36 years old, and getting redpilled

[Alucard88Cool forum!]

Hi guys,

I would like to introduce my self first and write and my journey to the redpill.
After years looking for people to speak about this stuff, I ended find this forum, and finally I feel the freedom to say what I can't in any other context.
Thank you guys for reading.

After my father death three years ago, I had my biggest identity crisis. With his death, is like a lot of the illusions I was living, in falled down. I started to see things for what they are, instead of the lie I was saying to myself.
I started discovering women nature with the book "what women want", and that book triggered me a lot. Is like since I read that book, I started to develop an interior voice telling me all the time: "women are just narcisistic beings who want your attention, your self confidence, your money, and they don't give nothing in return". Since this voice is still strong inseide me, I am exercising to turn it of. Is like starting getting redpilled was very difficult, and to swallow that truth is something I still didn't after years. So basically I ended to have some kind of conflict inside:

- a part of me would like to be successfull with women, would like to enjoy the process of learning how to do it;
- but another part of me is trying to telling me all the time to quit, that women are not worth your efforts.

Since in my life I always had something like an "indipendent mentality", I am the kind of guy thinking with his own brai avoiding trends and ideologies. And in some way, this "skill" made a lot of women to be attracted by me. And in some spicific cases I ended kissing beautiful women.
So basically, for the alignment of the planets and favorable astral energies, sometimes I ended to naturally behave in a manner who make women very attracted to me, even if I am not so good looking. SInce this was a confidence booster for me, I tried many time to consciously replicate this "behavior", ending in a lot of refuse. Being totally unhaware of "game", and being totally unconscious of women nature.
I was living in this double reality where I was attracting a lot of women (many of them told me openly "i love you"), and when I had to come to the practice, most of women refused my kiss, becuse I had no game.
Actually I am reading "The Rational Male", and that is the best book I ever read in my life. Is like the bible of the intersexual dinamics between men and women.

The situation I am living now, basically, is still this. I would like to learn game, but I feel so disheartened, because to a side I attract a lot of women (many say I love you) and on the oher side I I fail miserably. Some times, when I don't have any pressure, I am centered, and self confident, is like women just come to kiss me without any effort, but this is something only happen when I had that detached from the outcome. My dream would be to consciously have that mind set when I want. Because just the fact that I am getting outside fot approach, i start to get attached to the outcome, and I get in a mentality of scarcity, suffering and low self estime, that prevents me from having fun with women.

Can somebody tell me some good books or courses that would help me in this?

Thanks

 

[CornbreadFed]

- a part of me would like to be successfull with women, would like to enjoy the process of learning how to do it;
- but another part of me is trying to telling me all the time to quit, that women are not worth your efforts.

Redpill will offer you none of these things and make your situation worse. You will continue to cry and be obsessed with over women while having little to show for it in the bedroom department except for a few flings with low quality women which does not require the red pill at all. Judging by your post, you lack the Emotional Intelligence & Experience to pair bond with women which is completely normal for a lot of guys in your situation. The Red Pill will make this issue worse and you down a dark rabbit hole. You are better off sticking to game and cold approach for the time being which this site has plenty of resources for.

 

[Alucard88Cool forum!]

Redpill will offer you none of these things and make your situation worse. You will continue to cry and be obsessed with over women while having little to show for it in the bedroom department except for a few flings with low quality women which does not require the red pill at all. Judging by your post, you lack the Emotional Intelligence & Experience to pair bond with women which is completely normal for a lot of guys in your situation. The Red Pill will make this issue worse and you down a dark rabbit hole. You are better off sticking to game and cold approach for the time being which this site has plenty of resources for.

Probably about pair bonding you are right, for other things you said you came up to presumption, but is ok, thanks for your answer. So I'll try to focus more in this area of the game, about how to connect with women.

 

[Rainrain]

Outcome dependency is learnt not read. Too much reading causes analysis paralysis. You'll learn better by acting than to stay stagnant.

Either way, if you need help in regards to a specific topic just ask. Also, try to hit the gym since it will do wonders to your general well-being.

 

[Solomon]

My best advice is take anything you read, watch, hear with a grain of salt even if it comes from myself
The best advice that I stuck with since I came on this forum is to learn and experience things for myself
Of course what works for one guy doesn't work for the next keep that in mind
However the best advice is what works for you, do not fall into the RP g I.E. group think "All women are sluts" think, this is a precursor to failure as this isn't true. The RP especially on social media takes the worse women in society and tries to paint them as a broad stroke for all women

Put your spiritual, mental, physical and financial health first before women and anything

God bless

 

[Alucard88Cool forum!]

Outcome dependency is learnt not read. Too much reading causes analysis paralysis. You'll learn better by acting than to stay stagnant.

Either way, if you need help in regards to a specific topic just ask. Also, try to hit the gym since it will do wonders to your general well-being.

Yeah, I just started the gym today Yes,I know very well analysis paralysis, in fact to overcome that I feel is one of the most difficut.
One thing I would like to ask help for, is how to deal with toxic dominant men? One of my biggest problem in social places is this. In fact, women tend to understand me, and support me, but to the other side, I always found men to be very aggressive towards me, i think with the purpose of competition for the girls. Is like a game power that I don't want to play, because is just bull**** to me. or should I play it?

My best advice is take anything you read, watch, hear with a grain of salt even if it comes from myself
The best advice that I stuck with since I came on this forum is to learn and experience things for myself
Of course what works for one guy doesn't work for the next keep that in mind
However the best advice is what works for you, do not fall into the RP g I.E. group think "All women are sluts" think, this is a precursor to failure as this isn't true. The RP especially on social media takes the worse women in society and tries to paint them as a broad stroke for all women

Put your spiritual, mental, physical and financial health first before women and anything

God bless

Yes, I understand what you say. In fact the red pill channel on youtube are very toxic for my brain, even if there is some truth in it. But each time an internal dialog of "how modern women sucks" gets very strong in my mind poisoning my toughts. Thanks, I'll follow your sincere advise, thanks

 

[Lean Baby Face]

Do you really need books for this situation? Sounds more like hormone fluctuations to me rather than identity crisis. One side is burning testosterone fuel wanting to smash and enjoy female presence while the other is overly analytical and fatigues itself with questions and worries which is probably what this red pill internet nonsense has caused.

If women are literally coming to you and seem to genuinely like you and not some funny games, then you probably already got something going for you, perhaps the missing part is your looks or just style overall? Maybe fixing your looks and how you present yourself to these women is all you need to get in check and then you're ready to rock.

But seriously, it doesn't sound like the red pill route is for you. You sound like you got way to much potential to just throw it away like that. I think deep inside you really want this, just don't let yourself get side-tracked by other men you're already far above.

 

[Lean Baby Face]

Yeah, I just started the gym today Yes,I know very well analysis paralysis, in fact to overcome that I feel is one of the most difficut.
One thing I would like to ask help for, is how to deal with toxic dominant men? One of my biggest problem in social places is this. In fact, women tend to understand me, and support me, but to the other side, I always found men to be very aggressive towards me, i think with the purpose of competition for the girls. Is like a game power that I don't want to play, because is just bull**** to me. or should I play it?




Yes, I understand what you say. In fact the red pill channel on youtube are very toxic for my brain, even if there is some truth in it. But each time an internal dialog of "how modern women sucks" gets very strong in my mind poisoning my toughts. Thanks, I'll follow your sincere advise, thanks

If you feel these men bring you down just simply avoid them and don't listen to them. Some men act like this as if their intention is to toughen up little boys like they're teaching but in reality want all the cake themselves and then once they witness your success they start playing with you and stab you in the back. Be on your own and use the internet to find positive male influence instead of these soft D low T red pill videos.

 

[BPH]

The problem with "red pill" is that it exposes a lot of uncomfortable truths with women, but it loses the plot because a lot of the people advocating for it are hypocrites - "these hoes aren't worth being wifed", meanwhile those are exactly the girls these men are dating, and gives these men a feeling of superiority because they can now justify these women being unobtainable for them.

You really can learn just about everything worth knowing by spending time in the gym and approaching women...you don't need books, you don't need courses, you don't need coaches, etc.

 

[Agamemnon43]

For starters, read topics inside this forum for awhile. Some of the threads (like yours) have got invaluable amounts of great advice and conversations in a short time.

 

[Alucard88Cool forum!]

If you feel these men bring you down just simply avoid them and don't listen to them. Some men act like this as if their intention is to toughen up little boys like they're teaching but in reality want all the cake themselves and then once they witness your success they start playing with you and stab you in the back. Be on your own and use the internet to find positive male influence instead of these soft D low T red pill videos.

Thanks for your answer, you seem to get to the point. BAsically my situation is not so bad, but not so good too. Basically, I am still like the "cool guy", I am self confident, I have my dressing style, and I approached many girls in my life. The point is that basically my situation is: I attract a lot of women, in any environment I go women seems to like me a lot. But most of the time I approach, things don't go so well, maybe because I lack pair bonding skills, or maybe because I don't have so much game, this is why I was looking to read something about. In the case I frequent a place for long time, and I avoid to approach women, some of them start to tell me stuff like "I love you". This happened many times, but I don't do anything because since I feel I don't have game, I am scared to loose that attraction women have for me.
So, I have grate potential, but I don't know how to use it.

About men, thanks, I think you are right, thoose men are just little bullies, and in fact my mistake is to give them to much importance, i am scared to trigger the bully inside them if I approach women. Positive male influence is something I never tought about. Do you recomend some youtube channel/website?

You are so positive,

Thanks for your asnwers

The problem with "red pill" is that it exposes a lot of uncomfortable truths with women, but it loses the plot because a lot of the people advocating for it are hypocrites - "these hoes aren't worth being wifed", meanwhile those are exactly the girls these men are dating, and gives these men a feeling of superiority because they can now justify these women being unobtainable for them.

You really can learn just about everything worth knowing by spending time in the gym and approaching women...you don't need books, you don't need courses, you don't need coaches, etc.

I am reading many of you guys saying that i don't need book and courses about approaching women, but how develop those pair bonding skills? Some times I feel natural to do the thing, but is something very rare, and most of the times my approaches don't produce the expected result. Basically you are telling me to just speak with women, and that's it? Maybe is my mindset the problem?
I explain: my mind set is "I attract a lot of women, but I don't know how seduce them, so most of the time I avoid them, but once I get out with the intention to seduce women, I don't get the result I would like". Probably the proble is in this mentality?

 

[BPH]

I am reading many of you guys saying that i don't need book and courses about approaching women, but how develop those pair bonding skills? Some times I feel natural to do the thing, but is something very rare, and most of the times my approaches don't produce the expected result. Basically you are telling me to just speak with women, and that's it? Maybe is my mindset the problem?
I explain: my mind set is "I attract a lot of women, but I don't know how seduce them, so most of the time I avoid them, but once I get out with the intention to seduce women, I don't get the result I would like". Probably the proble is in this mentality?

Well, do you like women or is there another motive?

Are you trying to prove something to yourself? Are you trying to prove something to others? Did a woman break your heart so now you're taking it out on them collectively?

Heartbreak and trauma are fine - I think they can even help because then you're not disillusioned that women are some superior creatures that you should be putting on a pedestal. They have the same wants and needs as you and I, and to be successful with them you have to love that about them.

But yes, simply approaching and learning from your rejections and successes is really all you need. You'll learn what does/doesn't work and more importantly, why. Then you can be genuine and independent of the outcomes, which often leads to better ones.

 

[manfromitaly]

I am reading many of you guys saying that i don't need book and courses about approaching women, but how develop those pair bonding skills?

I too have read books and watched videos in the past, but in reality I have never managed to put into practice what I had learned.

Seducing women is like a sport or a job, in the sense that you learn with practice, what, in my opinion, you should do is analyze the conversations you've had, or the times you've managed to get someone into bed.

To understand what worked or not.

Although I remain of the opinion that there are no magic tricks to get a woman into bed.

If she is attracted to you, has already decided whether to have sex with you, regardless of what you do or say, the most important and simple thing is to "take things forward".

Whether it's asking for her phone number, trying to kiss her, or simply inviting her to your house during the evening.

This is my opinion, I could be wrong, I have now stopped reading books about it, because they simply only created confusion for me.

I have a lot of friends who have always had success with women and I'm sure they've never read anything about the game.

The best thing to do is practice

 

[Alucard88Cool forum!]

I too have read books and watched videos in the past, but in reality I have never managed to put into practice what I had learned.

Seducing women is like a sport or a job, in the sense that you learn with practice, what, in my opinion, you should do is analyze the conversations you've had, or the times you've managed to get someone into bed.

To understand what worked or not.

Although I remain of the opinion that there are no magic tricks to get a woman into bed.

If she is attracted to you, has already decided whether to have sex with you, regardless of what you do or say, the most important and simple thing is to "take things forward".

Whether it's asking for her phone number, trying to kiss her, or simply inviting her to your house during the evening.

This is my opinion, I could be wrong, I have now stopped reading books about it, because they simply only created confusion for me.

I have a lot of friends who have always had success with women and I'm sure they've never read anything about the game.

The best thing to do is practice

I see, thanks for your advice. I guess you are from Italy, I am too, I am from Rome, what bout you?
Anyway, regarding for what you say, you are probably right. I mean, due to the prospective to seduce women, I think to have some kind of guideline is better. But if I think about it well, all the women I kissed successfully, and or I had sex to, I didn't reallly put any kind of effort, it was like things just happened by themselfs, and that is awesome. Yes, probably I am focusing too much on the "how" that I forget to stay in the situation with just the intent of enjoying women presence.

Well, do you like women or is there another motive?

Are you trying to prove something to yourself? Are you trying to prove something to others? Did a woman break your heart so now you're taking it out on them collectively?

Heartbreak and trauma are fine - I think they can even help because then you're not disillusioned that women are some superior creatures that you should be putting on a pedestal. They have the same wants and needs as you and I, and to be successful with them you have to love that about them.

But yes, simply approaching and learning from your rejections and successes is really all you need. You'll learn what does/doesn't work and more importantly, why. Then you can be genuine and independent of the outcomes, which often leads to better ones.

Is hard to think about "why" I have developed this pattern. And to find an answer to this require to watch inside and dig in the deep. And I'll surelly will, and I will answer your question about "why" I approach women.

I am so glad to find positive and healthy advices here in this forum, I never found this anyware else. It will be a pleasure to be part of this forum .

Thank you all for your answers.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I think there is some truth in red pill, but I employed a few techniques last year and this year and it was a massive disaster.

Everything in life can teach you something - I suggest that you always sit patiently with what you read and consider applying in relationships and elsewhere before making decisions with new ideas.

 

[Gamisch]

Yeah, I just started the gym today Yes,I know very well analysis paralysis, in fact to overcome that I feel is one of the most difficut.
One thing I would like to ask help for, is how to deal with toxic dominant men? One of my biggest problem in social places is this. In fact, women tend to understand me, and support me, but to the other side, I always found men to be very aggressive towards me, i think with the purpose of competition for the girls. Is like a game power that I don't want to play, because is just bull**** to me. or should I play it?




Yes, I understand what you say. In fact the red pill channel on youtube are very toxic for my brain, even if there is some truth in it. But each time an internal dialog of "how modern women sucks" gets very strong in my mind poisoning my toughts. Thanks, I'll follow your sincere advise, thanks

You should be grateful that other men are toxic to you. You'll(have to) get tougher ,either because other men put you on the spot, or by a woman/ women. Women are WAY less forgiving and way more ruthless than man ...but that's another story for another time.

The problem if today is that combative behavior is very quickly viewed as toxic, so men try to avoid it . And that's where the feminization happens. You gotta be embrace that part of being a man because Iron sharpens iron.

1You can laugh it off
2You can rearrange his face( if you are capable)

And everything in between. Sometimes you should do 1, and sometimes you gotta be ready to execute nr 2. If you display you can't..basically any men can bully you into oblivion.

Being a man ain't easy...

 

[Alucard88Cool forum!]

You should be grateful that other men are toxic to you. You'll(have to) get tougher ,either because other men put you on the spot, or by a woman/ women. Women are WAY less forgiving and way more ruthless than man ...but that's another story for another time.

The problem if today is that combative behavior is very quickly viewed as toxic, so men try to avoid it . And that's where the feminization happens. You gotta be embrace that part of being a man because Iron sharpens iron.

1You can laugh it off
2You can rearrange his face( if you are capable)

And everything in between. Sometimes you should do 1, and sometimes you gotta be ready to execute nr 2. If you display you can't..basically any men can bully you into oblivion.

Being a man ain't easy...

Thanks, basically what you are telling me is to see these men as an opportunity to shape my social muscles instead to feel annoied by them. Thats a nice perspective, and it surely is an opportunity. Thanks

 

[SW15]

I am reading "The Rational Male", and that is the best book I ever read in my life. Is like the bible of the intersexual dinamics between men and women.

"The Rational Male" is a good read. Although it was published in 2013 (mainly based on late 2000s-early 2010s essays), it has aged well in the last 11 years and is still relevant in 2024.

Taking the red pill is a difficult process in life. I experienced this in the 2000s/early 2010s as I moved from beta male nice guy into more of a sigma male. I have used the wolf avatar above to represent my movement into being a sigma male over an extended period of time.

The problem with "red pill" is that it exposes a lot of uncomfortable truths with women, but it loses the plot

I agree. This can happen.

You really can learn just about everything worth knowing by spending time in the gym and approaching women...you don't need books, you don't need courses, you don't need coaches, etc.

Going to the gym is important.

Approaching women (in both nightlife venues and non-bar venues) is a good thing. I like @Alucard88Cool forum! is reading some books. I do agree that being an approacher is better than being solely a reader, video watcher, and course taker. I think it is good to combine the two. It is possible for a man to be an approacher and learn some lessons. Being an approacher without knowing anything will make the process more challenging but one can learn a lot from solely in-person approaching. I can envision a mid tier looking man being a high volume approacher, taking a lot of rejections, and having his psychological well being affected negatively from field rejections.

 

[Alucard88Cool forum!]

Approaching women (in both nightlife venues and non-bar venues) is a good thing. I like @Alucard88Cool forum! is reading some books. I do agree that being an approacher is better than being solely a reader, video watcher, and course taker. I think it is good to combine the two. It is possible for a man to be an approacher and learn some lessons. Being an approacher without knowing anything will make the process more challenging but one can learn a lot from solely in-person approaching. I can envision a mid tier looking man being a high volume approacher, taking a lot of rejections, and having his psychological well being affected negatively from field rejections.
[/QUOTE]

In fact, on my pasted years, I approached a lot of them, and get a lot of numbers, but once we had to speak at the phone, they loose interests. Is like I quitted for an year and more, but now I want to start again my game, but in a better way.

 

[SW15]

now I want to start again my game, but in a better way.

A desire to improve is a good thing.

I approached a lot of them, and get a lot of numbers

At some point in time, you were good at some parts of approaching. You got women at least somewhat interested and didn't repulse them. It seems like you had the wrong goal. Rollo Tomassi wrote in an article in 2012 that getting a number became useless in the pre-smartphone cell phone era and into the early part of the smartphone era as compared to the era of landline telephones.

Sex in the 90’s

Solo hit me up with an interesting question once: There’s been lot of threads popping up lately of how technology/social networking has changed dating, I know I’m a bit younger then mos…

therationalmale.com

I have said for a long time that there is no point to collecting a phone number without concrete date plans.

If you want fast sex, you have to push for same night sex from a nightlife approach now.

If you're looking for some sort of more traditional dating relationship with actual dates, you need to arrange the date in-person with a female on an initial approach and then collect her phone number.

once we had to speak at the phone, they loose interests.

In the early stages of dating, talking on a telephone has nearly been eliminated since the early 2010s when smartphone ownership reached a high enough level. In the era of smartphones, it's become very difficult to get women to agree to talk on the telephone. This is a change in early stage dating I haven't liked. In my earlier days of dating (as a high schooler in the late 1990s and college student in the early 2000s), phone conversations were far more of a thing.

I would only have expected that comment from a 35-40 year old man who had been with the same woman since 2009-2011 and not tried to date any new women since some point in the early 2010s. I know of numerous 35-40 year old men who have been with the same woman for 13-15 years at this point.