods and looking younger. Still got the greying hair though.
Hopefully, I'll be updating in the years to come as I continue to work on myself.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

No tattoos is not a plus, it's a minus or at best neutral. Most women LOVE tattoos and find them incredibly sexy on men.

 

[EyeBRollin]

No tattoos is not a plus, it's a minus or at best neutral. Most women LOVE tattoos and find them incredibly sexy on men.

Disagree. Tatoos are a slight net negative. Same with piercings, distinctive haircuts, and style of dress. It’s generally better to look more conservative; the brand is marketed to a wider audience (a no-tatted guy can successfully attract tatted women, the converse is not as often true).

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Disagree. Tatoos are a slight net negative. Same with piercings, distinctive haircuts, and style of dress. It’s generally better to look more conservative; the brand is marketed to a wider audience (a no-tatted guy can successfully attract tatted women, the converse is not as often true).

Maybe but you are also going fishing for boots and seaweed instead of fish.

 

[RickTheToad]

Quick intro...

I'm 48yrs old live in the UK, currently married (been with my wife since I was 23yrs old). Have a couple of teenage kids.
I've not been happy for a long time, I settled way too early, the problem I had when I was younger was I had zero confidence and skinny. My wife (who is 5 years older) was one of the first girls to come along that I settled with. Prior to this I had a 2 year relationship with a stunning girl who left me for an alpha, it's the reason I wanted to get in to the gym.

Over the years my sexual market value has significantly increased. I now realise I'm top 20% of men. When I was at college I befriended a bodybuilder who introduced me to the gym, I have always trained 4-5 times a week, largely as a powerlifter/strongman packing on some size, my confidence began to grow, but I'm still the silent type. More recently I began keto and intermittent fasting, and have leaned up to 95kg @ 12% body fat. I'm 6'4''. I've also got a full head of hair, albeit greying with a decent cut, I'm well dressed no tattoos and have the v-taper. Style wise, I'd say Daniel Craig in James Bond, that's what I'm aiming for anyway!

I've become aware in the looks department, I do get attention from women, I've noticed by the way some give me long looks. I even had a great looking women come up to me a car park and started talking to me about our cars, I was oblivious to the chat up and just had a friendly discussion.

In terms of work, I have reached upper management in a professional role, with an income equivalent to $100k US per annum. Whilst my wife is on less than half that, and didn't work for 10 years whilst the kids were growing up.

I realise I have been unhappy for a number of years, and have recently become red pill aware, stumbling across Rich Cooper and Rollo's content, as well as this great forum and reading their books. I now see all the red flags in my wife, and how my mother betatised my father, which affected my future relationships with women.

I'm looking to leave my wife, I've no frame, treated like a kid, can't make any decisions, don't see any of my money, not had sex in over a year now. I don't even fancy her, she's pilled on the weight, lazy, and ultimately not a nice person. I've noticed it also by the way she speaks to shop assistants etc.

In the UK, in divorce I'm likely to be shafted, as she's older, earns less, see be likely entitled to 70-80% of the assets, and I'll also be expected to pay child maintenance for a few years. I intend to hold off until the kids are old enough, only a couple of years.

I'm after advice on what I can be working on in the interim, I've just enrolled in BJJ so looking forward to that. Anyone in UK been through a similar situation? I also know I need to work on being more captivating, not be boring, have some fun things to do once I get back out there. After so many years out I'll need to learn bedroom game too.

What's life like dating in your early 50's, what age range should I be aiming for? What should I be working on? What should I preparing for whilst planning a divorce?

Seek a lawyers advice @Barrister before you do anything. Wait until child support requirements ends though. Be prepared to be poor for a bit as 100k is not a lot of money. Also, consider that the grass is not always greener on the other side.