30 yrs old and just broke up with LTR

[VictorK]

Some of you may remember me from my earlier posts about communication problems with my 3.5 yr LTR.

Long story short, we both called it quits about 2 weeks ago and it has been quite hard. I've never been through a serious breakup before so I guess I am going through the stages of the break.

My challenge is, I don't feel like my friends are being very supportive. I've tried to set plans up to hang out with them last 3 weeks in a row and they have all cancelled everytime. I just want to get out of the house so I can forget things if you know what i mean. Perhaps they werent that good of friends as I gave them credit for? Anyways, If you have any suggestions on best practices to recover from the pain (without help from friends) please feel free to speak up. I think im pretty much on my own on this one.

P.S. I don't believe my friends are pissed off at me, they just don't seem to be showing much effort to support me. I would always regularly hang out with them over the 10 years i've known them.

 

[imarockstar]

i was on my own after my breakup with my LTR of 4 yearsish. i thought i was fine but looking back on it it was terrible. my best advice is family. i never realized how close me and my cousin were until recently, hes like one of my best friends now. another piece of advice, dont go out to a bar alone. you may get so bored/lonely that it will sound like a great idea but it just makes you feel more alone because everyone there is with their social circle and you are with no one.

to be completely honest, it may be rough for you for a substantial matter of time, but the best thing to do in this time is improve yourself. make sure you have a healthy addiction to the gym, and that you have a hobby that will take your mind off of medial things. for some reason, when you are finally happy on your own, everyone wants to spend time with you.

trust me, im not as old as you, but ive been through what youve been through, and it gets better, but you really need to put in the effort to improve your mental state. you need to remember that you are the sh*t, but as i said this requires a lot of work on your part

 

[Zunder]

Your "friends"...are they?

 

[Falcon25]

You shouldn't rely on other people for your happiness, peace of mind, etc. Do you know what I do? I go to lunch alone, I go see a movie alone (during the day), I go to the gym alone, I go to my studies alone, I watch movies alone, when my friends aren't available.

You have to learn how to be alone. Just go catch a matinee, go workout, shoot some hoops. The problem with this society is that men cannot be alone. That is a feminine quality. Sure, it's good to talk to someone, but if they are not there, just use the internet and maybe even family. Start being comfortable with being alone. I have been alone for a long time, even though I have plenty of friends, and get laid constantly. I am STILL alone. You won't be alone until you meet the right woman, which may never happen, so live life. Do you think married men aren't alone? 58 percent divorce rate and the other 20 percent are alone, just sleeping next to a corpse that disrespects, lies, and cheats on them. That's 78 percent of married men out there that are truly alone. Don't be like them. Enjoy your freedom. The reason why men can't walk away from bad women, is cause they are afraid of being alone. A complete feminine quality.

You are not a woman. A woman just has to go outside and look good to get a mate. You are a man. NOTHING IS EASY FOR A MAN. Unless you are Bradd Pitt, and have a couple million, haha

Take pride in the fact that nothing is easy for you. You are a man. Nothing is easy. NOTHING. You should be proud of that. It builds character.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

I have been through three breakups. During the first one, I just moved to a new place to start my PhD, so I had very few friends. It was tough for a while (2 months), but with time I got over it. Got a fwb with a HB7 3 months after breaking up. Got bored after a month and ended it. But this breakup was my first and the hardest.

My other breakups were easier because I had already started lifting heavy weights (squats, deadlifts, etc.) and picked up playing the piano at which I am now decent. All these added more confidence to my already healthy dose of self-confidence/arrogance. It doesn't hurt that girls think I'm attractive. School keeps me busy too.

So what I have learned is that you need to improve yourself. It helps A LOT. Don't wallow in self-pity. A day of intense squats or clean and press-ing does a lot for the mind. Pick up a new hobby.

Furthermore, I currently have two "big sisters" that hear me out on issues relating to women. They are brutal and cut to the chase whilst being supportive. They've clued me into how women think and in my experience they've been mostly right. I have three girls like this in my life at the moment. One has been there for me since I was 20/21.

I recently got out of an almost 4-yr LTR. It sucked initially, but I am getting stronger and having a life for myself helped. I have a few close fellows with whom I hang out, but hanging out has contributed only 5-10% to my coping program.

Stay strong. Pain is weakness leaving the body. You'll be stronger, I promise you. I've been there and currently getting over another and it's easier largely because I am significantly stronger and confident than I was in the past and I'll only get better. Use this for motivation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lugly180oHM

 

[VictorK]

Thanks everyone for the feedback. These 2 weeks have been extremely hard. My plan was to focus on my work but my new boss is not easy to get along with and i am starting to feel like the walls of life are closing in on me if you know what i mean. I am really looking to find an outlet, and i think family is my option.

Right now im going through the feeling of being a failure. I feel i failed the relationship, and have lots of regrets. I am trying my best not to get into the 'why me' syndrome and comparing myself to others. I need an outlet and i think i can get through this...

 

[L B]

Have you considered taking a vacation and travel, even if it's for a week? You just need to have sometime to occupy your time: hobby, friends (ha!), family, work. It gets easier as time passes, and it gets much easier if you have other girls you're seeing for fun, don't actively look for another relationship.

When you're ready to move on, date as many girls as you can find time for and just enjoy your 2nd time at freedom. Hey, it could be worse, you could have a kid with a nagging wife for the rest of your llife. Fuk that.