4 Years Later I've Grown Tired of Pick-up.

[thefonz]

Pick-up has consumed a great deal of my time since Oct 2004 when I was at a low point in my life. I've approached hundreds of sets, tried out a TON of theories and ideas (Half of them bull****), and winged with more guys I met online than I can count.

However, I remember the main reason for me getting into this was to get my oneitis out of my head and be able to function without her. I finally got over her in 2006 and since then the community has set me on a course to becoming a clone. I feel all those emotions I had that made life worth living are dead and gone and I'm starting to feel like an emotionless robot going through the steps. Don't get me wrong, the DJ Bible is golden and there are many guys out there who give great advice. But despite the old mantra of "Be your best self" I see so many PUA's out there that are just carbon copies of one another. These are mainly the guys who run bootcamps or want money for their seminars (not so much genuine dudes like Pook and Senor Fingers).

Also, why do you have to be so insecure to think you must attract ANY woman you want? By making pick-up the center of my universe I lost all passions for everything else. I was doing EVERYTHING to pick-up women. I'm done. I learned more in the field than I have reading tons of posts. I learned more from developing social circles than from 1000 cold approaches. All this energy I could have been spent studying up on car mechanics, finance, meditation, cooking, investing, chemistry, poetry, guitar etc. But instead, I wanted to learn how to walk up to any woman and bang her within the hour...

I feel I haven't had the level of success compared to the amount of effort I've put into pick-up. I have to go out with the intention of having fun, not picking up women to get laid. So then what's the point of studying routines and tactics? I don't care how to lay a bartender, I don't care about stealing a girl from her boyfriend. I just wanna live my life. Pook was right all along. Mechanical pickup may be for some people, but it's not for me.

 

[Vulpine]

I noticed early on that there are two roads to recovery from AFC. One is the popular "PUA" method where you learn seduction. The other is to become a "DJ".

Unfortunately, many confuse becoming a DJ with becoming a PUA, and they head down a less-than-rewarding road. The spirit of being a Don Juan, to be brief, is to make yourself a better man.

Notice it doesn't really have much to do with women? Sure, we all read the gimmicks and tricks in order to understand a few things, but very few recognize the underlying theme. Many, MANY PUA tactics work because you act as though you don't need a woman, don't base your happiness on women, and are confident in yourself.

So, if you were to take those three things and internalize them, how could you go about making them happen naturally? In a nutshell, you become a better man.

Personally, I think most of the people here put the cart before the horse. They slash-and-burn through the women race with their newfound PUA hocus pocus. Fine, but, when a woman realizes she's been duped, or "the spell wears off", the guy is right back where they started. Whereas, a more successful DJ would focus on HIS life, create goals, establish priorities, and understand/embrace his masculinity. THEN, once his house was in order, employ some PUA stuff to bring a woman into his world. The results overall would be better for the DJ versus the PUA because women are attracted to Men, not AFC clones with PUA game.

Pick-up is really a band-aid for the problem, not a cure.

Good luck with your evolution, Mr. Fonzerelli. It sounds like you've got pick-up out of your system and are ready to kick some ass.:cheer:

 

[trd323]

I can feel all your frustrations. And that is why I wanted to try and help the "DJs" who are still not completely corrupted by the community.

 

[CFERD]

It sounds like you have learned quite a bit over the last for years, most importantly how you do not want to spend the next four. I can relate with your post although I wasn't working on being a PUA, my priorities were closely related. yes, I too believe in many instances Pook was right.

 

[Huffman]

I feel you.
I, for one, have never been very good at straight-up pickup (as in f*cking a girl right the same evening).

However, I'm doing extremely well with girls from my social circle, who get the chance to know me a bit. Because, thanks to the teachings of the DJ, I feel like I truly have become somebody now, and - after a little time passes - girls really pick up on it.

As for my initial big goal - to become the Master PUA - I'm not really doing better at short-term pickup than before. Which bugs me.

But do I really want to be a PUA? Will this really bring me happiness? Perhaps not. Now that I've worked to become more natural, going out of your way to pick up some girl seems so fake.

 

[ketostix]

I can totally relate to everything you said. I also had a oneitis around the same time. And I also went out a lot to help me get over her. Some of the valid things in the DJ/PUA material I had pretty much learned on my own before I heard of any community and before it really existed. So those things I knew worked. Before this time though, I didn't guard against things like one-itis enough and I didn't take the gung-ho get laid any way possible approach as much before getting deep into it. But most of the theories and claims are BS propagated by guys marketing stuff.

The truth is a lot of this stuff is like a get rich quick or insert extravagant claim self-help type stuff. I think there is a limit to the gains you can achieve based on effort expended. I'm also tired of PU because honestly what do most women have to offer? Nothing but some pvssy. And all at a cost of sacrificing your time and effort that could be spent on other lucrative adventures. I'm learning to be content without picking up the proverbial bartender or stripper or just getting fast sex in general. Most women you end up pick up fast aren't worth much anyway.

 

[COD]

2 years to get over your one-i-tis.................and that was your motivation...........YOU LEARNED NOTHING!!!!!!!!!

IT BEGINS WITH INNER GAME...........CLEARLY YOU DONT HAVE THAT

 

[thefonz]

I guess alot of these feelings stemmed from a few nights ago. I used pick-up tactics to get this girl home from a social event and I put all this effort into attraction, comfort, isolation, dominance in sexual escalation.....and I couldn't even get it up.

I reached a point where I lost the human element of being successful. I didn't even like this girl, I wasn't attracted to this girl, or the girl before her, or the girl before her. It was all just bragging rights to increase my social proof.

In a way I miss that feeling of heartache that I had for my oneitis, it made me feel something for someone. It motivated me to get through college, to follow my own dreams, to become a social person, to want to be successful. Now the only person I care about is myself and it's really lonely. I haven't felt loving feelings for anybody since then and it sucks. I think part of being centered is being aware of other peoples wants and needs and I get so disconnected from that in pick-up it's a little disgusting.

 

[MascaraSnake]

It's really not necessary to get laid all the time, actually...

I'm cruising this site and reading Pook's stuff but putting my own variations on it so I can get the self-image makeover I want. Yeah, I'll bang a few girls short-term during college (I have a 21 year-old's sexual appetite), but I want to keep it semi-respectable. That's just me, though.

Getting laid all the time is fine if you like sex that much, but you'll look like a sleazeball if you're just doing it to add tics to your scorecard . Sleazeballs just have sex to stroke their own ego, and isn't the point of being a DJ to be someone men look up to and women want to bang? An insecure ass who gets laid all the time isn't any better than an insecure ass who never gets any.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

some interesting posts guys. I think that with the mindset of seeing picking up as a hobby or a fun thing to do it can really make it less stresful. Sometimes I approach the dating scene like homework or a battlefield and as a result, when things don't go exactly as I planned or would like, I feel like sh!t. Whereas when I'm just having a fun night I don't sweat the rejections or flakes as much if at all.

However, I noticed some guys try and say that PUA are X while a Don Juan is Y when it really isn't that simple. The DJ focus on self betterment is only because they think that it will lead to more women whereas many of the PUA doctrines preach a more direct approach to actually get women.

I think the problem lies when the seducer dehumanizes the woman to the point that she becomes nothing more than a input device to get a desired effect. There is nothing wrong with seduction or using others to get what you want imo, but you have to understand that once you denature people to a certain point, they lose their 'human-ness' and ability to connect with you.

There are a lot of clones running around though, I think some people could at least TRY and be a bit more original which would in effect make the whole process a lot more personal and as a result meaningful. Sometimes I run into those guys hi5'ing random people to get in state and it is sad to watch them.

 

[thefonz]

PUA's helped me change a few bad habits and understand some things about women I didn't understand. But the thing is if I liked a girl BEFORE I found this site I pretty much knew how to attract her. My observation skills become much more in tune when there's a girl in my life that I really like and I want to go out with her. I can tell if I'm turning her on/off based on her reactions to what I say...I don't need a website to tell me that.

What sosuave DID help me do was understand what most OTHER guys do that women see all the time. It made me stop falling for girls just for looks. It helped me to be more persistant in pursuing them (something I didn't do enough of, they respect a guy who trys and trys in a noneedy way). And I also learned to lead the woman better. There's way more to add to this.

This was all a great help but I often wonder how these past few years would have panned out had I not discovered this site. Would I not have figured this stuff out on my own? Perhaps I've taken in a few bull**** ideas that I'm not going to uncover for another several years. Maybe I would have fallen in love and become blissfully happy instead of trying to force things into a vision I have that may be unrealistic. To just let things be, you know?

 

[DonJuan11]

All this energy I could have been spent studying up on car mechanics, finance, meditation, cooking, investing, chemistry, poetry, guitar etc. But instead, I wanted to learn how to walk up to any woman and bang her within the hour...

I feel I haven't had the level of success compared to the amount of effort I've put into pick-up. I have to go out with the intention of having fun, not picking up women to get laid. So then what's the point of studying routines and tactics? I don't care how to lay a bartender, I don't care about stealing a girl from her boyfriend. I just wanna live my life. Pook was right all along. Mechanical pickup may be for some people, but it's not for me.

It seems like you are completely missing the point. You would be very very lucky to out to get laid just because you were looking. You have to enjoy your life first, and then you can find a women to enjoy it with. If you put all your energy into getting laid and it doesn't happen, of course you will be upset. Women can sense this a mile away too and most won't give it up because they feel sorry for you. They will make it more difficult for you.

You are thinking all "me, me, me." and that gets you nowhere. Think "her, her, her". Think: what can I do so to make sure has a good time with me? What can I do so she enjoys herself? What can I do so she goes and tells her friends "You know that Fonz guy, I had such a great time with him last night, I can't wait to see him again". Women are not there with you so you can buy them a drink, women are not with you to watch a movie, women are not with you to eat dinner, they can do all that stuff by themselves. Women are there with you so you can show them a GOOD TIME. If you go out and have fun and make the women feel important and happy to be with you, you will be set and get laid every night.

 

[suavesuave]

loser hahahaha

 

[Solomon]

intersting thread

de ja vu Neil strauss anybody?

 

[SinJester]

You see a LOT of stories like this in the pickup community. Everyone seems to ignore the bad parts when they first read The Game because they just see it as an opportunity to get laid. Interesting post. If you could go back and do it again what would you do differently? I'm not saying you should regret anything but it might help some people.

 

[Daddy The Pimp]

I dont know . Im very thankful for finding community .
This sh1t totally changed my life . Im different person . The person that i always wanted to be . The person that my friends want to be .

Now i have a lot of women around me ( i have always had ) , i have more love for myself , i have more confidence , i am leader of my friends , i am more respected , i can control any situation , i appreciate myself , i dont let anyone step one me and thats all because THIS . All because studying Social Dynamics . Maybe this is because you learned from books . Most of the stuff I learned was from field . I loved Mystery Method but never loved his scripted routines . Maybe that pushed me to invent my own things .

Also with these kind of manipulations , you can achieve anything in life . I feel like i control what people should say to me . I bait them to say what they say . I make them qualify .Maybe is bad but its survival skill .

I dont regret any minute of spending on community . If i could go back in time , i would do it exactly like i did before . This changed my social position , my life .

 

[PectoralisMajor]

one word - BORING

 

[thefonz]

If you could go back and do it again what would you do differently? I'm not saying you should regret anything but it might help some people.

I didn't prioritize what I needed to get done and thought I could skip steps. I tried approaching girls while I was unemployed and living at home because I was told that that stuff "really doesn't matter" to girls. I put ungodly amounts of pressure on myself to succeed in social situations I was not ready for because I was told it could be done (ever tried approaching a 4 set of HB's and getting blown out horribly when you're just getting over agoraphobia, not fun). I would not have gone out approaching like crazy before I had my foundation set. Sure those things opened my eyes, but I couldn't say I was any happier truly. They say most people who come to the community already have a good career, finanicial prospects, and hobbies even if they are nerdy ones. I had none of that. So my progress staggered for years.

I hope I don't sound cynical, because I'm NOT.

You need to get a life that has nothing to do with pickup, as simple as that. Pickup is only the SUPPLEMENT to that lifestyle. Doing this allows you to filter out the mountains of useless information and techniques that you don't need. Picking up girls is actually way simple when you find a method that works, but that method must be conincide with your lifestyle.

 

[CRDJit]

thefonz, did you read The Game by Neil Strauss? Throughout the book he arrived to the same conclusion you have recently reached. I think The Game should be required reading to anyone coming to these forums, to open a few eyes and make people realize that the road of the PUA may bring a few temporary victories, but that it comes with a price.

 

[Juan_Man]

I've been on this site on and off for eight years. I'm also 26 and I understand how you feel. It's hard to get over a girl you thought was special and you may not think it's helpful when people keep telling you that you should go "fvck ten other women." But I like to interpret this advice to mean that there are many girls out there who are just as great as the one you thought was the one. You shouldn't limit yourself. The PUA method, in my opinion, is just practice. Practice that makes you better at talking to women. Practice that allows you to set up a good time with someone who wants your company. Practice that allows you to build your confidence. You should never date a girl you don't find attractive looks-wise or personality-wise. That's just pointless. But if you find a girl who you think is interesting, then go for it, take the chance, but realize that it may end sooner than you expect. You may even find yourself ready to move on. If there is one thing that I've learned on this site, it is that finding love is quite the challenge. But that doesn't mean that you can't have some fun along the way .