4 month relationship ended.. what now?

[weet]

Hi everyone. New here. I hope this isn't too long!

Been together with my girl for 4 months now. Everything was perfect. When we first met we just clicked.. actually, she was the one "picking" me up..

It was just wonderful. She told me so many crazy things about me and how much she loved me. I told her the same. Really in the "honeymoon stage" or what you call it. We hung out a lot and did so many cool thing together.. and ofc I tried not to overkill it by being too intense.

So in the beginning of this month she moved in with two girfriends (both single). She used to live with her mom.. shes 20 (I'm 22). Then after a week I started to notice that she didn't really behave like she did before. Usually when we met, we kissed each other. Now she just wanted to hug. She didn't call me like she used too. She cancelled dates cause she was tired, didn't have time or just told "she had so much going on". ++++

Around 8 days ago she called me and said "We need to talk. I'm confused.. I don't know what I want anymore". I met her and she told me she was not on the same level in the relationship as I was. She couldn't give what I gave her. She also said she wasn't in love with me anymore, but she couldn't give me a reason why. She said that it might just be her being confused, stressed from work, not knowing what she wants to study and so on. She said she had to think and that we could call each other. She didn't want to fool me or let me down cause she has so much respect for me. That's why she told me about it. She also told me I was still the best she had ever met. I was really shocked and down.. crying, and she could see that. I left and we agreed to call each other.

After talking with some friends and reading on the net, I tried to not think about it at all. Instead I tried to focus on other things in life and just keep on with all my interests that makes me feel happy. It worked well! I didn't contact her cause I knew she needed some time to think.

So today she sent me a message on Facebook:

Hi!

I'm wondering how it's going and if everything is ok with you?

Big hug, ******


My questions:

1
Could she have found someone else? Everything went downwards so fast! In a few weeks it went from a super good times to this :S Maybe all her needs are filled now that she lives with two girls and works full-time everyday? She's often really tired in the evenings so it might be a reason? No more energy or time for me..

2
What should I do now? How should I reply to her message? I haven't been able to focus or think at all. I know deep inside that I really want her back cause she's the best thing that have ever happened to me. I really want to make her miss me and feel it's a stupid idea to leave me. What do I do? I gotta raise her interest and attraction level? How?

I don't have too much relationship experience so I could really need some advise. I'm very unsure on what the best thing is to do. I don't want to make the wrong move!

Any help will be highly appreciated!

 

[DJDanny]

Don't answer and just move on. Don't need to be feeding her ego by responding and dragging yourself through all this self doubt. If you got 1 "perfect" girl then obviously you've got the skills to get another. Good hunting.

As for what killed the attraction, if it was another guy or what not you'll never know, don't waste time worrying about **** that doesn't matter. As for what you did, you may have been a little bit to available, both physically and emotionally. No one likes being smothered by a wet blanket.

 

[thegator39]

Was in a similar situation last year. Don't make the same mistake I did and try to be her friend in hopes to win her back. It will only make you feel worse. Take Danny's advice...don't respond, delete her from your facebook and move on. Best case scenario: She wants you back eventually (on your terms.) Worst case scenario: She moves on as well, but at least you didn't feed her ego.

Also, cutting off all contact will give you time to get over her quicker. I made the mistake of taking my ex up on her friendship offer. Originally, she gave me the friends speech and I asked her to drive me home. She said "You don't want to be my friend?" I said "No." Then I made the mistake of calling her a few days later, and we spent the next 3 months hanging out as friends, arguing with each other...me trying to kiss her and her telling me she didn't feel that way anymore.

Save yourself the headache. You had some good times, build on it, move on, and find another woman when the time is right.

In my case, I'm glad I didn't move on because I saw the ugly, indifferent side of a woman when you still like her and she lost interest, and I'm a stronger, less needy person now because of it. I wouldn't recommend it though.

 

[Paintballguy]

Don't answer her and cut off all contact. You will only hurt yourself more by continuing to talk to her. You will feel so much better if you just cut her out of your life.

I just broke up with my girl of a year +, and I cut off all contact (deleted number, facebook, email, etc). I've never felt better. I feel like I'm back out of my cage living it up. Tons of chicks out there man. Don't sweat it over one.

 

[cordoncordon]

Hi everyone. New here. I hope this isn't too long!

Been together with my girl for 4 months now. Everything was perfect. When we first met we just clicked.. actually, she was the one "picking" me up..

It was just wonderful. She told me so many crazy things about me and how much she loved me. I told her the same. Really in the "honeymoon stage" or what you call it. We hung out a lot and did so many cool thing together.. and ofc I tried not to overkill it by being too intense.

So in the beginning of this month she moved in with two girfriends (both single). She used to live with her mom.. shes 20 (I'm 22). Then after a week I started to notice that she didn't really behave like she did before. Usually when we met, we kissed each other. Now she just wanted to hug. She didn't call me like she used too. She cancelled dates cause she was tired, didn't have time or just told "she had so much going on". ++++

Around 8 days ago she called me and said "We need to talk. I'm confused.. I don't know what I want anymore". I met her and she told me she was not on the same level in the relationship as I was. She couldn't give what I gave her. She also said she wasn't in love with me anymore, but she couldn't give me a reason why. She said that it might just be her being confused, stressed from work, not knowing what she wants to study and so on. She said she had to think and that we could call each other. She didn't want to fool me or let me down cause she has so much respect for me. That's why she told me about it. She also told me I was still the best she had ever met. I was really shocked and down.. crying, and she could see that. I left and we agreed to call each other.

After talking with some friends and reading on the net, I tried to not think about it at all. Instead I tried to focus on other things in life and just keep on with all my interests that makes me feel happy. It worked well! I didn't contact her cause I knew she needed some time to think.

So today she sent me a message on Facebook:

Hi!

I'm wondering how it's going and if everything is ok with you?

Big hug, ******


My questions:

1
Could she have found someone else? Everything went downwards so fast! In a few weeks it went from a super good times to this :S Maybe all her needs are filled now that she lives with two girls and works full-time everyday? She's often really tired in the evenings so it might be a reason? No more energy or time for me..

2
What should I do now? How should I reply to her message? I haven't been able to focus or think at all. I know deep inside that I really want her back cause she's the best thing that have ever happened to me. I really want to make her miss me and feel it's a stupid idea to leave me. What do I do? I gotta raise her interest and attraction level? How?

I don't have too much relationship experience so I could really need some advise. I'm very unsure on what the best thing is to do. I don't want to make the wrong move!

Any help will be highly appreciated!

You can either ignore it or just reply back. "Hi, been super busy. Things have been great! Ttyl!

 

[Bluntmaster]

You can either ignore it or just reply back. "Hi, been super busy. Things have been great! Ttyl!

That's gay. Tell her you are engaged and expecting your first child.

 

[penkitten]

you dated for 4 months. i know that can seem like a very long time.... but it isn't. you can hardly get to know someone in 4 months, let alone love them for all their perfections on top of all their flaws.

in my opinion, i think you should let this go and not worry if she did or didn't find someone else. playing the "what she's doing now" game is a waste of energy and effort on your part.

the thing about life is that you are supposed to get out there and live each day to the fullest. people will enter and exit our paths along the way. the point of making their acquaintance / befriending them, is to teach them something about life & relationships and to also learn something in return.

this time you learned that :
1. initial infatuation doesn't last forever,
2. that people mistake lust for love all the time,
3. and that just when relationships seem perfect, one person in the relationship may find the achilles heel of the other party that they have to walk away from.

hope you bounce back soon dude!

 

[Thundernuts]

I think thegator has it right on the money, not to mention im speaking from personal experience here. Don't waste your time giving another girl the satisfaction she wants out of you. A friendship after a relationship is possible, but more often than not the woman wants you to be her friend, she wants you to help carry her baggage but will never think about doing the same for you.

 

[ENIGMA16]

We can't tell you why she ended it with the information you've given here, but that doesn't really matter.

WRT the FB message she sent you, either she's trying to get you to feed her ego, trying to make herself feel better about breaking it off by "making sure you're okay" or she's trying to have her cake and eat it too (i.e. string you along; i.e. feed her ego).

NEXT.

 

[weet]

Wow thanks a lot for all the answers guys!

I know you guys probably are right, but ignoring her totally and deleting her seems the wrong thing to do right now. We have a lot of mutual friends so she's probably gonna ask why. If I delete her, she might think I'm mad at her for breaking up. Don't think that would make it better..

I'm also afraid that if I reply "Everything is fine blablabla" she's just gonna feel better about it and think it was a good decision now that we both are "happy". I don't think she ever would string me along though. She's not a needy girl at all.

But you guys are probably right. From her message it doesn't seem like she's interested, it's more like she's just checking if I'm fine.

So from your point of view it's best to leave it. But let's say I want to see what she's up to first. I just wanna see how it goes, and I'm prepared to get rejected so won't take it that hard. And I'm ofc not gonna spend months just being her friend. I'm gonna let it go asap I get one more indication that she doesn't want to continue.

Since she's confused and doesn't know what she wants, she might change her mind if I raise her interest and attraction again right? If you were supposed to try this what would you do? I know you did not recommend me to do so, but still. Should I tell her I'm fine, have moved on and show her that I'm hanging out with other girls? Make her jealous?

Have you ever had success in getting your ex back and what did you do?

 

[justkyle]

what now??? Simple. The prime edict.... Fvck b!tches. Otherwise you will do something stupid. And i know you have thought about it.

 

[f283000]

Wow thanks a lot for all the answers guys!

I know you guys probably are right, but ignoring her totally and deleting her seems the wrong thing to do right now.

Only because you are not man enough to do it.

If you're not man enough to delete her then ignore her message.

She says she has "so much going on" that she no longer sees it worthy to spend time with you so why do you make her worthy to be using your time in replying to her messages?

The most masculine way to handle separation from a woman is not trying to beat her at arguments, logic or anything else. The most masculine way to deal with separation is SILENCE. Your silence with a woman tells more than a thousand words. You giving a woman the silent treatment is the best revenge, best treatment for oneitis, best tactic against mind games you can use against a woman. Nothing tells a woman that you are past this relationship and moving on in your life than giving her the silent treatment.

 

[Desire]

Have you ever had success in getting your ex back and what did you do?

Last year I was dating a girl and she friended me after a couple of month because I was too insecure and needy. We still had sex because it was so intensive, so we ended up having a fb relationship. I did not like that type of relationship so I worked on my inner game and finally got together with a sexy blonde. I was together with her almost 3 month and I found out that the blonde was emotional cold somewhat and the sex was not so good. I live in a little town so my former fb knew about the blonde and I. I then broke up with her and asked if my former fb would come over and chat. We ended up in bed again and have been together since.

During these month I learned that the better you can perform sex the more the girl will be attached and attracted to you. It has something to do with the hormone oxytocin, the woman release it much during her orgasm. So make sure that you learn stuff how to treat a woman in bed. That way she won't run away so easily.

I learned much of this stuff from "The sex god method" and "2 girls teach sex"

 

[weet]

Just a tiny bit when I went over to her place an she told me. I was really shocked and speachless. Really loved that girl.. she was like nothing I've seen before. But I got over it pretty quick as I wrote earlier.

Why should I want to delete her and take revenge? What good does it make? I don't see the point..

@Desire: thanks.. heard a few things about "2 girls teach sex".. I'll check it out. I'm not sure if it had anything to do with the sex though... maybe.

ahh fvck this sh!t!

I've been thinking about doing a traineeship in another country. Should I tell her?

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

You cried?

Ah he'll learn. It sounds like he was maybe in his first big relationship.

Lot's of good advice for you in this thread OP, hope your taking it on board.

You say she was 20, DANGER AGE!

18-23, your playing with live bombs, they don't know what they want! Your skills really have to be super tight for these young ones, saying that, i'm having some amusing times with young ones just now. The **** that comes out of their mouths, almost makes me blush.

 

[Paintballguy]

Ah he'll learn. It sounds like he was maybe in his first big relationship.

Lot's of good advice for you in this thread OP, hope your taking it on board.

You say she was 20, DANGER AGE!

18-23, your playing with live bombs, they don't know what they want! Your skills really have to be super tight for these young ones, saying that, i'm having some amusing times with young ones just now. The **** that comes out of their mouths, almost makes me blush.

Yeah you got that right about young chicks. None of them know what the hell they want.

 

[vatoloco]

Well, as usual I'm late to the party and the good advice has already been given. Yep: NC all the way with this one.

And don't feel bad man. At 20 years, she's just a child who still doesn't know what she wants. At your age, I would recommend against getting too emotionally attached to any one woman. At this point in your life you should be having a blast (but also getting good grades) in college, going out with many women and pretty much figuring out what you yourself want out of life.

Now, we don't have a lot of background info. to work the details of why this girl dropped you but let me give you my thoughts. My theory is that although this girl did indeed liked you at the beginning, something happened when she moved in with the two roommates. Please notice that I say roommates. Are you 100% sure it was two females she moved in with?

Okay, let's say that indeed she moved in two other girls. Either they "opened her eyes" to a new world of wild partying and hooking up with many guys and/or they're freaking feminazis/manhaters who told her "You're too good for him!" etc. and/or they all decided they were lesbians and are having some awesome threesome lesbian sex.

Whenever women say they're "confused," "too tired," "have too much going on," etc., that means you're done. The girl doesn't dig you anymore but is either trying to let you down nicely OR wants to keep you around as an orbiter. In either case, YOU LOSE. Don't fall for it.

Next time someone gives you the "We need to talk" line, take the upper hand. Come back with something like "You're right. We definitely need to talk. I've been thinking about this for a while but I'm glad you brought it up. I don't think this is working. Please, don't take this personal but I don't want to see you anymore. It's not you. It's me. I gotta go. Take care. Good-bye."

Remember, the dropper always hurts less than the drop-ee...

 

[ethan350z]

be true to yourself and to her by answering the way that you would answer her without asking all these questions. Things can get complicated and you may not get the result that you want but It's best that you are honest to yourself. You wouldn't want her to do the same to you now would you?

 

[jophil28]

The most masculine way to handle separation from a woman is not trying to beat her at arguments, logic or anything else. The most masculine way to deal with separation is SILENCE. Your silence with a woman tells more than a thousand words. You giving a woman the silent treatment is the best revenge, best treatment for oneitis, best tactic against mind games you can use against a woman. Nothing tells a woman that you are past this relationship and moving on in your life than giving her the silent treatment.

Ahh -if only the rookies on this forum would stop and think about that for a moment.
Then perhaps they might stop grinding their balls away by chasing a retreating woman or posting here about how to get their ex back.

The quote above, gentlemen, is one of the most significant and true statements that you are ever going to read here.
Absorb it, believe it and make it your own .. it is GOLD.

 

[weet]

Thanks for all the great answers and good advice! It's really helping me thinking in the right direction. It's a danger age I know!

@vatoloco: She lives with two flatmates. Both girls yes.. they seem pretty nice, but one of her flatmates seems to brag and tell some crazy hook-up stories now and then. But she's not that good looking so it's not like she can get whatever she wants and is hooking up with guys all the time. Maybe they could have opened her eyes since both of them are single.

Sh!t, I'm wasting too much time on this right now..

The most masculine way to handle separation from a woman is not trying to beat her at arguments, logic or anything else. The most masculine way to deal with separation is SILENCE. Your silence with a woman tells more than a thousand words. You giving a woman the silent treatment is the best revenge, best treatment for oneitis, best tactic against mind games you can use against a woman. Nothing tells a woman that you are past this relationship and moving on in your life than giving her the silent treatment.

Ahh -if only the rookies on this forum would stop and think about that for a moment.
Then perhaps they might stop grinding their balls away by chasing a retreating woman or posting here about how to get their ex back.

The quote above, gentlemen, is one of the most significant and true statements that you are ever going to read here.
Absorb it, believe it and make it your own .. it is GOLD.

Where can I read more about the "silent treatment"? Can it attract women or is it mostly used as a revenge thing?

I think I'm just gonna move on and ignore her message for now. I'll wait one more week to see if she tries to contact me again. If not, I'll send her a message telling her I'm all good, but have been really busy with things lately (that's actually true). I'll ask her what she's been up to and if she doesn't show me any signs of being interested I'm not gonna waste my time on her..

NEEEXT!